alotofpockets library

-----

After years of practice, you had the morning routine of an early shift down. You and Cassie moved around the kitchen like a well-oiled machine, she was making a quick breakfast and filling your lunch boxes, while you got the morning coffee and coffee to go ready.

At the same time that Cassie put the lunch boxes in the bags, you added the coffee to go cups. The routine was perfect, and you loved that you were able to execute it to a tee, and therefore have an extra ten minutes before you had to leave the door.

You move behind your girlfriend and snake your arms around her waist. Placing a couple kisses to the back of her shoulder. 

“Before I forget.” You say as you reach for something in your back pocket. “Harrison asked me to give you this today.”

You give her the envelope, kiss her shoulder one more time, and then grab the bags to give her some privacy.

Cassie turns the envelope around, for my mom. She smiles to herself seeing her son's handwriting. He was at his dad's now, and she wouldn't see him again until the weekend. It wasn't always easy to not have him constantly, but on days like this she remembered just how much it meant to get however many days she could with him.

She opens the envelope and takes out a card. A folded piece of paper, on the front were two people drawn in bright colours. They were hugging with some hearts surrounding their heads. She traces her fingers over his written words next to each person. Harrison. And next to the other drawn person, Mom. 

If she wasn't supposed to leave in a couple of minutes, she would have studied every little detail on the front of the card before opening it, but she knew if she wanted to read the inside, she would have to do so now.

Dear Mom

I am very proud of you!!

Thank you for being my mom

Love Harrison

Maybe he realised what day it was, or maybe it was just a coincidence that he wanted to give this to her today. Either way, Cassie was tearing up reading her son's words.

When the clock strikes midnight that evening, she will have been ten years sober. A journey she started because of her son. The first year of his life she barely saw him, and she worked hard on herself to turn that around. 

Cassie was wiping away some tears when you came back into the kitchen, “Everything okay?” She nodded. “Yeah, he's just the sweetest.” You smile and nod, agreeing with her statement. 

Before coming your way, Cassie turns to the fridge, and grabs a fridge magnet to add Harrison's card to the rest of his drawings that you had collected in your home over the years.

In the five years the two of you had been together, Cassie had maybe once told you the anniversary month of her sobriety, but never the exact date. While making progress in her sobriety, it wasn't something she liked celebrating big. It was a positive thing to be able to add year after year onto her sobriety, but it still stemmed from something she was deeply ashamed of.

She assumed you knew her ten years were coming up, because just adding a year on top of Harrison's age was an easy reminder, but she knew that you weren't aware of the significance today had on Cassie.

You stepped into the driver's side of the car, and Cassie joined you on the passenger side. You don't know exactly how it happened, but if you were both working the same shift, you always drove to the hospital, while she sat behind the wheel on the way back home.

—

Dana gets out of her car beside you, and the three of you walk into the hospital together. You and Dana are heading the same way, and Cassie has to go in a different direction. She kisses your cheek quickly, before turning away. “See you in about fifteen hours.” You chuckle. “Optimistic.” You yell after her.

While working in the same hospital and every now and again being on the same cases, the hospital was usually busy enough to not see each other for hours on end while being in the same emergency department.

The night shift hands over the patients and your day instantly springs into action with incoming trauma after trauma.

You had been planning to ask Dana before shift started if you could slip out for fifteen minutes around twelve, but since the rush instantly started, you had gone straight to work.

—

Three hours in, you finally had a case with Cassie. An eighteen year old girl coming in after an intentional overdose. Cases like this always hit hard because they were so personal, but you knew they tend to hit Cassie even harder than they did you.

You lock eyes with Cassie for a moment when she enters the room, before she puts her focus on the patient as she introduces herself. “So, Jaimy, I am going to be asking you a lot of questions. I know it can be overwhelming, and if it does please let me know. The reason I am going to ask all these questions is to best assess your situation, so we can see how we can best help you.” Jaimy nods in understanding, and Cassie gets to work.

While Cassie is assessing the patient, you’re hanging a bag of saline. “Sorry, I just need your arm for a moment.” The girl holds out her arm reluctantly, not showing any reaction at you putting in the IV. She has been through a lot in the last hour, so you weren’t too surprised by it. Still you take a mental note, and look to Cassie before nodding back down to her arm. Cassie nodded back and continued her conversation with Jaimy.

You move around the room collecting blood samples and preparing the tests Cassie orders, while she continues talking with Jaimy about what drugs she took and mixed. As you move behind Cassie to check the output of one of the machines on the other side of the room, you put your hand to her back gently. She leaned into your touch slightly, a silent I’m here that you had been doing for years now and now just did without even thinking.

The machine is done with its test, so you hand the results to Cassie. She looks them over before putting in the orders for some more tests. 

You move around the room, just in the background handing Cassie whatever she needed, and setting up whatever Jaimy needed. 

Cassie pulls up a stool and sits down next to the young girl. The question of why she had done what she had done, had made the room go quiet. Jaimy’s tears start flowing freely, and Cassie reaches out to hold the hand laying down on the bed closest to her. “It’s okay, take your time.”

The room stays quiet besides the beeping monitors, and Jaimy’s soft sniffles. Both you and Cassie gave Jaimy the space she needed before she would be able to share her reasoning.

“It wasn’t just one thing.” Jaimy starts, wiping away some tears with her free hand. “It was everything all at once. University, my grades, my parents, my so called friends, just everything kept adding up, and my mental health was getting so bad and then I just-” She choked on her words for a moment, but continued after a deep breath. “I got tired. I just didn’t want to be here any more. I don’t want to be.”

Cassie squeezes Jaimy’s hands softly. “I am sorry the world has been feeling so heavy on you.”

“I don’t want people to think I did this for attention.” Cassie shakes her head, “I don’t think you did, you were overwhelmed, you were struggling, you didn’t see a way out. But there is a way out, and I am very glad that you’ll be able to have a chance to find it.”

“I feel like I’ve ruined everything.” Jaimy says somehow looking smaller than she did before. “Many people think that, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.” Jaimy huffs, “Easy for you to say.”

“You’d be surprised.” Cassie tells Jaimy, who instantly locks her eyes on Cassie with a found sense of curiosity. Slowly Cassie lets go of Jaimy’s hands and folds them into her own lap.

“There was a time in my life, where I didn’t think I could continue.” Cassie speaks slowly, her emotions high, but also her intention not on her but trying to help Jaimy. “I have made decisions I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt people. I’ve lost people.”

“I desperately needed help. Accepting it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It wasn’t easy, and it still isn’t always easy. But with the right help, the bad days get less over time. I still have moments where I question if I’m doing enough.” Cassie’s eyes move over to yours for a second, but long enough for you to be able to read the guilt she still felt in them.

“But then I have days like this.” She continues when she looks back at Jaimy. “Work?” She asks, confused. “Helping people.” Cassie says with a smile. “I have a son at home. I have people who love me. I have a job I never thought I could be worthy of. My hard days didn’t disappear, they just stopped being the only days.”

Jaimy took in every word Cassie spoke. “I don’t know if I believe that can be the case for me.” She speaks after she lets it all settle. “That’s okay, you don’t have to right now. You just have to let us believe it for you until you're ready.”

The room grows quiet again as Jaimy nods. Until the silence got interrupted by a knock on the door and Dana’s head poking in to let Cassie know she’s needed for an incoming trauma.

“I have to head out for a bit, but I will be back to check on you soon. In the meantime, you won’t be alone.” She nods her head over to you, and you smile Jaimy’s way with a nod. Cassie stands up and walks to the door, but turns around before leaving the room.

"I'm glad your roommate found you." Emma swallowed hard at the words. “Me too.” She said so quietly that you almost missed it. Cassie smiled at the small step of progress she had made already. "I'll come back and check on you."

As she disappeared through the curtain, she caught your eye for the briefest moment. You offered a small nod. I've got her. Cassie nodded back before hurrying towards the next patient. 

The emergency department never stopped moving, and neither did you. But, every now and then, in the middle of the chaos, there was enough time to remind someone that tomorrow was still worth showing up for.

You adjusted the settings on the IV drip quietly. Then Jaimy turns to you, “Can I ask you a personal question?” You nod, “Yeah, go for it.”

She hesitates for a moment, but she wants to know if Dr. McKay was telling the truth or just making up a story to make her feel better.

“Are you and Dr. McKay together?” You smiled, “We are, yes. Are we that obvious?”

Jaimy shrugged lightly, “I don’t know. It’s just the way you communicate without having to say a word, and how you move around each other like you know exactly how the other person works.” 

You had no idea people noticed the little things that had come to be so routine to the two of you. “I guess we’ve learned some things after five years together.” You chuckle lightly, even earning a small smile from Jaimy.

“Is that all you wanted to know?” You push slightly, assuming there was more to the question. “Actually no, I wanted to ask you if she was telling the truth.” “About what?” You ask, wanting to know if there was anything specific that she was questioning. “All of it.” She didn’t sound judgemental, just genuinely curious.

You sat down in the stool that Cassie left beside the bed. “Every word was true.” Jaimy stares down at her hands in her lap, running the sheets through her hand. “I thought maybe she was just trying to make me feel better, I didn’t know.”

“You’re good. She would never lie to a patient, especially not about serious topics like this.” You thought for a moment which parts of everything you could and should share, but you settled on something simple.

“I met her after she got help, when she was in a better place. I’ve been with her through many bad days though. I notice the guilt she carries, but I also notice the woman that makes me breakfast in the morning, even when she’s in a hurry. The mother that keeps all her son’s drawings on the fridge. The doctor that makes sure every patient is heard, and gets the proper care. The partner that has learned to cook my favourite meal, so she can make it on my bad days.” You think for a moment, was that everything you wanted to say? Then you think of one more thing to add. “I might not have known her back then, but I’ve known the woman she has worked very hard to become.”

Cassie stood at the door, hearing the last part of your conversation. She had spent years wondering if people would always see the worst version of her first. Her heart warmed after hearing you speak so effortlessly about the life she had built. Cassie wanted to run in and hug you, but this moment wasn’t about her, it was about Jaimy.

“She really has all that even after going through lows like that?” Jaimy asks softly. You nod, “She built it. Piece by piece. It didn’t happen overnight, of course. It happened because she kept choosing tomorrow.”

“Do you think I could?” Jaimy’s eyes started watering again. You reach out and put your hand on her lower leg. “I think today probably feels impossible.”

“It does.” She fills in. “And I also think that McKay would’ve said exactly the same thing if you had asked her ten years ago.”

Jaimy was quiet again, taking in your words this time. “I hope she’s right. And I hope some day I get to have someone like you in my life.”

“How’s that?” You ask her. “Someone that looks at me and talks about my bad days as a chapter of my life and not my whole story. You squeeze her leg, “I know you will, and you do. Right now, you've got us in your corner. And we're going to make sure you leave here with people who'll stay there too.”

Cassie gives it thirty more seconds before she walks fully into the room to check in on Jaimy. You give Jaimy’s leg one more squeeze before you give them the room, quickly reaching out for Cassie’s arm as you pass her.

—

As you walk out of Jaimy's room you notice the time and immediately check your phone.

“You alright?” Dana, asks from behind the nurse's desk, noticing instantly that something is on your mind. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve just been meaning to ask if I can slip out for like fifteen minutes in a bit, but it’s been so busy. And I hate to do this so last minute, but if it's possible could I do that right now?”

“Not unless someone’s dying.” Dana instantly jokes, and you chuckle. “No one is dying, but it’s very important.” Dana raises her eyebrows. You never asked to step out, especially if it was busy. You were one of the nurses she knew she could always count on. “How important?”

“Very important. Please Dana, I’d owe you.” The corners of her lips curl up slightly, “Fine, but fifteen minutes. Not a second longer.”

With Dana's permission, you rush out of the emergency department, and head to the parking lot where the notification said they'd be waiting. 

When you see him standing there you smile wide. “Thank you so much for doing this. I wish I could stay and chat, but I really have to get back to work.”

The man smiles when he hands you the black velvet box. “Not a problem, and my pleasure. Tell Cassie congrats from us.” You smile back at him, “I will, thanks again!”

Once you're back inside you manage to not run into Cassie, but since she knew your locker combination, you needed a different place to store the box. Dana, you thought, Dana would keep it safe.

Back at the nurses desk Dana looks at her watch, “Now why did you have to sound so dramatic, you were literally gone for five minutes.” You smile sheepishly, “I know, I felt bad about taking longer.”

“You managed to do what you had to do, though?” You nod, “Yes, I did. And about that, can I please owe you another favour?” 

Dana laughed, she hadn't even cashed in the first favour and you first favour and you were already asking for a second. 

“Please, I need you to keep this safe during the shift.” You pull the box out of your pocket, and Dana gasps. “Omg!” She exclaims loudly, then followed by a soft, “You're proposing to Cassie?”

You hush her and shake your head, “No, shut your mouth before the whole emergency department starts telling my girlfriend that I am.” 

You open the box to show Dana the silver and blue Sobriety Coin. The charge Nurse instantly turns serious, “Ten years, wow.” 

When you hear Cassie’s voice coming closer, you quickly close the case and shove it into Dana's hands with pleading eyes. “I've got you.” She says as she quickly tucks it away in her drawer.

Cassie stops next to you, “Hey, do you have a moment to talk about Jaimy?” You tell her you do and follow her, but not after mouthing a quick thank you to Dana.

She doesn’t stop walking until you’re in an empty patient room, away from all the noise of the emergency department floor. Cassie slides the door closed behind you, it feels like she is working up toward something big and important, which is confusing you a little, but you don’t push her.

“So, I talked more with Jaimy. She’s medically stable, and psych will clear her sooner than later as well.” You nod along, as it sounds like the standard of care with patients like her.

“I don’t like sending her home. I asked her who she could call if she was ever in a bad place.” Cassie looked defeated for a moment, “She stayed quiet. She doesn’t have anyone in her corner.”

You step forward, and reach out your hand to her arm, letting it slide down until you can interlace your fingers with hers. “I need you to hear me out, no Cass you know that’s against the rules, just please listen.” 

With a nod of your head and a soft squeeze to her hand, Cassie continues. “I know we’re not supposed to get attached, but she reminds me of me. She needs someone in her corner the way I did when I decided that I wanted to get better. I wouldn’t do this without your permission, but if you were okay with it too, I would like to give her my number. Let her know I am in her corner, be there for her, check in on her. Be for her who I needed back then.”

You pull your hand away from hers, “Cass,” she drops her head, feeling the no coming. Which she would take because she knew doing this was against work rules, and would affect your relationship.

But instead of saying no, you pulled a piece of paper out of your pockets. You hand it to your girlfriend to read. 

bad day?

call us whenever

cassie & y/n

Along with both your phone numbers written down. “I was going to ask you the same thing.” Cassie smiles, “This means a lot, thank you.” She looked out onto the floor quickly to see if no one was near, when she saw the coast was clear she reached out her hand to grab yours and pull you closer to her. She pressed her lips on yours shortly, before pulling you further into a hug.

Together you walk back into Jaimy’s room. The two of you standing at the end of her bed.

“Earlier you mentioned you didn’t have anyone to call.” Cassie starts softly, not wanting to scare her off with it. “We’ve been talking, and if you’re comfortable with it, we would like to change that.”

You take the note out of your pocket again, and hold it out for Jaimy to take. She reads the note and then looks between the two of you.

“You don’t need to do this.” She insists. “We know, but we want to.” You tell her, but she wasn’t convinced that easily. “Why?”

Cassie takes that answer. “Because someone did it for me once, and it changed my life.” Jaimy nodded slowly, “Okay.”

