consuming myself

I found this PicCrew maker and uh

My whole body feels... wrong. I feel like my heart is turning itself inside out trying to fill the spot where you used to be but it can’t. Nothing can. You are irreplaceable.

I just pray that you knew that before you died. I know I could be a bitch. I know we had our fights. But god I loved you so much. I should’ve done something, anything to change what happened.

I know she’s married. I know. I fucking know.

But she’s pretty. She’s a model, a nude model. She likes taxidermy and she’s cute and she makes cool art and she lives the life you want.

You like all her posts. You share her art and her selfies. You talk to her all day every day.

She’s what you want. And I’m... me.

I overcompensate by either being hypersexual and masochistic, or by throwing myself into acts of service. I’ll clean the entire house if it means you won’t leave me.

So when I’m either too exhausted to do chores or on my period and too uncomfortable for sex, I just feel so fucking awful and I just want to off myself because if I’m not useful then why!! am I here!!