Heyyy! It's me~ ATHY!

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…thrilling

Aside from the “dates” you both indulged yourself in, as much as it shames you to say it there was something about doing the “wrong” things that made it so fun. It’s not like it was weighing on your conscience that much either. You know for a fact every other rich person in your family’s country club had a secret lover behind their partner’s back. You’d also bet all of your family's bank account combined that your very own fiance had a secret lover as well.

He hid him or her so well and so carefully that you pitied him because here you were, on the Mikage heir’s lap in an abandoned music room feeding each other expensive cocktail shrimp that you stole from the buffet table.

You always found yourself at inconvenient places at times like this. Whether it be a charity party or a business party, whenever you and reo were in the same building, not even responsibility could hold either of you from hiding yourselves in each other’s arms.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…romantic in a sense

I say in a sense because what exactly is romantic in secretly hooking up with your future sister-in-law’s fiance? Both of your family’s had bad blood because of some petty rivalry that occured even before your parent’s time. So as children, you both weren’t allowed to even go near each other. They only found truce in your fiance’s family, and that did not end well. Not that they need to know

But yes, your fiance’s sister is a great woman. She was smart, pretty and had a good family name. That was all she was to Reo however, a name. Just another name in the endless spiral of rich people to build connections with.

With you however, Reo really did feel something. Unlike his fiance you were responsive, actually appreciative of his efforts. Although his efforts to his fiance were simply bouquets of expensive roses and champagne while his efforts to you were time and unreplicable memories. Unlike his fiance you weren’t cold. The attention he craved, the compliments he was starved of and the rawness of being in love, nothing could rival it for him, not even soccer. And of course, unlike his fiance, you were a girl he could corrupt. And oh how he loved that.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…what stripped you from your innocence

‘Reo, Reo, Reo’ It was all him in your mind. 

The way he ‘innocently’ caressed your exposed legs under the table and under your dress. The way his eyes would slowly dart from your eyes to your lips, to your neck to your shoulders, traveling lower and lower. 

It was Reo you held at night, not your fiance. It was Reo you share kisses with all of your passion combined, not your fiance. It was Reo that taught you what desire truly is. Reo showed you things nobody could and would never dare to. 

Truly, Reo loved the innocence slowly being poured out of your eyes for him to drink. And he enjoyed every drop of it. There was just something in the way you felt around him. So right, so wrong and so real.

He was sure nothing could ever satisfy him ever again.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…exhausting

It was exhausting having to hide your relationship from everyone, and that includes every person you trust because your relationship with Reo would surely be the downfall of both your families. It was hard but only because Reo was passionate about you.

Reo loved touching you, he couldn’t resist it. His excuse would always be “you’re just too irresistible” saying it with a pout you could do no more to refuse his advances. It was nerve-wracking at first. However, after enough time it became weird going a day without spending at least an hour with skin-to-skin contact. And so came the days where Reo wanted to occupy all of your time and vice versa. 

Let’s get this straight though, being with him wasn’t exhausting, avoiding him was. 

Trying to act like you both didn’t know each other even when you stare at each other from across the room was exhausting. Hiding behind thick clothing with a mask around your face was exhausting. Trying not to show each other off to the world was exhausting. Having to be careful of all your actions was exhausting. But most of all…

Having another woman claim him was exhausting.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…degrading

They knew. You didn’t know how but they all knew. You could see it from their eyes. Even with Reo convincing you they didn’t have a clue, you knew they knew. Your parents knew, evidenced by their disappointed stare. His teammates knew, given by their curious stares. Heck- even the maids knew as evidenced by their snickering whenever they thought you weren’t there, behind their back. 

Maybe you were overthinking, it wasn’t you they were staring at, it wasn’t you they were laughing at. You tried to convince yourself, just like Reo did. But alas, as he was blind and you were not. At least, not after someone made you realize.

Her long slender hand grasped upon your shoulder, the engagement ring on placed upon her fourth finger glared at you. Her languid eyes looking directly into your shaken ones. There you saw it, evidence. 

Apathy has never felt so horrifying. 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…confusing

No amount of begging could get your parents to absolve your future marriage, even after your temper tantrums and threats to hurt yourself. They simply locked you away in your room and had your maids care for you, all while making sure you did not have any means to contact Reo.

Although, when time finally came to let you out of house arrest the news you were greeted with made you question your whole relationship.

