Positive Bisexual Messages

- In an era of sexual enlightenment there is still a stigma attached to bisexuality. But it’s real, and there’s nothing to be afraid of, says relationships coach.

- She explains how to determine if you are bisexual, and suggests ways to break the news to a loved one that you are bi, and how to receive such news.

Luisa Tam, (South China Morning Post) 20 Oct, 2019

*

We may be living in an era of wider sexual acceptance, but there is still a lot of stigma surrounding bisexuality.

Biphobia – an aversion to bisexual people – is mostly born of misinformation and fuelled by myths and biases perpetuated by people unfamiliar with bisexuality. As a result, many bisexuals choose to remain in the closet.

Among the common misconceptions about bisexuals is that they need to have relationships with both females and males in order to be truly bisexual; that they are promiscuous, which leads some to assume they cannot be monogamous and will stray “the other way”; and that bi people are sexual deviants who frequently engage in threesomes and orgies.

Some people deny bisexuality is a genuine sexual orientation, seeing it as just a phase; in their eyes, bi people are indecisive and are therefore using bisexuality as an excuse to explore their sexuality. Expressions such as “bi now, gay later” encourage this mindset.

Some detractors say bi women are not truly bi, as their ulterior motive is to get the attention of heterosexual men; some even go as far as to accuse bi people of flaunting their bisexual status to appear trendy.

Because of the stigma attached to bisexuality, bi people may feel misunderstood, judged, or sidelined, and can often be overwhelmed by fear, says Nathalie Sommer, a certified relationship and intimacy coach.

“There is also the process of coming into acceptance with what you are. It can be quite a process and can come with many questions like: Am I truly bisexual? Is it OK to prefer one gender more than the other? How do I explain this to my current/future partner? Will my partner even accept me for being bi, or will they assume that I am promiscuous?” says Sommer.

Such concerns are totally valid. To alleviate these and others, Sommer offers some tips to people uncertain whether they are bisexual or gay.

“Firstly, I want to say that sexuality is fluid and it can change over time whether it’s a phase or not. But if you are sexually attracted to both males and females, then you are bisexual. It doesn’t have to be a measure of 50/50; in fact, sexuality is on a spectrum. For example, you can be attracted more to guys than girls or the other way around.

“Also, there’s a difference between being romantically attracted and being sexually attracted to both sexes. Some bisexual people are only interested in romantic relationships with one of the sexes, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are bisexual,” Sommer explains.

So, what should you do if you are dating a bisexual person?

“Obviously, you should accept them for who they are as a person – just like in any other relationship – and who they are attracted to,” she says.

“Don’t be shy about asking them questions. If you’re not sure about something, just ask them to explain it to you. It takes two to make a relationship work and the more we understand about one another, the healthier the relationship.”

Additionally, you shouldn’t let insecurities overcome you. Common insecurities that may creep in include suspecting that your partner will stray because they are attracted to both sexes.

“Don’t let jealousy become a problem. Just because someone is bisexual doesn’t mean they’ll stray, so don’t bring up infidelity all the time or constantly think they’ll cheat. Everyone is capable of straying no matter what gender,” Sommer says.

If you are bisexual, there are tactful ways to tell your partner and make coming out as bi easier for both parties, she says.

First, think about how you would like to express yourself and what would you like to explain. Then plan a day and time to tell them, as timing matters.

“ You want to make sure they are not in the middle of doing something so they can be present, and it doesn’t come out of nowhere and come as a complete surprise.

Relationships happen for a reason

“Definitely don’t tell them during a fight. You want the environment to be calm and comfortable, so it feels safe to express and for the other person to be there and listen. You can also let them know what you need from them. For example, you want them to just listen first but offer an opportunity for them to ask questions or express how they feel later.

“Try not to predict an outcome. Remember that your partner will have their emotions or reactions, so allow them the time and space to express and release them. Offer to answer their questions, but also ask questions on how they feel. The point is to keep the conversation ongoing.”

On the question of whether to hide your bisexuality until a relationship is rock solid, Sommer says it is very much a personal decision.

She says you may want to tell a person straight-up that you are bisexual to avoid potential misunderstanding or resentment down the road. But she adds: “If it’s just dating and you’re not sure yet if it’s going anywhere then it may not be necessary to bring it up.”

If your partner comes out as bisexual, Sommer strongly suggests dealing with it with compassion and acceptance, as well as a healthy dose of curiosity.

“We’re all allowed to feel our emotions and express them as long as we don’t project them onto the other person and blame them for how we feel or make them feel guilty for being honest.

“It is always best to ask questions, especially if you are not familiar with bisexuality, or maybe do your own research to be more informed. You can also try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about how you would feel and how you would like them to react,” she says.

How far would you go to satisfy your partner’s sexual demands?

Asking questions will not only clear up any misunderstandings, but demonstrate to your partner that you are making an effort to understand them and what it means to be bisexual.

In short, the best approach is to ask questions, talk about it, not be afraid to express your fears and concerns, keep an open mind, and never ever be judgmental.

It takes a lot for someone to come out and be honest about their sexuality, so make it as easy as possible for them, whether they are your friend, family member, or partner.

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post.

