💜

My frend Lars left in a hurry a few weeks before me and left Korea feeling totally different for me. Someone you see everyday for months suddenly disappearing, it was not the same joy as before. That pluss stress to get home myself just left the last weeks in korea really uncomfterable. Even tho I did not wanna leave, I needed to leave and get som rest, a break in an enviroment where thing are not so complicated.

Sadly I did not get to see my friend Soun as much as I would have wanted, she really grew on me, a true friend. She and one of her friends made sure I had some great experiences tho. Taught me to cook some korean food and took me on some sightseeing.

As some know and some don’t, very soon after I came to korea I met this wonderful man. Thanks to him I got to see a lot of things even tho covid had cancelled most my plans and daily life experiences. For that I am very greatful cause at times it has really felt like a waste being there and not being able to experience the country fully. Also I truly do not know what I would have done without his help in many occasions, especially when I was sick. Being alone in a totally different country, where u can’t fully communicate with people around you, especially in the situation the world is today, shows you how it is to be vulnarable.

Dating in another country and culture I imagine must be very exciting and hard wherever it is. Practically it has been very different. Communication and being understanding comes to a whole new level of importance. But I think we’ve done a great job. I have also learned a lot about myself I don’t think I would have otherwise, since I’m doubtful I would have met the same circomstances in sweden. And however this turns out it will be lessons learnt that will help me the rest of my life.

The situation in the world, work, study and also private economy makes it hard to expect anything. It’s just a little less than a year before we can even think about seeing eachother again. But for the time being it is fine. I’m not in a hurry. This is what letting life take you where it wants to means.

We had a great last week and I only had one ”oh no I’m really leaving korea” breakdown.

I’m gonna have to make more than one post now, since a long time has passed now.

I got home. When the airport I was suppose to transfer in still hadn’t openened close to my planned departure date, I started looking for other options. I found one, packed and left three weeks eariler instead. The timing was good tho since I had just finished school anyway.

The trip back was exhausting. 10 hours flight to Frankfurt, then spending the night and 12 hours there. Scary. Frankfurt airport is big but empty. Looked like scenes from a shopping mall in a Zombie movie. Furniture piled up everywhere to prevent people to sit on them, all stores closed. I found people hanging out in some areas so I could feel kinda safe during night.

The warning messeges on the speakers to keep distance from other people was constant tho.... the whole.... fucking .... night. Even tho barely any people there.

Getting home cost me a looooot more money tho, like six times the original cost. The airplane food was great. a lot of space on both flights and trains. And arriving back home in the north was amazing. Shining sun at 23 oclock and the nature here.... it’s in my blood. The one main thing that makes it hard to imagine living somewhere else for a longer time.

Since then it has been ups and downs. It feels totally natural being back home. But at the same time I am still in korea too. Like living in two dimensions at the same time.

Since I work with covid patients I’m even more isolated than others here. So it’s sad I don’t get to finally meet people even tho I’m back. So now I am planning my budget to save up and go back. But first the world has to allow it, and also I have to have economy for it. I have to wait at least a year. It’s killing me but I love my job and I’m lucky I have a job. So time is already flying.

Okey so appearently I haven’t really updated at all lately. But lots and nothing has happened. Covid has continued to grow at a stabile pace for a long time. Not celebrating anything yet, but it is very calm here. I have been sick myself, one Covid test later showed negative. But trying to get healthcare as a foreigner when noone speaks english and u can’t enter the international ward, well tricky. Had some help anyway and got what I needed to recover. And wow, at the pharmacist, lot of people lot of medicins, still not more than 15 minutes and I even got my pills in ready packed dose packages for each day. This country has once more proved it’s extreme ability to be effeciant.

But life here is pretty plain and has been for a long time, therefore, a lot of time passed with really nothing new. I have some notes and observations tho.

- In korea they test everyone. We sometimes get 15 alarms a day concerning covid. If there is a new case and where that person has been, also presented on a website for everyone to check out.

- There is hand desinfectant evvvverywhere for public to use. Therefore easy to stay clean. The staff at restaurants even comes up giving you a click before u eat at some places.

- No hording of food or toiletpaper. Korean people seems to have brains compared to the rest of the world. Mask has run out tho, and that’s something requierd to have here. So korean people kan based on birth date get two, one time use only masks a week, different days. Us foreigners well...more tricky, cotton masks for us. To bad for our lungs when pollution is absolutely burning.

