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everyone’s heard about having a mild-mannered and patient priest in a confessional booth asking people to confess their sins anonymously. but i absolutely thing it has tickling potential.
all it would take is a set of stocks in that booth in the wall separating the priest from their confessor, maybe give them a few tools for the job, and you have a perfect setting for a priest to operate as an interrogator! gently scratching at the feet of whoever was too ashamed to confess their sins without a little assistance, perhaps even brushing a soft feather between a confessor’s toes.
i like to imagine that this job would be incredibly embarrassing for the pastor given the level of intimacy, but they quickly begin to adore it. Get high off it, even. Finding every sweet spot that drives someone insane and using it to “convince” people to confess themselves. Gently teasing the confessor, goading them into giving up information so they can be properly punished for their sins and absolved. They might even find this work draws a bit of sadism out of them, the desperate laughter behind the screen urging them to get just one more confession out of them, just one more heavenly squeal.
but this would probably be a hellish situation for anyone who has a whole lot or too little to confess. since in one situation, you have very little (if anything) to confess, and an interrogator driven to get just one more reason to punish out of you out of a budding fascination with hearing people scream.
but on the other hand, if you have a lot to answer for, and they actually have a reason to take their newfound gentle brutality out on someone? being forced to name every sinful act you’ve committed through wild laughter, all while being tickled so badly that you can’t even focus long enough to remember them all?
at that point, just hold onto hope that eventually you’ll get a chance to be freed, so you can give that priest a taste of his own medicine.
Warning: This is a tickle fic, and a sillier more fluffier spinoff of the Alien universe. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t read. But! If you want to read a more sillier ending of the Nostromo crew where nobody dies and Kane is fine, then by all means, enjoy! :3
Additional warning: some language & spoilers ⚠️
In Space, No One Can Hear You...Laugh?
Groaning, the previously comatose executive officer, Kane, fluttered his eyes open as he finally came to. His entire body felt stiff and heavy, like he had woken up from cryosleep again. His head ached as his eyes struggled to adjust to the bright overhead lights above him.
Once he finally did, he slowly looked around, observing his surroundings. The air smelled sterile; the room was decorated in all white; medical equipment and tools littered the counters, and a monitor sat nearby displaying his vitals. He was in the med bay.
Rubbing his eyes with another groan, Kane struggled to replay the recent events that just took place. His memory was foggy, but little bits of what happened were starting to come back to him. He remembered the Nostromo crew took a detour from their previous course in space to an unknown planet, investigating what seemed to be an SOS. Upon arrival, Kane went off to investigate on his own before encountering what looked to be giant eggs housing possible alien life.
The last thing he remembered was curiously getting close to one before…something jumped out, and made him black out.
Kane shuddered at the memory. Whatever jumped out of that alien egg and tried to latch onto his helmet and face couldn’t have been friendly. It was a miracle he came back in one piece and was still alive.
An unsettling realization suddenly dawned upon him. What if something did happen to him while he was comatose? Surely that alien life form wouldn’t try to latch onto him unless it was planning to do something to him, right?
Oh no. He panicked, sitting up and frantically looked around the room. What if…they brought the creature back on board with them? The whole crew could be in danger!
Or worse…what if the alien infected him with something that could spread to the rest of the crew?!
Kane’s hands frantically shot down to his torso, trying to feel around for any abnormalities that could already be showing. The monitor beeped rapidly as his breathing and heartbeat increased.
He jumped at the sound of the med bay doors sliding open. The rest of the crew rushed in, no doubt suddenly concerned as soon as they saw his vitals change drastically.
“Oh, you’re finally awake,” navigator Lambert spoke. “You were out for quite some time.”
“H-How…How long was I out?” Kane groggily asked.
“About sixteen hours, actually,” warrant officer Ripley answered as their science officer, Ash, handed Kane a cup of water to drink. “We were worried you wouldn’t wake up, but we rushed in here as soon as Ash alerted us of your breathing and heart rate increasing erratically. Are you okay?”
“I-I think so?” Kane said in between sips. “I can barely remember what happened but—wait.” He set his cup down nearby, looking around the room again. “Where’s the creature? What happened to it?”
The Nostromo crew exchanged weary glances, as if unsure how to answer that. Then, Captain Dallas spoke up. “When we found you unconscious back on the planet, the creature was still attached to your helmet. It…looked like it was trying to penetrate your suit. We carried you back here to the med bay—despite Ripley’s protests about quarantining over here,” he gestured to said officer, who merely rolled her eyes in response. “Hoping we could get it off you, but the moment we tried, it grew aggressive and scurried off. We’ve been trying to find it ever since.”
Kane’s eyes widened. “You mean it’s still somewhere on board?!”
Dallas sighed. “Yes. But we will find it. In the meantime, you still need to rest.”
“Are you kidding? How am I supposed to rest knowing that alien thing is somewhere loose on this ship?”
“Settle down. We still have a job to do here, so go ahead and rest up. Ash’s orders.” Dallas gestured to the monitor. “But don’t hesitate to beep for us if you need anything.” He got a firm nod in response. “Alright, everyone. Fan out and find this thing, pronto. Remember to keep tabs over the comm channel.” The crew nodded and headed off. Then the doors slid shut.