—

The rest of the shift blurred together. Just like every day in the emergency department. There was barely enough time to process one patient before another came into the department in need of treatment.

A teenager with a fractured wrist. An older patient experiencing chest pain. A crush injury after a car crash. A toddler that spiked a high fever. 

The ever changing board kept you busy for every hour of your shift. The only constant in your day was catching glimpses of Cassie.

Sometimes you only caught her for a second, walking into a patient room as soon as you laid eyes on her. Other times she walked past the nurses station while you were standing there as well discussing something with Dana. She offered you a tired smile as she walked by.

Once, she caught your eye from the other side of the department floor. She looked exhausted, you felt exhausted too. You okay? You mouthed her way, she nodded before getting pulled away by Javadi.

Whenever you had a minute between patients, you found yourself in Jaimy’s room. Not because she needed you medically, just because you knew waiting in an empty hospital room was lonely.

She was waiting on a psych consult, but you knew she had to be here for a bit longer before they would speak to her. You kept her company while you could, working on some notes on the stool next to her bed, or if you had the time striking up a conversation to get to know her better.

By the time night shift started to filter in, you were mentally and physically exhausted. You were finishing handovers when someone clapped their hands, “Who’s coming for a drink?” You chuckled at the chorus of groans and half-hearted agreements around the nurses station.

Javadi looked at Cassie, “Are you joining?” Your girlfriend smiled apologetically, “Not tonight, I think I desperately need my bed.” Javadi chuckled, fair enough. Then she looked over to you with a questioning look in her eye. “Another time.” You said with a tired smile.

When she walks off, Cassie turns to you. “You didn’t have to decline just because I wasn’t going.” You smile her way, “I know, I just want to be with you tonight.” Cassie smiles back, “Yeah, me too.”

Before leaving the department, the two of you stopped outside Jaimy's room. She looked up from her bed and smiled your way, maybe just as tired as the two of you smiled her way. “The night shift is taking over from us.” You said gently. “We’ve caught them up on everything, and you are in good hands. I promise.” 

Cassie takes over. “Remember we are only a call or text away always. You don't have to do tomorrow on your own." Jaimy's eyes filled again. “Thank you." You knew she wanted to say more, but she didn’t have the words. So, you reach over and squeeze her shoulder, “We’ll see you soon.”

—

The car ride home was quiet. You were both exhausted after the long shift, so you just sat in silence with the radio playing softly in the background. Cassie’s right hand laid comfortably on your upper thigh, while her left was on the wheel.

Back at home you took Cassie’s back, like you had done every night when you got home. “Go run yourself a bath.” You say as you kiss her cheek. “I’ll order dinner.” Cassie pulls you back into herself and hugs you tight, “You’re the best.” Her kind words bring a smile to your face. You place a long kiss to the top of her head.

As soon as you hear the bath water running, you rush to the bedroom and place the velvet box in your nightstand without Cassie noticing it. Then you place the food order before changing into a pair of sweats and one of Cassie’s sweaters. 

The food arrives while you are scrolling on your phone, seeing what messages you missed over the course of your workday. You quickly hit send on your reply to Harrison’s message asking if you gave his mom the card, before you get up to walk to the door to grab the food. Of course, it’s hanging proudly on the fridge.

When you turn back around Cassie walks in, her hair still wet, one of your old college shirts on, and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms she had stolen from you years ago. “What are you smiling about?” She asked with a tired smile. “Nothing, you just look super cozy.” 

You have dinner on the sofa. Just the two of you, a bunch of takeout containers and the new episode of your favourite show playing on the tv. It might not be much, but after your long shifts, this was perfect.

When you were heading to bed, it was nearing midnight. You watched the clock as you sat down onto the bed after brushing your teeth. One minute before midnight, perfect you thought. 

The moment Cassie walked into the room, you patted your hand on the bed to come sit with you. She had a confused look written on her face, but it was late, she was tired, and you were asking her to join you in the bed, so she just complied. “What’s up?”

You just smiled and took her hand in yours. “I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how proud I am of you. You know I am proud of you every day, but today with Jaimy, I got to see how much you’ve grown over the years.”

Cassie’s heart was beating fast in her chest. She was grateful for you, but a part of her would always feel like she didn’t deserve any of it. You rub your thumb over the back of her palm to get her focus back to you.

“I know you don’t like celebrating you big, but I did want to do something to celebrate you and how much progress you’ve made.” You lean back so you can open the drawer of your nightstand.

When you sit back up again, you’re holding the black velvet box in your hands. “I wanted to be able to be the first to congratulate you, and give you this.” 

You hand the box over to let Cassie open it herself. She takes it and slowly opens the box, not sure what to expect. The silver coin with blue accents reflected the dim light from the room. 

At first she just stares at the coin. She lets her thumb run over the X in the middle, once, then twice. As if she couldn’t believe it was real. The X indicates ten years of sobriety. Ten years since she decided she needed to change. 

Tears well up in her eyes, as she looks up at you from the coin. “You knew?” You nod, “Of course, I knew.” 

She puts the coin back into the box and puts it to the side so she can fall into your arms. You hold her tight, rubbing circles over her back. “You’ve worked so hard to come here, and I am so very proud of you for choosing tomorrow every single day. You are an amazing person, so caring, so loving, and I am glad to have you in my life.”

Cassie sits back up again, a serious look flashing over her face. “I overheard part of your conversation with Jaimy earlier. ‘I’ve known the woman she has worked very hard to become.’ Those words hit really deep, and I wanted to thank you for speaking about me like that even when you don’t know that I am around to hear.” 

You reach out your hands and wipe a couple fallen tears off her cheeks with your thumbs, before kissing her slowly. The kiss was soft, but passionate. It spoke a millions words of love and gratitude without ever having to physically say them. 

The kiss gets interrupted by the buzzing of both your phones at the same time. You each reach out and look at your phones at the same time.

They’ve moved me to psychology for the night

Thank you for everything

Jaimy

The two of you smiled at the message and the groupchat name, My corner. A silent look between the two of you that meant you made the right call to not follow protocol on this one. You each sent a message back, before putting your phones on their chargers.

You kiss Cassie again, and pull her down to lay down in the bed. You lay down on your back and pull Cassie into your side. She lays her head on your chest, and her hand on your lower stomach. “Thank you for loving me.” 

You press a long kiss to the top of her head. "You never have to thank me for that.” 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to fall asleep after that.

-----

-----

“Another win for the Arsenal!” You cheer as you lift your PlayStation controller. “Another? That was our first game.” Your lips curled up in an evil smirk, and Aggie knew instantly she wasn't going to like your answer.

“Oh, because I'm counting the real life derby from last weekend.” Aggie rolls her eyes, "You're insufferable." She laughed. 

“You chose this life when you decided to date an Arsenal fan.” Aggie chuckles, “That I did.” She leans in and kisses your lips. 

When she pulls away she holds your eye contact, the rivalry gone for a moment, until she exclaims, “Rematch!” And you're right back to where you were before the kiss, ready to beat her Chelsea team.

By some miracle from the universe, you're able to beat Aggie again with a last minute goal to break the tie. As the final whistle blows you turn around with your lips pursed, wanting to make a London is red comment, but knowing you are pushing your limits on rivalry jokes with your girlfriend.

“This game is rigged.” She puts her controller down in disappointment. You put yours down as well and turn her way. Instead of making another joke, you climb onto her lap and kiss her. Her arms snake around your back, instantly forgetting she'd just lost twice  as she pulls you closer and kisses you back.

Eight months ago, you'd never imagined you'd end up dating a Chelsea player. Now eight months later, somehow, you'd learned to live with the rivalry. At least most of the time.

Your family had strongly objected to the idea of you dating a Chelsea player. Then Aggie showed up with flowers, charmed your mum within ten minutes, and spent the afternoon helping your dad carry things into the shed. They'd reluctantly decided she was the exception. 

“Wanna play another?” Aggie asks as you move off her lap again. You smile, “Yeah, sure, if you want to lose to Arsenal again.” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes playfully. “No way in hell.”

Aggie goes to set up the next game, but sees you shivering beside her. “Hold on, let me grab you a hoodie first.” You smile as she rushes off, Aggie had a talent for noticing the little things, and you loved how she instantly took action.

She rushes back into the room, as though it were a matter of life or death that you needed that hoodie. She holds it out to you. “Thank-” you stop yourself when you see the blue Chelsea badge peeking out. “No way.” 

Aggie moves the hand that's holding the hoodie down in confusion, “What’s wrong?” 

“Seriously Ags?” Your girlfriend looks genuinely confused so you keep talking. “That’s Chelsea.”

“I swear that was unintentional.” She moves the hoodie. “But it's mine, see? It has my number.”

You look at her, trying to figure out if she's messing with you or if she is being genuine.

“You wear my clothes all the time. Especially my football stuff.” Aggie was still staring at you in confusion, which was enough to tell you she genuinely didn't understand. 

“Your England football stuff, not your Chelsea stuff. That is different. England is my country too, I support England. Chelsea not so much.”

Aggie nods in understanding. “Okay, well I will grab you another hoodie then.” She pauses for a moment as she looks at the screen, her smirk grows when an idea pops into her head. “If you win the next match.” 

“What?” You look between her and the screen. “If you win, I will grab you another hoodie. If I win, you will wear this one.”

You think about it for a moment. You have won both games so far, and your track record overall is also slightly in your favour. Aggie knows you like a challenge and don't like backing down from one, so her chances of you agreeing are high.

“Fine.” You say, already regretting your competitiveness not knowing when to back down from a challenge.

Aggie puts the hoodie down beside her and settles back onto the sofa to start the next game.

It was looking like you were going to bring the match into extra time, but this time it was Aggie scoring a last second winner.

“Rigged you said, right?” You say instantly. “We can't use a rigged game for a challenge.”

Aggie simply takes the hoodie and holds it out in front of you. “A deal is a deal.” 

You roll your eyes and reluctantly take the hoodie from her. “Fine, but I want to make another deal.” You put on the hoodie, because, as much as you hated having to wear it, a bet was a bet.

“We play again. If I win, I get to exchange this hoodie for a non-Chelsea one.”

“What if I win?” Aggie asks. “Then I will have to keep wearing this awful thing.” She laughs at the clear disgust written on your face. “Deal.”

“So, how do I look?” You ask with the hoodie now fully on. Silently cursing how ridiculously comfortable it was.

“Perfect.” Your girlfriend answers with a proud smile.

“Wrong.” You say back instantly. “I look like a traitor.” Aggie laughs and you can't help but smile a little, but you quickly compose yourself again. “No pictures.”

“No pictures.” Aggie repeats. 

“I mean it. If my dad finds out I am wearing this, he will disown me.” Aggie looks at you like you’ve lost your mind. “Dramatic much?” You shake your head. “This is deeper than just you and me, and you know it.”

“No pictures, I promise.” She grabs the front of your her hoodie, and pulls you in for a kiss. “But I at least have to kiss you while you're wearing this.”

“Let's just play the game so I can get this off.”

You fight hard during the game, but Aggie gets an easy win this time. You drop the controller next to you with a deep sigh. “This is Sock Gate all over again.”

Aggie knows not to comment on her win. Having to wear her Chelsea hoodie is probably already too close to the rivalry limit. But the Sock Gate mention cements that, so she just turns off FC26. 

“How about a movie?” You nod, clearly still annoyed at the loss. She lets you pick the movie, hoping to smooth things over a little. 

It doesn't happen often that you're on opposite sides of the sofa watching a movie, and Aggie didn’t like the distance between you one bit, but luckily you gave in quickly. Shuffling closer to her already after ten minutes of the movie, and leaning into her side within the first fifteen.

Aggie looks down at you curled up into her side and smiles to herself when her eyes land on the Chelsea badge on your chest. You might be wearing it because you lost the bet, but you were still wearing her hoodie, and she loved it when you wore her clothes. Especially when it was her personalised clothing.

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Liked by y/n_y/l/n, samanthakerr20, aggiebeeverjones, and others lucybronze: back to work 🏋🏻‍♀️ Load more comments

y/n_y/l/n: holy arms ↳ aggiebeeverjones: girl this is public 😂 chelseafan: yess we’re so back  lucyfan: y/n is down bad ↳ bronzeylover: can you blame her?

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lucyfan: throw back to some summery Lucy (and y/n)! ☀️ Load more comments

bronzeylover: Y/N LIKED ↳ lucyfan: EVERYONE STAY CALM ↳ lucyfan: nvm I can't! OMG OMG OMG

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lucybronze: first goal as a blue + great effort from the team Load more comments

cwfclover: what a goal too!! theblues: 💙💙 y/n_y/l/n: 3rd slide 👀 ↳ lucybronze: knew you’d like that one ↳ lucyfan: i want someone to simp over me on main like this ↳ bronzeylover: flirting on main again greiten: happy I could assist your first 💙

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bronzeylover: "holy arms" indeed y/n_y/l/n: do you want me dead? ↳ lucyfan: I can keep going? ↳ y/n_y/l/n: i’ll be here waiting 🫡

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Lucy: babe? You: yeah, what’s up? Lucy: why am I getting tagged in screenshots of a fanpage where you are simping over my arms in the comments? You: ehm Lucy: you know everyone can see that, right? You: yes? Lucy: just making sure you wanted to expose yourself like that You: and I would again when you post another bicep pic Lucy: good to know You: gotta show that I love what’s mine Lucy: is that so? Lucy: cause I just got done at the gym Lucy:

You: dgsjdsjdkjf You: holy shit You: omg  You: wow Lucy: omw home now x You: 👀

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lucybronze: June dump 

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wosoislife: I love when we get spoiled with dog and girlfriend content y/n_y/l/n: I feel like I’m being punished. Where are my beloved sleeveless top pics?  ↳ lucyfan: my apologies if I got you in trouble with the missus leahwilliamsonn: the fits 🔥

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The room was still pitch black when Isa’s alarm sounded across it. Isa quickly turned it off, hoping it wouldn’t wake you. She wouldn’t wish 5am wake up calls upon anyone besides her fellow cast mates that had to arrive on set at the same time as she did.

You were in the middle of international break and had flown into LA with the team last night. Instead of staying in the hotel with the team, you had opted to sleep at home, like your fellow LA based teammates had done as well. It wasn’t often that your international schedule and Isa’s filming schedule allowed you to be in the same place at the same time.

But here you were, peacefully asleep with your arm draped over Isa’s stomach. Your girlfriend smiled at how peaceful you looked, she loves waking up beside you, but hated having to leave you there.

She carefully lifted your arm, so she would be able to slip out of the bed, but you instantly tightened your hold on her. "Hm, don't go.” You mumbled, your eyes still closed. “Baby, I have to.”

“No.” You said right away and snuggled into her side. Isa chuckled, “No?” 

“Call in sick.” You said with a certainty no half asleep person should have. “Sadly that’s not how it works.” Her response was met with a huff, “It should.”

"Fine," Isa sighed dramatically. "I'll stay." The smile of your face grew, your eyes still closed and already half preparing to fall back asleep. “Yeah?”

“No.” Your eyes flew open. “Rude.” You playfully shove her away, a moment Isa used to slip out of your hold and out of bed. She leaned back down to kiss your lips softly. “I wish I could be there tonight.” You fell back into the bed with a deep sigh, “Yeah, me too.”

Isa went to the bathroom for a quick shower. She brushed her teeth and quickly put her hair up, knowing hair and make-up would be waiting for her when she arrived. 