- When parking, everyone back there car into the parking space. Everyone. And as I have been in a car a lot, well very impressive skills.

- Sometimes people park their car randomly infront of other cars. How will the other cars get out then u might ask? Well since they leave their cars with no gear in, u just push the blocking car out of your way.

- Public phone boths exists

- Getting less likely to be overrun by delivevery death bikes, since reactions and checking the dead angle while taking any step at all, has become a reflex.

- There is ish one type of apple here, does not taste much. Real cheese and bread, also hard to find.

- I found tortillas. With the taco-spice I brought from home, well swedish tacos has been made.

- Tomatojuice is a thing

School has closed and only providing online lessons for a coulpe of weeks to start with. I guess it’s good, but the quality of the lessons is questionable since we need to speak the language to learn too.

Random pictures of buildnings

Going home is getting closer. Six weeks left. Sadness begun to rise, but as I started to imagine living in my amazing appartment again, and getting back to my job that I have been longing for now and then, it’s starting to feel okey. It’s gonna be super sad to leave but I will come back here once covid alows me to travel agian. A reload at home will be very nice too. Lately I’ve been hunting western food, so imma eat when back home, like a lot....

Every weekend I’m guided to new places and experiences. My korean skills and school are actually improving a bit. Feel like I’ve passed the first big bump in this language learning.

I’m still having the best time of my life. There are tho some really good stuff in my life right now that I don’t wanna mess up. So nicotine gums are back on the schedule. The cravings are ok to handle, the lifelessness after a while not quite so much right now. The fight will be continued.

So what’s happened lately is that I’ve visited Seoul forest (big park). Sadly the pollution levels was one of the highest so far this day.

Eaten a lot of good food, studied and now finally met my second friend from the Tandem app that I haven’t been able to meet since I got here. We’ve been talking for at least 4 months and I was very happy to see her. She doesn’t let me get away with using english, so counting on some progress.

Me and Lasse is continuisly trying new foods and restaurants, and found that korean kimchi pancake could possible be the best ever created in koreas history.

Fun facts

Some here walk in nike/ adidas slippers, with or without socks, even in minus degrees

If your car battery is dead or u need some fuel. Just call car service and they show upp and aid you in like 15 minutes and you are good to go. Different from in north sweden standing in two meter snow and -20 degrees with a dead battery waiting for a neighbour to first of all even talk to u and second take a moment of his/her time to help u.

If you are going to meet your friend, have a drink or two, maybe even party. You can actually take your car. Cause guess what?! Call service again and someone will come and drive u home in your own car.

Eating out for lunch, palli palli- eat fast no time to digest your food or take a lunch break. other people is waiting for you table, and you will be reminded of being slow by stares of those around u

Learn to count in korean = dementia prevention. There is not only one, but TWO systems for counting. Of course telling time u use both, one for hours and one for minutes. And don’t even get me started on counting higher numbers in general, total brain collaps

Green and red signs can mean the opposite here. A taxi monitor in green means it is booked, a red can mean it is free. The code lock on my door, red- unlocked, green- locked. Don’t know how many times I set off the alarm in the beginning from messing with the code panel at the wrong time

A big size pizza for two here is like a regular size pizza for one at home. And sometimes triple the prize

Pizza and pasta with the same filling is a thing here, and often comes in sets. Pasta lovvah not complaining

About the coronavirus, we are fine. It is ofc terrible and serious, but the most dangerous thing right now, I feel, is peoples irrational behaviour caused by fear. Racism grow everywhere from the west to over here. It is terrible. Stay to the facts, actually try to question things you hear, learn about how these deceases work, and wash your hands. That is what everyone can do. NOT SPREAD FEAR or treat people like they are carrying the plague just because they speak chinese.

I’m just gonna copy my insta this time. A truly remarkable day.

Had en amazing day at a trip outside Seoul. Took a beautiful walk, a perfect sunset, dinner at a traditional restaurant and a warming cup of tea at a cute little grandmah vibe cafe, but with two aliens watching the doors!?? Extremely random,The night ended with a visit to an observatory where we were lucky to watch and take photo of my favourite constellation -pleiades, through the telescope. Just a regular afterschool night.

Okej.

I’ve been to my first theme cafe. Dog cafe/ dog day care, where owners drop off their dogs and happy cafe customers like us play with them.