It was quiet in the med bay again. After just waking up from being comatose by an unknown alien creature, the thought of going back to sleep frightened Kane. It was unsettling. He kept checking all around the berth, afraid the creature was going to jump out of nowhere like it did when he curiously peeked inside the opened egg earlier. Which, now that he thought about it, was probably not the most smartest thing he should have done.
After he checked around the berth for the ninth time, he laid back down with a sigh. “Paranoia,” he muttered tiredly. “Captain was right; I really do need to rest.”
He shifted into a more comfortable position before shutting his eyes. A minute must’ve passed before his ears picked up the faint sound of shuffling nearby. Kane’s eyes shot open. Could that have been..? No, no, it couldn’t.
There it was again: sounds of scuttling, only faster. Kane shot up, eyes with wide panic. There, in the corner of the room, stood the dreaded alien creature. It looked like some kind of mutated spider; long human-like fingers shot out of its sides and front while a long feathery tail flicked around inquisitively.
The alien seemed to pose no threat at first, merely observing the visibly frightened human in front of it. But the second it spider-crawled towards the human, they scooted away with a startled yelp.
The alien halted in its tracks, chittering in confusion at the reaction. With one swift big leap, it landed right on the berth, making the poor already terrified officer shriek in fear. The creature paid no attention to this human’s frightened noises as it simply crawled towards them, ready to engage in the activity it was infamously known for.
Kane whimpered and froze in fear as the alien crawled up his chest towards his face. This is it. He shut his eyes, preparing for the worst when he suddenly relaxed as a wave of relief hit him. His fear instantly vanished as soon as the alien wrapped its finger-like talons around the side of his face and its long tail around his neck like a scarf.
Was this thing seriously trying to tranquilize him? Render him helpless so it could do something far more sinister?
Kane tried to fight against the feeling, but the more he struggled, the quicker the effect took over. He eventually succumbed to the feeling, laying back down, completely vulnerable and at this creature’s mercy.
The alien immediately detached itself and began crawling around the human’s torso, tittering curiously. Kane merely twitched at the weird feeling of this thing’s crawly legs all over him. But his frown suddenly turned wobbly as the alien’s skittering legs brushed over rather sensitive spots on his torso.
Kane struggled to muffle the bubbling laughter. No, he refused to give in. Tickling, seriously?! He thought fiercely. This is stupid! What kind of—oh NO!
The dam finally broke as the alien found a particularly bad spot on this human’s left side of ribs. It began spidering rapidly against the spot, adding the rest of its claws into the mix.
“N-No! Nohohoho!! S-StOHOhohohop!!” Kane giggled madly. “Thihihis ihihihisn’t funny!!” He began squirming on the berth, legs kicking as the surprise tickles didn’t stop.
The last thing he would have expected this terrifyingly looking creature to do was this. As grateful and relieved as the executive officer was for not being a victim of this alien’s unspeakable horrors, he wondered why of all things would this alien resort to tickling? What kind of alien race were these things?
He didn’t have time to ponder about it because the alien switched tactics; now it wrapped all eight of its long fingers against the human’s chest and rapidly dug into his ribcage.
The poor officer arched his back with an uncharacteristic squeal as his front and back ribs were now being assaulted with rapid tickles. ‘StAHAHAHAhap!! T-Thahahat’s WOHOHOHOHORSE!!” His squirming and kicking increased as he tried to dislodge the alien off his chest. He tried rolling onto his front, squirming side to side, even trying to pry the spider-like creature off with his own hands, but it was no use. This alien had an insane death grip!
Even with some of his strength already being sapped from the tickles, the creature would not budge even as he pulled with all his might. He couldn’t even loosen one of its long fingers. Kane kept trying; tugging and tugging at its claws with all his might.
But that proved to be a big mistake as the alien suddenly emitted a low hiss. It quickly shot its two front claws under the human’s arms, digging in ruthlessly.
Kane let out an even louder shriek, collapsing back onto the berth as loud laughter poured out of him. “NAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! OKAAAAHAHAHAY!! OKAHAHAHAY!! I WOHOHON’T TRY TO PR—HAHAHA—PRY YOU AHAHAHAHA—OFF!!” Clearly, this alien did not want to be pried off while it was tickling this human astronaut to pieces!
Instinctively, Kane slammed his arms down to his sides, but that did nothing except trap the still wiggling claws underneath.
“PLEAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEASE!! PLEASE!! I’M SOHOHOHORRY!!” As a last resort, he frantically batted at the alien’s…head? In hopes that it would have mercy on him.
Fortunately, the alien seeemed to understand as it slowed its fingers down to a stop. It tittered and chirped and it watched the human lay limply, panting and breathing heavily. As soon as his breathing returned to normal, he slowly lifted his head up.
The alien softly tittered, flicking its tail all innocently. Kane shot a glare at it. “What the hell?! What the hell was that? First, you give me such a fright and render me unconscious, and then you…attack me in a childish manner like if I am a child!”
Huffing, Kane sat up and brushed the alien off of him. “I wake up from a coma just to scold an alien like a dingbat,” he muttered. “This is what I get for smoking too many sticks.” He slid off from the berth and made a move for the doors when the alien immediately jumped in front of him, blocking his path.