When she walked back into the bedroom to grab her phone, you were already fast asleep again, this time lying on Isa’s side of the bed. She gently moved some hair out of your face and placed a long kiss onto your forehead. “I love you.” She whispered before leaving the room. 

Just as she was about to leave the apartment, she saw you match day back ready at the door. She smiled to herself as she got an idea. She quickly walked into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, writing you a quick note.

She folds the note carefully and places it between your shin pads, where she knows you will find them.

---

It wasn't until hours later, in the chaos of the locker room, that the note finally slipped free. Music filled the room, along with a lot of singing and talking from your teammates. The average locker room experience with your team before a match. Caught up in the whirlwind around you, you didn’t even notice the folded piece of paper falling to the ground as you reached into your bag for your shin pads.

However, your locker room buddy Emily noticed it instantly and picked it up before you even noticed. “Ooh what do we have here, a note from your secret admirer?” Your cheeks turned red instantly, it was no secret you and Isa were dating, still you weren’t a fan of every head in the locker room turning your way. You’d much rather have the spotlight on anyone but you.

"Foxy, please, give it back." You begged as she was making a scene of slowly unfolding the piece of paper. “Come on, Foxy, that's private.”

Emily just smirked, seemingly feeling very accomplished. “Ah so it is from Isa!” 

“Like it would ever be a question who left a note in my bag.” You said with a fake annoyed roll of your eyes. "True," Emily shrugged. "But now I've got confirmation." You reached for the note, only for Emily to hold it just out of reach with a grin.

"Relax," she laughed. "I'm not going to read your girlfriend's love letter." The room filled with oo’s and aw’s like you were back in high school. She hands you back the folded note and pats your shoulder, “Seriously, that’s between you two.” She says to just you and not the room when she sits back down beside you.

Once everyone turned their attention away from you, you opened the note. The familiar handwriting instantly makes you smile.

Good luck today, baby! And remember, just because I can’t be there doesn’t mean I won’t be cheering for you. Score one for me? Love you, Your number one fan ♡  

You smile while reading the sweet message Isa had left you. When she had mentioned that she wouldn’t be able to make it to your game, you had been disappointed, but this note made you remember that wherever Isa was, she would always be supporting you.

Emily noticed your smile growing wider and wider the longer you looked at the note, and nudged your shoulder, “That good?”

You folded the note carefully, before slipping it into a pocket in your bag. “The best.” You answered, your heart warmed as you thought about the message again.

“You gonna score for her?” You smile knowing that even your teammates knew you loved to dedicate your goals to Isa. “I’m gonna try.” Emily smirked, “Good answer.” The rest of the conversation got cut short as the coach walked into the room.

---

Filming days always seemed to blend together. Early call times before the sun was even up somehow made the hours under the bright studio lights feel even longer. By the time lunch rolled around, Isa had already lost all sense of time.

Truthfully, she didn't mind. When she was on set, time rarely mattered anyway. Everything revolved around the schedule the crew had carefully put together, with each department working to keep the day moving. 

Of course, no filming schedule ever went exactly as planned. Something could always go wrong that would impact the whole shoot. Needing more takes than planned, light issues, the need for more camera angles, you name it and it can delay the shoot day. 

But by some miracle everything went great today. The scenes came together quicker than expected, there were no unexpected technical difficulties, and every department was able to stay on schedule. Before anyone had really noticed, production had managed to claw back nearly a whole hour. 

For the first time in what felt like forever, they were actually ahead of schedule, and it didn't take long before the director called, “That's a wrap for today!”

Unlike usual, Isa headed for her trailer as quickly as she could. She wanted to get to her phone quickly, see how you were doing in your match, but before she could even reach her trailer, Taylor stopped her.

“Hey, where are you off to?” Isa liked to hang around with the cast and talk about the day, but all she wanted today was to catch whatever part of your match, whether that would be on her phone in the trailer or on the TV at home. “Sorry Tay, I am rushing to see how my girlfriend is doing with her match.” 

“Yeah, we know.” Gerran added with a bunch of bags slung around his shoulders. “If we leave now we can catch the second half in the stadium.” Isa stood there dumbfounded as the group of people in front of her trailer grew. Taylor, Gerran, Epideh & Shabana were all ready to head to the stadium with her. “No way!” Isa said before rushing in to grab her stuff.

---

You walk out for the second half and look up to the family box like you always do before every warm-up, before kickoff, and again before the second half. It’s a tradition you started long ago, even when you knew there would be no one for you in the stands, those were the friends and family members that showed up to support you and the girls in person, and you were always grateful to whoever filled the box. 

You knew you wouldn’t find Isa amongst the people sitting there, she was still on set, but you knew she was supporting you from there. The box was mostly filled with your team’s friends and family that was based in California. You spot a few of your friends that had already been there the first half as well, and send them a quick wave before making your way to your place on the pitch.

The whistle blew and you were fully locked back in game mode. The first half had ended in a 1-1 tie, and you had not yet been able to add your name onto the scoresheet, despite having a couple close shots. You and the team were determined to get a win out of today, so you gave it your all to get the upper hand.

After a couple of substitutions in the 65th minute, your team had two players with fresh legs on the wings, a change that instantly boosted your speed in attack. It took a couple tries but the third time the ball got crossed into the box, you were exactly where Emma had aimed her cross, all you had to do was flick your head correctly to get the ball past the keeper. 

A powerful turn of your head made the ball soar in the far corner of the goal where the goalkeeper couldn’t reach. The ball hit the back of the net with the stadium erupting around you. 

You run off in Emma’s direction and jump into her arms to celebrate. The rest of the team joined in on the team huddle. You give Emma a couple pats on the back for her perfect assist, before jogging back towards the halfway line.

You turn to the family area and blow a kiss in that direction. That’s when you notice her. Isa was up on her feet, cheering and celebrating your goal. Your smile grew and you quickly sent another kiss directly to her. 

Isa was blushing from the teasing comments of her castmates, but she enjoyed every moment of getting to watch you score and watch you realise she had made it after all.

Emily falls into step with you. “Got your goal for your girl.” She pats you on the back before jogging further down the pitch, leaving you standing there with a dopey smile.

The rest of the match goes on, but the goal you scored ended up being the decider. It might not have been the most exciting win, but a win was a win and you were proud that you were able to add your name to the scoresheet after all. 

---

You were the first to arrive at the family box after the game, rushing into Isa’s arms. “You made it!” She smiled, “You scored for me, but you didn’t even know I was there.” 

You move back a little to admire her in her USA shirt, before you look back at her shining eyes. “Of course, every goal I score is for you. I always dedicate my goals to you even when you aren’t in the stadium.” Your cheeks turn a little pink at the confession, but Isa just puts her hands on your cheeks and brings you in for a kiss. “That is the cutest thing ever, please never stop doing that.” You smile big, “I promise.”

Then you turn to the rest of the cast she’d brought with her and give each of them a hug after thanking them for coming and getting Isa to your game.

-----

-----

It was one of the rare days recently that you would be able to stay up a bit later than usual. You have a day off work tomorrow, so you could sleep in, meaning that tonight you were able to stay up late to talk to your girlfriend.

Emily is on a world tour and currently in Lisbon, eight whole hours ahead of you. The time difference isn’t making the distance between you any easier, but it was moments like this that made it all worthwhile.

You propped up your laptop onto your bed and video called Emily, who set her alarm early so she would be able to spend some much needed time with you. Your face lit up when her sleepy face showed up on your screen. “Hi babe, I missed you so much! How did you sleep?” 

In return you got a sleepy smile back, “Perfect. I dreamed you were here with me. Nothing beats a night like that.” Your face fell for a moment. Being there with her is all you wanted too, nothing beats being by her side. Emily was quick to take your mind off that thought though when she asked you about your day. 

While you told her all about your day at work, you watched her move around the tiny tour bus kitchen, making herself a coffee and some breakfast. You loved the ease of just being in each other's space, just like when she was back home. 

Emily was speaking softly, meaning her fellow band members in the tour bus were still asleep. She was wearing her headphones, so you could talk normally, although you were getting sleepier by the minute yourself.

As you were telling your girlfriend about your plans for your day off, you saw her look somewhere above the camera, like she was following someone with her eyes. “Morning, I made coffee if you want some.” She said to the person you assumed was now standing in the kitchen where she had before.

You heard some mumbling in the background, but didn’t know it was Mike until he plopped down next to Emily to wave to you on the screen. You chuckled at him, but waved back nonetheless. He was right on Emily’s level of humour, which made their chemistry on the stage amazing to watch.

Mike disappears from your view, and the two of you fall back into conversation. This time around Emily is talking to you about her plans for the day, leading up to their show tonight. 

After some time you find it harder and harder to keep your eyes open. You drift to sleep slowly, while the beautiful voice of your girlfriend fills your bedroom. She notices you drifting off, but she continues talking, knowing that you loved to fall asleep to all her useless late night rambling when she was at home too.

When Emily hears the rhythm of your breathing even out, and sees the steady rise and fall of your chest, she knows you have fully fallen asleep. The sight made her smile at the screen, you were so adorable. What she wouldn’t do to be lying next to you right now and hold you close.

She reached out instinctively, her fingertips brushing against her laptop screen where your cheek was. It was a stupid habit she had picked up since the tour started, and every time she caught herself doing it, it made her chest ache a little more.

“I miss you.” She whispered. You didn’t hear it, already fully asleep. She kept the call open anyways, just put herself on mute so she wouldn’t accidentally wake you up. You had done the same for her more than once when jet lag had gotten the better of her. It wasn’t the same as being together, but sometimes it was enough to pretend. Sometimes it had to be.

She picked on her acoustic guitar and started strumming some chords. Humming the words to a song yet to be written while keeping her eyes on you through the laptop screen.

Mike walks back into the seating area. He notices the laptop still open, and Emily’s eyes still fixated on the screen. “Still on?” She looks up and smiles, “Yeah, she’s fallen asleep though.” 

Mike nods, “Yeah, being away from family is the hardest thing about touring.” 

The two of them sit in a quiet moment before Emily starts strumming her guitar again. She went from the chords to the unwritten song to playing a more familiar pattern. It’s not a song she had played before, but one she had heard many times.

Mike recognises the song instantly, humming the melody along. The two of them share a look. A look that speaks more than a million words. A look that meant they knew exactly what was going through their heads. 

“Do you remember when you wrote this song?” Emily asks Mike. He nods, looking between her and her closed laptop. “Yeah, you miss her a lot, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s hard being away.” Emily admits in a moment of vulnerability between them. “I was listening to some music the other day, and ‘Where’d you go’ started playing. It wasn’t until now that I fully understood that song to its deepest meaning.” She says honestly, looking at Mike as she said it. With him being the writer of the song, she knew he understood that meaning like no one else. “I was thinking maybe that’s the song we can add to the setlist?”

It didn’t take much to convince the rest of the band to agree to put the song on the setlist. Of course the band had to do some rehearsals, so it wouldn’t be the first couple of shows they played. In a few weeks time though, they would definitely add it to the setlist, the Lisbon show would be the perfect timing.

Three weeks later you found yourself standing in the sold out Lisbon venue, watching your girlfriend happily jump around on the stage.

Bright lights flashed over the crowd as the band sang song after song. Your eyes never leave Emily. She was incredible as always, you’ve been with her since the later Dead Sara days, and had always loved watching her perform her music. 

The way she became one with the melodies, the lyrics, and the people surrounding her was something you could never grow tired of watching. The stage was her happy place, and it showed with every smile she flashed the crowd, every laugh she shared with Mike between songs, and every moment she found a spot to perform a silly dance in front of the fans.

Watching her like this made your heart swell with pride. But there was an undertone of guilt. Because Emily had absolutely no idea you were here watching her, she didn’t even know you were in Lisbon.

You fiddle with the backstage pass dangling from your neck as Mike’s voice echoed through your head. “Don’t tell Em.” You had tried to convince him that telling her was the better option, but he insisted that a surprise would make it ten times better. “You’re asking me to fly halfway around the world without telling my girlfriend.” Mike simply smiled, “Exactly.” He said full of confidence.

You had finally given in with a laugh, but you weren’t laughing now. Not when you realised what song was going to play after this one. This was going to be the moment where you would see if the surprise was going to be genius or completely insane.

One of the staff members found you in the crowd and helped you get backstage. When you make it to the side of the stage, the bass rattles through your chest. However, it is no match for your heartbeat. You’re convinced people could hear your heart beating even above the music. Mike makes eye contact with you for a second before turning to the crowd.

"Before we play this next one, I want to tell you guys a little story." The crowd quieted, eagerly waiting for this seemingly new part of the show. You watch Emily exchange a look with him, she knew exactly what he was doing. Introducing her song.

"A few weeks ago, Emily came to me and asked if we could add a song to the setlist." The crowd went wild at the realisation of a different song having been added to the playlist. You’d chuckle at the loudness of the reaction if you weren’t stressed out of your mind right now.

"Now, this is a song I wrote a long time ago. It's about missing someone. About being far away from the people you love." The crowd got louder and louder as they realised what song they were about to play.

Your eyes were only on Emily though, you watched her lower her head slightly, looking at the ground beneath her feet instead of out into the crowd for a moment. That was the moment you realised how much the distance between you had been weighing on her.

You wanted to run onto the stage and hug her right there and then, but you couldn’t be selfish, not in front of a sold out crowd.

“Do we have any Fort Minor fans out there?” Mike asked to tease the song even more. The crowd cheered loudly again. “This is ‘Where’d you go.’”And then the first notes started to play.

Emily brings the microphone to her lips and starts singing the intro. The emotion was already noticeable in her voice from the first line she sang.

Where'd you go? I miss you so

Her voice wavers but she continues on.

Seems like it's been foreverThat you've been gone

She takes a deep breath before she sings the next line. The fans notice the way the song is affecting Emily and cheer her on.

Where'd you go?I miss you soSeems like it's been foreverThat you've been gone

Then she stepped back from the front of the stage for Mike to start the verse. 

She said, "Some days, I feel like shitSome days, I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit"I don't understand why you have to always be goneI get along, but the trips always feel so longAnd I find myself tryin' to stay by the phone'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so aloneBut I feel like an idiot working my day around a callBut when I pick up, I don't have much to say

You wait patiently at the side of the stage watching them perform. Waiting to have a quick moment with Emily at the end of the song. Mike continues with the pre-chorus.

So I want you to know it's a little fucked upThat I'm stuck here waiting, at times debatingTelling you that I've had it with you and your careerMe and the rest of the family here singing, "Where'd you go?"

You smile when you see Emily walking forwards again, grabbing her microphone stand with both hands.

Where'd you go? I miss you so

Emily’s voice breaks after that sentence. She tries again on the next sentence but only gets half the words out

Seems like it's been forever-

Tears fill her eyes and she covers them with her hand for a moment not being able to control her emotions. Your heart breaks seeing her this emotional while trying to sing a song about missing the people left back home. 

She misses a couple lines but manages to get back to the last line of the chorus.

Please come back home

Seeing her like that made something switch in you. You did not want to wait any longer to see Emily, and luckily Mike seemed to have the same idea, because as he went to start on the second verse, he pointed you out to Emily.

She stood frozen in place with her mouth hanging wide open in shock. So while you at first were just aiming for an offstage moment with her, something in you switched, and you ran onto the stage. Running straight into her arms as Mike and the band continue the song.

For a moment it felt like it was just the two of you in the sold out arena. The noise of the band playing and the fans screaming the lyrics back at them faded into the background. It was only you and Emily for a moment.

Until the ever professional Emily unwrapped one arm from your body and brought the microphone back up to her lips, moving your body to a side hug as she faced the crowd again.

Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone Please come back home

Her emotions were still high while singing her lines, but they were a different kind of emotions right now. Right now she gets to finish the song with you in her arms.

Please come back home Please come back home Please come back home

Emily pressed her forehead against yours when she repeated the last line one final time.

Please come back home

That should have been the end of the song, but Mike had more planned. He had a feeling this would happen, so he and the band had prepared a soft instrumental outro so the two of you could have your moment.

Once again the crowd cheering disappeared into the background. Emily took out her earpieces. “You’re here.” She says into your ear before she moves back to look at you. “I’m here.” You say back before hugging her again. 

After a moment you break away again, Emily leaning her forehead against yours once more. “I can’t believe this is real.” You smile, “Oh, it’s very real.” That’s when she reaches her hands up to your cheeks and brings you in for a kiss. It’s short and sweet, with the promise of more later, but you both know the show must go on.

“I’ve got to finish these last couple of songs, but don’t go anywhere.” You place a loving kiss on her cheek, “I’m not going anywhere.”

As you step back, not letting go of each other’s hands until the distance makes you, the crowd around suddenly appears again. Normally you would probably freak out a little that so many people just witnessed a very private moment with your girlfriend, but right now you didn’t care one bit. You got to be with Emily and that is all that matters.

-----

-----

Losing the final match of the season by an error on your side had been weighing heavy on your shoulders. You had watched the moment you let the ball slip out of your hands right in front of Alessia Russo over and over again, beating yourself up for the mistake of not holding on. As if you hadn’t been critical of yourself enough for the loss, the media sure was. 

The first couple of weeks going online had been hell. Everywhere you looked there was criticism flying your way. The goalkeeper that ruined Chelsea's chance of being directly qualified for the Champions League. The inexperienced goalkeeper that was meant to become the future of England after Mary Earps retired before the Euros even started.

You tried to push the noise to the back of your mind, but when the new season started, you still felt the doubt from the media. All you wanted to do was prove yourself to them, prove yourself to your teammates. You were supposed to be the backbone of the defense, you were the one player that could not afford mistakes. The last line of defense. 

The next season had been going for a while now, and you had quite a few clean sheets under your belt. While criticism was getting less on the good games, that one mistake got brought up every time you couldn't stop a ball from flying past you, and every time you heard it, it broke you a little more. What did you need to do to prove that you were good at your job? That you were a reliable person in between the posts?

Amongst all the online noise, that you wish you could just ignore but always ended up watching or reading anyways, a video of an Arsenal press conference popped up on your feed. Daphne van Domselaar was smiling brightly. You had seen their results from their last match, she kept a clean sheet against Manchester City, a team on top form this season. You could read the pride on her face, and could tell she was on a high, being in the top form that she was in.

Something about it pulled you in, made you continue watching like it while usually you would have just scrolled past a video like that.

“Daphne, a question for you.” A reporter in the crowd started. “Last year you weren't able to get your hands on the Golden Glove award, but this season you are neck and neck with Chelsea's number one. Are you paying any attention to that?” 

She is quick to answer the question. “Honestly, I don't have my eyes on rankings like that. I give my all for the team and the clean sheet every single game.” She says very professional, but then you see a spark flickering in her eyes. “But now that you mention it, she’s been having an excellent season so far, and I love a little rivalry. Seems like a good motivator, so maybe I will start one right now.” You freeze in place, in disbelief of what you just heard. You rewind the video a bit and watch it again. She really just very openly declared you were doing good, and she wanted to start a rivalry with you.

Maybe a rivalry was exactly what you needed. A distraction from everything else, and rivalries would only make you better right? What could go wrong? 

You close your TikTok and open Instagram instead, searching for Daphne's account. Quickly typing out a message.

You: heard I apparently motivate you now

To your surprise your phone dings just a couple minutes later with a response from Daphne.

Daphne: only a little

You: hm, you're clearly obsessed with me already

Daphne: don't flatter yourself Chelsea

Yeah, maybe this was exactly what you needed to get out of your own head.

That’s how it started, little messages after matches. Teasing each other when one got a clean sheet and the other didn’t, the lead for the trophy at the end of the season moving between the two of you.

After every match you knew you could expect a message from Daphne when you got back to your phone, just like she knew to expect one from you.

When both of your teams met, you were asked to do the press conference with Sonia. It was filled with the normal questions about the upcoming match, and playing against Arsenal in another London Derby, until they got to the last reporter question. The same reporter that had asked Daphne about you, the question that started your rivalry.

“I don’t know if you’ve seen, but earlier this season I asked Daphne van Domselaar about being neck and neck to win the Golden Glove this season, and she declared to start a rivalry with you. How are you feeling about this and the lead changing in that race every other game week?” 

You smiled thinking of the numerous text conversations you had over the past couple of weeks, and how much you were enjoying the teasing back and forth comments, that felt more like a friendship starting than an actual rivalry. You also knew how much the fans loved the rivalry aspect by the amount of fan edits you had seen of the two of you mixed with Daphne’s statement, so why not add a little fuel to the fire that was already burning?

“I saw the clips come by, yeah. Honestly, I try not to focus too much on stuff like that.” You started off professionally, but the people that knew you well could already see the corner of your mouth curl up in the way it always does when you’re about to come out with a great comeback. “My focus is on my game, my team, and being a part of us moving up the table.”

Sonia nodded with a smile, happy that you stuck to the professional answer, after hearing some of the rivalry conversations on the training grounds. She was about to move on with the conversation, when you continued talking.

“But, if Daphne wants to turn it into a rivalry, I am not going to complain about that.” You looked up at the camera’s now with a teasing smile. “Makes the clean sheets a little more fun, doesn’t it?”

You heard a couple of chuckles in the room and a disappointed sigh from Sonia next to you. “You goalkeepers are all crazy.” She whispered loud enough for it just to reach you.

The press conference came to an end a couple of minutes later, you stuck around for a bit for some individual questions from the reporters before heading back out. You check your phone and sure enough there was a message from Daphne waiting for you.

You smile smugly, not even half an hour since the live press conference and it had already made its way over to the Arsenal goalkeeper.

Daphne: “makes the clean sheets more fun” Daphne: that’s cute coming from someone who conceded last weekend

You rolled your eyes fondly before typing back.

You: yet, I’m still ahead Arsenal

The typing bubble popped up shortly after. Daphne: for now Chelsea Daphne: not for long

It would be your first time seeing Daphne in person since your back and forth texting via Instagram DM’s, the first time seeing her since last season's match that the media loved to bring back up. Facing Arsenal again made you nervous, but there was also an excitement to see Daphne there. You wondered what the rivalry would be like in person, when neither one of you could hide behind a phone screen.

You really didn’t mean to watch negative comments about yourself before a match, but you stumbled upon one and just couldn’t look away. The algorithm made you fall in a rabbit hole of negativity, and you just couldn’t look away.

Then a message popped up in your notifications.

Daphne: you know most people prepare for derbies by sleeping right? Daphne: can’t be giving me the clean sheets points that easily

You roll your eyes at the message, and without a second thought you reply back.

You: really not in the mood for this

To your surprise, Daphne texted right back again.

Daphne: hey Daphne: you okay?

You type a message, then delete it again. Over and over again. Until another message pops up. You stare at your screen in confusion, it’s her number.

Daphne: call me

You hover over the message, and then finally click it. Daphne speaks right away, leaving no room for an awkward start.

“Hey, I know this isn’t very rivalry like, but I just wanted to check in with you. I know how pre-match evenings can be, being in your own head and stuff. I don’t know if that’s what you’re dealing with, but if it is, I didn’t want you to be dealing with that alone.”

You’re silent on the other side of the line, shocked about how soft her voice sounded while she just made the kindest gesture. 

“Thank you.” Is all you manage to get out before the tears start rolling down your cheeks. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I’m here if you want to talk.” Daphne’s voice is calm, and you could hear how genuinely she cared. 

“You know our match last season?” Daphne hummed on the other side of the line. “That mistake I made. It gets brought up every time I don’t make a safe. And of course now that we’re playing you guys again, it’s all over my socials again. How I can’t be trusted as the back line. That I’m not the right fit for the team. And I just hate how much it is getting to me.”

You spilled it all out, half expecting Daphne to just hang up the phone. But she stayed. She listened. “I think the problem is that no one really understands the job of a goal keeper. Yes we make mistakes, but we are also the last line. If it was left to us, then something went wrong way further up on the pitch.” 

“I watched that match back yesterday. You might’ve dropped that ball, but I don’t think you made a mistake. There was so much power and spin on that ball, no one was going to stop that. You actually probably made a better effort than I could have.” 

The corners of your lips curl up slightly. “Did you just say I was better than you?” You heard her chuckle on the other side of the line. “Is that what I get for trying to help?” The teasing tone in her voice made you chuckle as well.

“No, but seriously, thank you. You’re right, I think only another goalkeeper can truly understand this kind of pressure.” 

You stayed on the phone for another hour, just chatting about everything and nothing at once. It was nice to get to know her on this level besides the teasing comments over Instagram DM’s. 

“Hey, it’s getting late. I should head to bed, but before I go.” Daphne starts, her voice turning serious. “Let’s get back to the rivalry for a moment.” You chuckle at her turning so serious just to go back to your silly little rivalry, but you play along, “What did you have in mind?” 

“If you don’t have any plans already, let’s get dinner. Loser pays.” You stay quiet for a moment, thinking her proposal over, before agreeing. “Alright, deal. Better take your wallet with you Arsenal”. You could hear her smile into the phone, “Hm, we’ll see about that Chelsea.”

The two of you laughed about how silly the rivalry had become now that you were talking to each other like this, but then you turned serious again. She had mentioned wanting to go to sleep. “Goodnight Daphne, genuinely thank you for everything.” You say with a smile. “Of course, any time. Goodnight, see you tomorrow.” And with that she hangs up the call. You smiled at your phone, “See you tomorrow.” You whispered back into the darkness of your bedroom.

Continue reading part 2 (coming soon)

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Liked by alexiaputellas, aitanabonmati, albaps9, and others y/nputellas: an honour to be making my first team debut. could get used to this 💙❤️ Load more comments alexiaputellas: proud of you  patri8guijarro: what a debut pequeña! albaps9: living the dream hermanita  elialexiaalbayn: my girl! ↳ y/nputellas: all thanks to you, mami ❤️ kika.nazareth: assist queen!! 👑 

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alexiaputellas: just like the old days Load more comments

barcafan: can’t believe we’ve got two Putellas’s now  y/nputellas: yeah, you still tackle me just as hard… ↳ alexiaputellas: worked out, didn’t it? ↳ y/nputellas: sí 🙄❤️ number1culer: literal twins kika.nazareth: cute then, cute now ❤️ ↳ alexiaputellas: aw gracias kika ↳ kika.nazareth: wasn’t talking about you ↳ alexiaputellas: I said no flirting with my sister!!

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y/nputellas: this little girl just made her Camp Nou debut Load more comments

alexiaputellas: we did it kiddo, used to dream of this putellas11: give her that contract now!! what a game 🔥 albaps9: still the same smile. proud of you hermanita! elialexiaalbayn: you did it, my girl! so so proud of you! barcabarcabarcaaa: and what a debut it was 🔥🔥 kika.nazareth: didn’t just play Camp Nou, you owned Camp Nou ↳ y/nputellas: me? you scored a brace! ↳ kika.nazareth: only from your assists. we can share the spotlight, stargirl 😘 ↳ vickylopezz._: i thought capi said no flirting ↳ y/nputellas: you saw nothing :)

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y/nputellas: perfect way to score my first ❤️  kikafan: not kika literally laying on top of her 😭  kika.nazareth: already falling for me ↳ y/nputellas: clearly you fell for me and just knocked me over↳ claudiaapina: just casually flirting on capi’s post

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fcbfemeni: Y/n Putellas signs for the first team until 2028! Load more comments

carlajuliaa_: go shine ✨ kika.nazareth: yes stargirl!! y/nputellas: an absolute honor culers  alexiaputellas: my sister ❤️

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kika.nazareth: lil dump of my recent faves Load more comments

vickylopezz._: could you not have told me to smile or something? y/nputellas: guapa  ↳ salmaparalluelo: i swear your sister is the most oblivious person ever kikafan: posting y/n twice in one dump 👀 y/nputellas: maybe your new nickname should be lil dump from now on ↳ kika.nazareth: that’s my lil dump for you ↳ patri8guijarro: you two are disgustingly cute

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y/nputellas: 500 matches I’ve looked up to you ❤️ Load more comments

alexiaputellas: happy we get to do this together now kiddo albaps9: mi hermanas kika.nazareth: 🌟🌟 patri8guijarro: la reina and mini la reina 

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putellasx2: me too kika, me too y/nputellas: we’re gonna need to practice more celebrations at this rate ↳ kika.nazareth: come over then ↳ y/nputellas: on my way! ↳ alexiaputellas: what’s going on? ↳ y/nputellas: nothing ale, just preparing to score some more barcafan: the best link up!!

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y/nputellas: couple days off Load more comments

alexiaputellas: why is kika there? I thought you said you were going on a date? ↳ vickylopezz._: oh capi ↳ alexiaputellas: what? ↳ vickylopezz._: you’ll get there patri8guijarro: cuties kika.nazareth: my stargirl 🌟 Liked by y/nputellas ↳ alexiaputellas: my?? @y/nputellas you better start talking ↳ vickylopezz._: told ya

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Rushing through an airport with a toddler was no joke. Your daughter was propped up on your hip as you were trying to reach your gate in time. Her on your right hip, your suitcase in your left hand, and a backpack digging into your shoulders. You were running as fast as you were able to.

First you had forgotten your passport at home and had to turn the car around halfway to the airport. Then there was the massive line to get through security, and when it was finally your turn, your daughter became hysterical when the TSA agent had to take her stuffed animal from her for the scan.

As if airports weren’t stressful enough, you decided to do it the hardest way today apparently. Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You didn’t even have to check it to know what it was notifying you for. Final boarding call.

Of course, your gate had been on the opposite side of the airport. The odds of you making it all the way there on time were slim to none, but you weren’t giving up until someone physically told you that you would not be allowed to enter the plane.

You knew it wasn’t going to be in the cards after everything, but still seeing the boarding closed signs at your gate stung. You spoke with the staff still there, but to no avail, they had already closed the doors and were retracting the tunnel as you spoke.

With a sigh of defeat you sunk into one of the gate chairs, and put your daughter in the seat next to you. As you were catching your breath, a stranger's feet stepped in front of you, “I’m sorry you missed your flight, I thought you could use this.” She holds out a bottle of water for you. You take it gratefully and thank her, before opening it instantly and taking a few sips.

Your chatty little girl instantly sparks up a conversation with the stranger, Aitana, you find out instantly as she reaches out to shake your daughter’s held out hand. You tell her your name as well when she turns to you.

“Did you miss the flight too?” The three of you are now the only ones left in the further empty gate. “Double booking actually. The other person was part of a couple so I said I'll take the next one.”

You were surprised by the instant kindness she had shown both the stranger on the plane and you just now with the water. “That's so kind of you. Do you by chance know when the next flight is?” 

“In two hours.” Aitana answers. While you're taking in the new information, your daughter shows off her bear to Aitana. “That's a very pretty bear! Does it have a name?” She nods proudly, “Bear!” Aitana chuckles lightly, “Very fitting.”

Aitana notices how stressed you seem and decides to try and help you out in any way that she can. “So, where are you headed?”

