Project73: 73 Blessings in the life richie73

… But for now, these three remain: Faith. Hope. & Love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13

It took me a very long time to figure out what I was going to write about. It literally took me two years to finally sit down, log in and, through His Grace, finish off a series of blog entries written by the greatest man I have ever known. So here it is, in hope that my blessings are ones that he will appreciate as well.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

For the confused and unaware:

My name is Carmela Marie, a 20 year old amateur hair-chopper, professional dreamer and Africa-enthusiast who loves her “Kuya” more than he will ever know. Growing up in the CFC-Youth (formally known as “YFC”) community, I was just like every other youngin’: Amazed and forever inspired by those that had answered the call to lead us into prayer and into love with Christ. I had finally had the opportunity to meet this brother (who had actually been my biggest inspiration at Pacific Region’s Pre-Conference MOVE 2009) in Prince Rupert, of all places, in March that following year. I had just started my new service role in High School Based and was incredibly blessed with the opportunity to embark on my first mission trip: THE mission trip that would honestly change my life. I had finally been introduced to “the brother that gave that really good talk” and knew that he was heaven sent. He left to pursue his vocation the summer of that year and although the little time we were blessed to spend together would never compare to any of your relationships with him, it was enough for me to claim that he was, not only the kuya I had never had but, the kuya I now had. The kuya I needed.

So why now, Carmela? Why bother to write two years too late? And why would he choose you of all people?

Questions I have repeatedly asked myself, prior to writing, for two years. And now I finally get it.

So why now? Why me? Simply for one reason:

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends

As much as I would like to think otherwise, truth is I had never known unconditional love until now. To be loved patiently, kindly and without being disrespected. To be loved in such a way that you, yourself, know that no one else could ever love you the same. To be loved with a love that only feeds you hope. To be loved under zero conditions and to have that love that couldn’t ever possibly die, under no circumstances. To be loved for no other reason, but simply because you are who you are and to be loved in such a way that Christ loves you.

Time had finally allowed us to reunite after two years. We were sitting downstairs and as I shared about my current journey through service, in family and in my vocation, he looked at me with such great love and gently placed his hand on my cheek.

“My joy, why are you hiding?”

Tears rolled down my cheek, not because he found the wounds, deeply carved into my crosses - ones that have been covered up for so long - but because I knew the only reason why he knew, was because he loved me THAT much to even care. He’s the first because he chose to be third for me.

His moving away means that our conversation is limited to the few letters that are mailed out and his hugs are limited to, what will now be, once a year. Does the distance and failure to keep my letters consistent bother me? Well, I do miss jamming in parks and throwing the football around, sharing about my family and him warning me that he didn’t approve of “this boy”. But am I thankful? Yes.

When he had messaged me about his blog, he had asked for two blogs which were to suggest “[…] that the faith journey continues with those that we have touched.”

Although I had been requested to finish the blog, we know it still continues from here and will continue to extend to those we love and those that they will love. Love never fails.

Dearest 73, my Kuya, my Angel,

I love you.

My name is Carmela Cruz, whom he likes to call Pia and/or Pampuhz, and “there is nothing you can do to make me love you less”.

Ora pro nobis, Sancta Dei Genetrix.

Easily, the three under-used often-abused words in the English language. Be careful how you use them. Use caution. But use it joyfully and charitably. 

They are gifts.

If you know me, I use them as carefully as I can...

But I use them now, because they translate what I wish to say...

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I don't doubt it for one second; teaching continues to be one of the most underappreciated jobs on the planet. But when the opportunity arose to work at Annunciation School as an Teacher's Assistant, I couldn't help myself.

I know that it's a shameless plug, but these guys are my close friends and their idea behind their clothing is fantastic. I like this clothing because it's more than just a shirt; it's a presentation of something that is interesting, exciting, thought-provoking and conversation-starting. 

Easily one of my favourite moments in life is one that I shared with my good friend in Toronto of 2008. That Conference was especially significant in that it felt like it was the conference that ended what was a great time in my life. I was a full time missionary worker, doing the thing that I love the most with the people that I love the most.

Session 2 Saturday morning will forever be one of my favourite sessions ever simply because it was the session I shared with my cousin, Skwirrel. I don't remember if it went well, but I remember being so honoured to share God's message with the rest of the YFC Canada family. 

But not only that, that particular conference saw not only Skwirrel, but practically all of my closest friends serve in a major way. It was edifying seeing everyone grow in their role and execute it as skillfully and efficiently as God allowed. It was truly a beautiful sight to see.

And I understand that this kind of opportunity doesn't always present itself but my advice, when you get the chance to serve with all of your closest brothers and sisters, when you get the chance to take something that is special to you and share it, when you have a talent and a skill that will lift someone else to God, if you have the opportunity to face fear, to do something that you wouldn't normally do with the support of your friends and family beside you doing the same thin...

I obviously fooled my little sister into thinking that I was going to do the same thing as her but that's beyond the point. If you're from Pacific and you went to conference, chances are, you are now familiar with the Reodicas from Capital. Chances are, you hung out with them, saw them off, have been taken in by their joy, captivated by their presence and now are talking on tokbox with one of them. 

