❝Not as crazy as Cheyenne!❞

Kidnapper:

“I’m going to tie you up!”

“Stop struggling!”

“Stop screaming!”

“Get in the car!”

“I’m never letting you go.”

“Should I gag you or blindfold you first?”

“Open your mouth.”

“How does this feel?”

“You’re coming with me.”

“Tell me what I want to know and I’ll let you go.”

“Why haven’t they paid the ransom yet?”

“Would you rather handcuffs or rope?”

“How are you liking the cage?”

“I may have to kill you.”

“Put your hands behind your back.”

“They’ll never catch me while I have a hostage.”

“Talk, or I’ll have to make you.”

“Hogtied on the floor is a good look for you.”

“Stop crying, or I’ll have to hurt you.”

Victim:

“Please, don’t tie me up!”

“Let me go!”

“Mppff!”

“Stop pushing me!”

“Untie me!”

“Please, let me see!”

“Please, don’t gag me!”

“Stop doing that!”

“What’s the gun for?”

“I’ll never tell you anything.”

“They paid the ransom, now let me go!”

“Could you loosen my handcuffs?”

“Why is it so dark in here?”

“Please, don’t hurt me.”

“Stop hurting me!”

“Could you get me something to drink?”

“That hurts!”

“The ropes are hurting me.”

“Here’s how it is…”

“If you’ve got a job for us, we can do it. Don’t much care what it is.”

“We’re gonna die.”

“This landing may get interesting.”

“I remember talking the feds out of telling my father. Or… or paying the feds out of telling my father. I get fuzzy on the aspect…”

“The world was ours, you know?”

“I got stupid, the money was too good.”

“None of it means a damn thing.”

“I’m a big girl. Just tell me.”

“She understands. She doesn’t comprehend.”

“If I want a lot of medical jargon, I’ll talk to a doctor.”

“There were no feds… until I started singing.”

“I think I’ve been kidnapped.”

“Thank God you’re safe.”

“What are we gonna do, clone him?”

“They won’t be expecting it, ‘cause they ain’t insane.”

“If it moves, shoot it.”

“It’s okay to leave them to die.”

“No power in the ‘verse can stop me.”

“We’re still flying.”

“So… you guys have met.”

“You made me love you, and then you… I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!”

“That’s not much.”

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

“We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.”

“Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh!”

“If everything were right, we’d be in jail.”

“Something ain’t right.”

“Everything I have is right here.”

“We are just too pretty for God to let us die.”

“Why are you so fascinated by him?”

“Didn’t she shoot you once?”

“You’re gonna come with us.”

“I’m standing right here.”

“That man is psychotic!”

“Mercy is the mark of a great man. …Guess I’m just a good man. …Well, I’m alright.”

“You’ve only got to scare him.”

“I had the perfect crime lined up.”

“This is all your fault, you know.”

“I might as well become a petty thief like you!”

“Anyone remember her comin’ at me with a butcher’s knife?”

“Girl knows things. Things she shouldn’t. Things she couldn’t.”

“Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain’t to be trusted.”

“I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there any more than there is for you.”

“I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin.”

“I’m… trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just… it’s not coming.”

“She’s a liar.”

“Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket…”

“Pain is scary.”

“I don’t like the idea of someone hearin’ what I’m thinkin’.”

“She’s just a kid! And she just wants to be a… kid.”

“There’s… there’s nobody that can help me.”

“You ever been shot?”

“Nothing here is what it seems.”

“I don’t murder children.”

“I’m a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.”

“I call it Vera.”

“He’s really very… gentle, and fuzzy. We’re becoming fast friends.”

“What am I, your advocate?”

“I need this man to tear all my clothes off.”

“How come you didn’t turn on me?”

“Relax. I’m not going for a gun or anything.”

“You oughta be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg.

“You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.”

“I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can… How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?”

“Drunks are so cute.”

“You will burn in a very special level of Hell. The level reserved for child molesters and people that talk at the theater.”

“Also? I can kill you with my brain…”

“I’m your wife.”

“Remember. If anything happens to me or if you don’t hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.”

“You understand, I’m sort of on the clock here, it’s frustrating. ”

“They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don’t make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?”

“I can’t keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship; don’t look at me.”

“If you’re being a gentleman, I may die of shock.”

“Ready to get off this heap, back to civilized life?”

“I don’t think you’d be safe.”

