𝕔 𝕠 𝕞 𝕞 𝕒 𝕟 𝕕 𝕖 𝕣

all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling. all this heaven never could describe such a feeling as i’m hearing. although we stick together, it seems that we are strangling one another. call me when you need me. can it be undone? can you see it coming now? darling, believe me. every demon wants his pound of flesh. even when i was a child, i’ve always known there was something to be frightened of. everybody lets you down in this brief hole of a town. heaven help me, i need to make it right. here’s to drinks in the dark, at the end of my road. holy water cannot help you now. hours and armies couldn’t keep me out. i believe there’s no salvation for me now. i can never leave the past behind. i can see it coming from the edge of the room. i cannot be returned. i did cartwheels in your honor. i don’t care whether i live or die. i don’t need a husband, i don’t need a wife. i don’t want your heart. it leave me cold. i don’t want your money. i had a dream about my old school. i heard your voice as clear as day, and you told me i should concentrate. i like to keep some things to myself. i never knew daylight could be so violent. i think i’m breaking down again. i wanna give you back the open sky. i was dead when i woke up this morning. i was disappearing in plain sight. i was screaming out a language that i never knew existed before. i wish to remain nameless and live without shame. i would give all this, and heaven, too. in order to get to the heart, i think sometimes you’ll have to cut through. in some way i’m there with you, up against the wall on a wednesday afternoon. it cries out in the darkest night and breaks in the morning light. it never makes sense it me. it seems a heavy choice to make. it talks in tongues and quiet sighs, and prayers and proclamations. it was all so strange and so surreal, that a ghost should be so practical. it was always standing next to me. it’s a conversation i just can’t have tonight. it’s a fine romance, but it’s left me so undone. it’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat. it’s always darkest before the dawn. it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back. it’s peaceful in the deep. it’s so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud. it’s the purest element but it’s so volatile. i’d do anything to make you stay. i’ll be dead before the day is done. i’m damned if i do, and i’m damned if i don’t. i’m going from road to road, bed to bed, lover to lover, and black to red. i’m going to leave my body. i’m going to let it happen to me. i’m going to raise the stakes, and i’m going to smoke you out. i’m losing blood, i’m gonna leave my bones. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. i’m not here looking for absolution, because i found myself an old solution. i’m ready to suffer and i’m ready to hope. i’m slipping underneath. i’ve been a fool, and i’ve been blind. i’ve been keeping myself awake. i’ve been wandering the streets for days and days and days. keep following the heartlines on your hand. looking for heaven, i found the devil in me. my body was bruised. no need to pray, no need to speak. no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out. now all your love will be exorcised. reflections still look the same to me. say my name, and every color illuminates. see, i have to burn your kingdom down. she wants the silence but fears the solitude. she wants to be alone and together with you. she was there all pink and gold and glittering. she’s a cruel mistress. she’s just like the weather. take what the water gave me. tell me what all the sighing is about. tell me what you want me to say. tell me what you’re running from. the arms of the ocean delivered me. the crashes are heaven for a sinner live me. the heart is hard to translate. the only solution was to stand and fight. the ships are left to rust. the words are escaping, and coming back all damaged. the world’s a beast of a burden. there is no salvation for me now. there is no space among the clouds, and i feel i’m heading down. they took your loved ones but returned them in exchange for you. they were there when i woke up this morning. though the pressure is hard to take, it’s the only way i can escape. time goes quicker between the two of us. we are shining and we will never be afraid again. we will find you saying it’s to be better now. we won’t eat and we won’t sleep. we’ll build our altar here. we’ll drag bodies from a ground. when it’s over, you’re the start. when it’s time to pray, we’ll be dressed up all in grey. when we come back, we’ll be dressed in black. when we come for you, we’ll be dressed up all in blue. when we first came here, we were cold and we were clear. will they keep me alive? with all my education, i can’t seem to command it. with no colors in our skin, we were light and paper thin. would you have it any other way? would you leave me, if i told you what i’ve done? would you need me, if i told you what i’ve become? you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said. you came over me like some holy rite. you can’t choose what stays and what fades away. you had jesus on your breath and i caught him in mine. your heart is the only place that i call home. you’ll scream my name aloud. you’re my head, you’re my heart. you’re the chemical that burns. you’re the only light. you’ve been holding up a long time.

❝ As always, all I should’ve said was, “I love you.” ❞

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