redemption.

“oh,” dimitri said, the word escaping his mouth with no small amount of delight. for all the work he’d been doing ( & progress he’d been making ) at being more open with his feelings, he still felt like he was coming up empty with what to say.  

he stared down at the promise ring & just felt…adoration? relief? acceptance? dimitri didn’t know. couldn’t put a single word to the feeling, he just knew that it was good. he’d spent so many years thinking he could never so much as look at anything good without infecting it beyond repair. but here he was, and nothing was perfect or ever would be perfect, but it was close enough that even dimitri couldn’t shrink away from it. 

LAUNCHING forward without pausing for thought, he took the box from her. his instinct of oh she’s carrying something heavy, i can help with that overtaking as he processed her words. he’d never really been a serious boyfriend before, but dimitri was good at playing to his strengths - one of which being his strength. 

AFTER a brief moment of patting himself on the back, because good boyfriends helped carry things, he realized - ah. this is my birthday present. 

LITERAL centuries had taken all the novelty off the day && dimitri wasn’t even a hundred percent certain he’d really been born november tenth. there were decades that had gone past where he’d forgotten to celebrate it all together. he’d never really minded, too caught up in whatever trouble was rising at his knees to care about something like this. 

LIKE all the other holidays he’d celebrated in his mortal life, dimitri’s care for certain days of the year had fizzled into nothing. theresia was still young, in comparison, still had endless years ahead of her to see if she was going to stop caring about birthdays as well. besides, he certainly didn’t mind. it was kind of nice, nostalgic in a way he couldn’t quite place. 

“thank you, theresia.” he said, shifting the box to his side && leaning down to press a kiss to a spot on her forehead that wasn’t dusted in flour. “I’ll be giving you your gift tomorrow, as I heard somewhere early presents were bad luck.” 

HEFTING the wrapped box onto the counter, he turned from her to open it. while he didn’t cherish his birthday, he certainly did cherish theresia. any gift she gave him, he knew he would cherish. but, he realized, as he delicately sorted through the contents of the box, it wouldn’t be hard. his eyes landed on a the coffee maker && he thought, not hard at all. 

‘‘ witch in training, ’’ she echoed vaguely as her face scrunched up.

theresia wished she could claim that she had  never  wondered about this particular … match. it had seemed stilted, it had seemed weird — mostly because freya had never hidden her disdain for her cousin’s supposed girlfriend and from what theresia had seen along the many years they had lived in the same city, freya and dimitri were  close.  everyone knew that. they were close enough for dimitri to probably know of all the poisonous little jabs freya liked to make at his  girlfriend,  close enough for him to know that valeria responded in kind — all perfectly polished daggers that the false compliments, the prettily disguised insults slid right off.

she wished she could say that she had never noticed, not really, because it would mean that she had been — unlike everyone else at school — not been paying attention. but — she had paid  some  attention. some would argue that it was a necessity to know valeria’s moods to know when she was on the war path, but theresia had never cared enough about the other to let her ruin her days. some might even argue that theresia was prone to ennui and did not care much about  anything  outside from her family and fashion. the assessment was wrong; she  did  care about her friends and her grades, too.

( it did not change that she was a … daydreamer, habitually living weeks in the future instead of the present. )

looking at her hands, she exhaled softly. did she believe dimitri when he said that he was not  really  dating valeria? probably yes, his story did make sense — especially with the gossip that had been all over town when his brother had gotten married and the … general reputation his mother had. and compared to other couples at school, dimitri and valeria had never seemed … affectionate. freya’s unflattering  ( for valeria )  narration of her cousin’s supposed thoughts was  still  in the running for  most famous quote  in their year.

and well, chances were that freya knew fully well that her cousin was  strongly encouraged  to date valeria, which would — in turn — explain why she seemed to get an additional kick out of  not  telling valeria where dimitri was. and if dimitri did not actually  want  to date valeria, it also made sense why he seemed to disappear into thin air so often.

there were not many families in town where theresia could imagine a scenario like the one dimitri had implied actually happening, but — he did belong to one where she could  absolutely  imagine it happening. after all … she  knew  for a fact that jean luc rosen had not  wanted  to leave behind his children and his town, but that he had been  strongly encouraged  to move away. and if audierna rosen could drive her ex-husband into exile, then it was not  unrealistic at all  that drusilla irvine could  convince  her son to date someone of her choosing.

‘‘ well, ’’ she said as she reached for her drink and  prayed  that her voice had the same vibe of  vague yet not overbearing concern  that anna was so famous for, ‘‘ there’s still plenty of time left for valeria or your mother to melt  before  you get dragged in front of an altar. enough time to change your name, get a new nose and … move to paris to become a — philosopher? freya would be  thrilled.  look — i know we haven’t talked since … kindergarten, i guess, but i am told that i’m a good listener. ’’

DIMITRI swears that he is usually a better keeper of his family’s secrets. while he hardly disguises his avoidance & general disdain towards certain members of the family - he doesn’t exactly go around laying out the gruesome details either. everyone knows his mother && aunt audierna are far from loving members of the community. but the specifics can be a bit hard to swallow. 

not to mention marcus. 

