quote list: things i've heard with my own two ears

if you ever quote me, i'll sue you for copyright

x: babe are you high y: maybe hehe how did you know? x: there is no way you would send me family guy clips while sober

thank you, i'll be here all night ….. … *quietly* cuz i live here….

doobie? like from weed?

i'm sorry, arfid is eating my ass

anyways BRRRRRRRRRR

duck rhymes with no

i'm not a simp for wanting my girlfriends to breastfeed me

damn, girl. you're like my carbon monoxide detector the way you yell at me always and tell me that there is an environmental hazard making me think insane thoughts

get rinsed, liberal

you know that song "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"? i am one of the many boys

9/11 tramp stamp?!?

x: i have more than $100 y: and yet, you still haven't bought an inflatable pool we're never going to use, i don't know how you do it

she puff on my in 'til i bird

your crocs are so cute! are you disabled?

don't worry, my cervix can be massaged in other ways

chopped in half unc