I don't log into this account these days. But I did today, and I saw that we have notes from as recently as yesterday. I have a backlog of messages from people asking for help that at the time, I just couldn't provide. I also saw the replies and tags on the old posts that are still circulating, saying that what I said has really helped people, and that means the world to me. I hope you're all doing great, and I'm sorry to everyone I let down by dropping this.
My first polyamorous relationship was abusive. Everyone involved including myself, had their own stuff they weren't working on, and we were all controlling, manipulating, and subjugating each other to varying degrees, in an attempt to get from them what we couldn't emotionally get from within. We were also all resisting each others abuse in ways that were counter-productive and contributed to its perpetuation. I touched on this in The Pitfalls of Polyamory, the post directly below this one. Several years ago now I entered what would be my last polyamorous relationship, the fallout of which is covered in Pitfalls.
I am now living in a committed monogamous relationship, and I'm engaged. I've been through years of extensive therapy including couples counselling. I've learned that pain is transformative, and we have to take an active role in the direction that transformation goes. For years I'd let each painful experience turn me into something progressively uglier, and the worse I got, the more pain I brought into my life and the lives of the people who loved me. It took a lot of work and introspection to undo much of that damage, and I'm still not done. I'm a work in progress.
I'm in two minds about the future of polyhorror. In the absence of Mod H who really created this blog, I want to leave it up to the people who carried it, who created the content we posted, who shared the posts and started meaningful conversations in the replies and replies that are still going years later.
I'm no longer polyamorous. Formerly, sure. I've retained all the experiences, and I feel like I can still contribute a lot to the community, but I worry it would be improper for me to do so as an outsider. I understand that some people in the community might not feel comfortable having someone who's been disillusioned by experience serving as Community Agony Aunt. Others might appreciate that this gives me a kind of clarity on the subject as an outside perspective.
I could bring in new admins and mods to run the blog from here out. I could stick around to contribute what I can, I could step down entirely, or we could decide to leave PolyHorror as it is now, essentially an archive. There may be even more possibilities I haven't considered, but I want it to be up to you, because without you we wouldn't have PolyHorror in the first place. I can't wait to hear your thoughts and will be here reading any and all replies and messages that come in about this.













