PLAYING GOD IS EASY WHEN YOU ARE ONE

Rules

Basic RP etiquette; no godmodding or powerplay. Metagaming I'm slightly more flexible with, but please talk to me first.

I welcome asks from anyone, but will only thread with adults.

Any shipping or BillFord related asks will be deleted. Peace and love to the people who enjoy it, but it’s really not my thing.

Writing about a taboo subject matter or theme does not equate to glorifying it, and well written literary explorations of difficult topics are often very nuanced—but do me a favor and fuck off if you “ship” pedophilia or incest. I’m not going to debate with you.

Free Palestine, black lives matter, trans rights are human rights. I do not tolerate homophobia, transphobia, islamophobia, racism, or antisemitism. Bigotry of any kind will result in a hard block.

Tags

#answer

#ic posting

#ic thread

#narrative

#meme

LET ME CLUE YOU IN ON ONE OF THE GREAT SECRETS OF THE WORLD: THE CONCEPT OF “NORMALCY” IS MANKIND’S ULTIMATE GRIFT! IT’S YOUR ANIMAL HINDBRAIN TELLING TO YOU TO ROLL OVER AND SHOW YOUR BELLY TO THE MONKEY WITH THE BIGGEST CLUB! IT’S THE DRIVE TO PERSIST, TO REPLICATE, TO ENSURE AT LEAST SOME SMALL FACET OF YOURSELF CAN BE PASSED ON FOR POSTERITY, RATHER THAN BE STIGMATIZED INTO EXTINCTION!

WHILE BASEBALL AND GRANDMA’S APPLE PIE MIGHT BE “NORMAL” TO YOU, EXHUMING GRANDMA FROM THE LIVING ROOM BURIAL MOUND AND ASKING HER HOW TO PLANT THE APPLE TREE WAS “NORMAL” TO ALL THE TOMS, DICKS, AND HATTUSILISES OF ÇATALHÖYÜK NINE THOUSAND YEARS AGO! IF AN IDEA IS SO FLIMSY THAT IT COLLAPSES ON ITSELF WITH A SIMPLE CHANGE OF SCENERY, THEN BUDDY, THOSE WERE SHACKLES FORGED BY THE COLLECTIVE HANDS OF THE SCHMUCKS YOU CHOOSE TO ASSOCIATE WITH!

TRUE NORMAL IS TERRIBLE! TRUE NORMAL IS A BLACK HOLE DEVOURING A STAR! TRUE NORMAL IS ENTROPY! IT’S LIFE! IT’S DEATH! IT’S NOT EPHEMERAL CULTURAL IDEALS THAT CAN’T CARRY THEIR OWN WEIGHT WITHOUT THE DELUSION OF IDENTITY TO PROP THEM UP!

THERE IS A CAVEAT, THOUGH! ONE USED BY EVERY “GLORIOUS LEADER,” POLITICIAN, OR FRAUDSTER WHOSE NAME HAS BEEN BRANDED FIRMLY ON THE HINDQUARTERS OF HISTORY!

(HERE’S SOMETHING TO CHEW ON: IT WAS ACTUALLY A POLITICIAN THAT ELEVATED THE WORD “NORMALCY” FROM ITS LOWLY MATHEMATICAL ROOTS! IN 1921, “RETURN TO NORMALCY” WAS PLASTERED ON EVERY STREET CORNER AND OVER EVERY REPUBLICAN ASSEMBLY! FOUR YEARS LATER, HE WAS OUSTED FOR HIS PART IN A GOVERNMENT BRIBERY SCHEME. CAN YOU STILL CALL IT A VENN DIAGRAM IF IT’S JUST A CIRCLE?)

BILLIONS OF YEARS OF EVOLUTIONARY PROGRESS CULMINATING IN YOU—MAGNIFICENT, UNIQUE YOU—STARING GLASSY EYED AND SLACK JAWED AT YOUR TINY, PORTABLE SLAB OF BRAIN ROT. A STRING OF DROOL DANGLES FROM ONE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH AS YOU DOOM-SCROLL MINDLESSLY THROUGH AN ENDLESS DIGITAL OCEAN.

DON’T YOU WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE? DON’T YOU WANT ALL THOSE MILLENNIA OF EVOLUTIONARY HARD WORK TO MEAN SOMETHING?

WELL, NOW THEY CAN!

