Regulus knew he’d made a mistake joining the Death Eaters when blood supremacy had almost killed Bee Skywalker in second year, petrifying her. It was something he would never forget; the sight of her in the hospital wing, the fear etched on her perfect face, frozen that way for presumably the rest of time.
Eventually he knew they would reverse the petrification once the mandrakes were fully grown, but for many months he stayed at Bee’s bedside, worrying he’d never get the chance to tell her how he feels.
Uncle Lucius bragged about the diary he’d offloaded onto Ginny Weasley; how it was the Dark Lord’s and his will would work itself at Hogwarts through the artifact. Lord Voldemort’s cruelty didn’t end there; he used Kreacher to test defenses of his horcruxes, almost killing him in the process. When Regulus first joined the organization, he knew they would go to war for their own kind. He wasn’t completely naive; he understood lives would be taken. But his own ancestors were almost wiped out during the witch hunts, when wizards had attempted to integrate and survive amongst muggle society.
So, then, it was sound reasoning to him what his family always believed— that muggleborns shouldn’t be brought into the wizarding world. How much danger would that pose to them all? And even further than that, how many muggles could you marry until your magical bloodline was stamped out?
But Regulus was never particularly good at being cruel unless someone deserved it. And Bee Skywalker is the kindest person he’s ever met, only ever deserving kindness back. She didn’t deserve to be ‘cleansed’ along with the muggleborns just because she was walking with one when the basilisk attacked. Lucius would call him weak for faltering; for not having the stomach to stand by his convictions. But Regulus isn’t so sure he cares what Lucius thinks anymore, after watching how cruelly he plotted the demise of so many of his peers.
And then in third year, Sirius escaped Azkaban. He arrived at Hogwarts, looking for Peter Pettigrew, the man who had framed him for the murders. Harry Potter, of all people, had defended him, convincing Dumbledore to demand a trial with the use of Veritaserum. The difference, this time, was that they also had Peter Pettigrew, who finally confessed to the murders and set Sirius free.
Reconnecting with his brother was strange but welcome, especially after learning that Sirius was innocent and never on the Dark Lord’s side. He’d had his suspicions, especially since the other Death Eaters were hush about it, never wanting to speak of what Sirius had ‘done’.
With Sirius’s help, Regulus had finished the fake horcrux– something he’d been working on since Kreacher almost died defending the real one. Sirius expected Regulus to let him help, but instead he had bided his time, never telling his brother when he finally stole away to go steal the Dark Lord’s horcrux. After all, it was his fate to face. It was his price to pay, for everything he’d done. Only he could be Voldemort’s undoing by taking and destroying that piece of his soul. Only Kreacher accompanied him, to take the real locket and apparate away.
It was only because of Bee that he survived, being pulled out of the water. It was then that they discovered her ancient magic, a force so powerful it was able to destroy the inferi and save them both so they could escape.
It wasn’t until this year, year four, that Regulus turned in the real horcrux to Dumbledore in exchange for a pardon, offering all knowledge he had of the Dark Lord’s activities. They then performed the fidelius charm once more, hiding Sirius’s new home with Remus Lupin as the designated secret-keeper. Regulus decided then that he wouldn’t return home ever again, instead vowing to move in with Sirius once the school year was up once more. Being at the school or under Sirius’s care were his only options to avoid repercussions for leaving his post as a Death Eater. He’s sure his parents wouldn’t protect him, if faced with questions from Death Eaters.
But even after all of this preparation, Regulus isn’t sure he’ll survive the year. Because to top it off, his name was drawn in the Goblet of Fire. There were only supposed to be three names expelled from the goblet; one for Hogwarts, one for Durmstrang Institute and one for Beauxbatons Academy. Instead, two other names that weren’t submitted had emerged; Harry’s and Regulus’s. There had been uproar at first; many outraged, especially the teachers and students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. After all, with three champions, Hogwarts was mostly likely to win and it didn’t help that it was their school hosting the event. It looked every bit like cheating.
But Regulus knows better. His dark mark burns more frequently every week and he’s aware the Dark Lord is gaining power; he’s likely to enact his ritual to regain a body soon, although Regulus wasn’t given the details of what that ritual would entail. He wonders distantly if it’s possible the Triwizard Tournament is somehow apart of his plans.
