i want a better relationship with GOD. i want a better relationship with my soul and self. i feel so close and so far away at the same time. i want to be a better person, provide a better life for myself and my family. i want to have the freedom to chase my dreams .. which again, sometimes i feel like i do..and sometimes i feel like i don't ..
34 has been so disappointing...while i've had small wins here and there .. i feel like i let myself down..i feel like i fumbled my blessings..
in this season of my life, i've learned more about self awareness and accountability. i've cried more, grieved more..in between the small wins, i feel lost most of the time. i feel like im spiraling and tbh..most times i really don't know what to do .. i understand that i have to keep pushing through.. i understand that GOD will provide .. it's just i feel like GOD is only stepping in when i get close to my breaking point ..
have i not endured enough in my life? have i not proven that i believe ? sometimes i feel like GOD doesn't believe in me, the way that i believe in GOD. and i know that's not true but im human and those are the kind of things i think about ..
i pray that this difficult, stressful season of my life comes to an end sooner than later.. that i can live my life without fear of feeling lost and disconnected. because in my 34th year of life, this is what i feel.
i know that GOD protects me always but anxiety is doing a really good job at convincing me otherwise ..