SO when he opens his mouth, what he means to say is, ‘don’t worry about it. I’ve always wanted a different nose &&& philosophy is a respectable profession’ or something equally as humor veiled to switch the subject into more comfortable bounds. but what he actually happens, is he hears his own traitorous voice in the air, speaking words that he did not authorize. 

“Actually, we had a conversation in the seventh grade about your binder, our shared math teacher’s weirdly specific rules on said binder & I borrowed a pen from you that I never gave back because my little sister chewed all over it that night.” 

WHICH is, objectively, the worst thing he could ever have said in response to that. && how convenient, he always thought he’d die in some competition with marcus gone-too-far, but nope. dimitri was wrong, because he’s going to die right here, in someone else’s cabin, of complete mortification. 

THERE is a brief moment, before he makes peace with the fact that he’ll have to throw himself out of the window to avoid theresia having to watch him wither away, where he feels a sharp stab of envy for freya. because this would never happen to freya. freya is a socialite queen &&& if this were the medieval era he’d probably be some court jester, while freya would have overthrown the monarchy in a week & a half with a couple of smiles && ingenious blackmail. 

IN one last ditch attempt to salvage the situation, he placed his glass on delicately on the table prepared to launch himself out the window should this fail. “I’m sorry about that, by the way. I’m sure you don’t remember, but I was torn up over the guilt for days.” he says, pouring a dramatic flair of humor into the words. 

DIMITRI was not oblivious to the rumors about him, to how people viewed him. he was desirable, in some ways, with his peers viewing his crumbling awkwardness &&& tendency to get into fights as mysterious. his family background served to elevate that perception, as he was the black sheep among a pantheon of golden-haired rosens. his cousins knew the truth, but he’d heard from other people that his disinterest  often came across as dry humor. 

the feeling that all of this was going to end terribly was something that had been fuelled by eleanor’s quiet admission that she did not think that there would be a happy ending to this, that the only thing she was still undecided on was  how  terrible it all would be. a part of theresia  wanted  to think that her cousin was pessimistic in this matter because of her parents’ close relationship with jean luc rosen, the  exiled  absent father of the rosen children, but — eleanor was not the type to form her opinions based on what others thought.

she swallowed at his words about the city — he was right, but for her, this facade had began to crumble when the hospital had called, when they had said her mother had had an accident and that she was in critical condition. the cracks had reached deeper and deeper when she had called anna and her older sister muttered something along the lines of how nothing about the supposed accident made any sense. and anna — anna was not the type to see a big conspiracy in everything that did not line up quite right. her older sister, bless her soul, was a rational, almost cold thinker when it came to these things, seeing only facts and the  visible  connections between them instead of spinning threads by means of mere imagination.

( eleanor and anna were similar, in that regard. always had been. )

rubbing her neck and stretching, she sighed as she began to draw circles onto her knee. ‘‘ i never thought i would ever be witness to an entire city pretending that all is all right while they simultaneously hold their breath in anticipation of what the next chapter will be, ’’ she muttered as she angled her head just the slightest bit. the town was — not as perfect as it pretended to be, and his mother and his aunt were surely not the only ones who were not as … good as they presented themselves to be. the brighter the smiles, the nicer the garden — the more wicked the shadows lurking behind the picture-perfect picket fences.

then, she laughed, softly, before she shook her head slowly, mirth still gleaming in her eyes. true laughter was rare, these days — their house stood quiet and solemn on its hill, almost as if it was holding its breath until the doctors would give a new prognosis about her mother’s future. and how could it not be quiet? her father had thrown itself in his work, was driving his staff up the wall with all the changes he suddenly deemed necessities. her younger siblings were barely home, were playing with their friends until the sun went down — and she could not blame them. running around and playing had to be much nicer than waiting for  something  at home.

‘‘ hm, that’s unfortunate, of course, ’’ she said with a deep — and very much exaggerated — sigh. it was nice — how he went with the joke  ( which she would not have made, she had been raised better than that )  instead of being outraged. it was  generally  nice to talk with him; she did not think they had talked much since elementary school or kindergarten, but it seemed that beneath his leather-jacket-clad exterior, he was a goodhearted — young man. who had grown up  nicely  when she had not been paying attention. ‘‘ though i did hear that a  pretty big  storm is going to hit the city later today. maybe that’ll at least melt some of the lesser witches in this town. ’’

STARTLED by her laugh, dimitri could hardly help the warm feeling that spread in his chest. he’d heard her laugh before, of course, he was very well familiar with what a pleasant sound it was. but he’d never been the cause of it before & as it turned out, that was even better.