“Move,” Kane barked. The alien immediately hissed like an angry snake in response. Startled by the reaction, Kane backed away until his back hit the wall. As soon as the alien rapidly crawled towards him, Kane yelped and made a run for it. But he couldn’t get more than a few steps before the alien would reappear in front of him again.
With nowhere else to go and unable to get close to the mad bay doors, Kane hopped on top of the berth again. Okay, maybe not the wisest decision, but what else was there to do? Now he was starting to regret agitating the creature.
But strangely enough, Kane noticed how he didn’t feel fear in the moment. He did feel something as the alien was chasing him, but it wasn’t fear. It was something else. He couldn’t quite understand, but it felt like…giddy anticipation. Now? Seriously? Well, the alien didn’t seem like it was going to actually hurt him, would it?
That one split second of being distracted by his own thoughts caused Kane to be unaware of the creeping alien right behind him, ready to pounce.
It leapt with arms wide and landed right on the human’s back, making him let out a shriek that could be mistaken for a female’s. It wasted no time wrapping its fingers around Kane’s torso; three on each side of his ribcage, and two on either side of his neck. It immediately dug and wriggled its claws with no mercy, making poor Kane burst into screechy laughter once more.
Kane thrashed like a fish out of water against the berth. The claws grazing his neck made him scrunch both shoulders and giggle like a maniac. The claws spidering ruthlessly against his ribs made him squeal helplessly like a little kid. And when one of those claws happened to claw against his back ribs, he arched his back with another high-pitched squeal that the alien found utterly adorable.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the alien kept switching from spidering its second set of claws from Kane’s highest ribs to his underarms, back and forth, so he could never get used to the feeling.
It didn’t help that Kane only had his underclothes on. The thin white tank top he had on did absolutely nothing to protect him from this alien’s merciless tickles. In fact, all it seemed to do was make him even more vulnerable; a huge advantage for the alien.
Lucky him.
The alien paused its torturous assault one last time before it would go for the final kill. Kane exhaustedly flopped against his back, the creature still attached, as he tried to get the air back into his lungs. He was surprised the weight of his body didn’t deter the alien at all, or even crush it.
After several long minutes, his breathing returned to normal, but his cheeks were still dusted with a light pink hue. Kane slowly sat up, huffing in annoyance at the feeling of the alien’s limbs securely hugging his torso again. It chittered excitedly, like a puppy wanting to play.
“Alright, get off of me,” Kane firmly ordered as he tried to looses its fingers. “You’ve had your—weird and torturous fun, but I need you to release me now so I can alert Dallas that I’ve found our…guest.”
The alien stubbornly clung on tighter, refusing to budge. “C’mon…let…go!” Kane grunted through gritted teeth. It let out an angry hiss again. Kane sighed. “Dammit, you’re even worse than Jonesy!”
With one last attempt to pull it off, the alien decided enough was enough, and proceeded to tickle the human again. Kane shrieked as the claws started to spider and stroke up and down his ribs again.
“N-Nononono stop! StOHOhop! I dihihidn’t mean ihihihit!”
But the alien wasn’t convinced. It pulled its eight claws away, luring Kane into a false sense of security that made him sigh in relief before plunging back in, tickling mercilessly.
Kane screeched, flopping back onto his back as those evil claws wiggled against his neck, underarms, ribs, and even reach in front to spider against his stomach. No matter which way he squirmed or how much he flailed and kicked, he could not do a thing to protect his ticklish spots.
“STAAAAAAHAHAHAP PLEAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEASE!! I SWEA—HAHAHAAAA—SWEAR I DIHIHIHIDN’T MEAHEEHEEHEAN IHIHIHIT!!”
Then, just to be extra mean, the alien extended its long feathery tail and slipped it under Kane’s shirt, rapidly brushing the sensitive skin underneath.
Kane let out an ear-piercing screech that he would deny for the rest of his life as he felt something soft and feathery brush back and forth against his bare belly. It tickled horribly!
“AAAAAAAEEEHEHEHAHAHAAAAA!! WHAHAHAT THE HEHEHEHELL IHIHIS THAHAHAT?!!” Kane dared to peek one tear blurred eye open, but immediately shut it as the alien’s evil tail slowly traced up and down one side before swishing circles across his belly, and then tracing the other side.
Could this get any worse?!
A sharp tase to the sides, another squeal. Rapid digging under the arms, more shrieky cackles and protests. More quick pinches to the ribs, another funny sounding squeal. Sneaky feathery brushes over the navel, another screech followed by a snort.
This was maddening; this was torture! This was…surprisingly fun?! Wait, what?
Despite all the protests, and flailing, and laughing, there was something oddly enjoyable about this that made it feel fun. Perhaps it was the playfulness of all this. This alien spider thing clearly did not intend to hurt him from the beginning. Was that its whole purpose form the start? To lure somebody close enough just to engage in this silly play?
As secretly fun as Kane was having, he was also reaching his limit. He could feel his entire face was on fire from how much he was blushing. His limbs had given up trying to protect himself. And his sides and stomach were already aching from how much he was laughing. Even his chest hurt; it felt like it was going to burst any moment.
Hearing the desperate plea, the alien finally showed mercy and ceased its tickly torture. Kane laid like a limp starfish on the berth. He was too tired to even lift a finger. His chest heaved as he struggled to get the air back into his lungs.
The alien noticed how visibly exhausted this human looked after its little attack. So it decided to help the way its’ kind helped all their victims after they laughed themselves silly.