“We are on our way to visit my sister. She moved away for work, but we try to visit as often as we can. This one loves time with her auntie.” You share, wondering why it felt so easy to tell that to a complete stranger.

Your daughter had enough of sitting still, so she slid down and started running around the rows of chairs. You chuckle with a shake of your head at her energy. “I swear she didn't get all this energy from me.” 

Aitana was interested in knowing more, so she subtly tried to pry. “Is it always just the two of you traveling?” You nod, “Yeah, it's just the two of us. What about you, where were you traveling too?” Aitana smiles, “My friends are opening a new restaurant, and they invited me to the grand opening.”

The two of you sit watching your daughter run circles around you while filling the open space with her giggles for a moment, before Aitana speaks again. “I know we've literally only just met, but it looks like you have your hands full with this little ball of energy. I know someone that works in ticketing here, and I already have to switch my ticket, can I switch yours for you?” 

You're taken back by the offer a little bit, but surely it would go better if Aitana had an insight connection, right? “Yeah, okay. If you don't mind.” Aitana smiles as she stands up, “Not at all. I will be right back.”

She got about three steps away from her seat when your daughter ran into her and hugged her legs. “Will you play with me Tana?” Aitana hugged her back before saying, “I will when I get back, okay? Just have to make sure we can all get onto the next plane.”

You watch your daughter run around, until she finally settles down a bit in front of the big window looking out over the airplanes coming and going. After sending your sister a quick message, you hear your daughter get excited. “Mami, I see Tana!” You turn your head in the direction where Aitana headed, but don’t see her, so stand up and walk towards your daughter to figure out what she saw.

“There Mami!” She says excitedly while pointing outside. Confusion is written all over your face, but still you take a look out of the window, and sure enough there she is. Aitana’s face on the body of a passing airplane. Your confusion doesn’t fade, so you grab your phone and search up “Vueling Aitana” on Google to see why her face would be on one of their planes.

“Our seats on the next plane are secured!” Aitana says proudly when she walks up to the gate again. “Tana on plane! Tana on plane!” Your girl chants as she runs up to Aitana to pull her up to the window. You watch her expression change, like all of a sudden she feels very self aware and embarrassed. 

You turn your phone towards her, “Your ‘I know someone’ is literally having a sponsorship deal with the airline? Both with your professional football team and your own deal?” Aitana looks a bit defeated, like she knew meeting a beautiful stranger would get ruined by her career, but had enough hope left for this to go well.

“Well, this seems silly now.” She says lowering the FC Barcelona ball. ”I got it at the shop in the hall for her to get her energy out. She can still have it of course.” She hands your daughter the ball, before turning around and walking towards her suitcase that she had left with you. “We can wait in the Vueling lounge. You don’t have to come of course, I just thought maybe it would be easier with her.” She gestures to your daughter who was trying to kick the ball around. “It’s big, we can sit far away from each other if that’s what you want.”

Your brow furrows with each word that she speaks. “Why are you acting like you committed a crime or are contagious all of a sudden?” You say with a chuckle, trying to lighten the moment. “What?” She asks nervously.

“You got our tickets switched, got her a toy, and gave me water when I felt like I was about to explode from stress. Why would I not want to sit near you?” Aitana’s shoulders loosen just slightly at your words, though she still looks uncertain. She lets out a small laugh, rubbing the back of her neck. “You’d be surprised how many people change when they figure out who I am.”

You close your phone, that had the news articles with her name written all over it still on the screen before you look back up at her. “While seeing your face on a place was certainly an experience.” Aitana groans, still not believing how that could’ve happened to her. 

“To me you are still the kind person I just met who basically saved my entire day.” Your eyes land on your daughter for a moment as she hugs the football close to her chest. “So, if I end up being weird, it’s because you rescued me from a complete meltdown, not because apparently you are famous.”

Aitana chuckles, “Alright, let’s head to the lounge then.” You physically see the tension leaving her body as she turns to your daughter. “Ready to play?” She nodded enthusiastically, and takes Aitana’s held out hand.

The lounge is a lot quieter, well it was before you entered, but it was nice. No one else was around. The three of you sat down on the floor, as urged to by your daughter and formed a semi-triangle with your legs, sitting feet to feet to create a box for the game your daughter wanted to play. She rolled the ball to you first, and then told you to roll it to Aitana. The three of you sat there playing for a good fifteen minutes before she was off running around again.

You stood up and held out your hand to Aitana to help her up. “You truly are a lifesafer, I don’t know how I can ever thank you.” She takes your hand and stands up with you, “I know how you can.”

A chuckle leaves your lips at how fast she had that ready. “Oh, really?” You joke back as the two of you sit down. “Yeah, come to my friend’s restaurant's grand opening with me.” 

“Like as..” You don’t even finish the sentence, unsure if finishing it would ruin whatever relationship you were building with her. “As a date.” She finishes, “And if you’re not interested in that, which is also totally fine. Come anyways, bring your daughter, your sister, and her family if she has any there. All come, it’s just been really great meeting you, and I would love to continue spending time with you.”

Your smile grows as she speaks. It was funny now knowing that she was basically famous in Barcelona, and across the footballing world, but was also just a person that got nervous. “I am sure that my sister would like some auntie time, so yes, I would love to go with you as your date.”

When the next plane arrived, it didn’t feel like much time had passed. You had fallen into easy conversation with Aitana, while your daughter had found some plane toys to play with. Once on the plane, the three of you shared a row. Aitana gave you the window seat, and your daughter sat in the middle of the two of you.

Your daughter sat on your lap after take off, watching the clouds from the window, but was quickly done with seeing the same thing for more than two minutes. She was getting restless, and her bright red cheeks told you that she had finally used up all her energy and was going to fall asleep soon.

Not even five minutes later she had climbed back into her seat, and leaned into Aitana’s side when her eyes fell shut. It was the cutest thing ever seeing how comfortable the two of them were together. Aitana looked from your daughter to you with a loving smile. 

You smile back at her, thinking that this was probably the first time, and most likely the only time in your life that you were glad you missed your flight. Meeting Aitana so far seemed totally worth it, and you couldn’t wait to spend more time with her and get to know her better.

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keirawalsh: Away days. Not the result you deserved, we’ll do better at home. Load more comments

chelseafan: 💙 💙  y/n_y/l/n: come back Liked by keirawalsh johannakaneryd: class act kiki

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yourshipname: I fear we moved on from this parallel too fast Load more comments

keirafan: nah they are too cute number1y/nfan: I can’t believe I have never seen that first pic before yourshipname4ever: my babies go way back viscabarca: I need them on the same team again yourshipname: KEIRA LIKED ↳ chelseafan:  holy shit!!

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y/n_y/l/n: good week Load more comments

viscabarca: vamooos  alexiaputellas: ❤️  keirawalsh: food looks good ↳ kika.nazareth: girl that was made for you, compliment the tast Liked by y/n_y/l/n ↳ keirawalsh: 🙄 it was delicious, better?  Liked by y/n_y/l/n

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yourshipname: Not one but two little insights this week! Load more comments

y/nfan: keira away game game means flowers and a new stolen hoodie for y/n viscabarca: my girls 🥹

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Thousands of people were watching the Champions League final between Arsenal and Barcelona at Estádio José Alvalade in Lisbon. Amongst the huge crowd divided between Arsenal’s red and Barcelona’s blaugrana, you were watching the match in one of Daphne’s yellow goalkeeper kits. 

You watched your wife make save after save to keep Arsenal in the game, cheering along loudly with her parents and sister in the family section. When Stina scored the whole section went crazy, you all stood up and cheered loudly for the girls who were ahead in the arguably the most important match of their club careers. 

Now all they had to do was keep the lead up and not let any goals through. You were sitting on the edge of your seat watching Barcelona trying to attack over and over again, but the girls weren’t letting them through. Countless blocks from the defenders, incredible saves from Daphne, and more balls kicked far away than you had ever seen from them. 

The final whistle blew and all the built up nerves were worth it. You couldn’t quite believe it yet, your wife, champion of Europe. Reaching the goal she had dreamt of since she was a little girl in her first season with the club. Tears were rolling down your cheeks with pride as her mom hugged you tight.

On the pitch everyone ran into each other’s arms to celebrate. Little huddles were formed all over the pitch, but you could pick Daphne out of them easily. She had sat down in her goal, looking around at her teammates with the biggest smile on her face. Everything she had worked towards, pushing through an injury to be able to be here, and now she had done it. You wanted to join her on the pitch right at that moment, but you knew you had to wait until after the medal ceremony. 

When you were finally allowed to go onto the pitch, Daphne ran straight to you. “I am so proud of you.” You say through happy tears as you hug her tight. You’re standing in the hug swaying back and forth lightly just whispering to each other. Until you say, “I can’t wait to show the baby that their mom is a European champion.” Daphne smiles wide and puts her forehead against yours, with tears welling in her eyes, she places a hand on your small baby bump. Without thinking she drops to her knees so she can kiss your bump. A quiet moment between the two of you, completely forgetting that you are surrounded by tens of thousands people in the stadium and to many many more on tv screens, and social media. She’s up again after and engulfs you in another big hug, before she goes to hug her family.

The celebrations on the pitch go on for a while, but eventually it is time for the girls to go party in the dressing room. The rest of the families heading inside to see each other later again. 

Once out of the partying dressing rooms, Daphne has a couple of interviews to do. She walks in proudly with her champions kit, and her gold medal hanging around her neck. Most questions are about the match, and focussed on her saves, how the team played, and asking for some insights on the party in the dressing room and what is to be ahead. But the final question takes her a little by surprise.

“And finally, we saw a moment on the pitch with your wife. Would you like to share anything? Any insights on what we think we saw out there?” Daphne looks puzzled for a moment, wondering what moment they meant. “Having her and my family out here was amazing, I am glad they were able to take time off and fly out to watch me play.” She settles on. 

The interviewer smiles, and tries one more time to see if she would get an answer more in the direction that she was hoping for. “Having them here must have felt very special. There seemed to be something even more special about this moment though. Do we have a baby van Domselaar on the way?” 

Daphne’s smile grew even wider, if that was even possible. “Right yeah, we didn’t really plan on sharing the news like this, but how can you not celebrate a win like this with your wife and baby on the way, right?” She said proudly. “Thank you for your time, and double congratulations.” The interviewer says before Daphne moves on to the next interview. 

In the family area, you had found a seat to the side, needing a moment away from all the busyness. You were just catching up on some texts, when your phone started blowing up with notifications. You figured some of Daphne’s fans were going to tag you in stuff from tonight, since the two of you share a lot of your relationship with the fans on social media, but you hadn’t expected this much.

You click the next notification that comes up, and see an interview with Daphne open up on your phone. Her smile is radiant, and it instantly warms your heart to see how happy she is. The post seemed to be a small clip from a bigger interview, and when you heard the question about a baby, you knew why your phone was blowing up.

You shared a lot of your relationship online, but this was something that you hadn’t shared yet. All of your friends and family knew, but online you had kept it to yourself for now. Not that you didn’t want to share the information, you were just waiting for the next international break to share. Wanting Daphne to be able to focus on the Champions League without the focus being on growing her family. Now that the final was played and won though, you knew you wouldn’t have to keep it private anymore, so while you were waiting to celebrate with the team, you went through your notifications and liked all the cute edits the fans were making of the two of you, the baby announcement, and the moment on the pitch where Daphne kissed your bump.

A few days later, the two of you are at home, after days of celebrating and high energies, it was just the two of you at home. Daphne was lying with her head in your lap, completely focused on your bump as she was waiting for the baby to kick again.

When it happens, she grins, then looks up at you. “So, we accidentally hard launched our pregnancy.” she teases. “Do you want to make it Instagram official?” You chuckle at her social media terms, but smile and move your fingers through her hair. “Yeah, let’s officially share our news with the world.” 

Daphne grabs her phone, and the two of you look through the pictures you had taken to find the best ones to post together. You settled on three images, one of the photoshoot you had done, one with the first little outfit you had bought for the baby, and one a little silly but one you loved so dearly.

daphnevdomselaar and y/nvandomselaar posted

daphnevdomselaar: We’ve shared a lot with you, but this one might be our favourite. Baby van Domselaar arriving January 2026 💗

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It was a rare evening off during camp, and you and a couple of the girls decided to head into the city. You loved camp and the traveling that came with it for matches, but you hated that you were confined to the same spaces for long durations of time, so nights like these were once you always looked forward to.

Denise, Grace, and Katie tagged along for your plans. Not that you had very elaborate plans, just getting some dinner, and going on a walk around town after. The girls were good with whatever you had in mind, and followed your lead.

It was always nice to catch up with them, all of you playing for different teams, and usually only seeing each other during camp, or on the rare occasion that you played each other’s teams. You grew up with these girls, and it was always lovely to be around them again.

Dinner was filled with chatter and laughter, just like it always was. You and Katie were sitting next to each other with Grace and Denise on the other side of the table. By the time dessert came around, you were all a little delirious, laughing all evening with your best friends does that to a person.

You posed for the hundred pictures of tonight, taking a quick look at it before pocketing your phone again when the waiter brought the desserts the table ordered. Only one bite in and Katie already reached over to take a bite of your dish, you just continued talking with Grace like nothing happened, and it didn’t. There wasn’t a meal you had with Katie where she wouldn’t try some of your food, it had happened so often now that it was basically a tradition. 

Usually you also took a bite of Katie’s food back, but when Katie realised you were too deep into conversation to grab your bite of her food, she scooped some on her spoon and held it out in front of your mouth. You look down and then to her, smiling at the sweet gesture to keep the not so official tradition alive. You ate the scoop of dessert of her held out spoon, and continued your conversation with Grace.

When everyone finished their dessert, you pulled out your phone again, the camera app already open. “We don’t have any silly ones yet.” You said, a cheeky grin already forming on your face, as you started pointing the camera to your friends, and taking pictures at odd angles, trying to make them laugh. 

Your camera roll filled with tons of pictures, and you only stopped once the waiter brought your table the bill. With the bill paid, the four of you headed outside. The weather was still nice out, the fresh air hit nicely after sitting inside for so long.

You look at the last couple pictures in your camera roll, looking to see the beauties you might have captured. Snorting instantly at a close up picture of Katie mid-conversation, so her face looked to be in a shape no human’s face should ever be. “Oh, I am so posting that.”

“Let me see.” Katie says, already looking over at your phone. “Oh god, no please don’t.” But she saw that look in your eyes that she knew all too well, you had made up your mind and nothing was going to stop you from posting that picture. Still she was going to do everything in her power to stop you. And with everything in her power, she meant literally using her strength to try and pry your phone out of your hand so she could delete the picture off your phone before you would ever be able to show it to the world.

Grace and Denise just watched the two of you fighting over your phone with amused smiles on their faces. It was almost like back when you were all still just kids, the two of you really hadn’t changed that much according to the people that had seen you acting like this for years and years.

Once you were back at camp, you each headed your own way, but you quickly found your way to Grace her room. Besides Katie, she was the closest friend you had in the team, and therefore you valued her opinion highly, only speaking your thoughts out loud wasn't easy.

You enter her room and let yourself fall down onto the bed with a deep sigh that instantly signals Grace that something is up. “You good?” She giggles, not having any clue of the struggle that is going on in your head right now. Only once you sit up and she sees the serious look on your face, she gets serious as well and sits down with you.

After another deep breath, you finally share what’s been on your mind. “I think I like Katie.” Grace stays quiet for a moment, thinking there was going to be more but that was it. She breaks out in laughter, “Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” 

But you’re not laughing with her, you’re just looking back with a face full of confusion. Grace quiets down again, “Wait..you’re not together?” 