IN response, both to her words && the sudden wash of giddiness that brushed over him, his own laugh slipped past his throat. it was more subdued than hers by a long shot, but perhaps even more shocking in its sincerity. the cocky smirk he’d taken on had given way to something softer &&& his eyes were alight with a playful glee. “maybe valeria, she’s only a witch in training as of now.” he returned, only half joking. the laugh hadn’t quite left his voice, but there was an undercurrent of bitterness that he couldn’t manage to keep out of her name. “If the rain could get rid of her, I might consider taking up a new religion of worshiping storm gods.” ANOTHER stifled chuckle, as he pictured valeria melting down a drain pipe, before it hit him & all his mirth escaped in his next exhale. the realization was a cold one, like being hit with a snowball that had a rock in its center. as far as Theresia knew -- he was talking about his girlfriend. DIMITRI was sure there were worse things that she could think about him, but he certainly couldn’t think of any right now. god, she was going to think he was some kind of douche bag boyfriend if he didn’t explain. she’d probably hate him. “I’m not-” he started, only to cut himself off upon hearing the edge of panic that slipped into his voice. panic wasn’t cool, but dimitri was trying to be. “I’m not actually dating her, by the way. I wouldn’t say that about her if I was. It’s... complicated.” oh yes, that was better, dimitri thought scathingly at himself, much more clarifying. it was all he could do not to hang his head in his hands, gone was the confidence he was starting to feel in this conversation. WHY had he even brought her up? with Theresia no less. it didn’t even matter, not really, whether Theresia knew the truth of it or not. it’s not like her knowing that he wasn’t in a real relationship with valeria would change anything. he’d still have to keep up the act to appease his mother && theresia would still hardly know he existed, let alone care what his relationship status was.

&&& yet. it mattered. the idea of Theresia tasting any kind of disdain when thinking of him, if she ever did after this, mattered.

too lost in thoughts  to consider the  strangeness  of his words, theresia shrugged slowly.  ❛ thanks, i guess, ❜ she said absentmindedly. it was not as rare as it should be that she considered how other people perceived her. she should care less, she knew, but she liked being liked, especially since for as long as she could remember, she had never done anything to warrant  dislike.  she was generally likable, though it was a open secret that as soon as someone pushed her too far, there was no going back. and theresia preferred this to be an open secret for this way, no one could accuse her of being two-faced.

theresia knew very well  what kind of reputation dimitri’s mother had. having lived in town all her life, the woman had had more than enough time to cultivate a rather — unpleasant reputation. theresia’s father, by no means a man who participated in gossip, had called drusilla irvine many things, none of which had been nice and all of which had matched the overall perception of the woman in question. it was also widely assumed that no one could stand her; some family members being the sole exception. the severins, especially theresia’s aunt gabrielle, had long taken a stance  against  whatever drusilla irvine was plotting, the woman’s own actions just as condemning as the fact that she was possibly one of two people in town who could stand audierna  rosen  vos.  gabrielle’s nemesis.

❛ she is lucky that it hasn’t been raining, or she might’ve molten away, ❜ theresia muttered under her breath before a remarkably fierce shade of red crossed her face. it was not like her to speak ill of someone’s mother, but sometimes, her mouth was quicker than a sense of — manners. tucking strands of reddish brown behind her ear, she smiled vaguely before she continued to speak. ❛ and, uh, i’m not sure about the routine … everyone seems to be quite shaken, nearly as if this is the first bad thing that ever happened here, ❜ theresia said quietly, traces of disdain for the other inhabitants of their city in her voice. ❛ i expect that it’ll  kinda  depend on what happens next. ❜

if asce rosen would  reappear just as miraculously as he had vanished, yes, in that case, things would go back to normal. the incident would be painted over, people would pretend that the young man had never been missing to begin with. but if that would not happen, if something  truly bad  had happened to the blonde, things would be very different indeed. not just for the people who had been close to him, but for the entire town. because as far as the public opinion was concerned, bad things did not happen there.

IF this whole scenario hadn’t been brought on by such awful circumstances, dimitri would have thought he was dreaming. really, he very well could have been hallucinating this whole fucking week, with how damn weird everything was. 

LOVE wasn’t something dimitri was particularly versed in, considering the thinly veiled bile that spilled across his dinner table every night, but he was sure of one thing - he loved his cousins. for all the vicious holes his mother had ripped into his soul, she’d done one good thing for him, and it was staying near enough to the rosens that he’d been able to experience what family should feel like. not that drusilla had intended for that, of course, she just couldn’t be more than a few miles away from audierna without the two of them bursting into flame or something equally as sinister. 

THERE was this feeling, this heavy seed of dread that’d settled into his stomach when he’d learned asce was missing & it had been growing up through his throat ever since. but he’d been steadily ignoring the feeling, the edges of panic, the hints of future grief because acse wasn’t dead yet. he wasn’t dead until dimitri laid eyes on a body && until that happened, he wasn’t going to be the one losing himself in worry. 

INSTEAD dimitri had fortified himself, spoke around the thorns that scraped their way up to his tongue. the vines of fear had kept promises out of his mouth, but not much else &&& he’d taken it upon himself to be the solidity for his cousins. let them worry, let them cry, let them fear - he’d stay steady. give them something to fall onto, for the worse or better, he wouldn’t crash - it was the very least that he owed to them. 

