the house on the moor

im just someones weird sister

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

You can lie when you name things

I get a strike at the bowling alley and the screen plays a clip of me being born