4V

if i was a poet i would’ve written you all the beautiful words and lines you deserve to be known through.

dear mine, i am afraid i am not the best with rhymes and in this moment, i am only able to describe.

our love.

our love is as warm as all colors of the sky when the sun and moon kiss through day and night

our love is as fresh as the blanket of snow that takes the night to settle on windows

our love is as thrilling as the fight between wild lightning and stubborn rain

our love is as considerate as the silence of understanding that comes with unsaid pain

our love is as sweet as the secret smiles that are shared by four wanting eyes

our love is as timeless as the feeling of eternity felt in just twelve minutes of a hug

our love is as unpredictable as it could get on a mundane date like the thirtieth

our love is as unexpected as the rainbow that becomes seen in a month like october

our love is as simple as a stomach full of butterflies and “i love you too” replied.

our love is everything that my fluttering heart will ever want and everything my soul will ever need to be complete.

Everything I think is spilled out.

A thing like my heart is brought

out of a chest that’s been long locked.

Everything I hear is drowned out.

Everything is gone out for a break.

A staring contest with my eyes;

where winner never keeps the prize.

And so, I’m always first to break.

Everything can mean something.

A careful smile as I pass the corridor;

Is it just part of their character? No,

they know I pretend to know something.

Everything is unpredictable now.

A shadow, theirs, facing a shadow, mine;

Waiting to see who crosses the line

All it comes down to is this moment now

But everything will fall apart.

They’ll leave the little world I flaunt

A knot in my chest I don’t want;

So I’ll just have us stay apart.

to know the door to home

but not being able to step inside,

always an almost, to finding where

the keys hide.

to know the pain

but not being able to change,

foolish to believe it is the

only way.

to know the right words

but not being able to say,

as they get stuck to choke you

on things you wish you’d unsay

to know the taste of fresh tears

but not being able to wipe them,

as they soak into your cheeks

to become scars, on the insides of your brain

to know the edge of a fall

but being able to let it go,

as you couldn’t care to call

the ones that never show.

i don’t remember anymore.

not because i don’t wish to, brother,

because i didn’t bother to.

was it in an applebee’s parking lot

or the shopping street outside melvin?

im sure it wasn’t the swing in our backyard

cause your ghost hangs around there still.

i was walking with a shopping bag,

laughing with someone for real

or maybe i was buying a choco latte

but surely not at your favorite cafe

i knew it the second i couldn’t remember.

i tried then, truly, i lay every memory out

like an album that’s half burn, half torn

but i still couldn’t remember your face

i shut my eyes tight enough to see stars.

i swear, i tried to find you in their glow

but it was blinding, like those headlights

which made us go down that road

i am sorry big brother, i truly am

for turning up the radio

for taking off my seatbelt

for screaming at the end

and still not bothering to always

remember your bloody face

I want to write something for you

maybe a poem, maybe a song.

I want to see that sparkle in your eyes

golden-brown, lighting up my world

I want to hear you laugh

So my heart can go crazy at the

sound and my ears can be blessed

Okie, maybe I’m being too dramatic but

You’re angelic. You know that, right?

I want to sing to you, happiness

forever and ever and ever

God, I want to draw those eyes;

brown, hidden where your lashes rise

but I get distracted as you bite your lip

I want to click that perfect picture

and have it as my wallpaper,

a rebel boy artist’s bedroom poster

In simple words, I want you. And

some day, I want to say all this to you;

while you sit on the swing in my backyard.

I want you to watch me

as I fall in love with you.

You’re stepping down the rolling

stairs, talking with someone

engaged in them, listening

replying, listening, they’re gone.

You’re circling down steps but

you’re alone. Until they come.

They make you alone but not lonely.

Your own. Your own thoughts

eat you up. You want to run, escape.

Run as long as you can breathe,

as long as your legs don’t break down

beneath you. Life’s a circle and

you wanna make cut, a line,

a path that will take you away,

from poison scented rooms.

Away. Far far away. But where?

Home? You don’t…you don’t have

A home. You didn’t lose it.

You just never had one. True one.

You breathe out. Faster. And faster.

Tumbling down, down, down the

stairs; empty. But you were pushed.

Yes, no, yes you felt it. The warmth of a

hand. An invisible print felt even after

it was removed. An invisible sign holding

you back even after its ends begin to

rust. Tying your body to invisible chains

of salty tears and broken trusts.

You’re not stepping down rolling stairs.

You can’t. You’re at the bottom.

The end.

in the dark, on the roof.

sky lit up, by a thousands troops.

of stars, of dreams.

breaths of mist, hushes don’t die.

you and i, under the moonlit night.

of gales, of truths.

glistening tears, echoing laughs

when did we take different paths?

of pains, of fears.

freezing fingers, melting hearts

like the moon, we were scarred

of duties, of rules.

holding hands, ruffling hair

one last touch, a promised dare

of faith, of fates.

sinking moon, rising sun

it was time, we had to run.

from light, from love.

please put some flowers on my grave

“i love you, now its too late”

but that scent of lilies

i can smell from inside my coffin

you come, more than often

my heart aches at your sad sight

y’know, we were all but right

yet those muddy boots

i see you trying to hide through

you come to my stone to get rid of your pain and

it sure as hell keeps you sane

but what’s in it for me?

