its cold, and my nose burns from the frosty air. everything smells of the fresh vinyl on my hello kitty lunch, and i can't hear a thing over the rustling of my purple winter coat.
my mother smiles down at me in an attempt to coax me out into the cold.
shhhh.
the sound fills me with dread. the smell is so comforting i could snort it like it was the air i needed.
the air i'd always needed, after my suffocation.
stop.
i've never moved fast enough; always been a deep sleeper, always taken too long to eat, or to rest. to brace myself for the frigid wind.
her smile is fading. i forget to breathe.
just stop for a second!
the chill freezes my bones, and they're so brittle they might shatter. it's always so cold. it's always so cold. something is wrong. it's so, so horribly wrong.
i'm no longer the one breathing, only dreaming.
i need you to relax.
my mother says, sighing. it's the calm before the storm, and i know i'm helpless to the wind.
the wind that will break my bones.
no!
she's had enough. we both know that i can't stay here. it's how the world works. the world is fair, and it's only fair.
i'm thrown out into the cold.
stop...
he emerges from the blizzard, his leather smell and hemp-smoke scent. he wraps me in a blanket. he finds me a shelter.
he gives me freedom.
i am safe here.
it's so fucking cold, and i am freezing to death. he doesn't make me warm, but i believe i am. this is only fair. this is only love.
he holds me as i fall asleep.
something is wrong.
my bones have splintered, cracking in the frigid weather. my mouth tastes of copper, and i can no longer smell my strawberry shortcake lunchbox. my body is tired. my body is tired.
i can no longer feel the cold when i go home, and so i seek it.
nothing is wrong.
it's always cold, and it's always been cold. we are splintered. nothing is wrong.
