Late Night Ponderings

We used to write on Tumblr everyday. I loved reading your thoughts and seeing your brain work. You were an amazing writer. It was art for us. We used to talk all the time on FB Messenger, even though we lived a few apartments down from each other. We talked about getting tattoos, and our hang outs usually would involve you drawing up some designs we would come up with. You were one of the most…

Being a Parent vs Being a Child

Lately, I have heard myself called a parenta lot. Whether it’s when I pick my kids up from their class at our church or from strangers commenting on my kids or when I’m having to fill out waivers for my kids to play in indoor playgrounds. And every time I hear it or read it, it feels so misplaced  because I still don’t feel like a parent. Every time I get an email made out to “Parents of Lydia…

Surrendered Freedom is True Freedom

Growing up as a Christ-follower in the age of empowerment has been interesting.

As a society, we have been pushing and fighting to protect our freedoms. As a country, we have the unique privilege OF freedom and it’s a beautiful thing that we as a society get to live in that reality. We love our perspective of freedom and we love even MORE getting others to agree with our view points. What we hate…

“Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

–Isaiah 40:31

I have found that the biggest fear we face in the middle of adversity and hardship is not that we will be eternally damned, but rather that Jesus Christ will not win in the end; that maybe His promises won’t prove true, and that…

I need to repent of something. I have stopped writing for most of the past few years. I have been blaming it on the fact that I haven’t felt very inspired by much of anything and it has been very hard to try to push through and write something that I feel good about. That’s all true, but that isn’t the root. At the core of it has been this unique vulnerability in this season that I have never…

No Fear in Love

Fear acts like my best friend.

It convinces me.

It persuades me.

It tells me to build, and so I do.

It says safety is my ultimate goal, and so I build frantically with hurried hands these walls that seclude me and enclose me in a thick glass case where I am seen but not known; admired but not touched; pointed at but not held.

Fear tells me risk is stupid. It tells me vulnerability is foolishness.…

I found myself today sitting on the shag carpet in our living room next to a pile of spit-up, surrounded by blocks and piles of clothes my toddler pulled out of her dresser right after I had cleaned up earlier in the day, a crying baby in one arm and a crying toddler in my other arm, and I was in full on meltdown-mode. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling of being stuck and so incredibly in…

What it Means to Thrive

A few years ago when Cale and I moved to Phoenix, I was really struggling with adjusting to the new life we were building. I felt alone, unknown, and incredibly uncomfortable. On top of that we found out we were pregnant, and I felt like everything I had known was just gone. I was in unknown territory on every front, and I could feel my spirit scrambling to find some sort of solid ground. I…

People Leave: an excerpt on rejection

I remember being about 5 or 6 years old and making my first best friend. Her name was Courtney and she lived 9 houses down from me. I would sprint to her house and we would spend the day watching MTV, playing in our secret hideout spot behind the bushes in front of her house, playing Sims, and feeding her pet turtle. We had sleepovers and went to each other’s birthday parties. She had diabetes,…

This past year, I have been riddled with anxiety and health issues. I have been dealing daily with dizziness, pressure in my head, my ears, behind my eyes, fatigue, and post nasal drainage. Every single day one, if not all, of these symptoms takes my body on a joyride and triggers my anxiety, making it worse. Unable to pinpoint the root of it all after multiple doctor visits, I have just been…

When God gives you a promise, you oftentimes sit and day dream about what that promise fulfilled will be like, look like, feel like. You envision living in the promise and try your best in your human mind to conjure up what God’s plans will look like played out.

When we found out we were going to have a baby, Cale and I constantly talked about what we thought she would look like and what her…

Birth. It’s Not Just For Babies.

It’s crazy really that i haven’t written at all during this insane turn of events in my life. You know, pregnancy and becoming a mom for the rest of my life and whatnot.

If I am honest with myself, I think I have just been in survival mode, trying to keep my head on straight and my mind from going crazy as yet another huge change has swept through my life. The past two years have been nothing…