He hopes more than anything that he’s wrong, not just because he’s left the Death Eaters but because he wants to tell Bee how he truly feels without worrying for her safety. The first task is looming ahead and not long after it is the Yule ball; students all over the school are already talking about who they’ll take. It almost feels trivial to Regulus, who is already steeped in a war that most students his age know nothing about.
But he also can’t imagine Bee going with someone else and just the thought makes his stomach churn. She probably has no idea he cares about such a thing, because it’s not like he’s been honest with her. She found out his dark secret about being a death eater when she saw his arm, coincidentally on the same night he helped her with a werewolf transformation. They traded one secret for another, both outcasts at Hogwarts for very different reasons. In a sense, he’s lucky he shared his secrets about the cave and the horcrux, because how would she have known where to go when she caught him sneaking out? He would be dead without her.
But even still, after everything he’s done, how could she possibly like him the same way he likes her? Especially after being petrified in their second year; he doesn’t expect her to ever forgive him for the part he’s played in it all.
But they’re still friends somehow, and she hasn’t told anyone his secret. No one knows besides Bee, Sirius and Dumbledore. He’s not even sure that Sirius has mentioned it to Harry yet, who is also coming to live with them, being officially adopted by his god-father.
Regulus has a lot to say to her and for once it feels as if he’s incapable of stringing the words together. He’s been taught eloquence all of his life, charming teachers and important wizards, but he’s a little afraid of the most beautiful girl at the school. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if she saw him as a friend, or worse, held some resentment for how things have gone? Not that Bee has a resentful bone in her body.
He decides to write a note in a feeble attempt to organize his thoughts, but he only manages to scribble a few words:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but it’s difficult for me to breathe whenever you’re near. Truthfully, I don’t know how to ask this after so long of being careful not to hurt you, so I’m just going to say it.
Please go with me to the ball. I know I’m being selfish by asking, especially after everything I’ve put you through. You deserve someone kinder — more like you. But you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known and I can’t keep up this pretense anymore.
He takes the parchment with him after classes are over, carrying it in his things when they meet in the Potions dungeon for personal tutoring. Professor Snape is gone, leaving the classroom dark, cool and empty. The dark-bricked castle walls are lined with glass jars of pickled animals, something he knows Bee had never liked. They feel even more eerie in a quiet, near-empty classroom. He feels guilty for having left her alone in here, waiting on him to arrive. But she’s as kind and forgiving as she always is— maybe more than Regulus would ever deserve from her.
When they get started on brewing the Calming Draught, he gathers the ingredients from the supply cupboard; some lavender, a crocodile heart and peppermint. When he returns to Bee’s cauldron he sits down, laying out the herbs. The crocodile heart is conserved in a charmed bottle to keep it at the right temperature, and rather than removing it, Regulus tilts it out and into her cauldron. “Luckily, the heart doesn’t have to be cut or smashed in any particular way. It’s enough to just place it inside.” He glances at the Hufflepuff sideways, a little worried for her. He knows how soft and sweet she is; using animal parts isn’t in her nature. And then, realizing her thoughts, he adds, “You don’t have to worry about them harvesting the hearts unethically, if it’s any consolation. These are used for calming draughts, so the crocodiles had to die peacefully in order for their hearts to be of any use in the potion.” It’s something he knows only because he cared enough to research it. In that way, maybe he and Bee are more alike than he thinks. His mother would hate the thought, but for Regulus it gives him a little bit of comfort. But then he remembers what he’s done and sobers again, starting to get to work on chopping the peppermint. He uses Bee’s dagger to do so, slender fingers wrapped around the black handle.
The youngest Skywalker had requested tutoring on her potion making technique, wanting to score better grades on tests. Regulus was happy to comply because he enjoyed helping her as much as he loved spending time with her.
He tries to focus on how he can help– he knows how nervous she gets when working around Professor Snape, too. “Try to have a firm grip on the dagger when you’re cutting. You want to chop the herbs as finely as possible so they’re easier to combine with the rest of the potion.” Pushing the lavender towards her on the table, he hands her the dagger. “Go ahead and chop these for me.”
He wonders, silently to himself, if he’ll gather the courage to hand her the note. Maybe when they’re done and leaving the Potions dungeon, he would summon the courage. Or maybe it should be burned to save Bee from the fate of dating someone such as him. / @devcted