Look, poly isnāt for everyone and thatās fine. I think you have to be wired a certain way and not everyone is wired like that. In fact, I see more and more people that are probably not poly trying poly and failing which is sad. Sustaining a poly relationship is hard; it takes a fuck-ton of hard work and I think a lot of guys (especially young guys) donāt fully understand or expect that. Attraction and sex can only take it so farā¦ after that you have to figure out how to actually live with multiple people, how to communicate, how to keep insecurities in check, how to finance the cost of multiple people consuming stuff, from food to water to, well, everything. Thatās why Iāve always said that in order to be in a poly you have to really want it, beyond the sexy stuff; you have to LOVE the people you are with and make a CHOICE to commit and make it work.
But letās get back to the answer to the question of why poly works for meā¦ I always knew there was something different about me. In all my previous monogamous relationships I found myself having to control my feelings. I always had a wondering eye, I could make deep friendships and get ācrushyā feelings for other dudes yet I never felt like I was cheating. I could commit, respect, love and adore my partner, yet I always felt I could separate certain things in my mind and have other feelings and desires. Thatās the essence of poly. Who really says that youāre supposed to be with only one person? Seriously, who? The bible? Straight people? Your parents? Your church? Why is it that we are programmed to think that in order to respect and fully and truly love someone you have to be with one person and one person only? These are rules that we are taught and that we follow because thatās how things are supposed to be. I dunnoā¦ Ā Iām already breaking some ārules of how things are supposed to beā by being gay. Iām also pagan, so I donāt give two shits what any book tells me to do. I personally have a problem with unnecessary man-made constructs that were more often than not created to control, to subjugate. Some constructs are good; donāt get me wrong, we need order. Say what you like about our big brains and higher intelligence but we are still just animals that love to kill and destroy shit. We need rules and laws and stuff or weād be running amuck. But when it comes to love I donāt like no stinkinā rules.
Human beings have the capacity to love multiple people, deeply and concurrently. Thatās a factā¦ just look at a parent with multiple children, or our ability to have several best friends; the heart knows no real bounds and we are the ones that tend to put limitations on it. One person cannot compliment every single aspect of another. This is why we need friends, different people that fill in the gaps that our one soulmate canāt. Also, finding the love of your life doesnāt automatically make everyone else ugly and undesirable. We are animals, we canāt just suppress all that, we look at someone we like and a part of us will always want it. And what if you are completely in love, committed, happy with someone, and then you make a new friend and heās cute and he has things in common with you and your partner, and feelings start popping up (because, again, your heart doesnāt give a shit about your rules)ā¦ what then? Well, if you are strictly monogamous you either have to bury that deep and walk away or you give in and oops, you just cheated so bye-bye. Itās so sillyā¦ Poly just gives you that third option where you look at your partner/husband/lover, you remind each other of how much you love each other and then you open that door and you let that new person in. You give each other permission to feel, to let that love flow, because thatās what love wants. Poly permeates all my relationships. My friendships can be deep and intimate, and in my case, it expanded my relationship from two to four. Three incredible, sexy, amazing men that I can love, kiss, cuddle, take care of, feed, spoil, pamper, argue with, wrestle, tickle, annoy, entertain, make love to and hang out with, every day. Nothing has changed. We are committed, we respect each other, we do exactly all the things that any relationship does, just more. Itās not always easy. We need to have family meetings often to air out grievances, talk things out, or just share opinions on how things are going. Hell, we even got a chore chart for the fridge. Itās not all foursomes and blowjobs, trust me, but god is it worth it. Once you feel thatā¦ once you feel that love coming at you, from all directionsā¦ once you feel your heart swell up like thatā¦ itās impossible to ever go back.
Itās not for everyone, and if you and your partner are genuinely happy being monogamous then I donāt only respect that, I encourage it. But a lot of people out there donāt get poly. They see me as greedy, like it diminishes what it means to truly love someone when the truth is that polyamory is like playing with LEGOsā¦ but more on that on my next post. ^_^
kianamaiart
prguitarman
romaincrisis
baratheonpilled
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
yousharknotpass
