Confessions on a broken leg

So I have my second x-rays on Wednesday July 2.  I mean I actually get to leave the prison of the red chair?! Some butch lesbian paramedics are apparently coming to hoist me up with their enormous arms and carry me down 4 flights of stairs whilst humming Pink's greatest hits.  I'm so excited by going outside! However I fear my chalky white vampiric skin may burn like Christopher Lee's once exposed to daylight. My god what if the exposure to fresh, open air makes me gag and what if they inform me I've got rickets due to the lack of exposure to vitamin D?  What does one wear to the fracture clinic?!

I've decided to ditch the woe is me act, I'm over it, I had a very big word with myself and said there is no point in feeling so utterly glum, I can't do much about it.  I did run out of drugs though, I had to scrabble through my knicker drawer to see what was available I found two tramadol and a red pill with a bunny rabbit on, I think I'll knock back the tramadol and pass on having the other one (for now anyway).  More are on the way though thanks to my dealer at Pitsmoor Surgery.    

The best times are when people pop over to visit, it occupies my mind and takes the laptop away from me, which needs to happen as I keep spending money on household items like a frustrated Tranny let loose with a Mastercard in New Look. I should have shares in Ebay.  My friend popped over and I had a hair cut which was great, made me feel human again.  We decided to dye my beard, what I thought would be a 'light brown' (to cover the grey) actually turned out almost yet black with me looking like the Yorkshire Ripper - I was one step away from a tool box and a butchers knife. I shaved it off.     

The pain of course is still prevalent, mostly in the mornings and sleep has been unconformable but I'm not flinching as much, my ankle is really painful inside the cast though, which worries me.  I'm still drowsy from the painkillers though. 

I've found myself watching some very strange things online, don't ask me how but I ended up watching a Joan Collins movie called 'Bitch', what a joyous 70's romp - tits out, casual sex in swimming pools, disco music, drugs and money - clearly I'm a product of the 1970's.    

So what will Wednesday bring? I hope a lowering of the cast and a repositioning of the foot I just hope not lots of pain and a result that says 'you are healing fine'. 

I can't stand this any more, it's driving me crazy. It's two weeks in now and I can't do anything, I mean I can't do anything.  I can barely stand for more than three minutes because of the way the cast is and the fact it puts incredible pressure on my hips if I do. I haven't been outdoors or been in the sunlight for two weeks.  The novelty and comedy of it all for the first week was kind of bearable but now I really don't think I can stick this for another potential 6 weeks.  I can feel myself becoming depressed through the sheer frustration of it all. 

I still have an awful lot of pain that comes and goes when I move, I have had a few funny turns from the drugs again, dopey, drowsy and the Diazepam makes me incredibly groggy, I've started having a nap in the day which seems to help.  However the Diazepam has helped the 'Freddy Flinches' so I can actually get to sleep much easier.  My leg feels on fire a lot of the time, like someone is pressing on it with a hot coal, I suppose that is just the healing. 

I long to clean something or tidy up or just have some semblance of a normal life again, I want to go to the gym, I want to skip, run, even mince down the street once more.

I tried to get myself a drink the other day which nearly ended in disaster and nearly ended with me bearing weight on my broken leg, I can't even imagine the damage that could have caused, I threw my crutches on the floor like some spoilt, petulant child. I also nearly slipped on one of the dogs toys, the irony if that had caused another injury! This just stressed to me the fact that I need to sit still, not move and heal, which for someone as neurotic as me in regards to doing things is like torture.