futile devices;

lmao yall are probably like...hu dis....didnt even remember followin this blog...

surprise....I is still alive.

I stopped posting on this blog just before my exams started for sem 1 in my second year for uni cos I really needed to focus on studying and projects and making sure I did well. 

And I was also super busy applying for internships and prepping for interviews. 

I always thought I would come back here cos it used to be such a huge outlet for me. 

Then right after my exams (literally a few hours after my last exam) I got on a plane and moved to Helsinki lol. 

Most of my time there was spent freezing my ass off and studying and just trying not to die from the cold honestly. 

Then straight after that I spent a month travelling Europe and just chilling as much as possible before I started work and become yet another cog in the capitalist machine. 

I used to love studying so much and now....idk lol. I still have one year left of uni and my internship ends in 6 months and it is ages away but I am honestly dreading going back. I mean I don’t think I hate the idea of going back to school. I just hate the idea of leaving work and my job and what I am doing now. 

I am going to miss being in such a competitive and high pressured environment. I probably sound crazy but I am going to miss being stressed and having to think and react quickly. 

I am dreading having to go back to school and having large swaths of time where I just do....nothing. 

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

But logging into this site tonight I have realised how I have completely stopped engaging in my creativity lately. I used to make so much stuff and mess around in ps and I could express myself here. 

The thing about living in one of the biggest cities in the world is that its so impersonal. Rarely do I have someone I can turn to here and talk about my life and feelings or whatever. I dedicate 90% of my waking now to work or work related things. If I am not actually at work i am studying for work or doing something related to work. I don’t mind it but I am now concerned that I am neglecting every aspect of my life for my career. I have very specific professional milestones I want to achieve but I fear in order to reach those goals I am sacrificing my relationships, my hobbies and other things in my life. 

This is already evident in that I have practically stopped watching TV lol. I am talking to my friends less. I am taking care of my health and body less. 

IDK...more than anything I just want to be successful (lol what an ORIGINAL IDEA~~) and I don’t think I am gonna stop going 150% HAM in regards to my work and career any time soon. (Straight after this internship I am going to spend the 3 months of my summer vacation working at another internship; gotta keep that CV fresh lol) Even if that means in 10-15 years down the line I will probably hate myself for not enjoying my youth more lol.

OH WELL

and i’ve been MIA from other social media like twitter and facebook as well.

last time i even logged on here was like 2 months ago????

shit has been hectic since then. 2nd year of uni really is no fuckin joke 

but i can finally chill for a sec. handed in my final piece of coursework today and i got the best call this evening. 

I have been applying to several jobs since writing my last post here. i really only wanted one of those jobs. i applied to the rest as security. writing applications and cover letters. taking numerical and verbal reasoning tests. telephone interviews. assessment days. its all incredibly exhausting. ive been so stressed the last 2 months, worrying that i wasnt good enough to land a job with any of the companies i applied to. 

but now i can finally chill. 

cos this evening i got the best call ever. i got my dream job. at my dream company. im so happy. 

i feel like everything is coming together this year. i finally have good friends i love hanging out with here in the UK. school has been good. im more active than ever. and now this.

and now im just so incredibly excited for 2016. im leaving the uk in january after exams to start an exchange programme in finland and its so exciting. then straight after that im gonna work at my dream job in a fortune top 100 company. 

i feel so privileged to be in this position rn.  

my life is so good right now. i have done things i never thought i would do. i have achieved more than i ever thought i could. 

this week has been particularly good. i dont know if its just the stars aligning. if its all just luck. but my 2nd year of university has taught me one thing:- i am in fact capable of being more than what i previously thought i was. 

in the span of 7 days i have received so much good news and met so many amazing people. i took something i thought of only as a hobby and turned it into something more. never in a million years did i think i would get first place in anything. let alone competing with so many other people at uni. 

i went to an event and was told that i stood out in the best way possible. someone from one of the biggest companies in the world told me that they would love for me to work for them. i couldnt believe someone who met thousands of job candidates each year thought i was good enough to stand out from the crowd and that i would be an asset to their firm.

i then attended a discussion held by one of the biggest tech firms in the world and gave my views on artificial intelligence and the way the world is changing because of it (i basically said robots will kill us all rly).

later i took a chance and did something i never would do in my first year and took up someone’s invitation to go out. and to my surprise i had a blast. i never thought i was a nice person to hang out with. i again could not believe that i was good enough or fun enough to hang out with. 

a day later i did something i thought i would never do and spoke in front of a crowd of people. after it all, i was surprised people came up to me to praise what i had to say and that they thought i was funny and engaging. the fact that a group of people thought what i had to say and my ideas were worth listening to. hours later i get an email from the tech firm whose event i attended earlier in the week and was told i was selected and had won a smart watch. really for some reason everything seemed to fall into place this week. 

i was so unhappy in my first year. i thought i was way out of my depth. but now i feel challenged in so many different ways. and i am thriving. i am working hard and that hard work is translating into results.

i have always liked staying in my comfort zone (as humans tend to like) and this year i really decided to put myself out there. turns out when you try different opportunities that things can turn out pretty sweet? huh. moral of the story: dont be scared to be scared and just try new things. cos a lot of cool shit can happen. 

mom: its her first word! say mama!