Letters I won't send You

Lord, i pray for wisdom and love in everything i do, thank you for reminding me that You are the God who gives what your people needs and i am in awe of your works

ate buday has been proposed to, and you’ve felt something we have never felt before

we’re so happy for her, and we couldn’t stop the tears from falling

she looks so inlove, she is inlove, and I can see that embs love her so much, too

it’s something we haven’t felt before so i can’t really explain it, but i think this is good emotion

i can’t help but reminisce the times we spent during our childhood, we were once so young and full of dreams, and now, she’s living in one of hers

thinking back, it was earlier this year that she started talking about weddings, she’s so fascinated by it and she looks pretty just talking about it

and now, I know she’ll be the prettiest she will ever be on her wedding day

… and i wish i’ll be there to witness it

We’re not going away, I just…

… like I said, we’ve been feeling a lot lately, and sometimes, we have those days…

…days that feels like it should be our last…

days that feels too long we wish it was over

but we wouldn’t do that to ate, right?

we won’t do anything that will make them sad, our family sad

maybe it’s God’s intervention, I don’t know

for now… we fight when we can

it cant show up in random places and jusr seep in

no

these feeling were keot hidden

forgotte m

how it is supposwd to ve

it ha sveen YEARs!

it wasnt even mutual and yet why

it didnt have to linger

it wasnt supposed to make ne feel anything

I MOVED ON

an d yet

water has streamed from my eyes

pieces of a geart has been shattered yet again

and I, i hate whatwver this is

i am mature

i am an adult

genuinely happy for you, congratulations!

i dont think im gay but girll huhu you’re so pretty, sorry for staring hehe 🥶

i think i just broke myself into million pieces

i wish i never knew the other part of the story, another piece of a story

even after all these years, i tried

i wanted to

you were gone for a moment,

i thought of you from time to time, i admit

but i wonder if you were okay

if you were fine

i thought of how you were doing facing the real world

and now

i dont know why you keep coming back

pieces of me just keeps remembering that piece of you

the piece that you never had i like i did

everyone around me wonders why

i wonder why

after all these years

why

...

is it still you

why...

does my heart breaks so

why

i know deep down that this heart does not beat for you any longer

it knows that mine were never yours

yet

this fragile part of the brain that sends signal to this organ remembers

and the memories that are no longer shared

i wish to let go

i wish to forget

i wish no pain

i wish no tears

i wished but why does the heart only beats and not hear

im tired of this pain

im tired holding on to the things only i hold onto

im tired believing and i wish to just forget it all

im tired of not having anyone on my side because i am the only one who loves and never the one who receives

im tired to think of you

but how does one not tire if this is what ive known my life

distance does not make you forget

i would like to make myself believe that you are no longer the person who I knew, you are not the same person I have talked to

you

are

not

my

person

anymore

and

i

was

never

its been a long time since i last thought of you, …like this

i hate how it’s 2am and it’s still you i think about

distance does not make the heart forget, specially not the alcohol bc it’s the reason im writing to you again

i just wish the heart to take a step forward and finally deicide to move on

i wish for your happiness and success in life

indont want ro be steong

i want to be weak

and cry

but i just wanna greet u, congratulations.

i may not have witnessed ur struggles and joys but i was always rooting for your success

hope i can talk to u one last time

and when i do,

i hope it is the last time

bc im tired

i think it’s getting better, my heart

im drunk and im lonely but not because i miss u

its slowly getting better, my heart

It’s not true.

The dramas we see on tv.

It’s not true.

The scenes we read on books.

It’s not true, and it will never be.

Meeting someone again after years as coincidence is not true.

It will never happen.

So please, stop this beating heart from hurting.

because I know,

Hi reader,

Today was a pretty normal day. Walk to work, say hi to Mush and then wait ‘til work hours is over, go back to condo, and rest.

Today was supposed to be a pretty normal day but my friend sent a picture of you, and that’s it. It brought back feelings that has been buried and dusting.

Been thinking of it a lot lately, don’t know if this is unhealthy

Lord, when? I think I’m ready.

I think I’m just waiting.

And this month, I have been pretty impatient.

Been a long day, week and month and I didn’t know I badly needed to hear this until I’ve read it.

Ang bait mo Lord, I’ve been dying to let go this past week because I’ve been doubting myself often but You talked to me through this.