- - -

Redacción BBC News Mundo

"Siento que es como un secreto oscuro".

Así describe Matt, un joven graduado que vive en Cambridge, Reino Unido, cómo es ser una persona bisexual en una cita amorosa. "Me asusta cómo reaccionará la gente", cuenta a la BBC.

"Una chica con la que estaba saliendo me dijo que la sola idea de que yo estuviera con un hombre le daba vuelta el estómago. Luego me bloqueó en todo", cuenta.

Por eso Matt dice sentirse forzado a mentir sobre su sexualidad para poder simplemente empezar una relación.

"Cuando salgo con gente y menciono que soy bisexual, la relación termina. Cuando miento y oculto mi sexualidad, dura. Todavía no sé si debería revelarlo desde el principio o esperar, porque cuanto más espero, más ansioso me pongo, pero no quiero que la relación termine", explica.

"Siento que si termino en una relación heterosexual, parece que solo estuve experimentando todos estos años, pero si termino en una relación homosexual, la gente dirá que nunca fui bisexual. Y luego, si no tengo una relación monógama, la gente dirá que soy codicioso".

Matt es una de las personas con las que habló Ben Hunte, periodista de la BBC especializado en temas LGBT, en el marco del Día Internacional de la Visibilidad Bisexual, que se celebra cada 23 de septiembre.

Y si bien cada vez a nivel general existe una mayor aceptación de la comunidad LGBTI, aún persisten muchos mitos sobre la "B".

"En el acrónimo 'LGBTI', la 'B' a menudo se eclipsa, lo que lleva a la invisibilidad de las personas bisexuales y a la negación de los detalles sobre su experiencia", dice la Comisión Interamericana de Derechos Humanos (CIDH) de la ONU.

"Piensan que la bisexualidad es un fetiche"

Nichi Hodgson es una escritora que vive en Londres. Ella dice que salió "tarde" del armario, a los 26 años, y tuvo problemas para explorar quién era debido a las presiones de la sociedad para ser heterosexual u homosexual.

"Es un viaje loco debido a la cantidad de conceptos erróneos", cuenta. "La gente todavía no logra entender la bisexualidad".

Nichi también dice que ha tenido que ocultar su bisexualidad en los perfiles de citas online: "Tuve que tener uno heterosexual y uno gay, porque tener uno bisexual me generó serios problemas".

"Algunas personas piensan que la bisexualidad es un fetiche y una forma codificada de decir sadomasoquismo. Es como que estás dispuesto a lo que sea. Hay un verdadero estigma", opina.

Pero eso no es todo. Nichi dice haber escuchado decir "que las personas bisexuales no se casan, simplemente se 'enderezan' y se casan. Hay una presión social real para ser heterosexual y no bisexual".

"Mi exnovia solía bromear diciendo que tendría que desinfectarme antes de poder acostarse conmigo porque antes había estado con chicos", cuenta. "Estaba realmente perturbada. Es muy doloroso".

"Parece socialmente aceptable ser bifóbico"

Lewis Oakley es un activista y escritor bisexual que vive en Manchester y actualmente tiene una relación con una mujer.

Según Lewis, su novia es juzgada por estar con él y la gente hasta le advierte que él la engañará con un hombre.

"Parece que es socialmente aceptable que seas honesto sobre tu discriminación hacia los bisexuales. Nadie me ha dicho 'Eww, eres de raza mixta, no podría salir contigo', pero constantemente se me dice que mi bisexualidad no se ajusta a las necesidades de las personas", cuenta.

Lewis dice que cuando las personas se declaran bisexuales, inmediatamente quitan del abanico de opciones "tanto a los gays como a los heterosexuales, porque ambos los rechazan".

"Es cierto que muchos hombres homosexuales se declararon bisexuales para cambiar su sexualidad", explica. "Pero no se dan cuenta de que, aunque para algunas personas la bisexualidad es un trampolín, para otros es un destino".

Una "epidemia oculta"

Lo que Matt, Nichi y Lewis cuentan no son casos aislados.

"La existencia de personas bisexuales es constantemente cuestionada y, a veces, incluso negada. A menudo, la bisexualidad es calificada de inválida, inmoral o irrelevante", dice la CIDH.

"La bifobia, una de las causas principales de la violencia, discriminación, pobreza y peores niveles de salud mental y física experimentada por las personas bisexuales; se ve alimentada por la falta de visibilidad a menudo presente en comunidades de orientación sexual o identidad de género diversas", agrega.

De acuerdo con la ONG Stonewall, de Reino Unido, 32% de los bisexuales no son abiertos sobre su orientación sexual con ningún miembro de su familia, comparado con 8% de las lesbianas y los gays.

Por otra parte, un informe de la Universidad Abierta de Inglaterra encontró que las tasas de depresión, ansiedad, autolesiones y suicidio eran más altas entre los bisexuales que en los grupos de heterosexuales y homosexuales.

En el ámbito laboral, una encuesta de la empresa TUC realizada a 1.151 personas LGBT en Reino Unido, 30% de las personas bisexuales dijeron que en el trabajo vivieron tocamientos no deseados en lugares como la rodilla o la parte baja de la espalda.