You jump up, now even more confused. “No? Why would you think that?” Now Grace is the one that looks confused. “Oh, maybe because you spend every waking hour attached at the hip, are the closest people I have ever met, argue like an old married couple, and oh I don’t know the double dates we’ve been on?”

“What?” Is all you manage to say. “No. No! This is not happening.” Grace lifts her hands up in surrender, “You came to me. What is going on?”

You sit back down with a sigh of defeat. “I came here telling you that I might have feelings for Katie. Feelings that I should not be feeling at all, feelings that are wrong, and you’re telling me that people have been thinking we were a couple?”

“Yup, I genuinely thought that you were past your internalised homophobia fully and that the two of you had been dating for years now.” Your eyes widden, “Years? Oh my god.” 

Growing up you were taught that homosexuality was a sin. It was hammered into you from a young age, it was already a big step when your friends started coming out when you were younger. You had to learn your own beliefs, and see that it wasn’t a sin, that they were the same people you had always known. But having feelings for a girl yourself brought a whole new level of trauma to the surface.

Grace was one of the people you had openly spoken with about the trauma, and the beliefs you had been taught. She was one of the people that made you see that your parents, and their take on your religion was wrong.

She sees you fading away, deep into your own mind. “Hey,” She says, nudging you with her shoulder. “Why is this actually stressing you out?” 

“Because it’s Katie. It’s not just a random crush that I can experiment with, and see how I actually feel. If I get this wrong, I will lose her.” Grace shakes her head, “You’re never losing her, and definitely not over this.”

“What makes you so sure of that?” You say in disbelief after her quick answer. She shrugs her shoulders, “Because it’s Katie.” Your head instantly turns so you can glare at Grace, “That explains exactly nothing.” She chuckles at your slight frustration. “Just as it is clear as day that you love Katie,-” 

“I never said that!” You quickly interrupt as your heart skips a beat. “No, but I know you do. Just as clear as it is that you love her, it is clear that she loves you too. Like I said, you’re already acting like a couple all of the time. The way she looks at you isn’t just friendly, trust me.”

You take in everything she’s saying, and stay quiet for a moment. In your head you’re thinking a million things at once, going over every little interaction you’ve had with Katie, trying to see things from Grace's perspective and suddenly things click.

“Oh my god, I am in love with Katie.” Grace smiles knowingly. “What do I do now?”

“Maybe just something small, like stop pretending you don’t already act like a couple. Lean into it a bit and see what she does.” She suggested it like it was the most logical thing in the world. 

But your stomach flips even at the thought. “That sounds like a horrible idea.” Grace shakes her head, “You know it’s a great idea, you’re just scared that it might actually work.” She stated matter of factly. 

You groan and let yourself fall back down onto the bed. “I hate you.” She laughs, “No, you don’t.” She leans down to look you in the eyes. “You’re just freaking out because you’re about to flirt with Katie on purpose.” 

To end the conversation you grab the pillow above your head and smack it into Grace, who joins in with another pillow instantly.

The next day at training was as normal as ever, except it wasn’t. Every time your eyes locked with Katie, your heart skipped a beat. Or when she would brush past you like she always does, but now you notice it. Every little interaction with her sticks in your mind.

Training ends, and you’re walking back with Katie by your side, again something not out of the ordinary, but it feels different. The way her hand brushes past yours, the way she laughs at a joke one of the girls made, the way she bumps into you when she turns around slightly to talk to someone. You're in your own head, not speaking as much as you usually would, but you thought she didn’t notice, too busy with everyone around you.

You couldn’t have been more wrong though. When you’re all done and heading back to your rooms, Katie pulls you into her room. She walks right in and plops down on her bed, looking back at you with confusion written all over her face. You had closed the door behind you and stayed standing against the door. 

“You can come in, you know? I don’t bite.” She adds a wink to be funny, but it just gets to you more than the rest of the day has been. “I’m good here, what’s up?” You wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Grace’s words kept repeating in your head ‘Lean into it. Flirt with her on purpose.’, but why was that so scary? 

“You’ve been off all day, just wanted to see if you were okay.” Katie said softly, nothing in her words sounded accusing, just genuinely caring about you. “Yeah, I’m fine.” You shrug your shoulders with your response but stay standing far away from the bed.

Katie gets up and takes a few steps forward, “You’ve barely said two sentences to me, every time I look at you, you look away like I’ve caught you doing something illegal. Everytime I get near you, you take a step back.” She takes another step forwards, and chuckles when you prove her point instantly. “Did I do something? You can tell me, you know?”

“You didn’t do anything.” You say quickly, you’re creating a whole mess of everything, but the last thing you want is for Katie to think she did something wrong. Katie just keeps standing there, patiently waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell her what’s going on. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Grace’s words play in your head again, ‘Lean into it.’, so after a deep sigh, you do.

“I’ve just been noticing things.” You say nervously, not daring to look at Katie. She stays patient, her voice softens, “Noticing what?” Asking for clarification without pushing you too much.

You look up at her now, your eyes connected. For a moment it feels like she’s looking into your soul and knows exactly what you were thinking. Your heart was beating a million miles an hour, yet you couldn’t look away anymore.

“You.” 

It stays quiet, your eyes still connected. Nothing seems to change in Katie’s expression, only maybe her eyes softened just a little bit. You stared at each other in silence, you swear you could hear your heart beating in your ears. 

“I don’t know why I said that.” You turn around, “It was stupid.” as you’re about to step away, wanting to leave the room and the moment you had just created, Katie catches your arm.

“Don’t go.” She says while she gently pulls you back around. You end up closer to her than you were before.  “It’s not stupid. I’m glad you’re noticing things.” She moves her thumb gently over your wrist, before letting go of you. She keeps standing where she is, and gives you the chance to step away if you want to. “Yeah?”

She nods with a smile, “Yeah.” Without thinking, you take a small step forwards. Katie looks down for a moment to the space you were closing, and then back up at you. “You sure?” She says to check to see if you were actually ready. You nod, “Yeah, just might take me a bit.”

Katie lifts her hand up to your cheek and caresses it with her thumb. You lean into her touch and close your eyes. “I’ll be here waiting until you are.” She says, followed by a whispered, “Like I have been.” Your eyes fly open at the last part. “What do you mean?”

She smiles, her eyes shining in a way you haven’t seen before. “I think we’ve been us for a while now, you just weren’t ready yet, so I waited until you were.” 

You let her words land, she’s been there with you all this time and was waiting for you to catch up on your feelings. Now you were there, but you were still scared. 

“What if I mess this up?” You ask, speaking your fears. “What if I try this, and I freak out? I don’t know how to do this properly.” Katie’s thumb moves over your cheek again, “I don’t need proper from you, we can just figure it out together.”

“Together.” You repeat as if it was a word filled with more meaning than it should. Katie just nodded, and kept looking at you lovingly, not making any moves. Just letting you take the lead, do everything at your pace. 

Then you take another step forwards, now closing any distance between your bodies. Katie’s hand on your cheek with her thumb caressing your cheek keeps you grounded. You lean in slowly, until the last bit of distance is closed.

Your lips are on Katie’s and it feels better than you could have ever imagined. Katie kisses you back softly, even after waiting all those years, there was no rush behind the kiss. She smiled into the kiss, which finally made you relax into the kiss.

Your hands find her hips, hesitant at first, like you’re not fully sure if you’re allowed to. In response Katie leans into you, just enough to tell you that it’s okay. The kiss deepens, not in urgency but in certainty. 

When you finally break away from the kiss to catch your breaths, Katie leans her forehead against yours. “Definitely worth the wait.” You stay like that for a moment until she pulls you in for a hug.

You melt into her touch, and stay there for a while, neither one of you in a rush to move. Katie’s hand traces slow, absent patterns against your back, grounding you in the moment. Subconsciously making sure you know she’s in this with you.

Eventually, she pulls back just enough to look at you again, “You okay?” You nod, while a tear rolls down your cheek. She wipes it away gently. “Yeah, that was just terrifying.”

Katie keeps her hand on your cheek, moving her thumb in soothing patterns. “I get it, this is all new. Going from what we were to this is a big step.” She lifts your face up gently so you’re face to face again. “We are taking this as slow as you need us to go. Fully at your pace, no need to rush anything. I am here, and I am not going anywhere.”

You nod slowly, letting her words settle in. “Can we like watch a movie or do something relaxing?” Katie’s face lights up, a fast change from the serious expression she had on her face before. “Yes! I love our movie nights.”

She sits back against the headboard of her bed and is already starting up Netflix on the TV. You step closer to the bed, you always watched movies in the same bed, so why did it feel different this time? 

When Katie turned your way with a bright smile on your face, it all felt normal again. She patted the spot next to her, and you plopped down beside her. Already leaning into her side before the movie even started. Katie pressed a kiss to the top of your head, it made you feel safe and comfortable. You cuddle further into her side, and she wraps her arm around you before pressing play on one of your favourite movies.

-----

-----

Seventy minutes into the World Cup semi final England was behind 2-1. The team was putting their everything into getting a goal back to level the score, and have a chance at going to the final, but France was not making it easy on them.

After Ella managed to intercept a ball in the midfield, your team was able to switch the attack. You rushed forwards in the middle of the pitch, making yourself available for the cross. Ella passes the ball out wide to Chloe, who curls the ball in nicely. Your first touch is great, but the moment you want to shoot the ball, one of the French defenders blocks your shot right back into play for France to be on the attack again.

You let out a frustrated sigh, before running back down the pitch to help out there. Luckily their attack didn’t come to anything, and you were able to build up again. Play went back and forth for a bit before you had some open space that Alessia managed to send the ball through. It landed perfectly in your stride, but you leaned just a bit too far back and watched the ball soar far over the net. 

“Fuck!” You yell into the air. You needed that goal, why couldn’t you get it into the back of the net? As you run back past Alessia, she holds out her hand for you to high five as you move past, you tap it lightly with your hand. Showing that you appreciated her ball in.

Going into the nineteenth minute, the score still hadn’t changed. Four additional minutes and then it would be over. The whole world cup, everything you had been fighting for, but you couldn’t give up yet. Four more minutes of fighting, trying to get level to keep the game going.

Jess puts in an amazing block on the backline, and turns around the French attacker. One quick look up, and she sees you high up with some space to run. Without a second thought she sends the long ball your way. 

With the pressure of two defenders right on top of you, it was a struggle to get the ball down well, but you tried to wiggle your way out from between the two of them. With some fancy footwork, you were able to kick it just far enough ahead of you, that you could get away from them.

Your eyes look up to the goal, and before they are back on your tail again, you kick the ball with all the power you stil had left. Right at the goalkeeper. The only chance left and you hit it right at the goalkeeper. Another set of curse words rolled off your tongue, most likely being streamed all across England, but your mind wasn’t on that now. You might have single handedly ruined England’s chances at the final with how many attempts on goal you managed to bottle. 

The ball gets thrown back into play, and then the referee blows the final whistle. England gets knocked out of the World Cup. You fall to the ground with tears instantly springing into your eyes.

As you lay with your back on the grass, you punch your fists down on the ground a couple times. The previously loud crowd around you fully disappears when you dissociate from the whole thing.

Jess, who had run across the pitch the moment the final whistle blew, was quickly sitting by your side. She lifted your back off the ground, and pulled you into a tight hug. She didn’t need to say anything, this loss was weighing deep on the both of you. 

After sitting like that for a bit longer, Jess helps you up when someone from staff asks if you’re ready for a post match interview. She gives you one more hug, squeezing you tight before she lets you go.

Your eyes are still watery when the reporter starts the interview. “Not the end result you were hoping for, how difficult is this one to take?” She asks, jumping right in. “It’s a tough one for sure, we are very disappointed that we don’t get to continue in this competition. We had a lot of missed opportunities, most of which were probably mine.” 

Your voice shakes, as you’re trying to hold back tears. “I take responsibility for that, I had three really good opportunities, but couldn’t quite finish them.” The reporter nods and continues on. “How was France affecting the game play today?”

With a brief throat-clear, you answer the next question. “Yeah, a lot of course. France is always a strong team, they were really good on possession today. I think we managed to hold up to their playing standard quite well, just in the final third they were the better team today.”

You lock eyes with Jess who is waiting behind to the sides, her presence calms you down a bit. Obviously you would rather be anywhere else besides holding a post-match interview after being kicked out of the competition. When the reporter speaks again, you move your eyes back to her. “Alright, thank you for your time.” You nod and hand the microphone back, before walking straight back into Jess her arms.

The two of you make your way over to the team huddle. And after a quick speech from Sarina, the team walks around the pitch to thank the fans for showing up. Once the round was done, one by one everyone trickled into the tunnel and towards the locker room.

Jess saw you walking into the tunnel with one of the physios, so she expected for you to be a bit longer. Instead of joining the rest of the girls in the locker room, she waited in the hallway for you. 

About ten minutes later, the physio walked out, but you weren’t following. She smiled at Jess, “She just needed a moment.” She says softly while walking past with a quick hand on her shoulder. She decides to give you a couple more minutes on your own, before she softly knocks on the door and enters the room.

The second Jess enters the room, she knows something is wrong. Your breathing was very fast, but shallow at the same time, like you couldn’t quite catch your breath. She quickly closed the door behind her and walked your way, knowing exactly what was happening. “Hey, it’s okay.” She says as she sits down on the physio bed with you. “I’m here.”

You were sitting with crossed legs on the physio bed, back leaning against the wall. Your eyes were glassed over, almost as if your mind was not in the same room as you. With your jersey bunched up around your fist, your hand holding it so tightly that your knuckles have turned white. Your chest is moving up and down rapidly. Jess had seen you like this more times than we would like to have, but her experience with you having panic attacks helped her with knowing exactly what she could do to help you. 

“Can you look at me?” Jess said, turning around on the bed to face you head on. After blinking a few times, your eyes finally found hers. You didn’t say anything yet, and Jess didn’t rush you, she just continued on. “Good, now breathe with me okay.” 

“In.” Jess breathes in deeply and you try to follow her. “And out.” She takes a long breath out. It takes a while before you actually manage to follow her breathing pattern, slowly but surely your breathing is starting to even out though. 

When you’re starting to calm your breathing down, you’re able to let go of your jersey. Your hand instantly reaches for Jess. Who takes it in hers and starts rubbing her thumb over the back of your hand.

Jess noticed you still weren’t fully out of your panic attack, so she moved onto the next thing now that you were breathing better. “Five things you can see?” 

You force yourself to take a deep breath and look around. “You, bed, posters, trash can, cooler.” Jess squeezes your hand on every one that you list off. “Very good, now four things you can touch?”

“The bed, your hand, the air conditioning, my jersey.” Jess nodded along, liking that you were starting to say more. “And three things you can hear?” You close your ears to really listen. “The air conditioning, the fans, and my breath.”

“You’re doing great. Can you name me two things you can smell?” You are almost there, but Jess wants to go through the full list to be totally sure. “The lotion, and your perfume.” She smiles at that answer, knowing you’re fully present again. “Lastly, one thing you can taste?? You nod and smile, “My gum.” 

“There’s my girl.” Jess says proudly. You respond by leaning into her and letting her hold you tight. She presses a long kiss to the top of your head. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head and cuddle further into her. “Not now.”

After sitting together for a while, Jess holding you and rubbing circles on your back, you look up at her. “Thank you.” Jess shrugs her shoulders, “No need to thank me, you know I’m always here for you.” You smile and nod, “I do. I love you.” Jess pecks your lips, “I love you too.”

