Wish I Were His Dream
+
When the reader is hopelessly in love with Vinsmoke Sanji, while he falls in love with Nami.
+
This was written at like 3am so it might sound pretty stupid, but this fic is based on Connan Grays Heather and I took a lil inspiration from Saeran in Mystic Messenger!~
Enjoy~
I will become the world's greatest journalist who writes honestly about the events between the government and pirates. That's that. There's nothing else to it. That is the goal I hold close to my heart since it is the only goal that matter for me. What other dream could I chase after if not that?
Since I joined the Strawhats, I have not wished to do anything except chase after my dream and help my friends on their journey to reach their dreams. I often offer helping out with the smallest things if it means their happiness is rewarded; helping Robin water her flowers, testing out Usopp's new gadgets, fixing up Luffy’s torn clothes… I always wish for their happiness since I have grown quite attached to them- I never intend to have my dreams clash with theirs. If it ever did...why would I travel alongside them? Would I not be a nuisance who makes their progress backtrack? Yes, I would be a bother to them. However, since I do not have any dreams that clash with the Strawhats, I will continue traveling the seas with them. Hopefully our family- that has been brought together despite the odds of us getting along- stick together. That has become one of my other dreams that reside in my heart despite our short history together.
Looking over the pages of my journal, I re-read what I had written in the past up until today. Laughing at myself silently I lifted the cup of black coffee that sat near my journal and took a slow sip, all while staring at the man in front silently whisking away at something that will most definitely become a marvelous delicacy for us rowdy pirates to have the pleasure of eating later on today.
His back faced me, with his broad shoulders casting a shadow from the light emitting through the window in front of him. His soft blonde locks swayed every time a breeze entered the small kitchen. The striped blue button up that he wore would stretch and pull with the slightest movement of his arms, which exhibited the strong lean muscles he had underneath his clothes. The place I sat at made him seem like an angel. To be fair, he honestly is not far from being a real one. The man who was now at the fridge- searching for some unknown ingredient to me- had started humming a soft tune to himself. I listened earnestly attempting to puzzle together what song had managed to get stuck in his head. Identifying the song to be the one played the night before by Brook- our crew's most favorite song yet- I closed my eyes and let a very small smile form as I enjoyed listening to the man's small performance.
Memories about a certain moment when I had discovered one more dream of mine flowed through my head; The moment when I discovered how dear our crew's chef is.
The moment I discovered that the chef was such a sweet person that I wished to keep him happy above my own happiness. The moment when I discovered that I wished to keep him beside me and I at his side at all times. That moment when I discovered I love the chef.
I love Sanji.
The thought of loving Sanji full heartedly made my chest flutter and my cheeks burn.
I remember that moment so clearly. It was when I had collapsed from exhaustion in the bath room one day. He had been searching for me all over the ship, he had a sundae prepared for all the crew but preferred to deliver the desserts to the ladies out of courtesy. I was undressed with a towel and ready to bathe to replenish my strength, but my body gave out when I turned on the faucet. I had fallen face first onto the tile floor. When I awoke, I was informed of my overworked body giving out and how I was found by Chopper.
He told me Sanji carried me down from the bath to his office. I found myself wearing an oversized sweater instead of clothes, although it was embarrassing that the perverted chef saw me in such a state it was also really respectful of him to cover me up with his own clothes. Even if such decency was expected out of everyone, it made me realize that the man was not such a crook and actually took it upon himself to behave in such a way with no one having to supervise him.
After that collapse in the bath room, I had a fever for a week. Sanji stayed by my side when he was not preparing food. He served me the most nutritious soups, changed my towel out often, checked on my temperature, and called Chopper over with paranoia that I had not improved. He had no reason to do any of this, but he did. He may have done it out of sympathy since he had seen me in the nude, however I began seeing him in a different light since then.
Opening my eyes, I looked at the chef once more then turned back to my journal and coffee. I flipped to a page where I had analyzed him when I had been exposed to him behaving differently. I realized my feelings for the man not long after writing this excerpt. I now question my foolishness to look into him more.
Although I once knew Sanji to be simply a loyal comrade, I have recently pondered the complexity of his character and see him entirely anew.
Sanji is a passionate and sympathetic man. He believes that everyone should have the decency to finish their meal out of respect for those who do not receive a meal. He takes initiative to help those who are in need of a hand no matter if it is a starving crook of a pirate or a lonesome head searching for his body. He dreams of a magical place named the All Blue, and becomes giddy whenever he revisits in his heart his cherished goal.
But his most prominent trait is the fact that he is known to be a womanizer. A ladies man. A flirt. A pervert.
