he didn't want to fight with eli. god, that was the last thing he wanted. he didn't want to revert to the early days of their relationship where they fought more than they got along. and that's what this was starting to feel like , an annoying sense of deja vu washing over him. he knew it was his fault, knew he should stop , but he just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. eli pushed back , he always did. he was the only one who never let robby push him away , the only one that never left him. which made him feel like a stupid god damn idiot , but that was on brand for him. his neck rolled in annoyance at the word bro being thrown back at him , and he couldn't help it. he muttered a little ' stop , ' under his breath , a plea for eli to close that fucking box he hated so much. guilt seeped into his bones , but he was stubborn and never learned how to apologize , so he just stood there like a dumbass , staring at his boyfriend like that was enough to fix things.
eli turned away from him and it hurt , deep in his chest. like his heart was leaving with him. no , not leaving. just turning away. fuck. yeah , he was an asshole. the king of assholes , honestly. because he was so fucking selfish that he let his own fear of abandonment get in the way of the role he was supposed to be playing of a supportive boyfriend. he was happy for eli , so goddamn proud of him. but he was also a scared little boy. he let go of the skateboard , letting it fall to the ground and roll a foot away. he didn't care. well , maybe a little bit. but his priorities were elsewhere. he stepped forward again , eating up the gap between them until he was close enough that he could lift a hand and cup his jaw. he didn't turn eli's face though , just silently begged him to look at him. he couldn't force it , either eli would or he wouldn't. "i'm sorry," was all he managed to say at first , and even that was a lot for him. "i know you care. i know," he repeated the words to make sure eli not only heard him , but listened. he had so much more he wanted to say , but hearing kids yelling and playing around them made him want to fucking scream. "can we go somewhere? anywhere. the beach?" he asked , and because he felt like eli needed to hear it he added , "i love you okay."
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