Because while you were suffering, rotting away in your room, Reo left for some soccer program. 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…wrong

You knew that from the very first day you understood his advances. Yet as Eve had realized, nothing was sweeter than eating the fruit of the devil. And your devil came in the form of Reo Mikage.

It wasn’t all his fault. Sure, he made you think nothing of your whole relationship was wrong because it was born out of love. Sure, he made you endure all sorts of degrading stares and disgusted sneers all while he built his career in soccer. 

But you knew he really did love you. Because no one else ever knew what you knew.

Nobody, but you, would ever know about the semi-huge part of the reason he joined blue lock was because he wanted to end your suffering. To cut off the evil vines he was slowly suffocating you with.

And nobody but you knew about the letters he wrote to you everyday while in blue lock, delivered by a boy named “Nagi Seishiro”.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Dating Reo Mikage was…the one experience you will never regret.

You don’t think you’d ever get over him. Not when your news feed was full of his existence for the first few years. He had a knack for soccer, something you wish also didn’t apply to you.

They say grief is the badge of honor for past loves, a sign you’ve loved well but lost. What do we make of longing then? A sign you’ve loved wrongly? It sure felt like that.

Your heart still aches more than a few years later. You would readily admit that you still want Reo but you would never do that to yourself once more.

You’d never heal from him, true enough, however, it was the same for him. Which made it bearable for you, as awful as that sounds.

Reo could never ever rid himself of loving you, not even after the thousands of beautiful girls the world could offer him. Nobody could ever compare to you, nobody could ever be as fit for him as you.

“I see, I see. This next question is for Mr. Reo Mikage” The reporter asked, which caused Reo to stop pestering Nagi and to turn to the audience with a wide smile on his face.

It was a female reporter, a pretty one at that. He gave her a flirtatious wink as she blushed and hid her face behind her bulky mic which prompted a bunch of hoots and teasings from his teammates.

The reporter cleared her throat before she spoke to the mic. “Ehem, thank you for the opportunity-”

“The honor’s all mine, pretty girl” Reo smirked before biting his lip and scrunching his face from the laughs that erupted and the hands hitting his back.

The reporter squealed for a bit before gathering herself together by taking a few deep breaths.

“Um…so…uh” She stuttered. Nodding graciously at Reo’s beckoning face.

“This pertains to your…uh let’s say ritual? Fans have noticed that before each and every game you kiss the bracelet on your wrist…does it have a reason or perhaps a story?” She asked Reo so sweetly that some of the blue lock guys blushed. But those who were close to Reo winced. 

Everybody could feel the room turn a little colder as the mentioned player’s smile dropped. The silence only lasted a couple of seconds before Reo, ever the professional business heir, fixed his face instantly making others wonder if what they saw was real.

“It’s personal. Next question.” He spoke to the mic before giving it to the teammate next to him. He was out for the whole interview after that. Not focused nor attentive. Everybody could see that the question may have put him in a tight spot.

Before it was even over, Reo stood up, much to the worry of many, then stormed out without so much as a ‘goodbye’. There in the hallways, Reo buried his hands across his folded arms. He honestly thought everything was in place now, you out of his, out of shame and misery.

Yet as soon as somebody mentions that godforsaken bracelet, he can’t think straight.

“Y/n…What the hell am I supposed to do?” He asked the air, though if you asked him, he’d say he was asking what’s left of you, the ghost of you. He caressed his bracelet with his thumb before pressing a kiss to it. After all, it’s one of the things you left him before he ghosted you.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi is the most talented person you know.

He was good at a lot of things if he tried. Hard emphasis on the “if” because he never tried in anything except soccer. He lived and breathed soccer, and everyone would be damned if he didn’t because that kind of talent only ever came once in a century. Nevertheless, there were days he tried. 

Like when he passed a project for your art class, a beautiful canvass of something only the great Claude Monet could ever paint. Like when he began to be a little competitive for a group contest just because he didn’t want to be on the losing group and leading his team to victory, and of course nobody could ever forget the famous debate that ended after the first 30 seconds because he had said the most damning words that made everyone question if he had a religion.

Yet, you knew most out of everyone how insecure he was, perhaps even more than your best friend because once again, you were loved by silence. You knew of the fact that he thought he was the least deserving person when it comes to your best friend when every girl in your class would fight each other for his attention. How he looked up to his older brother so much that he sometimes stalks his social media accounts, how he believed he was truly lacking, truly undeserving of many things because he wasn’t enough for him.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi noticed you because of your similarity with your best friend.