-----

-----

You knew Chloe Kelly was joining Arsenal on loan, the moment you found out on social media you had nearly choked on your drink, but seeing her wearing an Arsenal kit for the first time left you just as shocked as that transfer announcement.

She came into the physio room with Renee, who was giving her a small tour of the facility on her signing day. Chloe walked in with a bright smile and was wearing her very own Arsenal kit with the number eighteen written on the back. You were frozen in place, next to Leah, as you watched her walk closer. Leah wonders why you stopped talking mid-sentence and follows your line of sight, she chuckles when she sees Chloe chatting with Kim. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” 

“Hey Chlo, good to have you back!” Leah says to get the attention of her England teammate, now returning to play for Arsenal alongside her like they did when they were still just kids. Chloe hugs her tightly and then gives you a hug as well, making your cheeks flush bright red. “Nice to properly meet you.” She says with a bright smile. 

You had played against each other many times, both at club level and international level. Those meetings might have made your feelings grow over time to now having a full blown crush on the new signing. 

Leah moves away to talk to Kim, though after her comment earlier, you knew that was definitely on purpose to get you two to talk alone. You know you should say something, but you can’t seem to form any words with her standing so close to you. “No need to get all shy on me.” Chloe jokes. “I’m not shy, you just make me-” You quickly stop your sentence, realising what you were about to say. You stand in front of Chloe with widened eyes, while her smile slowly grows as she figures out what you were about to say. “I make you what?” She asks with a knowing smirk on her face. Your cheeks grow even redder, if that was even possible. 

“Chloe, are you ready?” Renee asks from the doorway, clearly ready to move on to the next part of the tour. Chloe says she’ll be right there, and then turns back to you. “Red looks good on the both of us.” She says with a wink as she compares the colour of your cheeks to her jersey, and leaves you standing there speechless.

“What’s up you?” Kim asks with a chuckle. “I think she might have a little crush on our newest signing.” Leah says before you can respond yourself. Her comment makes your cheeks flush even more. “Shut up.” You say as you give her shoulder a playful shove, but it only highlights for the two captains that Leah was telling the truth.

Chloe knew a few of the girls well already, having been at the club before, and playing with others for England, so you weren’t surprised to find her chatting with Leah and Alessia when you entered the training pitch.

When everyone is ready, you start your warm up drills. Every once in a while, you let your eyes drift over to Chloe. The first time you think she’s making eye contact with you, but you brush it off, she’s probably looking somewhere behind you.

The second time, you tell yourself you’re just imagining it when you lock eyes for a second. But the third time, Chloe doesn’t look away when you catch her, she just smiles your way. You immediately look down at your boots, pretending they are the most interesting thing in the world. When you dare to look up, she’s still looking at you with a big smile on her face. Your cheeks instantly feel hot, and you quickly turn around for the next drill.

“Alright, partner drills next.” Renee calls out. You don’t think much of it at first when Leah comes your way, the two of you often link up for these, but she jogs past you, “Don’t make it awkward.” She says under her breath when she passes you. 

You look after her confused, but when you turn back around Chloe is standing in front of you. “Looks like it’s you and me.” You smile and nod, before jogging over to grab a ball. Everyone around you is chatting about while passing the ball, but you’re mostly quiet. Chloe compliments your passes from time to time, but you just smile and nod in response. God you must look like a fool, Leah said not to make it awkward, yet here you were.

After some passing exercises, you all have a little water break. Your brain tells you to walk away from Chloe as fast as you can, to avoid damaging whatever pride you left. You find yourself standing with Beth and Steph, and instantly get brought into their conversation about the dogs.

Unbeknowns to you, Chloe is watching you interact with a questioning look. She decides to just ask to ease her worries. “Hey, got a moment?” She asks softly, hoping to not interrupt the conversation too much. You nod, hoping to just have it with other people around you, but Chloe nudges you to follow her.

When you’re a bit away from the rest of the girls, she faces you. “I just wanted to check to see if maybe I did something to upset you, or anything. I know I just got here, but I don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot. So if I did anything, please let me know.” 

Your brows furrow, “You didn’t do anything wrong. What makes you think that I am upset with you?” She shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know. You seemed to be chatty with everyone but me, so I thought maybe I did something wrong. But maybe you’re just shy and I read the situation wrong.”

“I’m not shy.” You say quickly, feeling like you have to defend yourself. “You just make me-” you stop your sentence instantly when you realise your internal thoughts were rolling off your tongue. “I make you.. what?” Chloe says, slightly intrigued. “Nothing. I don’t know.”

Chloe’s smile grows when she realises what just happened. “I make you nervous?” The blood rushes to your cheeks, “No. I didn’t say that.” The new gunner was smirking back at you, “But you were about to.” 

Before you could respond and get some of your dignity back, Renee blew her whistle to signal that the water break was over. Chloe ran back to the girls, leaving you standing there dumbfounded until Leah walked over, “Close your mouth before you catch flies.” She chuckles and pulls you towards the next drill.

After training you are the last one on the pitch. You liked to go for a little jog around the pitch for some extra cooling down. It has been one of your habits you have done since you were a kid, and it had just stuck around now that you were a professional footballer. 

Only this time you weren’t alone. When you rounded one of the corners, you saw Chloe still standing near the benches, sipping her water while following you with her eyes. When you reached her after you finished your jog, she had your water bottle held out for you. “Do you always stay behind for extra running?” She asked, sounding genuinely interested. “Yeah, helps me clear my head.”

“I hope what I said earlier didn’t make you feel like you had to clear your head.” She said suddenly very aware of how it might have felt for you. You quickly shook your head, “No, you’re all good. It’s more like a ritual, I have been doing it since I was like eight.” She smiled then, “Good.”

“Can I walk back with you?” Chloe asks, making sure that she isn’t interrupting your moment to clear your mind. “Yeah.” You grab the rest of your stuff, and fall into step with her. Just light conversation, the training session, how it feels like for her to be back, music you’ve been into. All the way until you’re back inside with the rest of the girls when you split paths again.

Over the next few days, you and Chloe seem to be getting closer. She finds you in the gym, and offers to spot you. Sitting together for team dinners, pairing up for training, and she even joined your jogs after training a couple times.

You started to relax more around her. Feeling less nervous around her, even though your crush on her was still only growing with her around so much. She could still get you blushing with some of her flirty comments, but you were also starting to be able to flirt and tease back, much to Chloe’s enjoyment. 

Once you finish another training session with a jog around the pitch with Chloe by your side, the two of you sit down on the grass to rest a bit before heading back to the locker room. “You’ve lived in London quite some time now, right?” You chuckle lightly, “Only most of my life, yeah. Why?” 

“Well, it’s been a while since I last lived here, and I haven’t been able to explore much since I moved back. I was wondering if maybe you would show me around a bit. Like show me your favourite coffee shops, parks, and stuff like that.” Chloe asks, for the first time looking a little nervous herself.

You’re quick to reassure her though. “Yeah, I’d love to. I was gonna grab a coffee on the way back home, you can join if you’d like?” With that plan set, the two of you got up and headed back inside.

What was meant to be a quick coffee stop, turned into spending hours together. You sat in the coffee shop for a long time, chatting about life, growing up with football, things you loved to do outside of football, just anything you thought of in the moment. When it felt like it was time to leave the coffee shop, the two of you continued talking. You stopped at your cars, but neither one of you were actually getting in.

“Do you have anywhere you need to be?” You ask, when you’re just leaning against your cars instead of getting in. “I don’t, what do you have in mind?” She responded with a soft smile. That’s how you spend about another hour walking around a nearby park that you loved, before you finally had to call it a day.

It became your new tradition to get coffee with Chloe after training, each time you visited a new one so Chloe could explore the area more.

Then on North London Derby day, Chloe was named on the bench for the first time. Before entering the pitch for warm-ups, Chloe pulled you aside. “If I score tonight, we should go celebrate at that new restaurant you've been wanting to go to, Jul's.”

You looked her over for a second before saying, “Already making plans for a fancy restaurant, with the confidence you'll score when you haven't even made your debut yet, huh?” The teasing smile on your face said enough for her. “Yeah, let's make it a deal. If I score tonight, I'll take you on a date to Jul's.”

Your cheeks flush instantly at the word date. “Yeah uhm. Yes. If you score, yes.” And with that she takes your hand and pulls you towards the tunnel for the warming up.

The first half ended with 2-0 for Arsenal, after a quick break the second half started with Spurs getting a goal back. It was a frustrating one, but your focus needed to be on staying ahead and dwelling on the goal they scored.

Arsenal was awarded a throw-in. Chloe, who was warming up on the sidelines, kicked the ball up for you with a warm, but focused smile. Another few minutes of play go by until you start hearing the crowd get louder and louder. You took a quick glance to the sidelines and saw Chloe getting some last strategy messages from Renee, her warm-up bib already off.

When Arsenal gets the next throw-in, the board goes up for the substitution. You watch proudly as Chloe enters the pitch under a standing ovation from the roaring crowd. She runs past you and gives you a quick high five as she whispers Renee's notes in your ear. You nod, and she walks to her position.

Play goes on, Spurs have the ball and are on the attack. You’re running back while Beth England is making her sprint forwards, you are watching her every move, every slight touch. And then when you know you’ve figured out her next move, you step in and perfectly intercept the ball. 

With the ball at your feet, you sprint forwards, the counter attack fully on. You’re able to take the ball down the wing, looking up to see Chloe making the run with you in the middle of the pitch. 

Once quick step over and you’re past the defender, one more quick look up to where Chloe was in the box, before curling in the ball. Chloe kicks the ball on the volley, and the ball flies past Lize Kop’s gloves into the back of the net. 

The Emirates erupts, and Chloe runs your way. She jumps up into your arms, and soon the rest of the girls join you in the celebratory huddle. 3-1 to The Arsenal, and Chloe’s first goal for the team after signing for her childhood club again.

Ten more minutes of play, but Spurs weren't able to put up the fight they had been hoping to. The possession was mostly on your team’s side, and you were more than happy to just let the time run out and take the 3-1 victory.

When the final whistle finally blew, Chloe was instantly by your side. Bringing you in for a hug again, when she steps out of it she covers her mouth and tells you, “If you wanted that date so badly, you could’ve just told me. No need for the perfect assist.” You chuckle at her, “Now what would have been the fun in that?”

-----

-----

You enter your home to already find a familiar pair of shoes standing in the hallway, your mood instantly shifts to a happier state. “You’re here!” Rushing into your living room to give your best friend a hug. She had used the spare key to surprise you from coming back during your appointment at the club.

Kyra had been in Australia for international break. You were supposed to also go on international break with England, but a minor muscle injury had kept you home this time around.

“Here with all the snacks for a movie night.” She said proudly looking down at the collection of snacks she had gathered, including a few of your favourites she brought back from Australia. “You are the best.” You say as you rip open one of the bags, “See, now this is why I need you in my life.”

Kyra chuckles, “Damn, and here I thought you loved me.” You freeze for a second before snapping back to reality and tossing the bag her way. “Yes, you and your snack sharing.” 

After a quick catch up, you started the movie on Netflix. But the moment Kyra let her head fall onto your shoulder, you stopped paying attention to the movie. If someone were to ask you what happened during it, you had no clue. Kyra fell asleep on your shoulder and you didn’t dare to move.

You let your mind drift to earlier. And here I thought you loved me. If only she knew. She knew you loved her, but definitely not the extent in which you did. You loved her as a friend since, but for a while now you’ve loved her as more, but telling her was not an option. Not only was she your best friend, but she had called you her sister so many times, nothing was ever going to happen. She did not see you the way you saw her, and that was okay. It was just taking longer to get over her than you cared to admit.

The next day you plop down on Steph and Beth’s sofa, “I thought you said this crush would be over soon.” You say with a deep sigh. “Not working out how you imagined?” You roll your eyes at Beth’s question like it wasn’t already obvious it wasn’t working out the way you wanted. “No, she fell asleep on my shoulder, and I kinda just froze and my mind wandered to all the things that I love about her.” 

Steph and Beth share a look before Steph gets up to make a cup of tea. “Oh kid, you’re in deep.” Beth says as she sits down with you. “Listen, there are two ways this can go. Either you tell her how you feel and see where that takes you, or you get over your crush and move on.” 

You sink fully back into the couch, “I know she will never feel the same way, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship by telling her that I feel this way towards her. I will have to get over her eventually, right?” Your fellow Lioness smiles sympathetically, “Yeah.”

The rest of the week is mostly focussed on training for the team. During international break you had stayed at the club, and worked towards being fit again. Luckily it wasn’t a major injury, and you were already able to join the girls out for training with all of them back.

Back in the locker room you overheard Alessia teasing Kyra, you tried to focus on the conversation that was held on the other side of the space, and then when you heard what the teasing was about, your heart broke a little. Kyra was going on a date tonight. You quickly packed your stuff and excused yourself, leaving the training ground as soon as you could.

The next week you mostly just saw Kyra at training, making yourself busy outside of football, so you had excuses to stay away for a bit. But even at training you couldn’t really escape the topic. Some of the girls asked Kyra how her date went, and teased her when her cheeks flushed red after saying the date went amazing. 

Beth nudged your shoulder, “You alright?” She looks over to Kyra short enough for you to know what she’s referring to. “Yeah, I’m okay. It sucks, but it’s not like I thought I had a chance anyways.” Even after saying you were fine, you noticed Beth was keeping an eye on you during the rest of the training session.

Since you didn’t want to lose your friendship with Kyra, but only your crush, you still went to her apartment for your weekly movie night. You took the key to her apartment out of your pocket and opened the door like usual before entering the apartment. What you saw there made you freeze and drop the keys to the floor.

Kyra was sitting on the couch making out with a girl, presumably the one she went on a date with. Both their heads shoot your way, as you quickly pick up the keys and speed walk back to the door, as you apologise under your breath. 

You’re out of the door before Kyra can even reach you. In your car just as fast and out of the street faster than you have ever driven. You keep driving until you arrive at Beth’s and Steph’s again. It didn’t feel like you had driven that far, but your mind had taken you here, and it might be exactly what you needed.

After getting out of the car, you ring their doorbell, and hear the dogs barking on the other side. You were absentmindedly staring at the door, not even realising Steph had opened it until she clapped her hands in front of your face. “Everything alright?” She asks you as she pulls you into the home, not wanting the dogs to get out.

The answer to her question was simply letting your tears run freely. You tell her what happened. “And I know it’s unfair to her, but still it feels the same as heartbreak.” Steph wraps her arms around you, “I know it does, and it’s allowed to hurt.”

Both Myle and Calvin seemed to know something was up. Myle crawled onto your lap, and Calvin laid down at your feet, both wanting to bring you some comfort. 

Your phone buzzed a couple times, all messages from Kyra asking if you were okay since you ran out so quickly. You quickly message her back saying you were sorry for interrupting, before turning your notifications off and closing your phone. She did nothing wrong, you were just going to have to deal with this. Maybe walking in on them would be the best way to get over Kyra.

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“Dr. King, I need your help with this patient.” Cassie says as you and your resident walk past her. Mel looks at you with a confused and questioning look, you nod to give her permission. The student doctor quickly follows the bed of the patient that was just brought in into one of the trauma rooms. 

“You need to quit this habit of stealing my residents, McKay.” You say, sounding slightly annoyed, but Cassie knows by the look in your eyes that you’re joking. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you.” With a quick wink to follow her promise she turned around and rushed to the patient, leaving you standing there with slightly flushed cheeks.

