A Beautiful Tortured Soul

“That’s good, you gotta keep trying.” he smiled softly, glad that Ollie wen along with the change of topic. “You know, I could help you if you want. I mean, I can’t make anyone sign you or anything. But for jobs, I can give you a hand. It’ll add to your portfolio –which is always good. It’ll help you get signed by an agency and get more modeling jobs, y’know?”

“Oh?” Ollie perked up a bit. They didn’t want to make this visit just about them and what they wanted, but this was interesting. “I’d like that. I don’t want to impose, but if you have any ideas of where I could go, I’d really appreciate it.” they put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “You’re a good friend.”

“No no that’s not too much,” Hannah answered with a smile. “I’ve had a threesome with Malcolm once. It’s a little bit different for us…he wouldn’t be comfortable if I slept with other people…and as of yet I haven’t been interested in anyone else like that. But with he and I there’s this understanding…that sex is just sex with other people…pleasurable…it doesn’t mean the same when it’s us that are together. So it’s like…we’re emotionally monogamous…which in some ways feels more intimate to me than anything else. I feel closer to him than I have any other guy I’ve dated.”

“You are a genius, yes! God, I love speaking with someone who actually understands and doesn’t look at me like I’m a cheating bastard,” Ollie said excitedly. “That’s it! There’s a deeper connection between me and Fang that I’ll never have with another person, and sex with others is just that. They’re hot, we wanna bang. Like...wow. Yes. Thank you.”

Jude had completely forgotten about the prison thing. Or at least, he’d forgotten to commit it to a serious part of his memory. It was all a blur from that night. “Thanks man,” he said with a nod, taking the offered cigarette even though he had plenty of his own. “Appreciate it.”

Ollie nodded as they listened, taking a few drags of their cigarette, watching the smoke as it curled into the night sky. They glanced at him when he was finally done talking. “You have a music career ahead of you, but you’re stooping to this level? It’s hard to get out of this game, you know. I used to be addicted to the quick cash fix, too, but it’s not worth it. It takes more from you than it gives. The lifestyle isn’t realistic in the long run.”

Ollie even learned to say it in Korean? Shit, just throw Fang’s heart into a blender, already. This was just too much. He leaned into the kiss, careful of the bruises and split skin on Ollie’s face. “I won’t leave you,” Fang whispered,  keeping his tight hold on Ollie’s middle and blinking tears from his eyes. “I won’t. Not ever.”

Ollie chuckled a bit and then let him go and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel, and tossing one to Fang. “I know,” they said. “No one has ever made me want to be...a caretaker, or anything. But I truly care about you.” they glanced at him, for a long moment they just looked at Fang, admired him. He was so kind. So ridiculous. Just what Ollie needed. “I know you won’t leave me. I mean, you’re dealing with my bullshit pretty well, and it hasn’t spooked you yet.”

The expression on Jude’s face immediately fell, though he tried to mask that with a slightly guilty looking smile and a push of his eyebrows together, to form some kind of a pitiable, empathy-filled face. Sort of a well what can ya do? “I meeean,—” he gesticulated with his hands, making them say what he couldn’t. “Yes, and no. It’s complicated.” He was on thin ice, especially since he was vaguely aware of the fact Ollie knew Taeler. And if this got back to Taeler, Jude would never hear the end of it.

Ollie nodded, deciding to ignore the fact for a moment that Fang had been begging Ollie to quit smoking. They didn’t have quite the motivation yet to give it up. They stepped outside in the cool night air, removing a pack from their pocket and taking one cigarette, then holding the pack out to Jude. “Keep it on the low,” they hummed. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. I’m not really in the business of being a snitch. Like I mentioned, I was in prison before.” there were no snitches in prison. At least, not for long.

“NCIS is the shit. I wish Abby was over here handling this shit,” Chloe answered with a half smile, fingers running through her hair. “The only mystery I want to deal with is when I’m rewatching episodes of Scooby Doo.”

“I don’t want to deal with any mysteries. I’m too old for this shit,” Ollie smiled a bit. “I have enough to deal with in my own life, you know?” they shook their head. “Hopefully it all blows over quickly.”

Fang nodded slowly, completely overwhelmed as he tried to process this on top of everything else. Ollie loved him. They loved him. After a couple months of Fang saying it, he’d almost given up hope of them saying it back, but here they were. “Yeah,” He said on an exhale, pulling Ollie close one more time and burying his face into their shoulder. It would be too much to cry, right? Because he really felt like crying. “I love you. So much.”

Ollie had no idea it would make Fang so emotional- but maybe they should have known. They rubbed his back, then reached over to turn off the water as it started to get cold. “I love you, too,” they whispered. They could even say it in Korean. They’d been watching a lot of dramas lately- that was the easiest phrase to pick up.

Ollie nodded. They understood, because they had never been one to deal with their emotions either. It was easier not to. That’s why they had used drugs and drank and all that nonsense for so long.

“That’s okay, one less person for me to share him with,” Hannah pointed out with a laugh. “There is…a lot more stress. People just lose themselves in this obsession with finding the one. And I mean…I think some people do, find that one person that completes them wholly, but that doesn’t mean it’s meant to be that way for everyone.”

“Exactly!” Ollie exclaimed. “And, like...I could see Fang being my life partner, the one for me, and all that shit, but that doesn’t mean we’re still going to only be with each other? We’re gonna sleep with other people. We happen to enjoy threesomes and shit.” they chuckled a bit. “Sorry if that’s too much information, but my point is, even if I found the one we’re both still...not monogamous. And that works for us.”

“I hope you keep a good hold of it, then. I should be so lucky as to have one of those,” he replies, before shrugging. “Bigots will be bigots. People are very boring.” 

“You’re right,” Ollie said with a nod. Bigots were always going to be around, it didn’t matter how much progress society made. “No? Mine aren’t either. Haven’t been for years. Don’t think they ever will be. But that’s alright. I don’t need them.”

Fang resisted the urge to choke on his own spit. For a moment, his body went rigid as Ollie’s words sank in. He’d never expected them to say it back - at least, not so soon, and not under these circumstances. Fang’s chest felt simultenously too full and too tight as he struggled to figure out what to say in return.

Ollie leaned back to look at Fang. “I never say those words unless I mean them,” they insisted. They didn’t take those words lightly, they never had. “I mean it.” they nodded slowly. “I’d never say anything just to placate someone. You know me.”

Ollie chuckled a bit and scratched their head. “Yeah,” they said. Their tone had softened as well. They weren’t used to being soft, it was weird. “He does, doesn’t he? It’s weird for me. I’ve never had anyone care like that about me. I’m still not sure what to think about it sometimes.”

“Ah, but you’re still not going to tell me,” Ollie said. “What’d you do? Murder someone? Are you part of the Korean mafia?” they snorted and then shrugged. “You don’t have to do that, but maybe someday, yeah. We’ll all go back. We’ll just have to see what happens.”