Your best friend wouldn’t be your best friend without the same interests and hobbies. When he started reading these deep romance novels that hooked him into reading for hours, you were the first to give him recommendations. How you had such an understanding and kind view towards everyone, even those who wronged you. How you had the same mannerisms as your best friend that he could bet it was influenced by one another.

He saw how driven you were, he admired your passion towards everything you set your mind to. He knew it was genuine because he saw the fire in your eyes that he could see in himself in the mirror, that he could see in his teammates and opponents alike. 

But perhaps, you were far more passionate than him.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi admired you from afar

Sitting at the back of your best friend’s chair, he focused on your happy smiling face as you and your best friend conversed about the mistakes in your exam. You looked back and noticed him, the same exact upturned smirk. 

“What is it?” You asked, still smiling.

He shook his head, turning to face his own exam.

As you had established a more subtle and formal relationship with Itoshi after your best friend did, you couldn’t help but notice the way he’d be around you more. Picking you as his group member, which he always excused as you were the type to be hardworking, then always wanting to sit beside you, which he also excused as ‘you’re quiet, less disruptive than everyone here’, before plugging his earphones and leaning on his table.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi gave your best friend a chance.

It didn’t happen within a snap of a finger, a month or two passed and your best friend was going through a break up. Why didn’t it affect her like those in the movies was a question you always asked yourself. But you already knew the answer, you just didn’t want to believe it. 

It also happened when you were absent, sick as a dog in your room. 

Even so, Rin Itoshi was…happy. Everyone knew of the break up, and everyone knew of Rin’s feelings. So that happened. 

The day you were finally well enough to go to school, though a bit late, they weren’t present. It was then that you caught word that they were out on a date. 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi never knew how to approach you.

Everything he did to get close to you was always dismissed as him trying to befriend you for your best friend or because everybody knew you were the kind of person that was hard to hate. So instead, your every interaction had a purpose– a business-like approach. He didn’t go out of his way to make things easier for you or talked to you about your interests and hobbies because he just didn’t know how to. 

You weren’t like your best friend, you weren’t easy smiles, occasional giggles or just have the “approachable vibe" within you. You didn’t approach him that much either, just for necessities which made him believe he could never catch your attention.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi was the farthest thing from slick

Him and your best friend weren’t together officially. Far from it actually, there were no boundaries or talking of feelings at all. They just acknowledged each other as someone they want to spend time with.

Yet why was it that whenever you were alone outside of the room he would catch himself sitting outside as well. Why was it that when you both were in the room, you were the first and last person he would look for. Why was it that he looked for your name in every class event, groupings and projects.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi never confessed.

It continued until the end of the school year. As a graduating student and moving places for a college nowhere near you, it was probably the last time you would meet some of your classmates.

As a graduating student who had no need for college after being recruited into a national youth team for soccer, Rin Itoshi was destined for big things. 

As the day came closer and closer, you hoped to god there was some sort of closure, some sort of words that needed to be said, some goddamn f*cking spine to have one last moment with him.

Alas, Rin Itoshi never confessed that he liked you more than your best friend.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Rin Itoshi did not have you in his small and numbered list.

Diplomas were handed out, medals were clanging on each other, the smell of roses from the bouquets and the money from money sashes was all you could focus on until you saw him in the middle of everyone. Looking directly at you.

You shot him a smile as you left to go find your parents, feeling hurt and distressed.

Rin Itoshi watched as you walked away, quite possibly the first and last time you ever will in his and your life. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret at the thought of still having enough time and chance to run towards you and talk.

Yet it seems he wasn’t destined for you. That was what he thought as he stood like a marble statue in the same area you found him, devoid of emotion. His hands hanging limp from his side and his mouth turning dry. 

He dismissed the wetness of his eyes from the harsh shade of sunlight.

Then he, too, walked away.

What could have been:

Right outside, after watching you for a couple of minutes take pictures with every person you knew, he found himself walking towards you. With a bouquet in your hand, he watched as a boy, a boy he wasn’t familiar with, had his arms around you, holding a v-shape up with his fingers with a giddy smile on his face, taking a picture with you.

As soon as you both separated, he was quick to grab your wrist and lead you to a place where nobody could hear or see you.

It wasn’t a romantic place at all. It was dark, damp and smelly. You turned your hopeful eyes to him, praying to god it would be something that’ll clear everything up.

