we must be killers

“what i was just being honest.”

“nice. you’re honesty is probably the thing i like the most about you. people can’t seem to be straightforward these days.”

“as vp, it is my duty to accidentally kill someone during hell week.”

“carmen !!”

“i’ll admit, victor can be a sly little fox, but if i see any warning signs i will let you know. your weak points, hm? and what’s your biggest achilles’ heel? one vanilla cupcake, handmade by yours truly, coming right up.”

“he is a little fox, but he’s gonna be my frat brother so i have to accept the consequences, i guess. hm. my achilles’ heel? i’m not sure. i have a couple: my mom used to always tell me that i’m worthless, so maybe that’s my biggest thing. one vanilla, i’m excited.”

“How are you gonna say that knowing good and well i’m gonna rip those pledges to shreds?”

“I know you are, which makes me very scared for them. Just don’t accidentally kill anyone, Car.”

“don’t be so pessimistic! you’ll find a way to have fun, and if you don’t, you get rights to say ‘i told you so, amori’. two whole weeks? okay, no pies. what do you like? i can attempt to make cupcakes if they’re more your thing. sadly i haven’t gotten appointed by any of them. they probably think they can take care of themselves. would you really? i’m glad i have your vote, cooper.”

“amori, unless you can warn me when victor is going to strike, i’m pretty sure i’m not going to have fun. i like victor, but he knows my weak points by now. i’m not a big baked goods fans in general, but for you, i am willing to try a cupcake. just make sure it’s vanilla.”

“Fuck yeah. I should’ve known to be honest. You’ll get there.” 

“I’m going to go get drunk so i don’t have to think about this, let’s go.”

“oh, yes that! i didn’t even realize it was so soon, i need to get started on baking the welcome pies for the pledges. it’s a shame you boys won’t get any – maybe i should wrap some up and send them off with wesley. after all i am alpha’s self-appointed frat mom.” 

“it’s going to be horrible. thank you but no thank you, i’m not a big pie fan. i one time had a really bad pie made my mom’s coke friend and it made me sick for two weeks, so i avoid all pies. self-appointed frat mom? did the guys not appoint you? i would have appointed you, had i been here before.”

“what’s so bad about this week?” 

“it’s hell week, felix... have you ever heard of it?”

“are you ever completely there?”

“i guess not. i like to think my conscious is somewhat present at all times, but unfortunately i cannot completely vouch for that.”

“Why would he give you hell? Did you do something bad? OOOH fuck that sucks are you prepared?”

“Because I’m a pledge? Well, El, I am not particularly prepared or excited, but I am working on it.”

“Hell Week, the best week of the year. I’m sad that you’re not more excited about this.”

“How can I be? I’m pretty sure I’m going to get completely torn apart. Don’t be too hard on the pledges, Carmen.”