PULLING away from his own thoughts, before they led him down a road he didn’t want to go down on his own, let alone with theresia in the room, he let a brief acknowledgement out. “Everyone likes to feel safe, in little towns like this. That’s the appeal, isn’t it? Not as exciting, or as vibrant as the big cities, but it’s safe. A good place to raise a family, build a life, and all that domestic stuff. I can see why they’d ignore anything that threatens that.” 

SUMMONING up a smirk, a half-amused cocky little thing that he’s been using on girls since he was thirteen-years-old, dimitri leans back in his chair. he knows how it draws attention to his arms, to the broad line of his shoulders & he can only hope it’ll help lead the conversation into less dangerous territory when he catches onto her embarrassment. Theresia is a good person, a kind person, who thus far as been unfailingly polite to him. So he’s sure she’s not usually the type to insult someone’s mother so outright. If he’d been someone else, with anyone but drusilla for a mother, he might have been offended. 

but well, it’s the towns worst kept secret that the irvine and rosen matriarchs are as rotten as they are conniving. 

HIS feelings on the matter aside, it’s a good chance to pivot with. keeping his body language open, his dark eyes alight, he makes sure she’ll know he’s only teasing, even though his voice is pitched low && his drawl is slow, “as for my mother, while you’re right about her being a witch, I’m afraid there isn’t a rainstorm strong enough to get rid of her. she and my aunt demonstrate every day that evil is appallingly tenacious.”

dimitri has been many things in his long, long life. he’s been as dastardly as any pirate, as cruel as any king, as viscous as any gladiator - but he’s never been soft. he’s never felt anything but jagged edges on his finger tips, even in the days before he was immortal, he’d always been quick to bare his teeth.  

his father used to delight in it, used to push his sons angry little claws at each other & say fight. there are a lot of memories that have withered before his body, but dimitri doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that his father only ever smiled when someone else was bleeding. 

he was raised a predator, raised to hunt down the weaknesses in others && aim his blade. he’d been conditioned to attack when he smelled blood in the water && he had. 

life like this had grown unbearable, living this long, frozen in time while everything else moved forward. he watched as everything all around the world changed, &&& then changed again & again && again until it was all he could do not to shut himself away in a coffin somewhere &&& really test the limits of this immortality business.  

instead, he’d begun forcing himself to change as well. it’d been slow going, slower than it would have taken a regular human he’s sure - but he tried. little things at first, just to spark a sense of something in his hollow rib cage. then bigger things, then getting a legitimate medical degree, a job that didn’t pay under the table && as close to a home as he’d ever really had. 

but it’d never come easy to him. his first instinct was always, always to scratch, to bite, like the feral animal he was. he had to bite down on his own tongue to avoid drawing blood from others. but he’d done it, he’d woken up one day after another & kept his fists to himself. 

- except Theresia. 

even with another couple thousand years under his belt, dimitri is sure he’d never be able to answer exactly what it was - but there was something in her warm happy eyes, in her slow content little smile, in the elegant confidence she held in her shoulders something that soothed whatever it was that was so wild in him. 

being soft with sia felt as easy as breathing. he’d never felt he had to brace himself for her attacks, had to cover his wounds so she wouldn’t prod at them - with sia he felt… at ease. && so it was natural to him, that he’d place his hand atop her shaking one, circle his thumb over the top of her palm &&& call her attention to him. 

“it’s okay to be nervous, but they’re not gonna find anything bad about the place. your club is the best this side of the continent,” dimitri winks, hoping that playful will help ease her nerves. he’s not particularly good at comfort, but he adds “besides even if they do give you a bad review, they’re always selling eggs at the supermarket & I can find out where they live.”

DIMITRI, if he'd been given more reign over his life, fears that this might be all that would have become of him. A talented magic user, who exercised those gifts only to charge his cell phone without getting up.

IT was somewhat rare that he allowed himself these moments of laziness, lounging on his friends couch idly tapping away at a game on his phone. But his joints were aching, still in recovery from his latest adventure with mountain climbing. A " hobby " he was excited to leave behind someday.

CASTING  his eyes away from his screen, he huffed out a small, amused laugh at Auburn's question. While the question itself was unexpected, Auburn asking it was not. Dimitri didn't know how well she knew his cousin, didn't like to pry into other people's relationships, but Freya had a reputation that preceded her.

AT this point, dimitri didn’t even know what he was doing here.  hunting down the fountain of youth? hardly. he’d scoured the library enough that everything he could learn about the fountain here, he’d already read - twice even. hell, the tome he was flipping through now was about the history of magic in eleventh century hong kong.   

THE truth was lurking underneath the waters of his mind & he was happy to keep it there. coming to terms with the fact that he was growing bored of his fantastical revenge plot meant coming to terms that it’d been inspired by petty, flimsy feelings. admitting he’d wasted the past decade of his life? no thanks. he’d much rather skulk about the library until he caught inspiration to do something else. 