i’m the one amongst carved names

the least you could do is satisfy

what i these days crave

think of it as a latent request

on your upcoming visit, please,

leave those flowers on my grave.

vulnerable brown eyes find her in the crowd,

give her a glimpse, a blink then dart away.

but she remains oblivious, throughout.

to his disappointment, she doesn’t stay.

he waits another fortnight for a tuesday,

when they get to share the same space.

when she sits merely a metre away, so,

he can get lost in the details of her face.

until she catches him in the act.

he wants to turn away but can’t,

her grey eyes the cause of distract.

through them every second passes,

a minute before she looks away,

as two pieces of his heart fall apart.

but that tuesday she decides to stay.

her eyes follow every beat of his heart,

keen grey eyes find him in the crowd

notice his unnoticeable gestures, that,

deliver more than words said out loud

that are the start of a breathtaking adventure

do you stay up to think

what made our ship sink

do you know the name of every

ocean that made our love weary

do you know every city and town

that falls in the way to where we’re bound

do you know every second that weaves

the distance on which stretch our beliefs

i do.

i stayed up to count all night

the acres of land preventing your sight

i wove myself into the long path

one day, that will take me back

to you, with you, i’ll find peace

only when your sight i reach

7 thousand 4 hundred and 42 miles,

is how far you,

my true love lie.

i’ve seen the rainbows of joy,

in your eyes,

seen the waters of sorrow, pour like rain.

i’ve seen the fires of fury,

in your eyes,

but never had i seen, the desert of pain.

until one shivering winter day,

when i, your sole seed turned cold.

and i was lost in white bouquets,

a scene your eyes couldn’t hold.

your knees bent against the soil,

as i went deeper into the earth,

you couldn’t help but recoil, as now

i were to grow amongst the dirt.

i saw you last in that desert of pain

with no routes that led home,

but darling, in those sands of suffering,

will you truly calm your inner storm.

my dear, i send you this letter,

along with a priced possession,

which is now yours to keep forever,

in the shelves of your stolen collection.

it is wrapped in rich red satin, that

is held within a jewellery casket,

is covered by promised patterns,

of all my unbending habits.

the item bears every colour,

and can slip inside your fist,

unique, you shan’t find no other

a chance to own, never missed

open it with love, darling

but handle it with care

it is woven of a single string

if broken, can never be repaired

but my dear, let me warn you

of its extreme, fatal depths

if recklessly dropped into

its shards will bleed you to death

i saw you, at my funeral the other day,

a statue, amongst a hoax of gloomy figures.

you held a box, of things you didn’t say

edges overflowing, with torn pictures.

a thrush of gale, was all it took

for the pieces to blow away.

the ground beneath you shook

you could no longer let them stay.

eleven years of half truths

escaped your chained lips

a long-lost wasted youth

made you lose your grip

you spoke like never before,

dreamt words, out loud and clear.

“you were everything and more,

i loved only you, my dear”

if only could you have said,

i wouldn’t have left forever. And

you needn’t be seeing me dead,

as your cowardly lost endeavour.

you like the way her skin shines

but you like the way I smile

you knew me better, longer

but you want to know her too

you have albums of me, still

you want pictures of her too

you close your eyes to see me

but when opened you want her too

you could never tell me

but now she told you

i am your past,

she is your present

should you wait for me,

or should you tell her

you like the way her skin shines.

take a seat, have a sip

bare whispers on my lip

there’s a truth I seek to tell

a forbidden secret on which I dwell

there’s a world that i visit

every second of every minute

my mused mind bears the key

to enter the world of the freed

a black sand coated paradise

where you and i forever thrive

no wolves to feed on our thoughts;

now can lead to candour talks

but there’s a price you need pay

if forever you wish to stay

own a heart never known to pain

and a soul that could be slain

if so then you’d never be forgotten

surrendered into my paracosm

there your painless youth awaits

if the price you’re willing to pay

She waited for the lights to go out 

yes, her actions would raise doubts  

Yet, in her bedroom she stayed 

‘Please make it work’ she prayed 

She felt her hands open a black window

To fit in the big world she must let go

of the girl that inhabits her body and mind

There was no place for the unpopular kind. 

She knew she had been typing her fate, as

all she desired was none to humiliate

her, on her face nor behind her back,

yes a genuine friend was what she lacked.

She verified her reasons for closing the door 

and told her scared self not to worry anymore 

Everyone would want to be her friend

her loneliness would come to an end. 

She filtered herself into what is accepted

She still held the fear of being rejected 

by her peers who seemed to echo perfection 

To get liked she had to be their reflection.

They said image mattered most and so

her finger didn’t stop when pressing on post. 

But if she was doing this for her own good

Then why did she feel misunderstood?

tick tock tick tock

ten keys for the bedroom lock

i stepped out at nine pm

sweat dripped off my shirt’s hem

tick tock tick tock

eight tiles creaked as i walked

towards the seventh corridor

broke the last bedroom door

tick tock tick tock

six whispers and a shock

human feet dragged out

next five seconds brought a shout

tick tock tick tock

four am on my digital clock

three hours since he left the bed

white tiles then, now stained red

tick tock tick tock

blood on my flowered frock

two dead bodies on the floor

one sharp knock on the door