Boo-boo Kitty Fuck?

I used to but I don’t now

It never served me

so my brain deleted the parts of itself that trigger the sound of joy

The human brain is funny like that

She only keeps things that are familiar

Once, he said there was

nothing more pure than the innocent joy of her laugh

and I wasn’t jealous of her

but I was sad

no one can adore my laughter, because

I don’t laugh out loud anymore

I don’t think it would sound right if I could

not like a bell, or a bird,

nor the sweet tink of a candy jar

And when it bubbles up it’s all at once and it doesn’t sound like laughing

it sounds like my body begging

I want to feel that, too

bursting forth past the dried bits that had clogged up my throat

Too loud

Too abrupt

Too much pressure behind it

Like it isn’t my lungs’ first language

Like I’m trying it out for the very first time

Like I’ve heard of laughter but never practiced it

I don’t know if there’s a cure for apathy