Pour.inc

I fail to understand how you hold so much power over me. However much I try to think about it, it’s impossible for me to comprehend the grasp you have over what I am allowed to feel. Are you oblivious to the power you hold or are you deliberately barking up the trees whenever you choose? 

You simply pass it as a snarky joke or a perhaps it is a cunning move on a chess board. But...

Today I’ve been yelled at for asking “are you hearing me?” which got interpreted as words of disrespect. 

A full fledged adult can't speak their mind and ask a simple question of frustration when words spoken are never acknowledged. 

Every time I find my self here, I've come to realise a pattern that I was until recently oblivious of. It often neared the time my body underwent its monthly ritual. I was not among the ones who suffered the inevitable emotional consequences everyone talked about. But alas, since I've moved to a situation I can not escape, they have become a constant bout of depression stricken few days that I dread each time.

Then I recalled all the tales spoken of the hormones and the storm of emotional imbalance suffered by many. I'm not going to lie, that made me feel a little easy about the struggles, that I often attributed to my heightened awareness. After such thought, I might've really just displaced my assurances. I only came aware of the constant micro aggressions in my life because I tend to shut myself off to all of them when I the hormones are arguably more "stable".

I’ve always had that inherent feeling that I was always wrong. I had an internalised feeling that I would never have enough knowledge or have a valid opinion that I can share, people would be interested in or consider valid. I never found myself at the forefront of decision making. Whether it was personal or for others. I always look for a second opinion. I have almost no confidence in myself and I never even noticed! 

You know when you are always right. By always, I mean always, like you can tell the fucking future right, you predict something isn’t going to work and it doesn’t, people end up regretting not listening to you kinda right. They are fully aware of your innate capability of knowing things, yet they chose to ignore kinda right.  But they still DO NOT listen. It is frustrating to say the least. But you know what, good for you for not listening to me. I always have the last laugh. You brought it upon yourself son.

Hello lonely bastards of the world, depression stricken teens, silenced lambs, and everyone in between. This is pour.inc or simply, pourincuniverse. A place where I will post, mainly writings, of tons of shit that truly annoy me in this one giant fucked up world and hopefully you agree (with the problems not the fact that the world is one giant fucked up place, but suit yourself with either).