Eating dark chocolate on a windowsill, listening to the unmatched Caterina Valente (God I hate the windows in England), enjoying the feeling of the late sunset kissing my tan skin gently but carelessly.
I've always despised the sun, as it has always burned me to ashes, no matter the protection or avoidance. But this summer...this summer, I don't. I don't mind the burn, I think. It feels like home. Like life being breathed into me through my lips and sweat again.
I watch how the windows light up in the nearby buildings, each window another story. A tender amber one. Perhaps someone is making dinner. I hear some utensils cling-clang faintly while their TV goes on loudly in the background. A bright, white LED lamp. Which...is seemingly silent and shows no movement. I don't feel comfortable prying into that life.
As I bite into my last square of chocolate, I ponder if I'll ever fall in love. If I'll ever meet someone I don't have to silently, violently tremble from. I dream about warm arms, amber lamps and fingers running through my hair as I tell them about my day and listen to them tell me about theirs. Then, we'd sit in silence for a long time, just with the warmth of each other. Well, not complete silence. Their heartbeat would echo in my head, mine beating just a bit quicker. Their breaths would tickle my skin, but I wouldn't mind, as long as I can hear the way it travels in and out, circulating in their lovely system.
I feel my cheeks heating up. How naive of me. No one can sit with my silence, truly. Like a growling dog that loomes over my figure, lingers my silence. The moment I accidentally slip up, it attacks. If only they knew it's kind. It growls, it salivates, it's ugly. But if you treat it with love and warmth, it will be loyal to you until you die, until it's nothing but putrid, rotting flesh. If only.
But above all else...I feel so relieved that I can finally ponder so freely about these mundane things again.
'What a lovely day to be alive' I say, while throwing out the wrapper of my chocolate.