MOUTH filled suddenly with the bitter taste of denial, dimitri made to close the book - thinking it may be time to return to his bed. just as he gripped the cover, however, a woman’s voice cut through the air. his shoulders jolted, but his fists didn’t clench && there was no static on his fingertips. her voice was warm &&& dimitri thought of those melted candies that marcus had loved so much when they were children. 

WHEN he looked up, his mouth ran rather painfully dry because oh, yes, he did remember her. dimitri had never been one to socialize, he wasn’t like freya - calm, composed &&& charming. or déodat with his charisma & character. hell, he wasn’t even close to basil whose demeanor tended to charm as much as it unsettled. dimitri was aggressive, challenging && inspired fear more than admiration. which was fine. it was. he had all the friends he needed, thank you very much. 

BUT - well. he’d met theresia for the first time years ago, when he was beginning to really come into his element. fifteen with electric burns covering his hands &&& still reeling over his brothers exile - he was volatile. if he remembers right, he’d gone out that night looking to start a fight & ended up in the Elytrich Gardens. it seemed as good a place as any, while it wasn’t closed off from the public, it was a known hotspot for all things magical ( where else were you going to find natural growing blood root ) && he hadn’t thought it through at all. because the moon was high in the sky &&& the first person he came across was a girl. not just any girl, either, a pretty girl smiling prettily at a flower. whatever feeling he’d gone out to get rid of had fizzled, only to be replaced with an awkward kind of awe. he’d left not much later, afraid she might notice him & well… dimitri irvine couldn’t get caught staring at pretty girls smiling at flowers. so that was the end of that, or, it was supposed to be. 

It was not. 

THE very next day, he was introduced to her formally. his mother had her hand on the back of his neck, a sweet gesture from the outside but in truth it was her claws pressed into his skin - a threat to behave. so he’d swallowed down his surprise, greeted her neutrally && moved along. he wonders, sometimes, if he’d have done something else without the looming presence drusilla or if he’d have found another excuse to stifle himself. 

AFTER that, he hadn’t seen much of her, he caught glimpses of her here &&& there through the years, but he was trapped in his own problems & he’d never managed to find the right chance, or the courage, or a good reason to approach her. dimitri would never call it a crush, but if pressed, he may admit that he had held a curiosity towards theresia severin. maybe. 

DIMITRI wasn’t one to laugh at the misfortune of his friends - he really wasn’t. which is why he was dutifully not laughing. He’d yet to summon a familiar of his own, at first out of fear that his mother may use it against him but now it was more a matter of just never getting around to it, so he could hardly relate to Auburn’s level of suffering. Dimitri could confidently say that he’d never met a familiar as... rambunctious as Cipher. Apparently orange juice, while it certainly worked, invoked more aggression than blood. 

ANOTHER loud crash came from the kitchen, and dimitri had to bite his tongue. Who was he kidding, he was most certainly going to laugh at his friends misfortune. Cipher wasn’t really that bad, after-all. 

DIMITRI’S face flushed uncomfortably, as much as he knew Freya didn’t mind, there was something so embarrassing about coming to her to consult something so... well, mundane. Clearly, not embarrassing enough to keep him from asking though. Instead, he just shifted in his seat & waited not-so-patiently for Freya to start dealing her cards. 

IT wasn’t like he ran to her to solve every unknown in his life, it’s just... well he was really sure that there was a ghost haunting him. He didn’t even believe in ghosts, but after the third time his frying pan attempted to knock him out - he was running out of explanations. Even Laelia && all of her little tricks with the air probably couldn’t ( &&& hopefully wouldn’t ) try to assassinate him with kitchenware. 

DIMITRI had been captain for all of three months & he’d gotten used  to the title that first week. or, rather, he’d thought he had. since it seemed like every time Theresia said it something uncomfortable swarmed his chest. maybe because he wasn’t actually her captain? 

NEVERTHELESS, it did little to dissuade the relief at seeing her. generally, when they landed, dimitri tried to stay far from the crew. let them have space to do as they wished ( while abiding by the rules he went over every signal time - he was considering making a presentation video at this point ) so they could relax. having your captain hovering was sure to dampen the mood - and these breaks were short in comparison to the long stretches of time on the ship. 