“If you die can I have your share?”

“I think you’re having a problem with your brain being missing.”

“You paid money for this? On purpose?”

“I was aiming for his head.”

“How did your brain even learn human speech? I’m just so curious.”

“Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.”

“To hell with this, I’m gonna live!”

“We meant it for the best… to make people safer.”

“If you can’t do somethin’ smart… do somethin’ right.”

“Big damn heroes!”

“We’re not thieves… well, we are thieves, but the point is we’re not taking what’s his.”

“We’re robbing the place, not occupying it.”

“Goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!”

“It’s a wonder you’re still alive.”

“Well, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but…”

“I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go.”

“You must be loving this.”

“You willing to die for that belief?”

“You take care of me, [other character]. You’ve always taken care of me. My turn.”

“You won’t tell anyone about me breaking down.”

“Boy, sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don’t you think?!”

“You just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked.”

“Yep—it’s a cow fetus.”

“You are such a boob.”

“Scared her away again, did you?”

“My food is problematic.”

“I think it’s the sweetest hat ever.”

“What’d y'all order a dead guy for?”

“I didn’t know you were out there.”

“Stealth—you may have heard of it.”

“First rule of battle, little one… don’t ever let them know where you are.”

“A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he’s not afraid of anything.”

“Yes, I’ve read a poem. Try not to faint.”

“She’s our witch.”

“It sounds like the finest party I can imagine getting paid to go to.”

“If I’m gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.”

“I can hurt you.”

“Look at the fluffy one!”

“I can’t abide useless people.”

“Let’s be bad guys.”

“I aim to misbehave.”

“Do you know what your sin is?”

“I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.”

“We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then… explode.”

“Half of these men wish you were draped on their arm.”

“I must be losing my undeniable allure.”

“You think you’re better than other people!”

“These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How ‘bout that?”

“Yes, sir, Cap’n Tightpants.”

“Don’t fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character, ask anyone.”

“I know him. And I think he’s a psychotic low-life.”

“Don’t you just love this party? Everything’s so fancy and they have some kind of hot cheese over there!”

“Call me if anyone interesting shows up.”

“I got stabbed! Right here!”

“You’ll have to rely on your winning personality to get women. God help you.”

“I’m a little appalled at her taste.”

“Don’t make faces.”

“The little man loved fire.”

“Don’t tell ‘em what I did.”

“Doesn’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?”

“Don’t care much for fancy parties. Too rough.”

“I will not have it in my house. But, since your mother’s already ordered you one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house!”

“Next time we smuggle stock, let’s make it something smaller.”

“Can I start getting sexed already?”

“Look, they got boy whores! Isn’t that thoughtful?”

“Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.”

“Tell me I’m pretty.”

“Well… my sister’s a ship. We had a complicated childhood.”

“Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he’s right with God.”

“Well, I’m not sure now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives.”

“I ain’t so afraid of losing something that I ain’t gonna try to have it.”

“You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period.”

“How many babies have you actually delivered?”

“I’m just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story.”

“Gonna have to explain that to me someday.”

“I don’t care what you believe. Just believe it.”

“We’re lost. Lost in the woods.”

“Does that seem right to you?”

“Keep the money.”

“Get this man to the infirmary at once.”

“Seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers.”

“This isn’t our home.”

“This place gives me an uncomfortableness.”

“You folks are all insane.”

“Would you be killed in your sleep like an ailing pet?”

“You gave up everything you had…”

“I’ll get better. I’ll get better.”

“It’s been a big day, what with the abduction, and all.”

“WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH!”

“Someone’s carryin’ a bullet for you right now, doesn’t even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you.”

“When you can’t run anymore, you crawl, and when you can’t do that, well… you find somebody to carry you.”

“They’d have to be insane to follow us through here.”

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to startle.”

“Have you completely lost your mind?”

“Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster.”

“Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill ‘em right back!”

“You are no one’s property!”

“Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?”

“Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle.”

“Someone starts poking around, shoot ‘em. Y’know. Politely.”

“I realize certain words were exchanged. Also, certain… bullets.”

“What we need is a distraction.”

“Oh, I’m gonna go to the special hell.”

“…I think we’ve lied enough.”

“You’re amazing. Who are you?”

“Some people juggle geese!”

“Promise me you’re gonna kill me soon.”

“What’s your real name?”

“I knew you let her kiss you.”