A su vez, 21% dijo haber experimentado tocamientos no deseados en los genitales, senos o trasero, y 11% haber sufrido violación o acoso sexual en el trabajo.

De acuerdo con la secretaria general de TUC, Frances O'Grady, los resultados revelan una "epidemia oculta".

"Las personas bisexuales deberían sentirse seguras y apoyadas en el trabajo, pero en cambio están experimentando niveles impactantes de acoso sexual", dice O'Grady.

"El acoso sexual no tiene lugar en un lugar de trabajo moderno ni en la sociedad en general".

- - -

Si, muchos se sienten así. Por eso es importante hacer contacto con otras personas bisexuales y crear conciencia dentro de los grupos de apoyo LGBT+.

From Autostraddle.com,  September 23, 2019

- - -

It’s incredible the strides we’ve made and how much the world has changed since the inception of Celebrate Bisexuality Day in 1999; 20 years on, we have national bisexual+ organizations and out bi and pan politicians; Kat Sandoval wearing butch bisexual suits on TV; Tessa Thompson and Janelle Monáe doing literally everything that they do; and a new generation of youth who are ready to save the world from climate change and have no interest in maintaining the status quo of the past around sexuality or gender. What kind of world are they ushering us into! We can’t wait to find out. Here’s some of your local bi+ Autostraddle writers and pals weighing in on what we hope to see in a bisexual future. Where do you see us headed? Let us know in the comments!

KaeLyn, Writer

I would love bisexuality in the future to not be viewed as a behavior, but as an identity. So many of the dumb myths about bisexuality come with a hypersexual focus on sexual behavior, both assumptions of what kinds of behaviors bisexuals partake in and what bisexuals should or should not do in terms of sexual partners. I choose the identity of bisexual for a lot of reasons, both personal and political, but not really aligned at all with my sexual history (or future). What a concept!

I would want bisexuals in the future to have a sense of a bisexual past, bisexual history, bisexual culture, to feel a part of something just for them. I think about our history a lot, that fact that bi stigma has prevented us from reaching back and finding our own. Bisexual figures in history will get their place alongside gay and lesbian figures in the future. (FWIW, so will trans historical figures.) It’s exciting that there are so many out famous bisexuals now. There will be more to hold onto for future bisexuals than currently and, like others have said, that sense of representation means something tangible in terms of health outcomes and bisexual joy.

I just want more and more bisexual joy!

Natalie, Writer

So, I’ll start with the pop culture conversation…partly because it’s my beat here at Autostraddle but also because I truly believe in pop culture’s ability to initiate shifts in how we see each other and ourselves.

While we’ve seen an increase in the number of bisexual+ characters on television over the years, the numbers still fall short of being reflective of the our community. Studies estimate that bi+ people are about 50% of the LGBT community, on television we represent just 27% of LGBT characters. I’d love to see more representation of bisexual people across the board and shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Station 19 and Good Trouble show that bi+ representation doesn’t have to come at the expense of gay or lesbian or trans representation. There can be and should be room for us all to see ourselves.

There’s a lot of attention paid to television shows that employ harmful tropes about bisexual people — and rightfully so — but one thing that’s becoming increasingly frustrating to me: characters who are, ostensibly, bisexual but who never actually say the word. For everything that was groundbreaking about Orange is the New Black, it took until its 89th episode for the show’s lead character, who had essentially been bisexual from the very first episode, to actually be called bisexual. Shows that do that are contributing to bi-erasure and biphobia and, of course, audiences are internalizing that message.

In the real world, that erasure has some consequences; it suggests that there’s something wrong with identifying as bisexual and contributes to a sense of alienation, especially among young queer people. We’re seeing that manifest in stark mental health disparities: according to an analysis from the Trevor Project, bisexual youth are more likely to feel sad or hopeless and consider suicide than their gay/lesbian and heterosexual peers…and, not surprisingly, those issues persist in adulthood. In the future, LGBT organizations have to do a better job at providing trans-inclusive programming targetted at bi+ communities that address mental health. On the political front, I think universal health care coverage, with mental health parity, is essential if we want to bisexual people to thrive.

Adrian, Contributor

I dream of a bisexual future where all people are safe to explore feelings of attraction, care, friendship, and love without fear of discrimination, violence, or stigma. I want a bisexual future that celebrates and uplifts trans people of all genders, as bisexual activists and community leaders have done for decades. I long for an inclusive bi+ future where everyone, no matter who they love or what label resonates most, feels welcome under our expansive umbrella. I need a bisexual future that honors our ancestors and demands better for those who follow us.

Sometimes I joke that I assume everyone is bisexual until proven otherwise. I don’t mean it in a reductive way, but rather as my small resistance to a cultural reality where heterosexuality is considered the default setting. I hope our bisexual future is one where we let people define themselves with joy and never fear.