WHICH meant dimitri didn’t go to any of the local pubs, clubs, popular shops or anything fun, really. he had developed a habit of simply wandering around in whatever spot of nature he could find until it was time to go collect everyone. a small sacrifice to pay, but a sacrifice nonetheless. “You didn’t interrupt anything,” he assured her, a little vehemently, “as interesting as this tree might be, after the first twenty minutes of staring it does lose it’s appeal” 

out of habit, theresia  nearly asked him to repeat himself. what he had just said was enough to throw her off more than the stab wound had, earlier. then, she opted against it. she had listened carefully and had not been distracted, she had heard what he had said. loud and clear. for a moment, she wondered if he was messing with her, than she cast the thought aside. the topic itself and his entire demeanour were too serious for it to be a joke. 

the breath she took  as she reminded herself that dimitri had never played a cruel trick on her before was shaky and she steadied it as her thoughts chased off to new shores. it was not the first time someone she knew, someone she had considered a friend had turned out to be immortal — and he had at least not nearly bled out on her bathroom floor. new haven was filled with immortals, she had realised as much when she had first encountered freya and then, not much later, freya’s ex-boyfriend. 

if there had ever  been a town that had a near magical pull for immortals, it had to be this one. really, she did not think that she was done running into others like her. and this was nowhere as unsettling for her as it might have been for others. she had always thought that there had to be others like her and as she had all time in the world, it was surely not all that shocking for her to eventually start running into them.

and if dimitri was  immortal — it might make her head spin a little, mostly because  what were the chances?,  but it also calmed her soul. if he was immortal, he would not die, would not become another person she had cared for and who had left her behind. she had buried her family, she had lost claude — she had lost every single person she had ever loved in one way or another. and she had never been able to handle it well, had always struggled with grief and despair afterwards.

her hand trembled as  she reached for dimitri’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. she could — she could handle this. she had handled similar conversations before, she could do this. there was no need to worry about anything. “ he doesn’t sound like a charming guy … i can’t say i’m sad that he and i weren’t contemporaries, ” she said before she caught herself. really, what was she thinking? no, what was she saying? “ i  mean, ”  she set out to correct her awkward words, “ oh, verdammt noch mal, i’m worse at this than i thought — look … let me take this from the top? please? so … you’re  like me.  immortal.  and, uh, you’ve been around for a while, i guess? for longer than me? ”

WITH all the things he’d been thinking she may say, her question threw him. had he been around longer than her? dimitri’s hands stopped & he looked at her, his dark eyes confused. he’d never known an immortal with much of an age difference. auburn, well, he’d never asked exactly how old she was but it was always clear she was just about the same age as him. no more than a few namedays could have separated them. && aurelia...he’d never asked for her age either. but she’d never given him reason to think she didn’t match his years with her own.

NO other immortal had ever given him cause to suspect they were younger than he was by any significant amount. even fay, with her eternal youth. he’d never reeally considered that there were immortals who could have been... born so-to-speak that much later than him. something of shame flooded his cheeks, “Um? I - well. How old ar- or well how long hav-i mean- I don’t know?”

THE incessant stumbling of his words did little but add to the fire on his face. he didn’t understand how he could be this embarrassing. how could he have been disarmed by such a simple revelation. of course not all of the imoortals who roamed the earth had been created at the same time. he should have known that, he should have known. should h-  dimitri couldn’t help shrinking away, stopping his own thoughts to realize what was happening. his anxiety was approaching it’s tipping point. the stress of the night catching up to him all at once. 

HAD this happened earlier in his recovery, dimitri fears he’d be fleeing for his old crutches right around now. the drinking, &&& the fighting & the destruction. he hadn’t found anything that could dissolve the image of his brothers face from his eyelids than a bars best rum && punching until his knuckles finally stung. but he wasn’t going to do that, not tonight. he was getting better, doing better &&& he would not fail his first real test. 

concern hit theresia like  a mighty wave, washing away the thoughts that had been directed at the dull yet  humming  pain the wound was still radiating. his words, strange as they were, had her worried for his safety. how odd, really — she had spent years on making herself untouchable, on staying distanced even when she was close, but a skill that had served her well for centuries was failing her these days. new haven did not allow for her to remain detached and she was not yet sure how she felt about this — not that how she felt would change  that  she felt. thankfully, she would have a few centuries to figure that part out.

inside of her, something  pulled on the edges of her consciousness, tried to drag her towards something — maybe a realisation, maybe a question. both, perhaps. no, most likely, she corrected herself. she was not quite as good as freya when it came to reading a room, but she could feel that there was  something  inside the room, right now. she might not know what it was, not yet, but hardly a mystery remained mysterious forever.

“ huntable? ” she repeated, biting her lip. she did not like this term, especially not in relation to a friend, to someone she wanted to remain safe. being hunted was unpleasant and stressful to say the least, it was nothing she would ever wish on another living being. but, despite her mind’s pain-addled state, she could tell that there was more to his words than just the apparent, superficial layer. and although usually, she did not ask to avoid having to answer questions, she asked now. maybe because she was curious, maybe because for once, she would not mind answering questions herself. or perhaps, it was because this day had been too crazy for her to see the recklessness of her own actions.

“ dimitri, ” she started, shoving a pillow between her body and the arm rest. wherever this conversation might lead, she would  so  prefer to be comfortable for it. “ could you maybe… ” she trailed off, but only briefly. she had always struggled with staying focused, but this was not a problem right now. “ what do you mean,  probably a lot more than a few times? ” she asked, somewhat resigned when she realised that she was not as worried about any possible explanations for this as she was concerned about his well-being. her priorities, she realised, were just as screwed up as they had always been since she had realised that being an immortal and being a good person in the classical sense of the word was as good as impossible, that she would always have to find compromises between her mind and her morals. it sounded harder than it had turned out to be, really.