I of course am exaggerating a little, but what's remarkable about the Reodicas is that they seem to capture what we all desire in all of our relationships: simple joy.

Joy in itself is a beautiful thing. It's the joy of Christ that makes Christmas so wonderful. It helps us smile a little wider at a baby laughing, or sink a little deeper into our favourite chair, or savour our favourite food a little longer. What if one could detect the joy of life, the joy of Christ every waking moment: how wonderful would life be?

Of course, not all of life is joyful. But when we gaze up on Christ as the source of our joy, we afford ourselves a greater experience with God's love. Contrary to what other people might say to you, God's love includes joy. What is love without joy?

Thus, it is such a beautiful affirmation, an edifying gift to be around those who's joy is in Christ. I have been blessed to meet a few people in my life time who's joy in Christ is always so vibrant, so magnetic, so beautiful that it's difficult not share in their joy. 

Joy in Christ is infecious: easily and readily shared. Although it is sometimes difficult to share our joy, or to be mindful of the joy that Christ brings us, it's always nice to have people around to remind you. Their joy becomes your joy, and suddenly, the things that bother you don't seem to bother you anymore.

I'm not really comfortable with the idea of having to kill time when you're with a friend. For example, if you're hanging out with a friend, is it really 'killing time' before you go to the movies? Or 'killing time' before you get your restaurant reservation? Of course not, that time is a time well spent. And for some strange reason, our Lord has given me the gift to get to know people especially through the imagination of hypothetical situations. If you could own a restaurant, what food what it serve? If you could perform with one person in the whole world, who would you perform and what would you play? Stuff like that.

For some reason, I've found great joy in getting to know my brothers and sisters by coming up with these little imaginative games. I never seem to run out of questions to ask because I think that knowledge of a person is limitless. There is always something new to learn. Of course these little games don't provide ALL the information that I want need, but it's a fun way to think and reflect just how we think we would react to certain situations.

We affectionately called it ARX, the Latin word for "Stronghold." There aren't many things that I hold as dear as ARX simply because I believe it was the first retreat that was a gift specifically for this region, specifically for my brothers and sisters. It was an intimate retreat that allowed us to start with a firm foundation (Eucharistic Adoration), dwell in silence, imitate the saints and grow in love with our God. 

61.73 God's Kids

There was such a deep beauty about the scene that I can scarcely remember it. I remember kneeling in front of our Lord in Eucharistic adoration surrounded by other people who love Him. I was inspired by their reverence and piety and lamented that I had none to share with them.

A few feet away were my friends also kneeling in reverence. I thanked God for giving me friends that wanted to adore Him as I did. I thought about all of my family: my brother, the seminarian, my mother, my religious teacher, without being a religion teacher, my father the supporter. I thought about my cousins and wondered how they were doing, wondered what prayers they needed. I thought about my friends who weren't there with me at that moment. I thought about what graces they needed at that time.

But then my eyes became fixed, and my mind stopped wondering. I spent the next few moments totally immersed in Christ's presence. I fell in love with Jesus all over again. And it was this love that was far more important. The peace was an after effect. The joy was an after effect. I was just totally in love with God.

I'm big on family. I think my writings have at least certainly suggested it. And while I deeply love my spiritual brothers and sisters, I share the same love for my cousins. 

My cousin Chris once confessed that sometimes, it was weird going to family parties of his significant others. It made him reflect and appreciate just how cool it was that all of our cousins were really close. My cousins on my father's side especially, practically shared childhood. We were each other's first playmates, we went camping where we practically did nothing and still had a good time, we went to each other's games and always had an opinion ready for a significant other.

My elder cousins especially always looked out for the younger ones. They always took us out, always reprimanded us when we managed to screw something up and always affirmed us when it was necessary.

My cousins are a large and loud cast of some of the most interesting characters I've ever met in my life. And they taught me more than anything, that that's okay. 

Sometimes we need to be loud and weird because that's exactly who we are, how God made us to be. I think God was and is at the centre of our relationship this whole time. If He wasn't, the weird would've been too weird and the loud would've been too loud.

"How do you get to know someone better?" 

"Drive them home."

Luigi gave that piece of advice to me in 2004 and I have been a believer in his philosophy ever since. Some of the best, most intimate, most meaningful conversations I've ever had with anyone has been on car rides home.

Unfortunately for me, I myself, do not own a car and sometimes, I have to rely on the charity of others to get around. That hasn't stopped my good friend Sheree, from sharing her graces.

When I was a missionary for Victoria, it always seemed like Sheree was ever so willing to drive me home from the ferry terminus. At first, what seemed to be a blessing in being able to avoid a bus ride turned into the deepening of a fruitful friendship. We used those car rides to have miniature one on ones; when I look back upon them retrospectively, I think those one on ones helped me keep my sanity. To this day, I don't know how I was able to balance a job, school and service in an area that wasn't my own.