*Silver City Space Cadet*

A gratitude list is a good way to remind yourself that there are good things in the universe. It’s easy to lose track of said good things, because the universe can be a turd sometimes (that’s Shakespeare, I think? From his Turd Period), and if you are prone to getting very sad, as I am, sadness tends to overshadow everything in its path, making it easy to forget about the stuff that makes us happy. 

A gratitude list is pretty straightforward: it’s just a list of things you’re thankful for. You can keep a daily one, or a weekly one, or maybe once a year, when you have the energy, just write “PANCAKES EXIST” on a post-it note and stick it on your wall. Little steps are important steps, you know?

Here is a list of things I am thankful for today:

1. My family/friends/dog/love

2. The sun finally starting to feel warm again

3. The Collected Works of Britney Jean Spears

4. Documentary Now! Streaming on Netflix so I can watch “The Blue Jean Committee” anytime I want

5. Cheap sunglasses in tacky patterns

6. Those pretzels you can only get at like, the airport or the mall

Hair Styles: Spring Flowers

Sometimes when I feel kind of down, I try to pull myself out of it by considering the following scenarios, as they always make me laugh. If you like, you are welcome to consider them as well.

1. A giraffe getting irritated at Sephora because there aren’t any mascara wands big enough for his lashes

2. The exact moment Leonardo DiCaprio’s crew came up with the nickname “Pussy Posse” followed quickly by the exact  moment Leonardo DiCaprio’s crew realized how heinous “Pussy Posse” is and that they’ll probs be stuck with it forever

3. A student in 3482 applying for a Master’s degree in Underwater Event Planning and studying the ancient swimming pool tea party rituals of the 20th century

4. A brave and honest reporter responding, “Yeah, no. That’s pretty obvious,” in a mega-unimpressed way the next time an actor does the whole “we improv-ed the whole movie!” bit

5. A ghost writing a blog post about why she is quitting Twitter in order to spend more time focusing on things that matter, like haunting old hotels or providing paid content to one of those Destination America ghost story shows

6. Tiny pieces of pollen having to go to the doctor to deal with their horrible human allergies year after year

7. My dog singing opera

smudges on the bathroom mirror

leaves that fall in july

spiderwebs with no spiders

cold spots in the water

a fly on a birthday cake

abandoned bicycles

lightning bugs

flickering streetlights

fast moving clouds

A man and a giraffe stood together outside a cave. What were they doing there? I don't know. I didn't ask. I just eavesdropped on their conversation, and this is how it went:

"I'm going in," said the man.

"I wouldn't recommend that," the giraffe replied.

The man ignored the giraffe's warning and went in anyway.

I heard a scream, and then nothing.

The giraffe turned his head in my direction.

"I know you're watching me," the giraffe said.

I didn't say anything back.

"Go on," the giraffe said. "Ask your questions."

The giraffe was right: I had questions. Like, why was this giraffe near a cave? And where did he learn how to talk? And what was it like, being so tall?

glamour tips i have read that can also be applied to the loch ness monster:

stay hydrated

be elusive

avoid a harsh flash

try to get plenty of exercise

play hard to get

be aware of lighting

elongate the neck

eat plenty of fish

grow old gracefully

keep an air of mystery