I believe that his perverted personality stemmed from his admiration of women, from seeing women to be superior and worshipped for everything. Maybe he cherished the abilities of women to bring and sustain a new life...maybe he cherished the soft kindness that most women carry with them...maybe he cherished the strong women who ignored sex stereotypes...I believe that whatever he admired- or better yet- everything he admired on women led for him to simply love everything about them. He gushes over a female's body, mind, and soul.
When I look at him as a whole, I see a chivalrous kind-hearted man.
Oh, what a fool I was.
I looked at the man who had been moving around the kitchen. I accidentally sang a part of the song as I saw him practically dancing in the middle of the kitchen. He paused, and turned over to me.
“Oh…” I sat up straight upon realizing I interrupted his moment to himself. “Sorry…” I offered an apologetic grin up at him as I sank into my seat about to return to my journal and coffee.
“(name)-chan...” His face turned red slowly then he started wiggle dancing while spouting our compliments on how cute and shy I am.
“You know you can sing for me if you would like, (name)-chan?” Hearts formed in his eyes as he thought of the possibility of me singing for him. I laughed and declined his offer.
“I’m sorry... I didn’t realize I was caught up in your humming. You can get back to it, I just want to review my journal right now…” He stopped gushing over me and gave me a confused expression.
“Why are you sorry?” cheekily grinning at him, I tilt my head to the side without answering him.
I downed the rest of my coffee and washed and placed it away. I walked back to the journal sitting on the table, with Sanji continuously staring at my movements. Ignoring him until he stopped, I flipped through my pages in an attempt to distract myself from the blonde’s stares. When he returned to cooking, I felt many glances shot in my direction.
The door to the kitchen was swung open all of a sudden. In walked the red haired Nami, with a newspaper in one hand and a pen in another. She had barely entered the proximity, but Sanji had automatically offered to serve her a cup of hot coffee and get her a snack if she wished. Accepting the offer, she sat across from me and immediately started reading today's news.
Looking down at my journal scribbled with thoughts of Sanji and sketches of him from the backside, I dejectedly smiled. He didn’t offer me anything when I walked in earlier. I made and served my own cup of coffee. I looked up at the navigator sitting across from me and admired her beauty. I glanced at the chef who stared at her longingly. Smiling to myself in mockery, I stood up and left the room.
Finding myself in the aquarium alone. I followed the fishes dancing in the water. They made me ponder what Sanji’s All Blue would be like.
His dream… Surely he must have another desire like I do. What if his dream is to be with Nami?
My dreams conclude of being the best journalist the world has seen, keeping my family happy, and for Sanji to be by my side and I to his.
This is why my younger self was so foolish.
My dreams clash with one of my crew's dreams now…
I told myself that if that ever happened, I should leave to not burden the Strawhats… But I really don’t want to… Am I selfish for wanting to stay by his side despite him not wanting me?
I really do adore her… She’s such a perfect girl that I would not question anyone falling for her.
Nami is lucky.
She is beautiful, strong, smart, kind, and overall attractive to all. She has many emotional scars and deals with them so admirably...She somehow can become stronger from everything that puts her down. I look up to her. I wish I could be just like her.
I confess that she beats me in everything… I’m not as pretty. Or smart. Or strong. Or kind… But I still envy her…
After continuously hiding myself behind laughter and smiles to the crew for months on end, Sanji began speaking with me more often.
Of course I relished in his attention whenever he would offer it to me, but his thoughts and conversations with me always returned to the same topic. Nami, our navigator.
Everytime he would mention another woman in my presence, my heart painfully throbs. Why can't I just get over it…?
I should be happy for them both.
Yes, I cherish them both but when I am around either one of them my head spins like crazy from the stress of having to put up a front of a happy crewmate. I continuously will ignore this sensation though. I don’t want to ruin their chances with each other… I don’t want to lose either one of them…
I have noticed Sanji flirting and swooning over other females less and less every day. His feelings for her are growing so tremendously that his playboy behavior has dwindled into simply a chivalrous behavior- a respectable behavior that remains loyal to a certain person.
Since he comes to me for emotional support in pursuing Nami, I can feel that one day he will ask her straight up to be with him… I know him… He will definitely make it a romantic and extravagant event. I expect for many flower petals, a fancy dinner, a clean suit, and maybe a gold ring or necklace as a gift. He is simply such a romantic… Of course he will make it a big ordeal. That’s just who he is. I love him so much… I wish that instead of her, it was me who he is pursuing…
I was in the Library reading when Sanji came in for me. I closed the book and gave him my full attention. He looked serious, and I wondered if it was about his love ordeal.
