mardi, deux heures

i don’t miss tumblr. s and i’s one year anniversary came and went and it was beautiful. he’s amazing. i turned 25. i am starting school again in september... pursuing a double-major (?????)  still baking for a living. it’s okay. 4am never gets easier, really.  our house is really cute.  i am really excited about the future and trying to grow and be better all the time. some days are better than others. time flies and i am feeling older. i miss the mountains. portland’s alright. i guess that’s all. xoxo. 

one week ago: recently fired from shitty job, broke, tired, terrified. now: soon to be employed at dream job, broke, tired, terrified!

i have no idea what the fuck i’m doing. 

i am very sad.

so much. - taking three days off work to take care of my mom after she had spine surgery this week has been a godsend.  - i like my customers but i dislike my job a lot. i feel a little ungrateful for feeling this way but i can’t help it. i don’t feel like myself when i’m there. it all feels very forced.  - very anxious to start school but already procrastinating all the things i need to do before the semester begins.  - i was supposed to start my half-marathon training three months ago. i’ve been on three runs. this is bleak. - i need to take responsibility for my health and cultivate things that i do for myself. things that i love and enjoy. things that are good for me. - partner has lived here for three months now. sometimes i think back to all the days we counted down and all the time we spent apart and it doesn’t feel real; it’s such a blur because our life together feels so natural. i didn’t know i could be this happy. love changes everything. that’s all. 

don't ever ever ever let anyone make you feel bad for having feelings. it's okay to cry, it's okay to be sentimental, it's okay to be sad when you feel helpless or insecure it's okay it's okay it's okay you don't have to change.