Ugh

I WAS ABOUT TO FINISH MY WHOLE ENTRY AND THE PAGE DIED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I wasted an hour writing and everything was lost mother fuuuucker i was so inspired ugh. Well whenever i have time i will edit it in depth. FUTURE JACKIE NEXT TIME PLEASE WRITE EVERYTHING IN WORD

Here are my highlights of this year and finally i can say it was my year:

Got married and we are so happy!

Got the best job ever and feels like i did not wasted 4 years in collage to get a degree.

Started streaming! www.twitch.tv/pockyplay After 5 years of wanting to stream i’m slowly building my community in the past 4 months

New year resolutions:

Start my master’s degree, lose weight like every year lmao aaaand hopefully to live with my husband in the US

I really wanted to make some time today to write this reflection about the year 2018. It was really hard, made me realize that you have to fight for what you want or else you will always be there wanting it. You have to make the changes of you life, not the person you love, not your family, not your friends, it’s you and only you. It also makes me sad me that tumblr is not the same anymore :(, i really wanted to go back but i just felt like it was not the same anymore(and no im not talking about the porn being censored lol). I will always remember  the golden age of tumblr like the first pokemon game i got, all the time that i spent having fun will never come back again. Failure is party of your life, I just couldnt get back to tumblr and I remember it was one of my new year’s resolution of 2018. Tumblr was so precious to me because it helped me, it motivated me when i felt alone, that’s why it’s hard to see tumblr dead.

The highlights of 2018 that i could think of is just bad experiences, to be honest i need to go back to my instagram to check what i posted through the year. 21 pictures were the total of posts that i uploaded on instagram this year, and for me it seems sad. At the beginning of the year I was depressed because I couldn’t find a job, I only saw my boyfriend like 3 times and went out to eat with my friends twice. The scariest part of 2018 was when i got surgery, it was my first time and i was so scared you guys have no idea. My gallbladder didnt work so they had to remove it. This happened when me and my boyfriend planned our 3 year anniversary vacation, we paid everything and at the end of the day it was cancelled due to the surgery that happened in 3 days. Also what it got me depressed is that my “family” aka aunts, brothers and  cousins never visited me when i was at the hospital and i couldnt believe that my boyfriend traveled 1 and a half hour in plane just to be with me. During my recovery i felt so loved, my boyfriend stayed with me in my house, in my room taking care of me. He made me breakfast, helped me shower and helped me get up from bed, I was disabled couldnt do anything. My parents were also there for me and my friend who is a nurse, i really appreciate them.

Also my younger brother got married on May 2018, his wedding was cute that motivated me to do the same. During the same month i got a job in a call center, sure i hate it but i get paid enough to survive and get out of my house and live on my own with my boyfriend. That was my plan, to save up money and finally live together with my boyfriend, however, once you plan something, life has another plan for you. My dad has an unstable job, something he gets paid hella good and sometimes not. Since i started working on May he has been asking me for money and of course he is my dad and i cant say no to him. Every paycheck i was giving him $200, $300 and one time i gave him $600, i was feeling really depressed because my goal was to save money and get out of my house and live with my boyfriend that we have been in a long distance relationship for a while. I was looking at my goal each fay further that I got depressed and was about to quit work, i was so frustrated and stressed because i had to help my dad due to the economic situation that we were passing through but i also wanted to live my life. My hair was falling, im still going bald and during that time i didnt felt like putting makeup i was so sad that i was about to give up everything. My mom noticed how sad i looked and she asked what i wanted for life, and i told her that i just wanted to be with my boyfriend and told me to go ahead, to marry him. Since that day i told my dad that i was sorry but i wouldnt be helping him anymore with the money since i want to get married with my boyfriend and need to save money. Currently im still saving money but I dont how to plan a wedding i just wanted to do everything in one day but of course is impossible but we shall see what 2019 bring us.

I did lose some weight due to the surgery but im motivated to lose more weight for my own wedding and for the stream. I’ve been wanting to stream since last year but i just couldnt do it due to the internet speed that i have. I decided to go to a cyber cafe to stream league of legends but my bf and my mom is alredy against that idea 🙄. I see this streaming hobby as a motivtion to keep going but people keep telling me no an being negative 🙄 its annoying. The drawing resolution i was really consistent and i was proud of my progress but since i got a full time job i just couldnt do it anymore.