Rachel Kincaid, Managing Editor

The “x is bi culture” meme is increasingly common, and while it’s a joke format I really love seeing! I love that bi youth are growing up into a world where they’ll get to participate in and be part of defining a bi community and culture that’s all its own, something alive and changing and freestanding. As I was growing and developing as a bi person, everything I understood about bisexuality (and by extension, myself) was reactive, a point of comparison to gay or straight people. I learned that we were diet versions of gay people; more confusing, less trustworthy versions of straight people. I think that even in the 15 or so years since I was a youth, that’s already started to change; there are active conversations around specifically queer and bi identity and experience, and children who got to skip much of the confusing, self-loathing interim time of trying to figure out what they “really are.” Those kids will have a whole set of terminology and jokes and characters in media and celebrities and information about their own selves that I couldn’t have imagined, and I’m so elated about that. I’m excited for a future where bi people have a shared culture and conversation that goes beyond mythbusting or fighting stigma, and that stands on its own sense of self and history and resists comparisons to other groups, or an idea of being “in between,” and one that actively seeks out points of solidarity and overlap with trans communities and other marginalized people. We have such a rich history and strong present, and I’m excited for the broad-ranging, ever-shifting bi community to build its future.

Abeni Jones, Contributor

I envision a future where the bisexual vs. pansexual debate is OVER! I want bisexuality to either include non-binary and otherwise trans people, or not. To be honest, I would be fine if there WAS a clear distinction – like, what it seems everyone on Reddit believes: “bisexuals are into cis men and cis women ONLY, pansexuals don’t discriminate by gender/genitalia,” or whatever. I don’t really care how it all shakes out, but it would be great to know off top who’s trans-exclusionary and who isn’t. Then I could know who to avoid if I ever date again!

In some ways I think the bisexual / pansexual / queer future I imagine when I think about this question is already happening for some youth and the world they’re living in. There are so many of them coming out so much earlier than I did, and embracing a wide variety of non-monosexual identities. It’s like they know that there is such a beautiful rainbow of options before them and they don’t have to squeeze themselves into a gay or lesbian identity if that’s not what fits best for them. It took me so long to figure that out! I hope in the future that every person coming out at any age feels free to adopt and try out whatever identity or label that fits best for them, and to change their mind if they want to. I want the freedom and queer belonging I’ve seen in some young bi+ people to be had by everyone.

Another thing that is great about today that feels like the future I would have wanted are the many amazing examples of bisexual representation in TV and books. I would have killed for this variety 15 or 20 years ago. I mean, I have over 400 books on my bisexual shelf on Goodreads! And we have real-life bi peope like Stephanie Beatrix playing bisexual characters on TV. What a blessing! For the future I would love to see bi+ media representation get more diverse and centre more people of color, people with diverse abilities, nonbinary people, trans people and — odd as it might seem to say — more men.

On a personal note, I am at the beginning of some big adulting type things like getting a mortgage and planning to have kids with my cis male partner. What I really want for my own future is to avoid disappearing into bisexual invisibility / supposed heterosexual normalcy. I think this means bisexual community. So stay tuned for the bisexual mom/parent group I may be starting in my small west coast city? In the meantime I have the amazing bi+ community at Autostraddle, which I am so, so grateful for.

Mara Wilson, Noted Bisexual

First, and most importantly, I wish it could be universally agreed that bisexual does not imply a binary. It does not have to mean “both men and women” (others’ words, not mine); it can, and should, and in my opinion, does mean “both my gender, and other genders.” A binary interpretation can deter people from using it, and I actually struggled with it myself when I first came out. But it’s still the term I feel feels the best for me, someone attracted to both my gender and to other genders, be they transgender, cis, non-binary, any gender. “Pansexual” has never quite felt right for me, but of course, those who identify as such should use it. Bisexuality, as I envision it, should be seen as inclusive, and should absolutely not be transphobic.

I would also like to renew my call for boring bisexual characters in fiction! I want characters who post a lot of pictures of their cats and go to bed early when they have migraines. If we are going to be represented as “evil” or “confused,” there better at least be other characters on that show or in that book who are bisexual and good, or bisexual and boring. (Killing Eve does a good job with this, in my opinion.) We can of course, be evil bisexual (see: Gaby Dunn), or confused bisexual (see: ), but it’s not because we bisexual.

- - -

Por Charo Alises (@viborillapicara)

24 de septiembre de 2019

Al inicio del curso escolar, la organización ultracatólica Hazte Oír,  envió a 23.000 colegios públicos y concertados de toda España sendos ejemplares del “PIN parental contra el adoctrinamiento en ideología de género”, un formulario con el objetivo de que los padres soliciten información previa y consentimiento expreso para la asistencia de sus hijos a clases en las que se imparta contenido afectivo-sexual dentro del horario lectivo.

Está claro, que tras estas acciones contra las charlas sobre diversidad sexual, de género y familiar que se imparten en los centros educativos, está la férrea oposición a que el alumnado interiorice que ser LGTBI es igual de respetable que ser heterosexual.

Frente a la cruzada emprendida por Hazte Oír para erradicar toda mención a las personas lesbianas, gais, bisexuales y trans en los centros educativos, no hay que olvidar que en las aulas hay niñas, niñes, niños y adolescentes LGTBI y pertenecientes a familias LGTBI cuyo interés superior es la obligación de protegerles de la discriminación, el acoso y la violencia. En este sentido, la formación -a todos los niveles- en el respeto a la diversidad sexual, de género y familiar es fundamental para hacer frente a la homofobia y la transfobia que sufre el alumnado LGTBI desde edades tempranas en los centros escolares.

