I know Iāve been gone for over a year; honestly, Iāve almost lost track of how long itās been. This might be the most honest Iāve ever been on this site. No colorful and sparkly dividers, no word tagsājust me, whether someone gets to read this or not.
I donāt know if my friends are still active or if any of you still remember me, but I want you to know that I miss you allāand I miss this space. Iāve been carrying guilt for stepping away without saying anything, especially to those I connected with here. But every time I try to come back, I find myself falling into the same patterns.
I stepped away because I realized I was using Tumblr, and writing, as an escape from the emotional reality I need to face in order to grow. Thereās a kind of distraction that heals, and then thereās the kind that keeps you from moving forward. For me, it slowly became the latter.
Writing the stories and pieces Iāve shared here once brought me so much comfort. It meant a lot to know that my words gave you the same warmth I was searching for. But over time, something shifted. I began wanting the stories I wrote to become my reality. And writing started to hurt, because it reminded me of what I felt I didnāt have. Without realizing it, I had been using writing to live out dreams I had quietly convinced myself were out of reach.
Letting go has always been difficult for me. And this isnāt just about Tumblr, itās about writing itself. Writing has been such a huge part of who I am. I love it deeply.
But my heart longs for something that writing alone cannot fulfill. And as much as it's painful to admit, I find myself offeringāalmost sacrificingāthis part of me in the hope of reaching that dream.
I never thought the day would come when I couldnāt bring myself to write anymore. It feels like losing a part of myself, like something in me has gone quiet. I feel almostā¦ disabled in a way I donāt fully understand.
Iām holding on to the hope that Iāll returnānot just to this space, but to writing itselfānot to fill what I think is missing in my life, but because Iām living from a place of fulfillment and inspiration.
Being here on Tumblr has been one of the most meaningful chapters of my life, and Iāll always carry it with me. I hope there comes a time when I can speak about this part of my journey more openly. Iāve learned so much from all of you, and Iāve grown into more of myself because of this communityāfor giving me the space to be seen, heard, and appreciated just as I am. Every story Iāve written holds a part of me I once kept hidden, and I will always be grateful for how you embraced those pieces of me.
I donāt know if this is a goodbye or just a pause. I hope itās the latterāeven if I only return in small ways. Iād love to stay connected, but for now, I need to focus on myself.
I love writing. I have been in love with writing. But I also want to live, to love, in reality and not just in fiction.
Dreaming is easy, but truly believing with no assurance to hold on to, only hope, is terrifying. And yet, no matter how frightening it feels, I still hopeā¦ I still want to believeā¦ that we can find the courage to have faith in ourselves, and in the possibility that our dreams can come true.
Maybe theyāre not impossible. Maybe they just need more time, and a little more courage to keep going.