Chittering softly, it crawled towards Kane’s face again, making him yelp. “W-Wait, wait! Not again, please!” He didn’t want to be the victim of another tickle attack. Well…maybe not right this second.
Instead, the alien wrapped its legs around Kane’s face in a loose hug, while its tail wrapped around his neck again.
Okaaay, this was awkward. He wanted to ask what this creature was doing, but his words were muffled by its furry underside. His question was immediately answered as he felt the air return back to his lungs; he was no longer panting or out of breath. His sides and stomach were no longer sore, and he even felt his body temperature return to normal.
When that was done, the alien released its hold and perched right on top of his chest. It chittered and nudged him as of to ask, “are you okay now?”
Kane slowly nodded. “Um…yes. Terrific.”
The creature let out a satisfied chirp before making itself comfy on Kane’s chest, tucking its legs in just like a cat would when loafing. It wrapped its tail around itself, softly purring in content.
Kane rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Are you shitting me? You’re the one tired after I laughed myself to tears and near death?” The alien just chirped in response.
Kane sighed and let himself relax against the berth once more. The med bay doors suddenly slid open, getting his attention. The Nostromo crew walked in, wither with wide eyes or relieved smiles. And were they…stifling laughs? Well, everyone except Ash.
Kane frowned as he sat up, making the alien slide down into his lap. “Where the hell have you guys been this whole time?”
“Trying to find the damn alien, duh,” Parker, one of their engineers, replied while biting back a smile. “But uh, heh, it seems like you already found it.”
“Hang on a minute.” Kane scanned the crew with a suspicious glare. “Were you all aware of what I was painfully enduring…this whole time?!”
“Well, I wouldn’t call it ‘painful,’” Lambert timidly pointed out, a knowing smile visible on her lips.
“So you guys did know!”
“Now, now, hold on, let us explain,” said Ripley, biting back a smile of her own. “We were trying to find the creature. We searched everywhere, but we couldn’t find it. That’s when we heard you screaming, and we rushed back, afraid that you were in danger. But when we saw what was going on…”
“We saw you weren’t actually in any real danger,” Lambert concluded.
Kane was in disbelief. “So you guys just stood there and watched?! And didn’t think to fucking help me?!”
The Nostromo crew couldn’t hold back their chuckles. “Oh c’mon, you whiner,” Parker teased. “It’s not like you needed our help anyway.”
“And besides,” Dallas couldn’t help but point out. “It’s not like you did much to try and make it stop, either.”
Kane could feel his cheeks grow warm as he knew exactly what he meant by that, but pretended not to know. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb, Kane,” Ripley smirked. “You didn’t really put up much of a fight against that alien. But if it makes you feel any better,” she gave a comforting squeeze to her embarrassed crew mate’s shoulder. “I think you have a really nice laugh. I don’t think we’ve ever heard you laugh before, Kane, but it was really sweet to hear.”
Everyone murmured in agreement, which just made Kane blush even more. He covered his face with his hands and groaned. “Ughhhh…you guys are all assholes. The absolute fucking worst.”
The crew laughed again. “And we love you too, Kane,” Dallas patted his shoulder. Then his face grew serious as he eyed the still sleeping alien in Kane’s lap. “Now, about our guest…what do you all suppose we should do about it?”
“Well, we’ve already seen that it poses no threat to any of us, as Kane demonstrated earlier,” Parker pointed out, making said executive officer bristle at his comment. “But I still think we should contain it until we can know more about it.”
Kane seemed hesitant about that decision. “Is that really necessary, Parker? Like you said, this creature posed no threat to me as soon as I woke, and still isn’t threatening any of us right now.” He gestured to said creature curled up in his lap, faintly purring. “As silly as it sounds, I think this creature is harmless, and we have nothing to worry about. Its only purpose seems to be luring people close just to give them a thorough tickling. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’d rather have that than some kind of dangerous alien eating my face off, or implanting eggs in my chest or something. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“But wait,” Lambert broke the silence. “What about the SOS we received earlier when we found this creature? Couldn’t that still be a red flag that this thing is dangerous?”
“Actually, I looked into that a while ago,” Ripley answered. “Despite Ash’s protests for me not to, I got MU-TH-UR to decipher the transmission. Yes, it was a warning, but not the kind you would think or should panic about. The transmission explained how these creatures originated from a distant planet, and were supposedly engineered to be deadly organisms that would bring the extinction of other planets. However, something didn’t go right like they wanted, and the SOS was warning any travelers to be on the lookout for these aliens because they escaped from the crashed spaceship we encountered earlier.”
“Sooo there’s no real danger?” Brett, their other engineer, piped up.
“None,” said Ripley. “While I do agree with Parker and we should find out more about this creature, we really don’t have to worry about our safety with this thing on board. It’s actually harmless, from what I read on the transmission.”
“All right then, I guess that settles it.” Dallas turned back to look at Kane. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a roommate when we go back into stasis.”
Kane stuttered. “I—what?! Dallas, you can’t be serious..!”
Dallas gave him an apologetic smile that Kane could see right through that it wasn’t sympathetic. “Actually, I am. We’re going to need to go back into stasis again soon, and I think we’d all feel more at ease if this creature wasn’t running around loose on our ship while we’re asleep.”