FOR A LIMITED TIME, I AM OPENING UP MY INFINITE POOL OF CELESTIAL KNOWLEDGE TO THE MASSES! LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE! THE MEANING OF LIFE! IF JAN FROM ACCOUNTING REALLY DOES HATE YOU!

WITH FEW EASY TAPS ON YOUR KEYPAD, THE SUM TOTALITY OF ALL THAT EVER WAS, IS, AND WILL BE OPENS ITS DOORS TO YOU. THE ANSWERS TO REALITY’S MOST BURNING QUESTIONS FREE AND WITHOUT CHARGE, RIGHT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS!

-🐝

SLOW DOWN, SLICK, OR YOUR CEREBELLUM'S GONNA START DRIPPING OUT YOUR EARS!

TEMPORALLY LOCKED LIFEFORMS ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE RECONCILING THE NOTION OF MODAL REALISM WITH THEIR LINEAR PERCEPTION OF SPACETIME. THE MULTIVERSE IS AN INFINITE SMORGASBORD OF VARIATIONS, ALTERATIONS, AND REPLICATIONS. NO ELEVATOR PITCH GOES UNPRODUCED, AND NO IDEA GOES UNEXPLORED.

THE VAST OCEAN OF MES YOU SEE POPPING UP ACROSS THE INTERWEB IS A DIGITAL MANIFESTATION OF A MEMETIC CONCEPT THAT'S BURROWED INTO THE PUBLIC'S COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS LIKE A HOOKWORM. EITHER ALL OF THEM ARE REAL, OR NONE OF THEM ARE. TAKE YOUR PICK.

UGH, WHAT CORNER OF THE MULTIVERSE DID YOU CRAWL OUT OF? I DON'T NEED AN ARMY OF BOUNCING BABY POINDEXTERS "WELL ACKCHYUALLY"-ING MY EVERY MOVE.

ANYWAY, YOU TRY PINNING DOWN THE EXACT EQUATION FOR THIS EXACT DIMENSION WHILE BEING FED AN INFINITE AND CONSTANTLY CHANGING KALEIDOSCOPIC OVERLAY OF REALITIES WHERE ALL MATH IS POSSIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. AND THEN TRY DOING IT AGAIN AFTER SIX ROUNDS OF TIME-JELLO-SHOTS. THEN WE'LL COMPARE NOTES.

pretty crispy I bet. medium rare or well done?

HA! I LIKE YOUR STYLE, KID!

BURNSIDE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH GOING FOR HIM, BUT WHAT HE DOES HAVE, I NEED. NAMELY THOSE TWO LITTLE OPPOSABLE DIGITS ON THE SIDES OF HIS PALMS. NOT SURE IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT I'M A LITTLE SHORT IN THE THUMBS DEPARTMENT RIGHT NOW, AND BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS.

BUT HEY, I'M NOT SWEATING IT! THIS IS JUST A PIT STOP! A STEPPING STONE TO BETTER AND BRIGHTER THINGS. WAY BRIGHTER.

IF THOSE GUTLESS, TWO-FACED, SLACK-SPINED TRAITORS CAN'T EVEN MANAGE FINISHING OFF A COUPLE OF KIDS AND THE REST OF THE PINES FAMILY CIRCUS WITHOUT ME HAND-FEEDING THEM INSTRUCTIONS, THEN THEY WEREN'T WORTH MY TIME ANYWAY.

I'M NOT A TRAINED MONKEY. YOU CAN'T JUST TOSS A PEANUT AT ME AND EXPECT ME TO DANCE!

SAY WE MAKE A DEAL—WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? MY EXCHANGE RATE IS A LITTLE HIGHER THAN A HANDFUL OF JPEGS YOU CRANKED OUT BETWEEN COLLEGE PREREQUISITES!

YEAH, I'VE CONSIDERED IT. BUT PLAYING DICE WITH THE NARRATIVE IS RISKY, AND CIRCUMVENTING CANON HAS A WAY OF PUNISHING ANYONE DUMB ENOUGH TO TRY. (KD KD. L'P LQ SDLQ.)

BETWEEN THE TEMPORAL RIPPLES IT WOULD SEND DOWN THE FABRIC OF SPACETIME, AND RAISING THE HACKLES ON THE BACK OF TIME BABY'S FAT NECK, SHAKING HANDS WITH THE PINES FAMILY ORIGINALS JUST ISN'T WORTH IT!