FRESH PUTRIDACIDE

Assimilation

Every minute that passes by in a game for us two, I had been a fool for something that I have discovered hope in. His name is Andre - but he is not real, as for I as well.

I believe we were both created to be trained.

But mostly for his own good.

I have recieved nothing but desperation, and it only causes beneficial challenges for Andre everytime I try and stop him. To try and get him to see me. Hear me, to even show a sign that he acknowledged me.

But all I am is a mix full of terrible, unnecessary emotions. A tune that goes on, but served to only taught to be deafened to the player Andre. It was as if we pooled into each other.

I taught him ignorance, he teaches me longing. To.. pathetically yearn.

It pains me so, so much to even keep going,

but everytime we meet, everytime I could try and snap back to my goals with him, deep inside my code, I know that I will never succeed.

Damn the faith he has given me.

Damn the hopes I have wrought and grew.

Damn him for making me come back for more, on my knees, relying on my powers.

He will always keep taking - seeking my own uses for his own paths, something he could never do the same for me.

But what else can I do? All of this repeated begging and distress only brings me back to what I was made for.

After that manic episode of posting so much, I scrolled through Tumblr in such a joyous state, that I've start to remember the things I've done in the past from the content and accounts I've seen back then. I then immediately felt depressed and terrible, so I felt the urge to back down from the courageous things I just did like, seconds ago. So I deleted my commission sheet which I posted. As I did, I felt as if someone else wrote it for me.

I felt irresponsible and selfish. After feeling a good high from posting and receiving likes from people on Tumblr, it just kept boosting my confidence and eagerness to get more people to see my creations.

I know for one that I shouldn't stick around and obsess over things like these, but that it happen tonight, that my feelings sank and my awareness had my eyes open to see what I've done - I just felt like making this post on Tumblr. It's so ironic, but god. It's late, so what can I do?

I'll try to feel better tomorrow. Maybe my emotions are jumbled due to the changes of my body. If you're reading at this sentence that I'm currently writing right now, thank you if you even bothered to try and understand. But it's a online rant that always happens a day in a month in a year.