Yet he didn’t speak at all. Frustrated, you turned to leave.

To your confusion, you felt something warm and rushed behind you. Then, arms hesitatingly embraced you from behind.

“What about her?” You asked, feeling so dumbfounded yet so comforted at the fact that you were right all along, he like likes you. Just like how you like liked him.

Rin Itoshi buried his face at the top of your head before he spoke “Things between us stopped weeks ago…did she not tell you?”

“...no” you said, breathless and tearing up. Your hands found their way into his, encasing them as if wanting to lock him into this position with you.

Yet you knew what this moment meant. 

Before Rin Itoshi could imprint this moment in his memories he felt something slide through his wrist. Opening his eyes, it was a white bracelet. 

You forcefully remove yourself from his grip. Turning back to look at him properly.

“Goodbye, Rin Itoshi.”

You beamed at him. That was the last time he saw you.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Unlike your first love, you were no longer as innocent.

The touch– his touch that you were able to feel sent you zaps of electricity that sometimes hurt. The ghost of his hand on your hips, waist, shoulder– every body part he usually placed his hands on. You were greedy for his kisses, wanting to feel his warm lips on yours, wanting to swallow every single breath he puffed. There was nothing quite like roaming your hands over his upper body, watching him squirm and gulp looking a bit troubled, like a caged tiger trying to hold himself from pouncing. You loved that he felt the same as you or at least almost. You love watching his fangirls that were hiding in the bushes or in the stairwells clench their teeth in jealousy. You love how only you could make him feel this way.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Unlike your first love, you were more guarded.

You didn’t believe in his “Didn’t even hurt”, “It’s no big deal” or even “I just need to get used to it.” Whenever you both had a problem you would lock yourselves in a room, forcing each other to talk it out. When you see his lips wobble, that was your cue to hide him in your chest or neck. Acting like you can’t see or hear him let a few tears out.  You knew when to talk to him or just let him bring all his emotions out. Whenever he acted too much of a jerk you knew how to make him listen or see reason. Being a fairly difficult person, you made sure to keep misunderstandings at a low. You took extra steps to make him know he was the only one for you.  

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Unlike your first love, you were more willing to try.

Foregoing your studies to hangout with him. Sneaking out of your bedroom window watching him catch you with ease. Staying in his room after sunsets and waiting for him at his practices. Ditching everything you were doing because he sent an “I miss you” text, after he did the same when you did. Sharing everything together. While he wasn’t your first love, he was surely a lot of your firsts.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Unlike your first love, you knew where you stood and when to do something.

You knew he had a life to get back to when he was with you. You knew as much as he did when he said “I want to stay like this forever” he meant it. And the feeling was mutual. Being late to things was always something he did on purpose, but now it was just because of unawareness. 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Unlike your first love, you were deeply in love.

It wasn’t for the thrill or even the bragging rights. You fell in love with his flaws. How every single flaw of him makes him– well him. No matter how awful they were to experience or how much he hid them, you appreciated the way he rants about what angered him throughout the day. How he snubs every person that gets on his short and little nerves. How he didn’t have the patience for anything. You fell in love with the way he wasn’t afraid to show his bad side to anyone and did the same to you. It felt genuine, human even. 

His flaws made you accept yours. His flaws allowed you to love him in every way. You didn’t fall for his heartwarming smiles, his random gentlemen acts or simply, his good looks. You fell in love with Michael Kaiser as a whole…

“Over there! It’s Michael Kaiser!” A crowd of younger students formed at the entrance of your cafeteria.

You looked on, curious but not wanting to join the stampede. Thanks to his height however, you managed to see him. His blonde hair dyed with streaks of blue, his eyes matching the color of his color and his ever-smooth smile. That was your first encounter with him. 

It would have been the last as well, if only he didn’t catch your mesmerized stare. His face showed no reaction. But you’ve already been in love once to recognize that kind of stare. And you would be an idiot to pass it up.

You stood, bawling your clammy hands, walking towards the commotion. His gaze was locked on yours before moving to gently push the female students in his way until they cleared the path. 

Towards you.

Finally, only space was in between both of you.

A hand was confidently reached out to you as a velvety voice interrupted the silence you were suddenly made aware of. 

“...Hi. I’m Michael. Michael Kaiser…”

A smile crept before it turned to tip further on one side.