En  esta cuestión, los poderes públicos tienen un papel fundamental. La Convención  de los Derechos del Niño  -ratificada por España- en su artículo 3.1 establece:

En todas las medidas concernientes a los niños que tomen las instituciones públicas o privadas de bienestar social, los tribunales, las autoridades administrativas o los órganos legislativos, una consideración primordial a que se atenderá será el interés superior del niño.

En el mismo sentido se expresa la Ley de Infancia y Adolescencia de 2015, en su artículo 11.3, dice:

Los poderes públicos desarrollarán actuaciones encaminadas a la sensibilización, prevención, detección, notificación, asistencia y protección de cualquier forma de violencia contra la infancia y la adolescencia mediante procedimientos que aseguren la coordinación y la colaboración entre las distintas Administraciones, entidades colaboradoras y servicios competentes, tanto públicos como privados, para garantizar una actuación integral.

La legislación española articula un  marco normativo para educar en el respeto a la diversidad. La Constitución consagra la igualdad y no discriminación como derechos fundamentales, impone a los poderes públicos la obligación de impedir cualquier tipo de discriminación y fija como objetivo primordial de la educación el respeto los principios  democráticos de convivencia y a los derechos y libertades fundamentales:

Artículo 9

Corresponde a los poderes públicos promover las condiciones para que la libertad y la igualdad del individuo y de los grupos en que se integra sean reales y efectivas; remover los obstáculos que impidan o dificulten su plenitud y facilitar la participación de todos los ciudadanos en la vida política, económica, cultural y social.

Artículo 10

La dignidad de la persona, los derechos inviolables que le son inherentes, el libre desarrollo de la personalidad, el respeto a la ley y a los derechos de los demás son fundamento del orden político y de la paz social.

Artículo 14

Los españoles son iguales ante la ley, sin que pueda prevalecer discriminación alguna por razón de nacimiento, raza, sexo, religión, opinión o cualquier otra condición o circunstancia personal o social.

Artículo 27.2.

La educación tendrá por objeto el pleno desarrollo de la personalidad humana en el respeto a los principios democráticos de convivencia y a los derechos y libertades fundamentales.

Del mismo modo, la Ley Orgánica para la Mejora de la Educación (LOMCE), establece como principio informador en su artículo 1.b:

La equidad, que garantice la igualdad de oportunidades para el pleno desarrollo de la personalidad a través de la educación, la inclusión educativa, la igualdad de derechos y oportunidades que ayuden a superar cualquier discriminación.

Las leyes LGTBI aprobadas en diversas Comunidades Autónomas incorporan también medidas para garantizar la igualdad y no discriminación por orientación sexual, identidad o expresión de género en los centros

La educación en el respeto a la diversidad es un derecho fundamental del alumnado reconocido en la Constitución y, como tal, prevalece sobre las atribuciones propias de la patria potestad.

- - -

For 20 years of my life I grew up in a fundamentalist non-denominational Christian family.

I obediently attended church twice a day on Sunday. I prayed unceasingly, sang worship songs, gave money, and listened to the preachers. I witnessed the scandals. I heard the gossiping. I went to many mid-week bible studies, gave out religious pamphlets once a year and read the entire bible back to front three times over. Hell, I even learned a tiny bit of ancient Greek to help me translate the original biblical text better.

This article is a testament to a lot of what I’ve learned about Christianity and sex. If I were to truly reveal everything I’ve learned about this major world religion, I’d probably write an entire book – or three.

You may be wondering why I’m only shining the spotlight on Christianity. After all, don’t other religions create sexually repressed and twisted people? The answer is yes. Religions like Islam, Judaism and even Hinduism do indeed distort sexuality. But due to time and length restrictions, I can only focus on Christianity for now. Also, I don’t have as much experience with other religions as I do with Christianity. So I think it’s best for me to start with what I’ve had first-hand experience with.

Put simply, Christian sex indoctrination is one of the greatest scourges of the planet.

It’s time to examine how Christian perceptions of sex influence us.

Christianity and its corruption of sex has tormented, plagued and afflicted millions upon millions of people throughout the ages. We will explore these dangerous forms of indoctrination in this article.

Before I begin, I want to say that not all followers of Christ conform to organized Christianity. Many admirers of Christ have healthy perceptions of sex and sexuality – although these represent a minority. Like many others, I believe that Christ was a wise and enlightened man and I respect the lessons he taught. However, I don’t subscribe to the Bible.

How Christian Beliefs Infiltrate Our Perceptions of Sex

Even if you weren’t raised in a Christian household, you were still raised in a religious culture. This religious culture was heavily influenced by at least one of the major world religions.

If you were raised in the West, for example, Christianity was almost guaranteed to enter your life at some point.  From the way sex was spoken about in school to the laws passed today, sexual perceptions, choices and beliefs were made for you since birth.

According to how fierce the religious climate you lived in was, you would have learned that God hears all lustful thoughts. You would have been taught that sex before marriage is immoral and punishable with hellfire. That masturbation is dirty. Homosexuality (“sodomy”) is a perversion. Abortion is murder.

