gibberish and stuff...

That’s the days when i’m reminded, that I’m not one of them, never was and never will be. I will never be “normal”, never.

I´d like to work less now, enjoy my time and do the things that make me happy because even though, I live in a country in which you don´t have to work when you´re old and get a pension (hight depending on how much/long you´ve worked and your income), no one can guarantee me that this social system will still be available when I´m old. I am still young but even I can see that the world is changing and not to our advantages.

My mum´s generation grew up with knowing that you must work hard to make a living but you´ll be rewarded for it in the end. My mum has worked hard all her life but now, as she is getting older, she realises that this believe has not been proven true for her. Now I was raised by my mum with the same believe, so I work hard and every time I feel like I´m not gonna make it this time, I tell myself that I´m showing weakness, that others have done it before me, that I´ll just have to work even harder.

Many sleepless nights and days, I´ve cried myself to sleep because of the stress and the loss of my nerves (similar situation for my classmates), later I began to wonder if this Is something I should be OK with. I have been to psychologists before because of family stuff and I´m quite interested into psychology in general so I knew that sleeplessness and regular mental breakdowns are actually not a good sign and can have rather negative effects on the long run. But I think to myself, it´s only for a “short” period of time, it will be worth it. On the other hand, I´m still in school, this is something like my childhood, shouldn´t I enjoy it because I won´t have the chance later? Isn´t that what all the adults and old people say? Now I don´t even have time for family or friends, dare me, for my hobbies or interests.

Two options now:

Option 1:

Work just enough so I can get through, get a job that´s not too challenging and gives me a lot of free time, therefore be able to do the things I love and follow my interests but run the danger of not earning enough money or not having the qualifications for a better job to survive in our system.

Option 2:

Work hard, get even more education, get a good job that´s probably going to be quite challenging and time/nerve consuming (-> no free time for family/friends/hobbies) but still running the danger of not having the possibility to rest when I´m old because there is no social system that rewards my hard years of work, Not to forget the chance of a burn-out, ending up having wasted my life and only geting the rest I so crave when I´m dead.

Something my mum likes to say, “In the past the future was brighter.” (translated from German)

take you on a journey

Take a train somewhere we don’t know

Forget about time

Not thinking about our problems

just enjoying the unknown

I want to laugh with you

drink coffee in a cute little café

Explore a bookstore we found whiles walking through the streets

eyes up to the sky

let’s get out of this town

take only what you need

lets go on an adventure

we don’t know where we’ll go

we don’t know when we’ll come back

let us have fun

explore the unknown

enjoying the new things

forget about time and space

forget about all our problems

our dutis

it’s just us two

they don’t know us

so let’s have fun

do whatever we want

live the moment