“Enemies? You? No, how can it be?”

“No one comes through here that doesn’t have to.”

“My God. You’re like a trained ape… without the training!”

“This must be what going mad feels like.”

“I swear… when it’s appropriate.”

“What are we up to, sweetheart?”

“I’m fixing your Bible.”

“It’s broken. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Noah’s ark is a problem.”

“You guys had a riot… on account of me? My very own riot?”

“You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I’ve ever had to transport, yet by far the most troublesome.”

“You are not the man I met a year ago!”

“That’s why I never kiss ‘em on the mouth…”

“But she was naked! And all… articulate!”

“I got a dumbass stick that sounds like it’s raining, how come you got a wife?”

“Oh, you stupid son of a…”

“I know your name, jackass!”

“He bothers me. I don’t know what it is.”

"If I wanted schooling, I’d have gone to school!”

"Hey, free soup!”

“I am a large, semi-muscular man!”

“I don’t belong… dangerous, like you.”

“He just has this idiotic sense of nobility, you know?”

“He can never just let things go.”

“You are very much lacking in imagination!”

“I threw up on your bed.”

“You have no idea! And you never will.”

“We’re dead in the water.”

“Don’t be afraid.”

“Sometimes a thing gets broke, can’t be fixed.”

“You don’t have to die alone.”

“He takes so much looking after.”

“You know I would never have tried to save [other character]’s life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!”

“Let’s go back to the part where [other character] gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, ‘cause I don’t think that’s ever gonna get old.”

“Everybody dies alone.”

“You know, you ain’t quite right.”

“Not as deceiving as a low-down… dirty… deceiver.”

“At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.”

“I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.”

“We’re gonna explode!? I don’t wanna explode!”

“She is starting to damage my calm!”

“Hell, I’ll kill a man in a fair fight… or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there’s a woman. Or if I’m gettin’ paid. Mostly only when I’m gettin’ paid.”

“You guys always bring me the very best violence.”

“You shut the hell up right now, or so help me, I will shut you up.”

“The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”

“Can I come in?”

“It’s time to wake up.”

“Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots…”

“One of you is gonna fall and die, and I’m not cleaning it up!”

“We just have to find the right treatment for you.”

“How do you feel now?”

“I think he’s gonna bring her flowers.”

“I’ll be in my bunk.”

“You are so lovely.”

“They look so glamorous together.”

“I swallowed a bug.”

“What was that?”

“People don’t like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think. Don’t run, don’t walk. We’re in their homes and in their heads and we haven’t the right. We’re meddlesome.”

“I aim to misbehave.”

             ♬   MY BABY CUT ME WHEN SHE LEFT –

                                               ♩    – DA DA DA —- ♫ —-

                            –  LIKE  A  S T E P P I N G   RAZOR.  ♫

Made with random  quotes from the show bc I have no shame

All can be altered, etc. to fit your muses and their relationships!

If this sauce were a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.

Kitchen, bedroom- I knew it was a room I was good in!

Oh, please, it’s bad enough hearing all those snickers as you walk down the aisle, but me in white-! Even I couldn’t keep a straight face.

I’d love to stay, but I hate your mother.

If this isn’t my heating pad, I’d like to know what other electrical appliance you’re using under that blanket.

____, back where you come from, people live in windmills and make love to polka music.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the living room being feeble… if I can find the living room.

Why don’t I just wear a sign that says, “Too ugly to live?”

My mistake. I thought since you look like Yoda, you were also wise.

My mother always used to say “The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.

Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.

I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in mid-air, he would have filled them with helium.

Oh, don’t give up, ___! If the ancient Egyptians could move twenty-ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet.

Old age? You don’t leave fingerprints anymore.

I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’ve had four kids- I’ve never had a Mercedes. So, which of my kids do you want?

There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.

Look, you didn’t ask me for my opinion, but I’m old, so I’m giving it anyway.

Dirty is in the eye of the beholder- okay, maybe that’s a little dirty.

Excuse me,  but I haven’t had sex in fifteen years and it’s starting to get on my nerves.

I like to watch the old guys rearrange themselves when they come out of the water.

I swear with God as my witness, I will never pick up another man! …in a library… on a Saturday… unless he’s cute… and drives a nice car… amen.

I got the feeling I was the man’s first date that wasn’t inflatable.

How come whenever my ship comes in it’s leaking?