Dr. Derek Stiles

"You'll be fine."

"I'm afraid it's very fatal."

"These test results..don't make any sense."

"How far can your arm go before it breaks?"

"I'll carve your eyes out with a spoon."

"What does he have that I don't"

"Why did he choose her instead of me?"

"..Why?"

"Make as many stab wounds as you want."

"I am destined as your tool."

"The girl must die."

"The boy must die."

"I want to taste your blood on my lips."

"Where do we go from here?"

"These voices..cease to let me be."

"I..can't stop crying."

"Use me as you will."

"None of it matters now."

"Shadows fallow my every step."

"You've gone..completely mad."

"I'm barking mad."

"Winter is coming."

"I could kill you right now."

"You..You're dead!"

"May the lord have mercy on your soul."

"The mental ward let me out early this year."

"Oh how i miss the voices."

"Everyone is equal when they're dead."

"Cancel Christmas."

"Bring me more war."

"I love war."

"I piss on your traditions."

"I hate your heart."

"I hate your soul."

"I promise, you won't feel a thing."

"Bring her to me."

"Bring him to me."

"A few holes in the head give the madness more space."

"I hate everything about you."

"I will abandon you."

"What is that girl up to?"

"I am stretched on your grave."

"Kill me now.."

"If I fall from the grace of God where no murdered ghost can haunt me.."

"You are one in from the plank, don't make me push you."

"I don't care."

"Leave me behind."

"Everything you've told me was a lie!"

"Everything I've told yo was a lie!"

"How could you ever think to leave them behind?"

"Someone should nail your feet to the floor."

"My last breath will be your curse."

"He will KILL you."

"She will KILL you."

"I did noting."

"It was an accident!"

"You've killed your own brother!"

"I want nothing to do with him!"

"How can I possibly trust you?"

[text]: I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.

[text]: I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS

[text]: We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

[text]: I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

[text]: two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

[text]: I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass

[text]: Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.

[text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

[text]: You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

[text]: I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.

[text]: What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"

[text]: Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.

[text]: YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.

[text]: Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.

[text]: I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.

[text]: I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...

[text]: You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

[text]: I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool

[text]: I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.

[text]: Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.

[text]: A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.

[text]: OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE

[text]: Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.

[text]: Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him

[text]: I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.

[text]: I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"

[text]: Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.

[text]: I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

[text]: Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.

[text]: I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.

[text]: When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.

[text]: Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.

[text]: i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?

[text]: That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.

[text]: I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

[text]: I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night

[text]: Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car

[text]: I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress

[text]: Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?

[text]: Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.

[text]: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there

[text]: She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?

[text]: We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.

[text]: So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

[text]: That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.

[text]: I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that

[text]: Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant

[text]: Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night

[text]: I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

[text]: Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.

[text]: I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.

[text]: How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..

[text]: Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

[text]: I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family