my sweet fireball

Is she really wrong? Should she not want more, should she not want to be better? She wants to be as smart as her sister, as rich as her cousin, and as pretty as both. It’s not her fault she’s falls below them, that she’s not as perfect as either of them, that she's the fuck up of them all. But she is the one who feels the consequences. So she wants, and she wants, and she wants. But of course, she never goes after it. She’s too paralyzed by fear to try for anything. So she lets the want eat her alive until she wants to eat others.

This wasn’t unusual, especially not when they were together. Eight, nine, ten, up to fifteen days of their self destructive routine. Drink. Drug. Party. Fuck. Sleep. Wake up sometime in the late afternoon and do it again. Adelise wouldn’t necessarily call it a binger (a binger was when you did that for thirty years like her mother had) but it came close. On this particular day, Adelise’s eyes opened heavily at 5 p.m. The light hit her eyes and she nearly hissed, squeezing her eyes closed again and turning away quickly. When she was reopened them, she was met by a still sleeping Sarafine. The blanket only covered Sara partially, revealing one breast and line of ribs that moved slowly up and down. Adelise shook her head softly and nearly smiled to herself. ‘It’s amazing,’ she thought. ‘She’s practically glowing but she’s… she’s so human. Fire manipulator but so human. Unlike anything else in this fucked up mystical world. She’s beautiful.’ Unknowingly, she had begun to lightly run her fingers across Sara’s arm, and when she saw the younger girls eyes flutter, she tensed and immediately pulled her hand away. It felt dangerously close to affection, particularly romantic affection, an emotion she forbid herself to feel ever since 1967. As Adelise clutched the offending fingers with her other hand, she shivered, and Sara’s eyes opened completely. “Good morning,” she said sleepily with a smile. (Oh, that’s why. She has a pretty smile. She also has pretty eyes. And a hot body. Which is why you fuck her. That’s it.) “Good morning. Though I’m not sure that’s appropriate for right now.” Sarafine chuckled, closing her eyes and scrunching her face before asking “What time is it?” (And that. That’s why. She’s cute and just a kid and so you want to protect her. You have to. She has fire but not immortality. You’re only doing the right thing. That’s it.) “Um, five.” “Well that’s our morning, isn’t it?” (She is just a friend with benefits. That’s it.) “I suppose so.” “Then I think my good morning is perfectly appropriate.” There was a proud smile on her face. (She’s only human. She’s only human. Romantic-y things are dangerous with vampires let alone humans. Which is fine because you don’t like her romantically.) “I guess it is but I can’t say I’m use to you being appropriate.” Sara chuckled, nuzzling her arm. “I can be when I want to be.” (Human.) “Oh, really?” “Of course. Look, even after sex cuddles,” she said, moving under her arm. (HUMAN.) And of course, Sara looked so pretty and so cute and so vulnerable and last nights make up was smeared across her face and she still smelt of the sex they had and still had a ton of drugs in her system and all of the caring just spilled out of Adelise’s mouth before she could stop herself. “Why do you do this?” Sara’s eyebrows knitted. “Do what? Cuddle? I can move,” she said, beginning to pull away but Adelise pulled her back tight. “No, no, I like this. I meant… the drugs, the sex, the partying? Why?” She raised her eyebrows. “Well why do you?” “Because I’m immortal.” “That’s not an answer. That’s a justification. Everything anyone ever does has some incentive and some kind of positive reinforcement. That’s why anybody does anything.” “Well, that’s my incentive. And I asked you first.” “And I asked you second. What are we, five? And that’s not an incentive. Why do you do it?” “I just… like getting high.” “Me too. I just like getting high.” There was a long pause as they just stared at each other before Sara pulled away. “Do you think your mom will still have coffee out?” “Yeah.” “Do you think she’ll care if I just wear panties and a bra?” “We’re french. She could care less. Juliet might get kind of weird about it though.” “Fine, fine. I’ll wear a shirt.” Sarafine put on a t shirt and went to get coffee. When she came back, she was confronted by a strange sight: Adelise crying on her balcony, only wearing a bra and boy shorts while smoking a joint. Sara hovered in the doorway before saying “You only do drugs because you only like getting high, right?” “Oh, shut up,” Adelise snapped. Sara sat down next to her calmly and said “Pass.” The vampire gave her the joint without a second thought even as tears were running down her face. Sara took a strong hit before she dropped it into a half empty beer bottle. “Hey!” “Right now, you need a minute off the dope. It’ll only make you more anxious, especially with the body high shit you have. Come on. Just split a cigarette with me.” Adelise huffed, crossing her arms like a petulant child. “Fine.” Sara took out the cigarette (Insignia brand always, as if Adelise had just gone into the store and asked for the most expensive one even though Sara knew it was more likely that she had been smoking them since they first came out) and lit it with the tip of her finger. She inhaled deeply then passed it to Adelise. Sara took a deep breath before saying “We’re fucked up. I know we’re fucked up, and I know… you know, I keep away from cocaine and all that because like major depressive but I know the LSD isn’t good. And… I know I’m… not doing it for healthy reasons. And look, we don’t talk about the past much. I’m  chill with that. But I know you’re not doing this for great reasons either. I don’t know what they are but… I know it’s not good.” Adelise looked down, holding the cigarette out to the side, and started sobbing. Sarafine took the cigarette from her fingers, smoking it herself while using her free hand to rub Adelise’s back. She didn’t say anything; she knew there was nothing someone like her could say that would help at all. Instead, she just let her cry, and smoked until the cigarette burned down to the finger. “I’m sorry,” Adelise muttered towards the end, wiping her eyes with her arm. “Don’t be. You dealt with me when I was literally puking my guts up and freaking out about the people in the tv being real.” She laughed slightly and Sara grinned in response. “Now come on,” Sara continued. “Let’s split another cigarette, drink our coffee and then have some morning sex. I bet I can make you cum so hard you forget this even happened.” (I love it when she’s crass like that.) “Deal,” Adelise said with a chuckle. Sara smiled and then lit another Insignia.

And when I first met you, there was a garden Growing from a black hole in my mind

Lua // Bright Eyes

Sara felt tears poke at her eyes for a second as Juliet kissed her, and then she put her head on her shoulder. “Wait... Wait, how so? Please?”

“Well.... I don’t know,” she said with a small shrug. “I mean, I like movies, drugs, clubbing, um... you know... that thing I just did.” She smiled sheepishly, like a child caught in a mischevious trick. “But look, why don’t you choose? Or at least give me an idea?”

She grinned, nearly jumping up and down in place; she was like an excited puppy. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, you’re the best! And this—” she held the file up “— proves it!” She walked back over to Luna, shifting her weight from foot to foot, far too excited to sit. “Awwww, you know I will always come back. Always! I promise you that! I would’ve been back sooner but, you know, over protective sister, blah, blah, blah,” she rambled. “So when do we do it?”