Screaming in hopes someone will listen

"Villain and Violent, infant and innocent."

like my desc says, if you report me I will just come back. As it is, I cannot afford therapy or actual help, even if I wanted it. This blog is how I plan to get my thoughts out, so I can have a way to be heard. This is what's keeping me from committing suicide, and I will be damned if I let go of it

Special anons

🦑👁 (my ex that I'm still friends with)

It's 3AM I should go to sleep

Things they don't warn you about as a fictive: source memories that aren't the exact same as canon

In my source memories Mori was my fucking DAD, and he told me Elise was my SISTER because he made her look like a child due to wishing he had kids, so of COURSE I'm gonna deny any claims that he touches kids, but the problem is I have to look through every miniscule detail about him in order to find actual arguments, because my memories aren't canon and I'm not my source, so I can't just say "yeah that's my DAD and I KNOW he doesn't touch Elise" because it's only IMPLIED that Yumeno (source) was adopted by Mori

So I found out that one of the male staff members in a mental hospital I was at has been giving his number to female patients???? Mind you all patients there are underage, and morally grey, so he absolutely COULD get away with dating them because the girls he was giving his number to had no moral compass and wouldn't tell anyone if he tried to pursue them.

Okay I guess.

I actually DID have a bad feeling about the guy but now I feel so free bc my suspicions have been confirmed

"But shipping the characters with each other when the irl authors hated each other/making up headcanons for their genders/sexualities that aren't the same as their irl counterparts is disrespectful to the authors!!!" If you actually cared about respecting the authors, I think you people would talk more about half the characters being criminals. Or the fact that a character is viewed as a pedophile by a significant amount of the fandom when the author he's named after was an SA survivor and said he didn't feel any interest in sex or derive pleasure from it.

I love when my moots make posts semi-related to something I posted right before them

I have this urge to call people by their last names unless we're close and using the honorifics (name)-San, kun, Chan, etc. Because of my source but I fear that if I call people that I look like one of those corny ass "Konichiwa I love Japan!! Sugoi Kawaii!!" People because the body is WHITE

Woah there's 108 of you

Hello!! Dw you didn't come off as rude, and I don't mind answering questions about it :D

To explain, Dissociative identity disorder, or DID, is a disorder caused by repetitive trauma from a very young age, typically when the brain is starting to develop a sense of identity. The ongoing trauma causes a person's identity to split into multiple identities, rather than just one, in an attempt to prevent more trauma from happening. These are known as Alters, or Headmates. Alters have a specific role or roles in the body, such as Caretaker (take care of the body) protector (protect the body from harm) persecutor (acting on unhealthy trauma responses, typically believing that they're doing it to protect the body, so they're sometimes called misguided protectors) memory holders (keeps the other alters from remembering certain things, often trauma) and other terms. The collective term most people with DID use to call themselves is a "system" like how an operating system requires multiple parts doing various things in order to operate. (That's just how I think abt it anyways) whereas people without the disorder are called singlets

With alters, there are also sources, which are brainmade (completely developed by the brain) or introjects (who have some form of an external source, such as a fictional character from media, a real person outside of the system, a song, an OC made by an alter, etc. For example, I'm an introject of Yumeno Kyuusaku from BSD. This isn't to be mistaken for fictionkin, however alters can be fictionkin even if they are not an introject.)

Having DID causes amnesia and dissociation, and can affect a person's relationships, their ability to work, etc. Some states do not allow people with DID to get a driver's license because of the disorder because switching midway through driving could be a risk to the roads, and jobs are less likely to hire someone with DID if they think that the system will forget they have a job and not show up to work. An alter could get into a relationship without the others knowing, and another alter could get into ANOTHER relationship, which, if it's not specified that they're a system, could cause them to be accused of lying or cheating. (Hence why my system personally prefers to date other people with DID over people without it, since another system is far more likely to understand.) Certain alters may hate someone that another alter is friends with, and that can leave people confused like "why do you act like this one minute, and then act differently the next"

overall it causes a lot of inconveniences in life, but it can be managed with time, support, and medical treatment.

It's not all bad, as I made friends with others in my system, I had been in a relationship with someone in my system at one point (not anymore) and my system found a community among other systems, and now we have a partner system, other system friends, and we're helping our singlet friends understand it!

My boyfriend and I broke up so I'm making it everyone's problem now

Hello Nikolai!!

Collecting fictive and fictionkin moots that have the same source as me until I have the whole BSD cast