RESIGNED to the fate he’d signed himself up for, dimitri could only hope he was making the right choice by telling her now. but what other option did he have? wait a week, or two, or three or never because surely he’d avoid it as long as possible given the option. there’d always be a reason not to say anything. he’d best get out with it now & reassure sia that she did not have to fear him exposing her. 

DESPITE his descion, his internal reassurances, he did not open his mouth. it was a lot easier in theory, alright. in practice, there were a lot of fears that were holding his tongue captive. after he told her, there was no way to go back. things would change. he’d thought himself good at change, before. after-all the world had never slowed down && he’d always adpated to that. but it was different. aside from the cosemetic differences in his life, he’d been stagnant for so long. now, now he knew better. he knew change was hard &&& unpredicatable & he knew it scared him. 

SO many years of history hung back in his footprints, sins thrived in his shadows && all of them would be exposed with his immortality. maybe not today, but eventually he was sure. auburn had lived through so many of them with him that he had never feared her judgement, but he wasn’t sure his heart would be able to stand theresia looking at him as he deserved to be looked at, as a monstrous thing. 

WITH a heavy heart, a fearful tongue &&& his eyes turned away from her dimitri let out a humorless laugh. subtly wasn’t going to do more than drag this out, give him time to back out & so he blundered right into the abysss. “Back in the 12th century I was wanted all over europe, you know? pissed off a lot of kings.” he tried not to let his voice shake, he failed. “I had a habit of that through the years, but that was definitely the time I was most wanted. the bulgarian king, chelbir I think his name was, had me drowned. didn’t really work out for him, but he tried. a lot of people have wanted me dead. too bad for them, you know, that I can’t.” 

sometimes, theresia was suddenly  hit by the realisation how little she knew about the people in her life, even the ones she was reasonably close to. most of it, she knew, was her own fault. she was the one who went out of her way to avoid talking about herself, and so it was surely not surprising if others did not volunteer much information about themselves either. and most of the time, she liked that. if no one else told her much about themselves, she could avoid guilt she would have felt otherwise — and she did not have to lie either. but sometimes … sometimes it was a shocking realisation how oblivious she tended to be. because that had not always been her. once upon a time, she had been different, had been open about herself and had welcomed the trust others had put in her when they had told her about themselves.

but immortality was a  difficult game to play on a good day — and too many days were barely average. it forced people to become closed off, to become withdrawn. even if no one noticed just how reserved they had become.

and it was easier  not to talk as dimitri worked on her wound, just like it was easier  ( and healthier )  not to try to remember how long it had been since the last time someone had dressed her wounds. but the blissful silence had been doomed from the beginning and after he spoke, she cleared her throat, waiting for enlightenment that never came. it did not really matter, she could improvise.

“ thank you, ” she said quietly as she sat back — unsure just what it was she was grateful for. a sense of terrible  awkwardness  was heavy on her shoulders and she hated it. this was … difficult, the world did not seem quite right, seemed to be angled in all the wrong ways. theresia decided that she hated it, that she did not want things to be like this. she did not like it when she was  bad  at something and right now, she felt like she had never been quite as bad as being immortal as she was right now. others, she was sure, would know how to handle this. but the ones she  could  ask for advise were the ones she would never ask for advice in this because she had a pretty good idea what kind of counsel they would have for her.

( freya’s idea of help would surely be to suggest to take no risks and theresia had never been comfortable with what  that  entailed, precisely. )

“ this is … awkward, ” she muttered under her breath as she clenched her hands to fists, all in the name of keeping herself from running her fingers over her healing injury. the pain had not yet subsided completely, but it was more muted now — background noise, something she could widely ignore. “ being hunted down  would  probably ruin my week, yes, ” she added, all too happy to latch on this part of the conversation to distract herself as she waited for the injury to close up. “ did anyone ever try to hunt you down? ”

FLASHBACKS barraged him, from different eras, different parts of the world. people had been hunting him down for a long time & only a few because of his immortality. he’d done a decent job at keeping that to himself. but he had played games with powerful people for the fun of proving they couldn’t stop him, he’d gone around and stirred every pot he could for a while.  a long while. 

WHICH led him to the deepest part of his hesitation here. because even when he wasn’t running around the world searching for fights, he had people after his head. he’d never been a good guy. a quiet one, maybe, but never good. always at least keeping his feet in the water of the underground. fessing up to his own immortality is likely to lead to that admission & that is the scariest part of all of this. 

( now that Theresia’s wound is healing nicely, of course. ) 

DIMITRI had come to new haven for auburn, but he’d stayed for himself. to live a better life than he had been. he hadn’t turned this new leaf over for more than a year and here he was, facing the chance that eventually, one of his three ( living ) friends would know what he’d done. who he’d been. that it was Theresia who may know made the stakes feel higher. ah, shame, how he hadn’t missed this feeling. 

