My Name Has an Extra A

There are some days when I get really frustrated with my mother. I know that all girls have their moments with their moms, but it seems to me like any time she calls me I dread picking up the phone and I don't know why. 

I dread going to visit at home because I don't always want to interact with her. I think the frustrations come from the change in our relationship since I left for college. I've been trying to forge my own path and she just wants me to stick around at home. Every time I come home she reminds me of how I don't have to go back, and how she'll miss me so much, and I think that just makes me want to get away more. 

I also get frustrated when she doesn't understand my needs. I haven't seen a dentist since I was sixteen years old, and this year she FINALLY mentioned getting me a dentist appointment, and brought it up like it was her own idea. I've been asking her every year since I was eighteen. Doctor's visits rarely occur, and if they do, it's because I made the appointment. 

I've slowly become self-sufficient. Yes, both of my parents pay for things when I am with them, but through my student loans and my job(s) over the past few years, I've pretty much paid for everything myself. I know that's a part of life and growing up, but sometimes I resent my parents for not being able to provide for me. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, because I know that they have both done what they could. I can't help it, though. It seems like my mother only sees so far in to the future, and doesn't consider her future commitments to my brothers and me. 

SO! 

To explain the last post.... I'm seriously considering getting a tattoo! That's right, folks, permanent ink on my body. Body art. TATTOO. What kind of tattoo? Well, boys and girls, I am looking to get an e.e. cummings quote tattooed on my rib cage. 

The quote is, "trust your heart if the seas catch fire. live by love though the stars walk backward." 

It's my favorite quote, and has served as a mantra for me over the past few years, 2013 in particular. I asked Stephanie (aka hellyeahjustlikethat.tumblr.com - the writing guru) to write the quote for me in her beautiful handwriting. I think she has the most perfect handwriting for this tattoo - please check out her blog and you will see why! 

I don't know when it's going to happen. Maybe soon, maybe not. It all depends when Stephanie sends me the quote and if I have the monies when the time comes.