“I-I get that, but—”
“And you heard Ripley, this thing’s not dangerous. And, it already seems to have grown attached to you in such a short time.” The captain suddenly smirked. “What, are you afraid that it might go after you again while you sleep?”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want this thing in my cryopod!”
The crew laughed again, but Kane wasn’t so amused. A devious idea suddenly crossed his mind. Time for a little revenge. “Oh, sure, you guys can laugh about it. But wait until you’re all suddenly on the receiving end, and we’ll see who’ll be laughing now!”
Kane gently nudged the alien awake, then gestured to the rest of his crew mates. “Hey, look, little chap…more targets!”
The alien chirped and squeaked with delight, seeing a whole buffet’s worth of new victims. It positioned itself to pounce, tail whipping around playfully as it was ready to claim its next ticklish victim.
As soon as the Nostromo crew noticed the crouching alien, they immediately stopped laughing. Everyone except Ash and Kane started backing away awkwardly. It wasn’t until the alien leapt forward that the crew shrieked in unison, and dashed out of the med bay.
Now it was Kane’s turn to laugh. “Let’s see how you astro-jerks like it!”
The alien suddenly ran back inside, making a crawl towards Kane again. He stuttered and held his hands out in defense. “H-Hey, hey, wait. Why are you going after me again? Go after the others! No…no! N-No! NonononoNO! Not again! No!” Kane dashed out of the med bay, the alien skittering after him once more while chirping mischievously.
Now alone in the med bay, Ash scowled as he heard the rest of the Nostromo crew running back and forth between floors, their distant laughter echoing. He gets sent to go undercover to retrieve a supposed deadly alien to be the perfect weapon, only to find this? An alien tickle monster?
“Tch, the fucking Weyland Yutani corporation needs to get their facts right next time. ‘Perfect organism’ my ass.”
My Facebook reels (laugh all you want, I enjoy my doom scrolling enrichment time) has recently been flooded with those Reddit stories where humans and aliens are now interacting on a daily basis and they are very perplexed by how we function. The brain rot won't leave me alone, so I guess this is just what I would write for one of those scenarios if I was brave enough to Reddit.
Also, I may have accidentally made my first OCs..... I kind of like these assholes, lmao.
WARNING!!! ⚠️⛔️ this is a tickle writing. Don't like, don't read! Thank you. ⛔️⚠️
On the bridge of the great exploration vessle "1322 Phoenix", all was flowing as usual. The steady ping of the radar, various crew members calling to each other and working together to keep the ship on her course. Everything was at it should be.
At least, Captain Resk thought it was.
The intercom overhead on the bridge sounded with the familiar ding, signalling Resk that someone wanted to speak. He raised his hand in a calm gesture to a crew member, showing he would recieve the transmission.
"Med bay to the bridge, this is Senar speaking."
Captain Resk felt a twinge of anxiety. A call from med bay was rarely a good thing.
"Captain Resk. What is it?"
"Its the human, sir."
Resk paused. The 1322 Phoenix had a crew of over 4,000, all races, ages, and sizes. It was her diversity and blending of lives that gave her an edge unlike any in the fleet. With so many different ideas and ways of being, it made trade negotiations, peace treaties, and discovering new worlds an easier task.
Officer Brian Stent, however, was the only human on board.
He was short compared to most of the crew, only 6'3 in Earth measurements. Like all humans he had the strange five fingered hands, short and dull nails, squat teeth (I mean, come on. Those canine teeth they all boast are barely a threat), and brown eyes. He wore his dark hair in a short cropped style, longer on the top.
Compared to Resk's own 9 foot tall form, grey ashen skin, and red eyes, the human stood out like a sore thumb. Nearly everyone on the crew shared similarities no matter the race, but Brian was like a thimble nestled into a pile of corks.
That being said, human physiology was no one's expertise.
"Go on. What's wrong with him?"
There was a strange sound of struggle in the background, Brian could be heard letting out a loud yelp and something metal clattering to the floor.
"Uh, it may be better to see for yourself sir."
Oh boy.
Captain Resk nodded to the crew member again, signalling for them to shut off the intercom. He barked an order for someone to fill in while he was gone and strolled out of the bridge and towards the elevator. This better be good.
Resk was a mere two doors down from the bay when he heard a shriek. Loud and piercing. Undoubtedly human.
He broke into a sprint, claws scraping against the floor. His species was bipedal, but sported some collosal hardware on their feet from their hunting days. They came in handy when you needed to move.
He crashed through the doors of the medbay, momentarily shocked as he saw Brian strapped to a table, many medical personal around him.
Resk started forward, worried for the human, he raised a hand to tear someone away-
Was he smiling?
When he first encountered this human behavior, it baffled him. These small bipeds bared their teeth as a show of happiness or an attempt to appear friendly. Strange creatures indeed.
The med staff worked around him, dragging scanners across his midsection, poking him with blunt metal implements, and all the while typing information into datapads hovering in the air around them.
Brian was, for lack of better term, bewilderingly elated it seemed. His face was bright red and plastered with a wide grin, half way between holding his breath and gasping. He occasionally let out a whimper or a squeak, but said nothing.
Senar approached solemnly, head down and his four hands pressed flat against his chest in a sign of worry.
"He came in asking if we could run a routine physical on him this morning, that's when we discovered this strange ailment."
