Wonder Through My Mind

“To hell with them. Nothing hurts if you don’t let it.”

“So I drank one, it became four, and when I fell on the floor I drank more. Nothing has changed, I still love you, I still love you.”

“Wait for someone who says, “Holy crap, how did I get so lucky?” when you walk in the door, absolutely exhausted from work at 6pm after being married for 30 years. Wait for that, it’s more than worth it.”

As I lay here in your arms, I remember the nights I endured before you. I think back to the constant trembling, how at a time like this I’d be curled up in my bed, my eyes the equivalent of bursting pipes after holding in my sadness throughout the day. If I was lucky, I’d have time to muffle the sobs. I wasn’t always lucky. I remember breaking when the ones before you left, walking out of the door with pieces of me in tow. But for the first time since then, I feel like I was never broken in the first place, just bent out of shape. Every time your arms tighten around me, I straighten out. It’s almost like you know, almost like you care enough to notice when I don’t seem whole and try to help, just like I would for you. Perhaps this is what love is supposed to be like.

And that’s what I thought love was like: perfect. It isn’t. I thought love was supposed to make you feel like you’re invincible. It doesn’t. Love’s a wreck. It’s not like what they show you in movies or  pop songs. It’s terrible. But why am I still waiting for the one? Because even if love doesn’t make me feel invincible, it makes me feel alive. Those short, flashes of brilliance and happiness makes me feel like everything’s worth it.

I have not always been a good person. I have made mistakes. I was not always the victim. I have caused people pain. I have been toxic and I have been draining. I’ve not always been a good person. I’m not perfect now but I am better than who I used to be. I couldn’t move forward with my life before I admitted to myself that I had made mistakes. It takes courage to admit you’ve fucked up in the past and to hod yourself accountable in order to better yourself. — Hannah (hannah-ruth-x)Timeline Photoswww.facebook.com

If we cant change society, then we must do something to change ourselves. It’s within our own hands to steer our lives in the direction we want to go.

When a thing has served its purpose, it will go away. If you try to hold on to something that has already fulfilled its purpose in your life, you are going to hurt yourself. If holding on is disturbing your peace of mind, it makes sense to let go. Surrender all attachments to people and things that you have been struggling to hold on to.