Since a young age, Christianity infects us with illness and gives us the imaginary “cure.” Because we’re unable to think critically as children, we easily accept what we’re taught. Being taught that there is an immortal, unconditionally loving God in the sky makes us feel safe and secure. Children love this. (As a child I remember how nice it felt to be protected.) But then as we get older we’re taught that this God has special rules for us. Finally, in our teenage years we’re taught that God loves us, but he’ll send us to hell if we disobey him. This place is described as being a “blazing furnace” where there will be “weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 13:42).

As our bodies begin to go through changes in adolescence, we’re taught to feel condemned by our own sex drive. We’re told that we must abstain from masturbation because Jesus is always watching us. We’re warned not to engage in pre-marital sex, and cautioned of the shame and horror that will befall us if we do.

As young adults, we’re taught that God’s word (the Bible), is the absolute truth. Because we were conditioned since birth to associate God with wisdom, protection, and the bringer of salvation, we begin studying the bible obediently. I remember how much of a relief it was to have life all figured out. It was so nice to read “God’s Word” whenever I was stranded in a moral dilemma or a confusing situation. I didn’t even have to think for myself! I could just quote scripture and be backed by the “fact” that it was spoken directly from God. Soon my every thought, opinion and belief was filtered by the Bible. This is a very effective method of brainwashing that many other Christians experience every single day.

As adults, we develop something I call the inner “religious police.” Our inner religious police ensure that we stay obedient (enslaved) to the dogmas and creeds of Christianity. Their job is to constantly filter our thoughts and feelings through the use of shame and guilt. Anything judged as not being “biblical” is locked out of the conscious mind and repressed into the Shadow Self. For example, a Christian man who has sexual thoughts about a woman is instantly arrested by his inner religious police. His inner religious police condemn the thought as “sinful” and infect him with guilt, shame, and the fear of punishment from God. This ensures that he continues to stay faithful to the laws of God.

To remain as a righteous “soldier” of Christ, men and woman alike memorize a number of Bible verses to keep sin away. Here are some examples:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:27-30)

“But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8)

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4)

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5)

As we can see, such Biblical verses promote sexual avoidance, aversion, and terror. If certain kinds of sexual behavior can land you straight in Satan’s lap, you better be careful!

But as we’ll soon see, being a Christian doesn’t correlate with being a more “moral” person. In fact, in many cases it actually does the opposite.

Christian Sex Myths

The following Christian sex myths are responsible for many of the problems we’ll explore next. Here is only a small sample of the many destructive ideas out there that Christianity supports:

If you lust in your heart, you’ve committed adultery

The sole purpose of sex is to make babies

Jesus/God is watching while you masturbate

Women who have slept with multiple people are whores

Pre-marital sex is a ticket straight into hell

You’re not allowed to be attracted to others when you’re married

Homosexuality and lesbianism is abnormal and perverted

Teaching children about sex will increase their chances of engaging in such acts

Pornography is from the devil

Teaching people about Jesus’ plan of salvation will prevent them from engaging in “unlawful” sex

Women are temptresses and lead men astray (never the other way around)

The only appropriate sex position is penis-vaginal “missionary” – anal, oral, and other types of sex are sinful

Celebrating sex is dangerous

Having lots of sex is inappropriate

Women should always be subservient to men

Yikes.

And yet in America alone, the most religious areas have the highest divorce rates. Not only that, but the highest rate of porn use can be found in the most religiously conservative states.

Here are some statistics:

77% of Christian men aged 18-30 look at porn at least monthly … think about that statistic for a moment

36% of Christian men aged 18-30 view porn daily

32% believe they’re addicted to porn

77% of married Christian men look at porn monthly

35% of married Christian men have had affairs

Divorce rates are highest in the southern Bible belt of America

Evangelical and fundamentalist Christians have the highest divorce rates out of all Christian branches

Here are some other grisly facts:

93% of sex offenders describe themselves as “religious”

In a survey of 6,000 pastors and the way they responded to Christian women experiencing domestic violence, 50% told the woman that they should be willing to tolerate it to avoid divorce. 26% told them to continue to “submit” to their husbands as the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:22). 25% told the women than it was their fault in the first place for not submitting to their husbands.

As for child abuse, the picture isn’t pretty. Examining medical, physical, psychological and sexual neglect in Christianity, Shaver, Bottoms, Goodman and Quin from the University of Chicago and California conclude,

Our study leads us to believe that there are more children actually being abused in the name of God than in the name of Satan.

Psychologist Darrel Ray agrees, saying:

One of the best predictors of child abuse and sexual abuse is the religiosity of the parents. The more religious the parents, the more likely they are to abuse their children.

How Christianity Creates Repressed and Unhappy People

Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian church, I saw a lot of things. But I never expected that one of the long-time members – let’s call him Andrew – would be convicted of child molestation and sent to prison. The church subsequently split apart (thankfully I was long gone). Apparently, the high and mighty head evangelist knew of this but had not said or done anything.

To me, this was a shock. I knew Andrew since birth. I really liked him. But now when I think back over the scandal, I’m not surprised. Examining my own deeply entrenched sexual repression and how much hell it has put me through, I know that it’s a dangerous thing.

