As a detective, there wasnât much room for any of his anxieties to leak into his day-to-day. Sonny Carisiâs secret was that he stayed busy and surrounded himself with people that he loved. In the past, he found more and more comfort in going to church â in being around his pastor and fellow members â but since the case surrounding Fabiolas and the Catholic community as a whole, wellâŚ
Things were a little rocky, there, to say the least.
And maybe that is his problem. Maybe itâs been too long since he sat in a box and let it all out. During confession, there was no room for judgment â no limit to what he could empty out of the internal bottle he stored everything in.Â
Hands drag down his face and he nods once, twice. Itâs strange. It feels â âItâs just weird, I guess. Everything you just said about trauma and anxiety â I know. I say that stuff to victims every day. âItâs normal, thereâs no shame in it, talking to someone will help.â I have cards on me right now for the office in Manhattan be suited for dealing with victims of sexual assault.â For a moment Sonny stares at his hands and the unspoken âI didnât go through any of that. I donât need to be here.â is almost deafening. Blues lift, at first to Frederick and then to their surroundings again as he leans back a bit.
âI might ⌠do better with some air.â Cheeks color and he stops himself from mentioning that this feels too much like the time he was sent to the principalâs office as a kid. The chairs too big. The knowing look. The promise of patience and his knee-jerk reaction to lie for the sake of others, to lie if it moved the exchange along and saved everyone the trouble. Sonny isnât sitting in Frederickâs office with bruises or a broken collarbone but he feels like the doctor can see the slight bump that remained after it healed. That he knows, by default, that heâd lied about falling off of the monkey bars â that he wants to go outside because it was a habit formed by smoking.
He keeps his gaze upon him, sharp and relaxed simultaneously. Just taking in the man before him, forming his theories. So far thereâs not much, the report already being written in his head, but the notepad on the table beside him is largely ignored. Thereâs not much to say yet that canât be written in a few sentences.
Patient is giving. Believes others to be more important than himself. Seems to think that his trauma doesnât matter because he hasnât gone through what the victims he works with have gone through. Selfless, kind. Itâs...
Itâs been a very long time since Frederick has been able to talk to someone who is competent, who doesnât look at him like an enemy or an other. When Detective Carisi looks at him, Frederick feels like he just sees a person. Maybe one he's nervous to be around, but that is to be expected in their current circumstance. Frederick hopes to remedy that problem.
âAir sounds wonderful,â he says, his tone a little less clinical and a little more personable. He adjusts his cane and stands, wincing a bit as he often does. But the momentary pain is quickly abandoned for a more caring smile. âThere is a small patio just a few doors away. We can talk there, if you would be more comfortable.â
A second location with a kind, handsome, selfless man who sees Frederick as a human being? It would be perfect, if only it wasnât unethical to make advances on Detective Carisi.
But when had that ever stopped him before?