Resk nodded, fear rising in his chest. Could he be dying? Do they need to quarantine him and anyone he was in contact with?
"Whats happened to him?"
"We aren't quite sure. We believe he either sustained a spinal cord or brain injury, or is in the throws of a nervous system attacking disease. Either way, he is suffering."
Brian let out another loud shriek, lurching away from the touch of a scanner pressed into his lower ribs. This scanner shouldn't cause such a reaction, it was painless. Only a light vibrating sensation should have been felt but he screamed as if he were stabbed. The smile remained as he threw his head back against the table, nose scrunching.
From what little Resk knew about the human art of lip reading, he saw Brian mouthing "please stop".
Resk lurched forward, drawing the medical staff back. They ceased their prodding and Brian relaxed, breathing deeply. He smiled tiredly.
"Thank you." He wheezed, rolling his head to look at the captain. "Please make them let me go. I'm okay, I promise."
"We cannot allow that!" Senar said, agast. "If you have an injury we need to know! What have you done in the past few days that would have caused this?"
Brian's face went red again, a behavior Resk hadn't seen before. Humans could change color? How odd.
"Its nothing, okay? I'm fine! I'm not hurt!" He protested, pulling at the restraints.
"Then why do you react this way when we do this?" Senar said, running a claw gently up Brains side.
Brian lurched away, grin shooting back agross his features. "It's normal! All humans are like this!"
That made Resk pause.
"What do you mean? You all have this injury?"
Brian groaned in exasperation. "No, it's not an injury. I'm ticklish. That's it."
Resk glanced at Senar, who shook his head and sighed.
"He mentioned this before, Captain. There is no such word in our databases. We think he made it up so we wouldn't throw him into the healing chamber."
The "healing chamber" was something of a new advancement in health technology. Only issue was, it was only a cure all if it had blueprints, i.e. similar patient structures. Humans would not be recognized. Resk understood his apprehension.
"Brain, if you are hurt please rest assured Senar and his team can help you. You don't need to make up imaginary words to avoid it, they aren't out to hurt you."
Brian glared at Senar, a strange habit most humans possessed. "I'm not making it up."
"Explain then." Resk commanded.
Brain, hilariously, got redder. Was that healthy?
One of Senar's assistants approached on the other side of the table, gently pressing the scanner into his stomach.
And he.....laughed?
It was short, barked and startled, but it was definitely a laugh. On this ship, whether a species was capable of laughter was about 50/50, and didn't always mean amusement or mirth. For Senar's own species it meant uncontainable rage. Resk knew in this case what human laughter meant, but it was perplexing.
"I can't explain it!" Brian spat, trying to squirm away from the scanner. In response, the assistant pressed the scanner in more firmly, which seemed to lessen his panic.
Brian sputtered, sucking in his stomach to remove the sensation of the scanner. Senar waved the assistant away, leaning over him with crossed arms.
"If it is true all humans posess this, we need to know for our databases." Senar said, reaching over to fiddle with a data pad. "This is set up to record your testimony. Be as accurate as you can."
Brian thumped his head against the table, looking at the hovering pad with hesitation. He almost looked... ashamed?
Resk placed a friendly hand on his shoulder, a gesture he learned was meant to sooth anxiety in the species. His hand was so large it engulfed the shoulder entirely, nails barely scraping the side of his neck.
That made him cringe.
"Fine."
Brian took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling. Whatever this was, he was very nervous about sharing.
"Every human is ticklish to some degree, some less some more. When we experience gentle external stimuli, like poking, light scratching, dragging of fingers, it triggers the fight or flight response."
Senar nodded, one of his hands pressed to his cheek in a contemplative posture.
"So, this frightens you then?"
Brian shook his head, chuckling. "No, not exactly. It's more of an involuntary panic. I know I'm not in danger, but my instincts take over. No one really knows why."
Resk pondered on it.
So, panic? That still didn't explain-
Brian squeaked as the assistant managed to sneak back in, pressing the scanner into his lower stomach just above the hip.
"Will you stop that?!" He snapped, trying his best to scowl. A wobbly smile cracked that facade, however.
"Why do you react this way? You almost seem amused." Resk said, kneeling beside the table. From how his legs bent, he was able to rest his elbows atop his knees and cross them.
"Like I said, it's involuntary!" He squealed, trying to pull away from the scanner. "It makes us laugh."
Senar and Resk looked to each other, Senars eyebrows raising and Resk tilting his head.
"So this is.... humorous?" Senar asked, glancing at the data pad to make sure it was getting everything. The scanners data appeared on screen as well, showing healthy and stable organs and a high heart rate.
"Its not funny, it just makes us laugh!" He snorted as the scanner was moved to the middle of his stomach, reaching the strange hole he possessed.
"But if this makes you laugh, is it not a good thing? Why fight it so much?"
"Because it fucking tickles! Knock it off!" Brian pleaded, finally letting the smile take over and looking towards the pair. His eyes were giddy, an expression very unique to his kind. Most species eyes were unreadable when it came to emotions, no matter how strong.
Senar looked at him, then tentatively reached out a hand and scribbled his claws against his side.
The effect was immediate.
Brain yelped before disolving into bright laughter, what a people with this type of mirth would call "giggles". He fought against his restraints, torn between pulling away from the hand or the scanner.
