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life is so awesome if we ignore all that

i’m in trenches you’ve never heard of

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

It's funny how when the relatives and family members who always put work ahead of family are getting old and retiring they get all shocked pikachu when the adult kids they ignored inherited their workaholism and now it's my turn to put work ahead of family like :oo how could that ever happen

Honestly I love my leisure and do nothing time but i loveee my work as well its great to do something i enjoy, pouring myself into it, spending time on it, and prioritising my career growth over shit i dont even want to do. My work is like my baby the way it gets me out of social obligations

"Feminine" tasks... Braiding someone's hair is like, one of the most romantic things you can do, and these dipsticks feel their "masculinity" is threatened by it? And feel anxiety and distress from not being violent afterwards???? Damn, just tell us you don't do anything for your wife, and punch holes in drywall when your shitty sports team loses

what's the best star wars movie? easy. the memory of the memory of the memory of the memory of watching a star wars movie as a child. all the rest are, of course, derivative drivel