LAUGHING in a strained kind of way, he rubbed the back of his neck. stalling for time. for an answer. “well, you know me. awkward is sort of my deal.” an odd kind of half-truth. his usual charm came from a place of manipulation, of bad intentions & he’d decided to stifle that in the name of his new, reformed image. but putting that aside, dimitri fears he’d still be stilted around sia. she just throws him off balance. speaking of which, “I... I mean I’m very huntable? No, that definitely came out wrong. I, um, what I’m trying to say is - “ was this it? was he gonna tell her now? like the babbling buffoon, he apparently was, “yeah. um. a few times. or maybe more than a few. probably a lot more, come to think of it.” 

TRUTH be told, dimitri was not one for the math and science of engineering this complex. he could do repairs on a speeder well enough, but just looking at the inside of the computer circuit’s the void had was bound to give him a headache. his talents lay elsewhere, and he’d never been one to delude himself. as such, when he was recruiting the crew for The Void, he had accepted the first person who seemed competent enough without a particularly vicious streak as his engineer. perhaps unsurprisingly, it didn’t seem there were a whole lot of pirates with the skillset to maintain the void’s complicated inner-workings. especially after whatever the...previous management had done to the ship. 

COMING across sherry, the creator of the ship was nothing short of a miracle, as far as dimitri was concerned. or, at least, it was. five minutes ago. before she’d seen the poor-patch work in the cockpit, and before she looked at him with what dimitri felt was murder in her eyes. he wasn’t super great with women, but surely, that couldn’t be a good sign. 

under different circumstances, the  far too familiar way dimitri’s voice wrapped itself around the latin would have raised flags. but her mind was not only focused on other things than linguistic oddities, it was also  used  to translating languages she had studied into the language she had been born with. and as she had studied both greek and latin when she had been  much  younger than now, her brain did not really  trip  over it, merely took note of it and filed it away. for later.

wiping sweat off her  brow, theresia tried to shrug. it was not a good idea as it  hurt  though she decided to blame that pain on the damn antiseptic. as much discomfort as it caused her, blood poisoning was perhaps not lethal for her, but it was the opposite of pleasant. “ pretty sure i’m out of the w-woods, ” she said, her voice briefly tilting into a hiss as she cursed herself for having bought an antiseptic this potent and  painful.  her hand was unsteady as she reached blindly for the nearest pillow, manicured yet stained fingers clawing into the fabric.  “ ah, verdammt. ”

to put it mildly:  theresia had gone out of her way to avoid bad injuries. she was not afraid of blood and while she did not like pain more than the next person, the reason why she avoided injuries was that she was  afraid  of waking up after she had, well,  died.  but the reason why non-fatal yet serious injuries were rare was that she hated healing nearly as much as she hated waking up.the sensation of accelerated healing felt  wrong  to her, even after centuries. it made her stomach turn and her lungs feel  heavy,  as if they had been filled with lead.

“ ich  hasse  diesen part, ” she muttered, barely managing to keep herself from clutching her stomach as the all too unpleasant sense of wrongness washed over her. absentmindedly, she thought that she had been lucky — she had not have time for lunch and had abstained from cake with her coffee to keep herself from getting too jumpy as a consequence of sugar and caffeine. she had berated herself when she had started her journey home when hunger had gnawed on her, but she was grateful now; the last she wanted to do right now was throw up. she did not look at the injury, did not have to. she knew what was happening, knew that it looked like something out of a horror movie. but she remembered to speak english as she continued to stare at the ceiling. “ i just hope you won’t turn me over to dr frankenstein now, ” she said, but despite her near playful tone  ( she was an excellent actress, after all ),  she was somewhat concerned about this possibility.

IN all the years he’d been alive, dimitri had learned an impressive number of languages. some of them flowed from his lips confidently, while others sat in the back of his mind, dust on every page. german, though, dimitri had only ever picked up a handful of words. he felt a dull sting of regret at the fact but passed it over quickly as he focused on cleaning her wound. 

HARNESSING a single-mindedness that would have made his long-dead brother proud, dimitri went about the motions. blocking out any reminder that this was Theresia as best he could, for fear of gentling his hand too much. this needed to hurt to be effective. which meant that he left her words hanging in the air longer than he would have ever allowed normally. considering the clear seriousness of their implications. 

IT wasn’t until he was finished binding the gash with the dressing in the first aid kit that he pulled away enough to register ‘oh yeah we should probably talk’.  awkwardly, because the realization of what he’d left unanswered weighed down on him, he shifted away from her. sitting on the floor beside the couch, he gave a slightly sheepish little shrug. 

“That’s not really my plan, no.” dimitri offered, still weighing where he should take this conversation in his head. clearly, she hadn’t been lying about being immortal, he’d already seen her begin to heal far faster than any regular person could.but he wasn’t entirely convinced that now was the best time to jump in with, hey me too. so, voice hesitant, he added on “I mean, the less he knows about immortals the better. being hunted down doesn’t really seem like a good time to me.”