“I need help…” He gulped and stepped closer to me. “(name)-chan, please, help me with your womanly opinions! I plan to ask her to be mine, but I want to make it perfect!”
Staring at him with my mouth slightly agape, I looked down and responded in a quiet voice. “Any ideas?” I then gave him a gummy smile with my eyes closed. He mirrored my expression and sat down next to me.
Turns out my guess earlier was correct. He wanted to have me help choose the gift and flowers to go with his Italian themed dinner.
He is so cliche.
The romantic gestures are so guessable.
But I am not complaining. What position am I in to even complain? I’m desperate for the slightest amount of attention from him.
Tomorrow night. That is when Sanji will attempt to woo Nami.
While we were out shopping today, we chose a golden heart lock necklace with N+S engraved in the heart. It was really pretty, and we found a painter who was able to draw them together according to their wanted posters. It turned out nicely…
The flowers chosen were red rose petals to be strewn about and center pieces of Peonies. I picked up a bouquet of blue roses for myself, but Sanji was quick to include it with his order.
It's almost laughable how terribly friend-zoned I am. Sanji, the one I cannot have, bought me blue roses as a gift of thanks for helping with his love interest pursuit…
Sanji ran to me in my bedroom in his ice suit. He looked amazingly handsome. His white vest sat on top of a white button up, the colors contrast with his red tie making it the main appeal to the outfit. His long legs covered in white strode to me so quickly that I had no other choice but to snap out of my trance.
“Where is your coat?” I stood up to meet him halfway across my room.
“The button popped off…(name)-chan, can you please fix it? The dinner starts in fifteen minutes!” He held the coat that was hidden behind his back out to me. I noticed the red rose that was supposed to sit on his pectoral was in his other hand. I reached out to grab the rose out of his hand and place it in the water among my blue roses.
The sight of the roses made me squint in heart break.
Unlike me, Nami is being gifted red roses and peonies…
“Let me grab some thread and needle.” Leaving him standing near my desk while I searched for the items needed, I ignored the numbing pain in my chest.
“Thank you (name)-chan!!” I smiled gently at him.
Nami has a kinder smile than me...
“Of course, Sanji. Anything for you!” Tears almost slipped out of my eyes when I took his coat with eye contact. I started fixing his button as quickly and neatly that I could.
I bet Nami could do it better than me…
Once I finished, I put the coat on him and fixed his attire up. I fixed his hair and grabbed the rose from my bouquet.
Sanji quietly watched me as I got him ready to send him off.
She would most definitely send him off with more attentiveness...
I can’t even look him in the eye right now…
Just as I was about to place the rose on his chest, Sanji placed his hand in the area it was meant to go in. Looking up at him, I ask why he did that. He shot me a closed eye smile and spoke in such a natural caring tone.
“I just feel like your bouquet could use a red rose among the blue, (name)-chan!’ I blinked at him in confusion and despair.
Sensing my confusion and assuming my sadness was due to him not wanting the rose he explained himself further.
“I have more roses, so don't worry.” He took the rose out of my hand and kissed it.
With my eyebrows furrowing together, making myself seem concerned instead of sorrowful, I spoke in a voice that shook with each word.
Everything he tells me is a stab to my heart.
“Don’t you think that the bouquet should be blue, only? Or red only? Having them both makes the situation complex…” I looked back my the flowers sitting on my bedside.
“I think the beauty of a bouquet comes from having variable colors mixed together.” Once again, the grin he shot me made me want to cry.
“Don’t you think maybe Nami should receive all of the red roses? I mean, you did get them for her.”
“(Name)-chan, it’s just one rose. You have helped me so much, I could never repay you fully…” He lifted my chin to make me look at him rather than the flowers we spoke about.
The rose he kissed… He places it directly in front of my mouth allowing for the soft petals to tickle my lips.
After I took the red rose out of his hand, he gave me a chaste kiss to the forehead. He then stepped back.
“Thank you! For everything, (name)-chan! The dinner time is soon so must be on my way. Good night, (name)-chan!” He stepped out of my room and I could hear his foot steps disappearing as I stood frozen in my room.
Sliding to the floor I held the red rose in my hand so tenderly as I finally cried out the frustrating feeling of being rejected for so long.
Why?
Why did he have to kiss me?
Why would you give me this red rose?
Crawling to my bedside, I carefully placed the red rose amongst the blue roses. I curled into a ball on my bed, staring at the roses and wishing for the red one to never wither away.
Nami…
He belongs to Nami…
Nami belongs to him…
…
I wish I were Nami.
:')
Gosh, that hurt my heart...
~ Miss Queen