The result of believing that there is an all-knowing, voyeuristic God who watches everything you do inevitably results in endless unhappiness. When your natural-born sex drive is the very thing that can land you straight in eternal damnation, you begin to resent yourself. Any deviation from missionary-style marital sex makes you shudder with fear.

Your inner religious police officer constantly lashes you with guilt and shame every time you have a “bad” thought or lustful desire. Then, the more you repress these feelings, the more they silently grow. Eventually, biology wins, and you give in to temptation and “defile” yourself.

The more deeply entrenched your Christian sex ideologies are, the more repressed you become. Eventually, as your smothered sex drive rears its head with vengeance, you become more and more perverted.

Religious sexual repression is easy to spot. You can glimpse it in the aggression, rage, judgmentalism, gossip, secret affairs, obsessive porn use, and smothered up abuse within the Christian communities.

How many times have we heard of priests molesting and raping children on the news? How many church elders have been caught having homosexual affairs?  How many pastors have been revealed to be abusive towards their wife and children?

To me, it’s very clear that when our sexuality is not honored or channeled in the appropriate way, we become unhappy, congested, and at worst, abusive or perverted.

The more we are made to feel like evil, damaged and diseased people, the more we slink through the shadows secretly indulging our primal desires.

It’s about time that we learned to see the ways in which Christianity controls and limits our ability to enjoy sex.

It’s about time that we come to terms with our sexual inhibition, frustration, and embarrassment.

Sex is not something to be ashamed of.

Your sex drive doesn’t need to be shunned.

You don’t need to deny the fact that you’re a sexual being.

Sex is something to be celebrated.

It’s about time that we celebrate it.

We can do this through self-love.

- - - 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: 

Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is an influential psychospiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a spiritual counselor and author, Luna's mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance.

- - -

How can a 16-year-old girl in plaits, dedicated to trying to save the planet, inspire such incandescent rage?

Sat, Sep 7, 2019, 06:02

Millions of young people flooded the streets of cities around the world to demand political leaders take urgent steps to stop climate change, uniting in a worldwide protest inspired by 16-year-old Swedish activist Greta Thunberg.

Why is Greta Thunberg so triggering? How can a 16-year-old girl in plaits, who has dedicated herself to the not-exactly sinister, authoritarian plot of trying to save the planet from extinction, inspire such incandescent rage?

Last week, she tweeted that she had arrived into New York after her two week transatlantic voyage: “Finally here. Thank you everyone who came to see me off in Plymouth, and everyone who welcomed me in New York! Now I’m going to rest for a few days, and on Friday I’m going to participate in the strike outside the UN”, before promptly giving a press conference in English. Yes, her second language.

Her remarks were immediately greeted with a barrage of jibes about virtue signalling, and snide remarks about the three crew members who will have to fly out to take the yacht home.

This shouldn’t need to be spelled out, but as some people don’t seem to have grasped it yet, we’ll give it a lash: Thunberg’s trip was an act of protest, not a sacred commandment or an instruction manual for the rest of us. Like all acts of protest, it was designed to be symbolic and provocative. For those who missed the point – and oh, how they missed the point – she retweeted someone else’s “friendly reminder” that: “You don’t need to spend two weeks on a boat to do your part to avert our climate emergency. You just need to do everything you can, with everyone you can, to change everything you can.”

It is the most vicious and the most fatuous kind of playground bullying

Part of the reason she inspires such rage, of course, is blindingly obvious. Climate change is terrifying. The Amazon is burning. So too is the Savannah. Parts of the Arctic are on fire. Sea levels are rising. There are more vicious storms and wildfires and droughts and floods. Denial is easier than confronting the terrifying truth.

Then there’s the fact that we don’t like being made to feel bad about our life choices. That’s human nature. It’s why we sneer at vegans. It’s why we’re suspicious of sober people at parties. And if anything is likely to make you feel bad about your life choices -- as you jet back home after your third Ryanair European minibreak this season – it’ll be the sight of small-boned child subjecting herself to a fortnight being tossed about on the Atlantic, with only a bucket bearing a “Poo Only Please” sign by way of luxury, in order to make a point about climate change.

But that’s not virtue signalling, which anyone can indulge in. As Meghan Markle, Prince Harry, and their-four-private-jets-in-11-days found recently, virtue practising is a lot harder.

Even for someone who spends a lot of time on Twitter, some of the criticism levelled at Thunberg is astonishing. It is, simultaneously, the most vicious and the most fatuous kind of playground bullying. The Australian conservative climate change denier Andrew Bolt called her “deeply disturbed” and “freakishly influential” (the use of “freakish”, we can assume, was not incidental.) The former UKIP funder, Arron Banks, tweeted “Freaking yacht accidents do happen in August” (as above.) Brendan O’Neill of Spiked called her a “millenarian weirdo” (nope, still not incidental) in a piece that referred nastily to her “monotone voice” and “the look of apocalyptic dread in her eyes”.

But who’s the real freak – the activist whose determination has single-handedly started a powerful global movement for change, or the middle-aged man taunting a child with Asperger syndrome from behind the safety of their computer screens?

And that, of course, is the real reason why Greta Thunberg is so triggering. They can’t admit it even to themselves, so they ridicule her instead. But the truth is that they’re afraid of her. The poor dears are terrified of her as an individual, and of what she stands for – youth, determination, change.