"Oh god, please don't!" He begged, shoulders shaking lightly.
"Fascinating." Senar said, glancing to Resk. "We need more data. Brian, I need you to tell me why it works in some spots and not others. When we prodded your face you did not act this way, why?"
Brian continued to laugh, shaking his head.
"It just doesn't tickle there! Let me go!"
Resk placed a hand back on Brians shoulder, not missing how he recoiled when his claws grazed his neck again.
"I apologize for Senar's enthusiasm, but I agree. If we want to expand and bring more humans into the fleet, we need more information."
Resk wriggled his fingers experimentally, feeling a spike of amusement when Brian scrunched his neck, trapping his claws in place. "Just play along for now, we'll make sure we get everything recorded so we won't have to do this again."
"Ah! I see, so are the ends of your body less effected than the center?" Senar asked, moving to the far end of the table. He swiped a claw up the sole of Brains foot.
Brian cackled, jerking in his restraints. "No! No, not all the ends! Leave my feet alone!"
Resk had to supress a hum, his species show of amusement. It was clear Senar was having some fun himself, as his pointed ears were pressed flat against his head in a mischievous posture.
Senar reached out a second hand, scribbling the claws of both against both of the humans soles.
Brian screeched, throwing his head back in loud peels of pitchy laughter. He tried to plead, but the words came out in incoherent babbles.
The assistants peered from their stations, curious. This was the first time this treatment had resulted in noise. Could they make him make noises too?
They scurried over. This species was non verbal, communicating psionically. They were as close to a hive mind as you could get without actually being a hive mind. Great helpers, but they all had personalities.
Senar waved them back, slapping a couple curious hands away. "Not yet, I need to conduct this piece by myself. Thank you."
He ceased the scratching, moving up to his legs. Brian greedily sucked in breath.
Resk patted the shoulder he still had a hand on.
"Senar, are we sure this is ethical? He seems like he wants you to stop."
Senar shrugged, placing hands over Brains legs. He stiffened, eyes locked on the hands. All four this time.
"Yeah, this isn't ethical! Let me go, you can't just experiment on me!"
Senar began scratching again, tilting his head when only giggling poured out of the human. "We need more information. It's for the good of the fleet."
He scribbled up and down his legs, noting his laughter rising when he got closer to his joints. Ankles, knees, hips, he began to get shrill and panicky.
"Why does this not work as well here?" Senar asked, poking into the flesh of his calves and thighs. The poking made him jump.
"I'm not going to tell you what works on my tickle spots!"
Resk did hum at that, it was a resonant hum that many found soothing when he emmitted it. The volume of it caught the attention of Senar, who wiggled his ears knowingly.
"What is the purpose of this anyway?" Resk asked, ignoring the giggling man beside him. "It seems like its more of a hindrance than a help."
Brian shook his head. "People use it to playfully torture each other-" he broke off into another stream of laughter as Sunar reached his knees again. "In ancient times it was used as real torture but now it's just for fun."
Senar perked up at this, looking Brian in the eyes.
"So, this is fun? You're having fun?"
Brian's blush deepened, but didn't respond. Resk supposed it made sense. No humans on the ship meant no one to engage in human-play. Did humans often play like this?
"Tell me what makes you laugh here." Senar jabbed into his thighs and calves again. "We just want to know more."
Brian glanced at them both, searching their expressions. He found no judgement on their features, just curiosity.
"... Squeezing works pretty wELL-" Senar wasted no time, squeezing lightly into the muscles. Brian lurched, spine arching off the table with the force of his laughter. His eyes squeezed shut and his nose crinkled in mirth.
What a blessing it must be for humans that they can laugh so freely any time they like. Resk had read reports that the behavior was important for them, helping lift their moods and even sooth pain.
Tears began to streak from Brians eyes. If Resk hadn't seen this before he would have put a stop to this "tickle" thing right away, but he knew that just meant he was laughing with enough force to generate tears.
Senar moved up again, scribbling claws across his ribs and sides. Brian's laughter shifted, going from pitchy cackling to deep belly laughter. Resk could smell the endorphins coursing through his bloodstream, this must feel amazing.
Brian began to seem fatigued. His struggling lessened and his laughter became wheezy and hoarse. Senar, getting the message, ceased.
Plucking the data pad out of the air, he pressed a few buttons on the side of the table to release his restraints. Brian curled up into a ball, still giggling.
Senar scurried away to his desk, pulling up his profile on the holo-screen. Resk continued to watch the human, humming softly.
Brain sat up tiredly, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I hope you got everything you needed, I will not be doing this again."
Resk offered him a hand up, handing him his shoes. "I think Senar has gotten enough information. Thank you for cooperating."
Senar clicked to himself, muttering his findings. "We may need another round of experimentation in the future but for now, we have enough. I'm sending it to the fleet now."
Brian paused, running a hand through his hair. "Just the council right?"
Resk paused too before widening his eyes.
"No, the whole fleet. Don't want anyone else thinking you're injured, do we?"
Brian looked like he may faint. Or cry. Both strange behaviors but Resk felt he could understand either in this case.
Resk started forward. "Do not send tha-"
"Too late."
Every data pad in the room pinged, including Brians. He picked it up in shaking hands, reading the broadcast.