“Michael Kaiser…would you like a picture with me?” You asked, watching as his smile turned further and further up as if he was flirting.

“How about your number instead?”

The way he held your hand used to make your heart race, his gentle shushing motion whenever you and his parents were picking him up and wanted one more moment with you before separating. You used to dread it, used to sob over it with him. 

The way his hands cradled the back of your hand and the curve of your back as your goodbye, hoping, praying to god that you both would coincidently go to the same school, the same shop, the same restaurant the same everything. You and him prayed to whichever God would want to hear 'don’t make us part'.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Your first love used to be a welcome distraction

He’d occupy your thoughts more often than you cared to admit. He’d be the first person you wanted to tell about your recent accomplishment or failure. He knew all of your secrets, your friend’s secrets, your account passwords and even what was written on the back of your notebook.

You thought he knew you inside out, after all, most of your viewpoints were shared. And you knew every secret he had to tell as well. There wasn’t a day that passed that you didn’t think about him. Whenever you fought with your parents, you’d talk to his picture that was hidden in between the railings of your bed and mattress, ranting to him, wondering if he’d take your side. As did he, whenever he wasn’t satisfied with his soccer performance, he’d talk to the pink handkerchief in his pocket, wishing to every star in the universe you were beside him to offer some comfort like you always did at camp.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Your first love used to be full of laughter

The time apart made it unbearable, made it strong and eventually, it made the relationship crumble. 

The thing about you and Isagi was that there was no confirmation of your relationship. No “will you be my boy/girlfriend” and yet both of you knew there were lines to not cross out of respect or out of an infatuation with each other. However when the time for summer came to an end there was no telling what was allowed to happen. 

You didn’t know if he was out with some girl and he didn’t know whether you’ve kissed another person aside from him. Not that it mattered when the both of you met again during the 3rd summer. Just holding each other was enough to not care about what happened to the time spent apart and focus on the time you both were about to have.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Your first love used to give you butterflies that made your whole face ache

With Isagi you were always left with your jaw-aching, unconsciously smiling for more than a few hours with him. You wonder where it went wrong. Maybe the start of the end was when you couldn’t attend one summer program and the next summer he asked you “Why weren’t you here?” Instead of hugging you like how he used to, oh how you craved it.

Then misunderstandings came, the blurred lines suddenly became clear without you both noticing. Both of you had one foot over the line.

You were left wondering about the ifs, woulds and shoulds. If only, I could have, I should have. It began eating at your heart, feasting at your love and dismissing your ache. Until all that was left…was nothing. 

The first time you saw him again next summer, you were hollow. You thought you’d die because of the guilt swirling in every cell of your body after seeing genuine affection and passion— passion for you in his eyes. It hurt. And for the first time in your life, you looked away from him. 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳Your first love was a b*tch to get over

You thought no other boy could treat you better than Isagi did. You thought no other boy could ever understand you better than Isagi did. You thought no other boy could ever love you like him.

They say you can only give your heart away once, after the first time everything is suddenly not as sweet anymore. They were right. Every boyfriend you had next was always compared to your first love. How Isagi always had a scrunchie on his wrist for whenever you were looking for something to hold your hair. How Isagi always knew what to say whenever you were feeling down and finally, how he held you in his arms as if it was the last time he’d ever do that. It never fails to make you forget everything else in the world.

“Yoichi!”  “Y/n!”

One second you were inside the bus, already at the door waiting for it to open. The next you tackled someone on to the spiky green grass that you swore was wet because of your tears.

“I missed you” You both spoke at the same time. Eyes closed as you held onto each other for dear life. His arms at your waist and head, you on his chest, bringing yourself closer to him, you wanted to be closer to him, to the point where you melted into him.

His chin that was being tickled by your hair hit your right eye a bit as he leaned to press an almost aggressive kiss on your forehead.

You exhaled, then he.

You smiled, then he.

He caressed your face, then you did the same

His eyes told you he was happy to see you, then you said it to him verbally.

For a moment you felt like you had already conquered the world. For a minute you felt like you didn’t need anything else to live. For a second you thought this was what you were born to live for.

For a few moments of your life, Isagi Yoichi held the biggest place in your heart.

“Can this be the first summer where we don’t ever have to part?” He asked you as he stared at you with those big blue eyes.

“I’d love nothing more” You replied, reaching up to boop his nose which he laughed at.

“No more goodbyes?”

“We’ll see…”