She is part of a generation who won’t be cowed. She isn’t about to be shamed into submission by trolls. That’s not actually a look of apocalyptic dread in her eyes. It’s a look that says “you’re not relevant”.

The reason they taunt her with childish insults is because that’s all they’ve got. They’re out of ideas. They can’t dismantle her arguments, because she has science – and David Attenborough – on her side. They can’t win the debate with the persuasive force of their arguments, because these bargain bin cranks trade in jaded cynicism, not youthful passion. They can harangue her with snide tweets and hot take blogposts, but they won’t get a reaction because, frankly, she has bigger worries on her mind.

In an age when democracy is under assault, she hints at the emergency of new kind of power

That’s not to say that we should accept everything Thunberg says without question. She is an idealist who is young enough to see the world in black and white. We need voices like hers. We should listen to what she has to say, without tuning the more moderate voices of dissent out.

Why is Greta Thunberg so triggering? Because of what she represents. In an age when democracy is under assault, she hints at the emergency of new kind of power, a convergence of youth, popular protest and irrefutable science. And for her loudest detractors, she also represents something else: the sight of their impending obsolescence hurtling towards them.

[email protected]

- - -

Kai Hazelwood had a novel way of celebrating Bisexual Awareness Week — throw an amazing, inclusive rager.

By Kai Hazelwood

September 16 2019 5:29 AM EDT

- - -

Visibility is important, especially in a world that doesn’t believe you exist.

I identify as a bi+ woman, although I use bi+ and queer interchangably. In fact I’ve got all my queer merit badges; I’m a full queer troupe leader now! But I remember how lonely I used to be marooned on hetero island, and how alienated I felt from the LGBTQ+ spaces I could find.

Even in Los Angeles, bi+ visibility is in short supply; so I wanted to make the kind of party that both my baby queer self would have longed to go to, with the kind of community that I could then only dream of, as well as the party the full-fledged bi+/queer version of me today would be excited about. Of course we need to march in the streets, lobby for policy changes, and educate people, but building joyful and visible community is a vital political act too, and it’s what Unicorn pARTy is all about.

I’ve been asked a lot recently why I feel so passionately about bi+ activism, because isn’t it easier to be bi+? Isn’t it just a phase liberal college girls go through before settling down with a guy, or guys go through before they’re ready to come out as gay? And why identify as bi+; doesn’t bisexuality only refer to men and women, excluding other genders and trans people? I usually smile and say that those questions are exactly why the work matters. First the definition of bisexual varies slightly depending on the individual, but is trans, gender queer and nonbinary inclusive: attraction romatically and/or sexually to my own gender and genders different from my own. Not necessarily at the same time or to the same degree. Not attraction to men and women exclusively as is commonly believed. And in fact according to The Bisexuality Report:

“...of all the larger sexual identity groups, bisexual people have the worst mental health problems, including high rates of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidality... Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities...This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.”

Look, it’s 20-BI-teen and I’ve arrived at a point, for good or for bad (I’m going to say for good), that anytime someone has a problem with my bisexuality, I’m able to say, “You’re welcome. I just gave you an opportunity to join us in the 21st century. I have a magical chosen family of queerdos and allies and if you’re too limited to take my invitation to join us and come swim in a beautiful queer future, that’s your issue and not mine.”

But I didn’t always feel this way, and I’m not naive enough to think that everyone has the privilege to feel this way too. The statistics tell us that many bi+ people don’t or can’t, and it has serious consequences on their health, safety, and economic well-being.

In honor of Bi Pride Week and Month, (yes, I know historically we have bi+ awareness week and bi+ visibility day but again, it’s 20-BI-teen and I say we get a whole month), I used my skills as an artist and producer to celebrate my bi+ community with radical joy; to tell our stories, and to make room for bi+ artists to have a platform. This weekend's Unicorn pARTy included the premiere of a new dance theatre work I created in collaboration with other performers called inVISIBLE, featuring real bi+ stories from real bi+ people. The night also featured some fabulous L.A. based bands like alt-rockers VATTICA, with bi+ frontman (and my partner) Alexander Millar, the stunning voice of the lovely country/pop bi+ artist Cindy Jollotta, and more. The whole night was hosted by my dear friend-love Miss Barbie Q and included a queer craft market curated by one of my closest framily members (friend family) Kristy Kennedy and her business Queerdo by Kiki.

Will one pARTy change the world? Of course not. But for just one night I created the world I want to live in. One where we celebrate who we are with fellow bi+ folx and allies alike, one where we can share community resources; like how to connect with the work of our event sponsors, The American Institute of Bisexuality, and their social community AmBi that has been my home for many years now, first as a member and now as an organizer. And #stillbisexual, who taught me the power personal storytelling can have on increasing the visibility of a community to its struggling members and society at large.

So no, Unicorn pARTy won’t change the world. But it’s a small, sparkly, rainbow start.

- - -

NOTE: bi+ is of course imperfect, but is used here to refer to all non-monosexual identities.

Kai Hazelwood is the founder of Good Trouble Makers and producer of the first annual Unicorn PARTy in honor of bi awareness month.