Then I’ve been to Ikea, refilled my swedish eatables stash, can’t be without that ”hårdbröd”. Also had a fun time explaining to my friend what all the Ikea item names really means. And existentially important questions appears like -Why is a flower vase named ”beräkna”?

Also ate some swedish food. A very very strange feeling walking in an enviroment that feels and tastes so much like home and my language being all over the walls. I didn’t excacly get homesick, but I could definently feel love for my home. Home will always be home. Imagine how a little brunsås och lingonsylt can make a difference.

I have also passed to the next level class in school, so I am now in elementary class -Go me! ... but wich is.... hard. After the first minutes and my brain was slowly trying to sneak out leaving me behind. I really am learning too slow and really feel like I’m stuck. Don’t really know how to move forward and get everything to stick. But I’ll get there surely.

The swedish girls has gone back home, sadly. They are very missed by me and Lars, and it truly is not as an energized atmosphere without them. THey made such a big difference for me. Taking me in my second week here and just introducing me to everything that now is comfterable dayly life for me. So soo grateful. Planning re-paying I will.

Overall Seoul is still taking good care of me. I’m doing less than previous weeks. Maybe +30 and party mid week and weekends leaves the body in bad need of recovery. So exclusive goshiwon rehab be happening.

Also there is some bacteria going around resulting in more than a few cases of stubborn high fever and quite serious visits at the hospital. And well, even tho antibiotics is over consumed in most parts of the wolrd, it’s sometimes kinda necissary. But the amount of prescriptions for other medication to young otherwise healthy humans is quite impressive actually. And what they are useful for? Well sometimes a bit of a mystery. I’m good so far, I wanna believe that bacteria is scared of me... But considering soap as a weapon and being a diligent handwasher might also contribute to the success.

People I’ve gotten too know well are now leaving many at the same time, wich also is sad. But there are some I can enjoy some time with for at least two more months before they leave. Time moves so crazy fast right now tho. I’m starting to feel a bit stressed.

I’m doing a lot of fun stuff tho. Walking as much as I can whenever the air is relativly good. Eating Bibimbap many times every week, can’t get away from how good and healthy it is at the same time. I also visit the japanese curry place when I can, it is just so delicious! On wednesday it’s off to an observatory to watch the stars. The weather reports claims that the sky is gonna be clear, thumbs and toes are being held. Toonight I actually got so see some constellations in the sky even here from the city, wich is rare. Even when cloud free, pollution makes it a bit hard.

I’m getting around the city better and better, feeling more comfterable being outside of Gangnam on my own. But arriving back at Gangnam station already feels like coming home. It feels safe, like being hugged. This is my first home in Seoul, so this area is probably always gonna be special to me. I’m feeling so much gratitude for that.

Also met my Soomin again, it’s just like this is how it has always been. Her and me.

Today is a victory day. I’ve been completely nikotine free after chewing those nicotine gums for a good while now. But it’s time to fight it. Thought I’m in such a good place right now with lot of things to keep my mind occupied, so I will take the chance. Been a loooooooooooooot easier than to quit snus. That was no freakinn joke...

This last two weeks has been eventfull aswell. I’ve actually skipped afternoon classes since I feel I need to catch up to the classes our exams are built on. And did really great at my two last exams!

It’s also a bit confusing at school as everyone calls me by different names. We have so many Annas so we all get some variations of our names. So sometimes I’m just Isabella, Ai and sometimes Anna, and they’ll probably be more ones next.

A lot of good food has ben eaten this week too. Even tho my budget is rapidly spiraling I just realized that half of the experience of being in korea is to eat. So I’m gonna continue, maybe not as much as this far, but to eat! I could do a blog of just the food we eat. One favourite is a japanese curry place, and Macho chef, Italian pasta and food but koreaniced by being spicy of course.

I’ve also finally got sheets!! My beautiful swedish friends has donated their hordered stuff to me and among things items that’s really hard to find here. So I now got a whole bedset! So happy.

I’ve learned to take the subway. Even in rush hour, and finally It has come to light how many people live here since it isn’t really that crowded anywhere at other times. It’s being squished or squish other people, like I imagine in any big city on the subway at rush hour. But here even tho people don’t mind elbowing eachother, don’t hold doors open or say excuse me, they stand in perfect lines waiting for things. Like at they subways everyone takes a place in a line infront of every door and don’t try to pass eachother. First in line first on train. More or less. There’s even lines on the street of where you should line up to the busses. One of the effective things I like about this country. So so so effective.

