the movie ended without an ending...but i am still here from the start. 

this scene is familiar.   born a loser,  some things are different but mostly things are the same.  Ive seen these sights and heard the sounds of seventies but as i look at the reflection i see the lights of tomorrow.  

I want to fucking rage.   But i breathe peacefully.   win lose win lose.

I see you looking through my window...what do you see?  I cant figure it out, not sure what i see when i reflect.  

I come from a lie i think.   not out of hate  but i assume love.  how did it get this twisted, normal life is new....not familiar skin.  granted a wish but i fucked it up, born to lose but the hand i was dealt was full of poverty flush...a winners glow.

want the angel?  pay for her sins.    

watch this guy, he's about to jump...lucifers pool.    Cold as ice.   there are flowers everywhere but all he sees is silence.   

golden things keep the lights on.   true blessing...I love you

the sound of your scowl makes me want to knife your tongue.  what did you do to god?   inherited curses are pro choice.  right?  

Is this what crazy is?   Is this a chapter out of normal life?

there are colors everywhere in the land of black and white.  have some fucking guts son.    wake up.   time to change.   time to stay exactly the same.  I cut myself down the middle but i don’t bleed.  

crossroads that resemble figure eights.    stay the same   always change.

wake up with the moon.  spit on the sun.  

golden things.  no scars.  

God its been a minute since I have been here.  TBH not sure why I am here now.   Nothing against you Tumblr....I love you.  Sometimes you just need somewhere to write without a million people hitting you up trying to dissect your meaning.   Yeah Im talking about you FB and Twitter.  I’m not truly sure how Tumblr is supposed to work.   Do you have followers...etc?   If I do, I probably don't have many here so I can just write. Im so alright with that.  If you happen to read this, well then welcome.   

   There’s a girl.   One that has all my tools.   So I can’t fix things when I feel the need.  She likes me broke I think.   Theres a girl.    One that I never see when standing outside of her shadows.  But she is always there.  Always.  She always comes when its dark.  So I see her...but I never touch her.  She just leaves my mind and yes my heart full of ammunition and covet.  

 They both are sad and powerful.  They both have moments when they smile but it comes with a cost.   Both of them have what I need.  One has forgotten and one is forbidden.  Memories and Poison.   Both I love.  One more than the other.   But addicted to both for much different reasons. 

Theres a girl.  I used to know her.   Everything about her.  Now that girl is a ghost.  I see her, I do,  but I don’t recognize her.  

Theres a girl.   She has whats missing.  She's a ghost and is haunted by her demons.  But she steals what she needs from me when she needs it.  She just lets me taste the poison that I need only when she is close enough.  

Theres a guy.  I know him well.  Sometimes he is a ghost when he sees himself outside of his body, doing things I wish he wouldn't.  But tbh, there is nothing he wants more.  He won’t stop until he crashes.  The question is will he survive the crash?

its like jumping into an ocean when you can’t swim

but i just can’t resist the sting of the saltwater

gotta say no….gotta stop…gotta find a reason not too….but I don’t..

visions clear, mind sees that its not just me, still I can’t stop……

being a fool….still can’t stop ……gotta makes sense of this…but i don’t.

there is someone else wearing my skin…..he wants you…..

a civil war inside my body…..a perfect storm blows the walls down…..

in my heart…..

I don’t wanna be a liar, I don’t want to be a fool….

I don’t wanna be a secret , but this is something I can’t lose….

your everybody’s kiss……broken glass, bloodstained streets…

is where this will leave me….but I’m good with it…..I can’t stop

look around…wake up…Its not just for me…..I do realize…but I can’t stop

I wanna save you…I wanna touch you…I wanna …..i need too…..

I’m good…im gone……its best to not too….

Brain wins the battle of my heart…..then i close my eyes…..

and your there…..everything about you is perfect…everything…..I can’t stop

morning light……another breath…another day… I can’t be saved….

You can leave me in the dark…..

If thats all I get from you….

he can be the sun…..

To the mainstream this is boring. To people who want an actual movie that gives you the creeps without the ecstasy of Hollywood this is for you.

The silence is so loud. The woods are so violent. The disintegration of religion is so visible. Yet you see nothing.

This is a masterpiece of Horror.

One minute your feeling it and before you know it seasons change.  Sometimes before you even realize it.  You lose control of your surroundings and just keep walking.  The people in your life change,  your values crash against the beach and you don’t even know it.  You just keep walking holding the devils hand.  

 Your blind to whats next to you.  You only see whats directly in your vision and you lose your way.  But you keep walking.  You've had a taste and now you want more.   Its bigger than any drug or substance you can fill into your bloodstream.  It was born from neglect that makes you fill your vision with the grip of the taste.  You just keep walking forward craving the Devils Candy.

One day you notice the chill and recognize the sting of summer is long gone.  Where have you been?  Who are you?  Now you look around you and its like your in a different city.   You still see familiar things but they seem almost invisible to your touch.   Its that beautiful pull that keeps tugging for you to keep walking.   Magnetic.  Determined.  It doesn’t feel completely right.   But you keep walking.   

  You tell yourself its just for a second, but then you notice you have been gone for months.   She happens quick.   He keeps telling you its ok, there is nothing wrong here.   My fathers words are in my ears.  He told me about this and helped me build my impenetrable kingdom.  But now that the walls are giving and I realize I am him.  Ive tried to walk on the stones he stumbled on.