"BE ADVISED! Do not give the human Brian any external stimuli by way of poking, gently scratching, or gently squeezing his epidermis. The action will render him helpless with laughter. The human Brian Stent is not broken, we have made new discoveries that every human has what is known as ticklish. Please do not interact with him in this way as it may cause distress."
When Brian set his pad down, Senar was looking at him with a friendly expression.
"See? They all know not to do this now. You're safe."
Brian rubbed his temples. "If there is such a thing as space HIPAA, fuck it and everyone who runs it."
Resk felt a spike of alarm. He knew that was a massive privacy violation. Putting Senar in charge of med bay maybe wasn't the best call despite expertise, his people had zero privacy in their culture. Made for awkward situations.
"I apologize, Brian. Please take the rest of the day off, you seem like you need rest."
Red faced and clearly unnerved, he left. Leaving the captain and medical officer alone, aside from the bustling assistants of course.
"Don't you think maybe that should have been kept secret?" Resk asked, crossing his arms. Senar shrugged, poking at his data pad.
"Theres no harm in it, and I specifically told them what not to do-"
A shriek sounded in the hallway, followed by shrill giggling.
"....yeah, maybe I should have kept that between us."
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Do you know which subgenre of film desperately deserves a critical retrospective and more attention?
The answer is 80s/90s/early 2000s James Spader erotic thrillers in which he plays a somewhat creepy yet attractive psychopathic, emotionless, yuppie with a thousand-yard stare that looks into your soul who is also secretly a s*xually depraved sadomasochist that hides his perverse desires under the glare of the capitalist American dream to fit in, or has an affair with someone similarly maladjusted/ s*xually obsessed.
He is often seen wearing glasses and being nerdy to the precipice of autism in these movies, yet he is also suave, soft-spoken and passionate but also an unsettling weirdo. Like why did Hollywood stop making these movies?? Us emotionally disturbed tumblr girlies are obsessed with creepy James Spader this was such a Moment!!
I need to tickle someone who's too ticklish for their own good. To hear them and all their bravado, that they can take it, that I won't do shit. Watch them show off all their spots, sending me pictures and wearing the revealing clothes that rile me up. And I'm easily riled up, aren't I? You think it's funny seeing me all worked up to tickle you, do you?
Well I think it's funny watching as hot, heavy tears roll down their face as they beg me to stop fucking tickling. As they thrash and kick and scream like a person possessed, trying in vain to get my fingers away from the soft spots that cause them so much hassle. To see it in their wide, panicked eyes as they realize that they are much, much more ticklish than they thought. And they realize they've let me tie them up, and that I won't stop.
But be my guest. Keep teasing. It'll come back to bite you in the end, dear.
The whole idea of a hookup never appealed to me. I would rather spend hours tickling a bound, writhing, begging, jumpy, squirmy, squealy, giggly, adorably desperate, helplessly ticklish person in an intimate setting than settle for a quick orgasm.
I've been called weird. I've been called boring. However, I tend to think of myself as...a specialist. I know what I like. And I know how to make it last.
Why pull the pin on a grenade when you can light a fuse that takes five hours to burn?
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you’re ruining me, i’m shaking, barely coherent, and you have the audacity to say “i know, baby, it’s a lot, huh?” all sweet and condescending like yeah??? obviously??? but are you stopping? no :( you just keep going, all soft and sweet, acting like you feel bad while actively making it worse. it’s sick and i need more of it immediately.
embarrassment in kink/tickle settings makes me so feral. like yeah verbally tease me and force me to look at you and make me blush and melt and become incoherent. tell me all the things you know make me flustered. pin me down. turn me into a subby blushy puddle of goo. mix in praises and baby talk and mock pity.
i will whine and protest and beg but i will hang onto your every word and i won’t actually mean it when i tell you to stop.
i need to do tickling kink shit with a knight as a pretty prince sooo bad
cmon just give me one stoic and stalwart knight who could easily destroy any obstacle in his path out of sheer devotion to have at my beck and call. it’d be so cute to see him in no clothes but his helm, tied down and helpless to fight against all but the urge to laugh as i torment him. i bet for someone who rarely speaks, he’d make such sweet strained laughter. I wonder how it’d sound coming out of his armor, and how long he could go before tears started dripping down from the opening.
and what’s more fun than taking a weapon of destruction and forcibly making them as harmless as a fly? working a stone cold, brute into a weak and pliant mess with the most benign of torments imaginable? the softest and most temporary of defanging, breaking even the most resolute walls?
forcing them to beg for more at your command, of course!
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Wait wait wait, if I pinned you down by the shoulders and straddled you and looked into your eyes and said, "I'm so proud of you," would that for real do something for you? Like for real for real?
Key fact here is that it doesn't do much for me, but the idea that I can melt you into a obedient puddle and use your need for validation to make you worse is... Well, that does something for me.
Awww, do you hate it? Does the warmth in the pit of your stomach when I praise you also humiliate you? You don't want to admit how good it feels? Do you wish you weren't so easy to influence, but you're so desperate to be treated with tenderness that you'll crumple for me at once? Poor thing. You're trying so hard, aren't you?
I can be trusted around erogenous tickle spots. No, I won't tease them with the most maddening, gentle traces until you're desperately worked up to the point of begging to be tickled there. Promise. :)