I’ve still avoided to be killed by the death traps as we call the delivery motorcycles. Appearently traffic laws don’t apply to them so they drive over the crosswalk even when it turns green to avoid the red lights on the street. so if you don’t look over your shoulder like constantly, you will be mashed potato sooner or later.

Another not so nice thing is my neighbour. I don’t like complaining about people to much, but when u come home at 4 am and don’t get in to your room and starts kicking the door, talks on the phone on speaker on and off too 5 am and fall asleep on classes (cause if course she’s at my school in my class) well it’s easy not being very liked.

Christmas party at Lexis was a lot of fun, a bit suprised about the comfterable atmosphere. And of course we ended the night at our favourite club.

Christmas was supercozy. We four swedes got together with some swedish eatables we maneged to collect here and there, among places Ikea. But it’s no christmas here really, swedish christmas is very precious I feel now.

The best thing so far has been meeting my korean sister, finally! In the beginning when we started talking soon a year ago, we didn’t even think we could ever meet. This has been such a big sad whole in my heart this last year. But now we did it. Even met on a cafe called Fika that we have been talking about a long time, and had a lingonberry smoothie. We also hugged a lot ofc, love her so deeply. 💜 one of my most meaningful things in life has been getting to know her.

Today my friend Jiyon took me to the Gwangjang market. So much tasty food and also just a really nice enviroment to be around. Later we also went to see a palace.

Later met up with my swedes, now one more added. Once more went to the makgeolli restaurant and this time I really liked it. Grows on me I guess like things often do for me. After that we sat down at a nice cafe until midnight just drinking so green tea latte, having a supercozy time before heading back home to bed.

We’re all still stunned by how we all ended up in this country, and how thankful we are for being here. We all agree this is the best choice we’ve ever made. It feels so natural, like something just picked us up and dropped us here in the middle of Seoul and just started living life here as we’ve been doing it always. For some kpop took them here, for others a need for a radical break in life and for some of us a combo. And we all get to meet here, share our experiences and see people grow with it. It’s not just a travel/ adventure experience for many of us, but actually trying another life.

Althogether a perfect day. And found something that totally looked like a Dalahäst! / Purplesnap out

So another week has passed, and it has been even better than the first. My two new swedish friends took me try Makgeolli, a fermented brew made from rice, among things. Was not really my thing, but maybe I’ll like some other kinds, there are some.

The girls later took me to a really cozy club where foreigners and koreans meet and met two absolutely crazy and wonderful korean girls, had a lot of fun that night. It’s so strange tho that you can stay out like the whole night. Very practical if you don’t wanna go home by yourself, just stay out until morning haha. But there is also cafes and stuff open 24-7 so there is always somewhere safe to go when in need, even tho it feels quite safe in general here. And btw... alcohol is cheaper than milk. Five shots 167 kr, well if I bought a lot of drinks for friends at home well, here it doesn’t even show on my bankaccount.

The obvious problem of the week har been the air pollution, levels have been really high, to the level where you can see it and feel it when you breathe. It’s pretty bad when you can look at the sun. Alarms have rung in our phones everyday to tell us to put masks on. The problem is that the info is in korean, and have just been able to understand some of them. They sound like how I imagine war alarms so you get kinda nervous. But in general I’m fine with this as I knew this long before coming here. But it is a catastroph of course. School is fun, but the pace is super high.

Also the educationplan is very strange, classes not as they explained on the website. According to my korean friends it’s a typical way of educating in asia in general. Much focus och writing and reading, not much speaking, that is left for yourself to practise. The problem is that there is no time to hang out with people doing anything else than study since the give us this load of vocabulary they expect us to memorise faaaast. But I’m having fun, I’m getting a lot of korean for my money!

The sad thing about school is that people study just as many weeks as they want, so people come and go all the time. Some you get to know might only stay a week or two. So far I’ve only met two persons staying more than one month. So me staying for almost six, well I’m glad I have my korean friends to for stability. It’s really sad my Swedish friends are leaving soon, I really really like those two.

I’ve gotten used to the shower, now it seems almost silly it was uncomfterable at first. I have a routine, I sleep good, but a spent my monthly budget my first week.... it slowed down this week tho. The mail service here is also among the best and fastest in the world. But kinda funny, how they are deliviered. They really just deliver, if you are there or not, well your problem.

