Redkoi

“I forgive you, Sybille.” There was blood everywhere. On the walls, spurting from his throat, on my shirt. I couldn’t breathe, but worst of all his last words were so kind to me. Even after what I’d done. How selfish I’d been. “I forgive you, Sybille.” It was a mutiny, against the gods' will. And yet, there was no malice, no hate in his eyes as he died. My body jolted awake before my eyes opened, I couldn’t catch my breath, and I was half certain I was screaming. Not like it mattered, in this nowhere inn, nobody cared to listen. There was no getting back to sleep after being reminded of my sins. So I picked up my bag and made my way downstairs, flicking a gold coin to the innkeeper as I disappeared into the night. The gravel and an owl’s hoot were the only noises that surrounded me as I walked. This journey had started once the city council discovered what I’d done. And though technically the manor and wealth belonged to me, I had been banished from the city. So now, I simply wander. I’ve more gold than I know what to do with, I only need to find a place to settle down. Begin anew. After all, brother, it's what you would have done.

For all I have done, I shall never deserve you.

I am a sinner—blasphemous in my loyalty. For you, my princess, I would commit treason. To hold your hand, I would burn down kingdoms.

I was raised with honor carved into my bones, with duty braided into the strands of my hair. I bled for the crown. I killed for it. I gave my youth to steel and oaths, and still—none of it matters when I look at you.

You smile, and my resolve buckles with my knees.

I have stood guard over the King and slaughtered men who so much as breathed too close to your shadow. And yet now, the only danger you face is me—because I would let the world fall to ruin if it meant following you beyond these walls.

You say you’re leaving, and I know I should stop you. I should bind you in duty, in sense, in the pragmatic logic of royalty. But I am no longer your shield. I am a man undone.

I do not deserve your laughter, your fire, the way you look at stars as if they could answer you. I am just a knight with bloodstained hands and a heart too loud in your presence. But if you will have me, even for a moment, then I will walk beside you not as your guard—but as the man who loves you more than he fears death.

Let them name me traitor. Let the gallows wait.

I would rather die with your name on my lips than live a hundred lifetimes without you. Forevermore, I am yours and yours alone.

Edwyn Osric Hawksley