You go on with treating patients, getting Dr. Santos to help you with your next ones. It was a day like any other, no strange cases, just ER work like usual. Chairs was full, so there were no breaks, just patient after patient as soon as a new bed opened.

Cassie had just discharged a patient when the paramedics brought in another one. Someone else was taking the patient, but a voice called out “Mom!” and she turned around instantly, she knew that voice. “Harrison?” 

There he was, her son standing next to the bed that was rolled in. Her ex-husband, the patient Robby was rolling in. She rushed to Harrison's side to check him out for injuries. “I'm fine mom, only dad fell.” 

After talking with Chad for a bit, mostly lecturing him on not being safe around Harrison, Cassie takes her son to the break room. She hands him a tablet and tells him no scary movies or games, and that she'll call her dad to pick him up as soon as he can. “Be good, okay?” Harrison nods, already searching for the video he wants to watch. Cassie fills a to-go cup with coffee and heads back out.

Dana finds her looking around the pitt, seemingly searching for something or someone. “What's up with you?” Cassie doesn't even look at Dana, she continues to scan the room. “Have you seen y/n?” Dana spots the slight panic in her voice and presses further. “I haven't seen her, what do you need her for?” 

“Harrison is here, and I haven't exactly told him that we're dating yet. They've never met either, and when they do I want it to be perfect, you know? They're the two most important people in my life, and I need them to like each other.” Dana lets Cassie ramble on while checking the schedule for your name. 

“He loves you. She loves you. They already have the most important thing in common. You.” The charge nurse says matter of factly to reassure Cassie. “Ah, there it is.” As she's about to tell Cassie where she thinks you are, the phone rings. She excuses herself for a moment, and once the call is done the topic of you is completely forgotten. “Mass-shooting at PittFest.” Cassie holds out the cup of coffee, “I’ll find her later, you’re gonna need this more.” She says while handing over the drink.

Within minutes the entire ER shifted. Stretchers were rolled into the hallways, supply carts opened, trauma bays cleared. The calm rhythm of the shift disappeared.

The hospital had protocols for these kinds of situations, and everyone knew what to do. You instructed the new residents that hadn’t witnessed a setting like this before, so they knew what they would be up against once the first ambulances would start arriving. 

You’re never truly ready for a mass casualty event, but everyone was as ready as they could be. You were waiting outside in the ambulance bay awaiting the first arrivals. Robby had put you in charge of triage, handing you the Primary Triage MD safety vest and one of the belts with the slap bracelets system. 

When you heard the first sirens nearing, you took a deep breath in before going over the triage plan one more time. “Ten seconds per patient. Red for critical, life-threatening injuries. Yellow for serious, but not immediately life-threatening injuries. Green for minor injuries. Black for injuries incompatible with life.” Once you finished reciting the protocol, the ambulance drove up, and the chaos truly began.

You must have triaged about eighty people when Dr. Shen joined you in the ambulance bay. “Robby thought you could use a break. I’ll take over for a bit.” John said holding out his hand for the clip-on belt, you didn’t need much convincing. You’re used to seeing tragedy and injuries, but days like these were worse, especially because you tagged the people coming in and then had no idea on their wellbeing after. “Thanks, John.”

The emergency room was crowded, and looked even more chaotic than the ambulance bay. Every previously empty space was now filled with beds, and doctors and nurses treating patients. Your instinct was to help out wherever you could, and you almost did, if it wasn’t for Dana who shoved a protein bar into your hand and told you to go hydrate in the breakroom.

You quickly take off your blood and mud drenched gown and throw it in the trash bin next to the door. The moment you close the door, you lean your back against it and close your eyes. Taking a moment to let it all fall over you before you can truly take a quick break.

The moment you open your eyes, you see a pair of bright blue eyes staring back at you. “Oh sorry bud, I didn’t realise anyone was in here.” You go to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, “Mind if I join you for a bit?” He nods and turns his iPad off for a moment. 

“Harrison, right?” You ask him as you pull up the chair beside him. “Yeah.” He says with a polite smile. “I thought so, you look a lot like your mom.” You smile thinking their eyes are the exact same colour blue, and his smile looks a lot like Cassie’s too. You tell him your name, “I work with your mom in the emergency room. But enough about me, how come you’re hanging out in here?” 

He tells you about how his dad got into a skateboarding accident trying to show off to him, he genuinely chuckled thinking back to his dad trying a trick he could do himself with ease, but then gets serious again saying that he really hurt his leg. “Mom brought me here and gave me my iPad to play some games.”

You watched him play a racing game, while you ate the bar Dana gave you and drank your water. After a few rounds of cheering when he won, he did a slower round where he showed you the controls, so you could try a round yourself. 

The first round he laughed at how bad you were, but after a couple more rounds of following his tips, you were really getting the hang of it. You had wanted to give the tablet back to you, but he told you that you needed a win before you were allowed to give it back. 

When Cassie has a quick moment between patients as the new flow of them seems to lessen for a bit, she quickly heads to the breakroom to check on her son. She opens the door softly, not wanting to scare him, but the view she gets surprises her. 

You’re sitting in the chair next to Harrison, his tablet in hand and are super focussed on the screen, while Harrison is cheering you on. “Yes, come on! One more corner, you can beat him. Next corner, take the inner line and take him over.” You do what he says and wait for his “Now!” to cut the corner and speed ahead. Cassie watches the interaction with a big smile, and just keeps standing in the corner, not wanting to interrupt the moment.

“Omg, I did it!” You say in disbelief as you pass him, but Harrison quickly gets your focus back by saying, “Well keep going, you’re not over the finish line yet!” Just a straight line left with the opponent on your heels, but when you finish first the two of you high five while cheering for your first win.

Then he turns his head and spots Cassie, “Mom!” He yells before running into her arms. “Hey Kiddo, having fun?” He nods before sitting back down at the table and taking the tablet you’re holding out to him again. 

Cassie sits down with the two of you, and continues watching you for a moment. She’s still smiling as Harrison reads you your match stats. Maybe Dana was right, you already seemed to like each other, and both loved her. 

“Hey Harrison, you know how I said there was someone special I've been seeing?” Cassie asks, still a little nervous. The boy nods his head and moves to look at you, seemingly already figuring it out in his head. He turns back with a questioning look, “Her?” Cassie chuckles, “Yeah, what do you think of that?”

He didn’t even need a second to think about it, “I like her.” You smile at his instant approval, and so does Cassie. “Yeah, me too.” 

Harrison turns his attention back to the tablet, clearly needing no further explanation. So, Cassie quickly tells him that his grandpa will be picking him up shortly, and that she will have him for a couple nights while his dad recovers. Then you both get up to go back to work. “It was very nice to meet you bud, thanks for letting me play.” Harrison gets up and gives you a quick hug, “Thank you for playing with me.” Cassie’s heart warms at the sight.

Once you leave the breakroom Cassie keeps you to the side for a moment. “So, I know I promised you something after shift. Can I get a rain check on that?” You chuckle, “Oh you can always have a rain check on that.” She jokingly shoves your shoulder. 

“Also, would you maybe still want to come over and watch a movie or something with me and Harrison?” You nod, “Yeah, that sounds perfect after today actually.” She gives you a quick peck on the cheek before heading back to work, and you head back to the ambulance bay.

When Cassie passed Dana, the charge nurse had a knowing look on her face. “Don’t even say it.” Cassie says with a content smile, while continuing her walk to check on a patient.

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“Listen, I am throwing her a surprise birthday party tomorrow night, and I need you to be there. It would be really bad on my part if her best friend didn’t show up.” Your girlfriend said to you best friend while you went to the bathroom. Laia rolled her eyes, your girlfriend didn’t even ask her to come, just expected her to show up. “I’ll be there for her, not for you.” Laia quickly replies before you get back. As your best friend and roommate, she had quickly realised that Lily was not right for you, but knew she had to accept your judgement and let you find out for yourself.

“So, did you guys decide on a movie yet?” You say cheery as you plop down on the sofa in between Laia and Lily. “Actually,” Your girlfriend starts, “I just remembered I have somewhere to be.” Lily stood up instantly, like she wasn’t just leaving because she had gotten what she wanted, for Laia to be there tomorrow.

You’re a little taken off-guard but follow her to the door anyways. “Will I still see you tomorrow?” You ask softly, having assumed that she would stay the night since it was your birthday tomorrow. “Yeah, tomorrow afternoon I will be here.” After a quick peck on your lips, she is out of the apartment as quickly as she had entered.

When you walked back into the living room Laia was typing something on her phone at a faster speed than you had ever seen a human type before. “Everything alright?” She looks up and her serious expression changes into a smile, “Yeah, perfect. Still up for a movie?” You smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes, “Yeah.”

You didn’t end up making it to midnight, but the first thing you do in the morning is check to see if your girlfriend has sent you a birthday message yet. Nothing from her. You quickly answered your friends that had messaged you and went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

When you got there your jaw dropped. There were balloons that spelled out happy birthday, streamers that made up the background, and a few star shaped balloons to finish it off. Then you turned to the side and Laia was lighting a happy birthday candle on a pastry. “Happy birthday!” She says once you notice her. You rush her way and hug her tight, “You didn’t have to do all this!” Laia simply shrugged, “You deserve the best, so I thought I’d try to give you a nice morning. Got your favourite coffee order as well.” She says as she slides the cup towards you. However, you walked straight past the coffee, and gave her a hug. “Thank you, you’re the best.” Laia just smiles back, “Of course, I just know what you like.”

You sat down and enjoyed the coffee and breakfast pastry, just chatting with Laia until your phone buzzed. Since it’s your birthday you took a look right away but frowned instantly. “What’s wrong?” Your best friend was quick to read your face. “Lily just tagged me in a post for my birthday, before ever messaging or calling me to wish me a happy birthday.”

Laia’s blood boiled instantly. How dare she. Sadly it was only another sign to something Laia had already figured out, Lily was only dating you for the platform you had. “That’s just low.” She said in a disappointed tone.

The rest of the morning was spent with Laia. You spoke more about some things that were bothering you in your relationship with Lily while your best friend just listened to you voicing all of your feelings. Then to distract from the emotions, you played some games, and then she took you to your favourite bookstore where she let you pick out any new book that you wanted. She roamed the store with you until you had found the perfect one. The perfect birthday surprise.

When you got back to the apartment, you instantly started reading the book. Sitting in the cozy reading nook you had created in the apartment, you flipped through the pages. Laia was sitting in the living room as well, she had grabbed her guitar and started strumming the cords of a new song she had been trying to learn. You smiled to yourself and the cozy comfort of the situation, one that was so dear to your heart. You loved being able to both do your own thing in shared spaces. The moment the doorbell rang, that quiet and peaceful moment was gone.

Lily was at the door with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. You gratefully took them and set the flowers up in a nice vase. “I’ve got something I want to show you.” Lily said, “Do you trust me?” You nod, a little scared when she pulls out a blindfold for you to put on. 

You hear that it’s a party before you even enter the room. Music is playing loudly, and you hear many voices talking over that even louder. Laia who drove with you spots you trying to slow down instantly, but Lily just keeps pulling you towards the door. 

Once inside Lily takes off your blindfold and about a hundred faces look at you while screaming out “Surprise! Happy birthday!” You smiled thankfully, but internally you were searching for every conversation you’ve had with your girlfriend about not enjoying parties like this. You weren’t allowed to think for long though, as a glass of alcohol was pressed into your hand and the camera flashes started blinding you.

You had started dissociating long ago, just being pulled around from group to group by Lily who wanted to show you off to everyone there. So many of these people you had never even met, and you wondered what they were even doing at your birthday party.

After what felt like forever, your eyes locked onto Laia’s. She had been watching you for a while now, her blood boiling more and more the longer she saw you being uncomfortable unbeknownst to Lily. Within seconds Laia was by your side, “Hey, can I steal you for a moment?” You nod, grateful to be anywhere but right in the chaos.

She took your hand and guided you through the people until you were in the back of the club. The noise already wasn’t as loud here, which was a big relief. She stopped for a moment and turned towards you. “Are you doing alright?” Tears well in your eyes, but you blink them away. “Better now.” 

She squeezes your hand and you keep moving, she takes you all the way to the corner where there was a table filled with a handful of your teammates that were able to come to the party. It was a table with relaxed conversation, sodas and glasses of water filled the table instead of the hard liquor that was served in the midst of the party. “Thought you might like this corner.” She whispers in your ear as she sits you down next to her at the table. This was much more your style, just sitting down and chatting with the people you loved.

Once everyone’s glasses were empty, Laia got up to get everyone another one. She expected just to order some drinks, but instead she overheard a conversation between Lily and the bar staff. “Oh yeah, payment for the bar will be done by my girlfriend at the end of the party.” Laia stopped in her tracks, there was no way Lily was making you pay for your own party, a surprise party planned by Lily, one you didn’t even enjoy. Before she could say anything, she saw Lily turn to one of her friends and joke about making you pay. She finally moved once Lily was out of sight, and ordered the drinks for the table.

When the party was nearing its end, Lily had found you again and dragged you away from your comfortable corner. She wanted you by her side while everyone was saying goodbye. After hugging what felt like a hundred people, the club was finally empty.

“Are you ready to head out?” You ask Lily. “Yeah, you just have to go pay them for the open bar before we head out.” She walks off without saying another word leaving you frozen in place. Pay for the party she threw for you? You roll your eyes and walk towards the bar. 

“Hey, I heard there was an open tab for the bar?” You ask the girl behind the counter, who checks on the computer right away. “It says here it’s been paid in full.” Since Lily had only just told you you asked if there was a name on the payment. “Yeah, it says Laia Codina.” You smile and thank her. 

When you get back into the open space Lily is waiting for you. “Ready to go?” She asks with a smile. “Actually, one more thing before we go.” She nods, “Yeah, what’s up? Want one last picture to end the party with?” She was already reaching for your phone. “No, the opposite actually.”

“I don’t want to be with someone who treats my life like content,” you continue. “Lately it feels like you’re more interested in what being with me looks like than how it feels. And I can’t keep pretending that doesn’t hurt.”

Lily is quick to jump in and defend herself, but you’ve seen and heard enough through her actions today. “Save it Lily, I can’t do this anymore. We’re done.” She let out something you couldn’t describe other than an annoyed grunt, before running off.

You took a moment to let everything settle before you walked out of the club yourself. Laia was leaning against the wall waiting for you. “What was that all about?” She asks while nodding her head in the direction Lily ran off in. “Lily?” She nods. “I might have just broken up with her.”

The two of you just stood there for a moment, until you both spoke up at the same time. After some chuckles she told you to go first, since it was your birthday. “You didn’t have to pay for the bar. I can pay you back.” Laia shook her head, "Nonsense, you shouldn’t have to pay for your own party. I will never let you pay me back for this.”

You knew there was no arguing with that, so you just thanked her and then asked what she was going to say. “Do you want to grab a bite to eat before we head home?” You nod, “Yeah that sounds good.”

Laia would not let you pay, again saying that you shouldn’t have to pay on your birthday. The rest of the night is quiet. Food, soft conversation, familiar jokes. No cameras. No crowds. No expectations.

The day had been loud, overwhelming, and disappointing in ways you never would’ve expected. The breakup will hurt tomorrow. Maybe for a while. But right now, in this moment, everything feels calm. 

Just you and Laia sitting on the couch in your apartment, the only light illuminating the room is that of the tv and the fairylights hanging around the living room. Your favourite movie was playing, and Laia had set up all your favourite snacks. And for the first time all day, you realise, this is what being cared for feels like.

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