Also eaten a lot of good food of course, not only korean tho. Found a good taco place with veg options, also a Bibimpap place. Also learned that you put all of it in the bowl, mix it all together and eat with a spoon. The taste get’s so much better, and yes this bibimbab so much better than all other i’ve tasted.

The best thing so far is a green tea latte and a green tea biscuit, both super bitter taste with no suger, just like I want it! Like chewing tea leaves. Flavoured milk is also a thing here and my oh my the banana milk is ruining me. / Purplesnap out.

Okej so almost a week spent i Seoul. I have not seen much more than traffic or the streets of Gangnam but I enjoy it a lot. My little home is perfect, I got everything I need and it’s cozy and convenient.

School is great so far. Students hang out no matter what class they are in and also some classes can be shared between levels. Everyone is also very nice, teachers are funny and creative. This is a place where u can laugh together when making misstakes like with pronounciation.

I ended up in super basic class. Was a bit annoyed about that at first since I already know the content of this course. But I have learned a lot of vocabulary and gotten answers to the questions I’ve had about for example some of the alphabet rules. This course is also just a week long so actually feels totally fine doing it now. The pace is extremely fast tho, so coming here without no experience since before would be very hard. There is frustration in the class also, since a foundation class is supposed to actually teach you the foundation but there is very little time to pass 80% on the test on monday if you are totally new in korean.

I’m in the intensive full time program, wich means I have a morning class that follows the course, and then an afternoon class specified for different students goals. My afternoon class is for the moment pronounciation class, super good.

The students is mainly from germany, sweden and australia so it’s also somewhat of a familiar enviroment too. Head totally confused what language to use outside of class tho, answere in the wrong language all the time.

I’ve also managed to get around by myself, just some of the Gangnam area, but who could’ve thought that. This scared little person being in a whole new place on her own and being totally brave. Hejja mig! Gotten to know a really nice person in school from germany/ the U.S that gave me the tip to get on the subway on my own for the first time and rip the band aid of confusion, stress and crying - off. I might actually do that.

This weekend I hope I’ll have some energy to actually do some exploring. I have some more korean friends to meet and just looking forward to see more variety than long black Acne jackets, it’s appearently a thing here in Gangnam that EVERYONE’S adapted, not a joke.

I haven’t taken any great pictures yet, just in passing by on the streets. And mostly it looks the same everywhere. All foodchains and cafees are all over the place, like there is a starbucks in every corner. My favourite lunch place so far is not a Korean restaurant but a chain called Paris baguette, sooooo goood, but it is very expensive. It’s also hard to order the right level of spicyness of the food, since medium can totally be the maximum of what I can handle. Tried my first real bibimbap wich was not that impressive, but according to my friend that restaurant is pretty plain in general so I’m looking forward to trying more.

And everyone is so beautiful here, I walk around all day amazed.

Before I came here I was also told that people don’t hold doors for eachother, smile or ever like say hi to strangers. So since I really can’t turn my smile off I’ve expected to feel like a total wierdo. But I have actually gotten a lot of smiles back, maybe I’m like excused by being a foreigner. The other day I ended up in a not maybe so great situation in traffic, together with an old lady and even tho she at looked sceptical at first we started laughing together after a while.

So today I have been seeing a bit more of Gangnam. Bought some more things but also some just for funs. I now have located where to buy most things I could need in the future here, just a few blocks from my house. Also visited Kakaotalk friend store (kakaotalk is an communication app, wich u can manage a lot from) and also Bt21 universe store (characters made by the BTS members )

Also I’ve checked the - find my ”subway” on both me and Åsas lists. A go too place when we don’t know what to eat. When we visited london together we ate Subway sandwiches regulary, so therefore, having a ”subway place” became a concept. My place here happens to be Taco bell. And yes it is supposed to be that boring.

Jiyon has been such an angel helping me with everything for two whole days. I’m so lucky to have found her. Plus she is a beautiful friend. Imagine the power of internet, making friends all across the world. And then I’m priviledged enough too be able to go here and meet in person.

It is also very helpful to have someone to watch and learn while eating new things. I mean I can handle chopsticks pretty well, but some food is more tricky, and I don’t know how to combine everything.

For lunch today I ate a kind of bean soup, subtil taste, but spicy and soo good. Appearently a popular dish on hungover days. I can imagine why.

A nurse that likes nail art is not a good combo in everyday life so here I’m going to decorate as much as I can. There are so many cute nail stickers, that lasts for a couple of weeks. I’ve also decorated my room, still to messy to take a whole picture of it. I’m feeling very comfterable here. The shared shower in the corridor turned out not to be that different from my little booth, so I think I rather try showering here instead and not share dirt with others. I’ll get used to it, but it is wierd.

So my trip here was not all smooth, but I guess you have to count on some setbacks at least. I don’t bother telling about them since they turned out fine and both me and my luggage was aloud to enter this country at the end. The high points of thr trip was flighting over the mountains before we landed in Bejing, and the watching the sunrise from the plane. Also choosing the vegetarian hindu meal was a great idea, best airplain food I’ve tasted- Go air china.

After that everything has just worked it self out smoothly, but somehting might have to do with the fact that my friend Jiyon came to help me. she fixed me a korean simcard for my phone, shop necessities, eat some dinner and just overall get a good start and the feeling of already have settled in to the room. I have both starbucks, a 24h open grociary store and a pharmacy just across the road, I’m all set.

My first impression of Seoul has been good, even tho I was too frustrated and focus on solving everything that I almost didn’t watch my surroundings on the car drive here. I did see some skyskrapers in the distance and got a pretty overwhelming feeling about that. The rest of the streets, and my neighbourhood, even tho I’m in a super big city with 10 million people in a little more than half the size of skåne, this part at least It feels cozy and not at all overwhelming. It’s small streets and backalleys too, small foodstores ( and the fresh vegetable shelfes, wow )

I got a korean phone number, there is wifi everywhere and the bus lines seem just as good and easy as a subway. Hopefully that means I don’t have to take the sub at the worst hours and get scared to death. This small town girl.

My room is really small, all of my four Korean friends used the word ”worried” when I first told them how I’m gonna live. But it feels bigger than I expected my 5-7 square meter sized room. There’s good storage possibilites. My little toilet is just fine, and more funny than uncomfterable, (it’s basically a toilet booth in a see through shower booth in the corner of the room) I just learned that there is a shared shower in the hallway just for women, so I don’t have to shower here. The standars are not super high, but totally fine, bubbelwrapping as isolation in the windows and solutions like that. As far as cleanlyness, I’ve seen a lot dirtier student corridors in Sweden and people behaving quite disgusting. My feeling so far here is that people keep it pretty tidy.

The building is in the middle of Gangnam, a busy and a bit posh part of Seoul. The housing provides cheap rooms for example lokal students, so It’s a mix of Koreans and foreigners in the building. Code locks everywhere so no keys to loose, no shoes inside, and free Kimchi, rice and ramen in the shared kitchen. There is even a machine for hot and cold water, just press the button. Couldn’t be more simple.

Today i’m going to check the way to school, about 9 min walking distance. Jiyon is coming by today too and we’re going shopping some more necessities. Standard sheets and a better pillow if I can find. The sheets we have in sweden i’ve understood is not really standard here and something I really feel I want. Now I have flyffy blankets.

74 days left until I can get to Japan and meet Wifey again. I’m gonna enjoy everyminute here in Seoul until then and I want time to pass slowly. But I’m pretty excited about meeting my lifepartner agian must say.

So first step made. Sad to leave home but once I left and started to get the feeling of travelling alone again I can’t wait to get more of it. I’ve become this wierd person that likes being alone. ME always in the center of events. Because it is something so satisfying with the feeling of not knowing anything, ME being a totalll control freak in everyday life. Being exposed and vulnarable gives me this feeling of being free, almost like flying.

Just like meeting my fears, it’s almost become a habit. Like when hiking in the mountains, the rush of turning around and realizing what you have just achieved, the view and feeling of being totally powerful even tho you are so small and breakable. I can cry the whole way up to the top cause I’m so scared, then crying cause of pain because I ever work out at home. Doing it repeatedly for days cause there is no other f*cking way down except just keep going- still when I get back home I don’t want anything more than to just go back and do it again.

I don’t like danger, but I love the feeling absolutely kick fear in the face and not letting it steal my life. That’s why this is what I’m doing now and for a long future ahead. Dreams before fears.

I mean it. The only thing any priviledged person should ever fear, is not being alive while being alive.

It’s a powerful tool of fighting depressions as well. When u feel life is not really for u anymore, well fuck it for a while and live another one. It can’t get any worse? Sometimes it almost feels like I have figured out this illness.

And all these thoughts just from getting this adventure started. If anything goes wrong now, just being reminded of this feeling is feeling alive enough.