i'm the mess that you wanted

“Sometimes, I truly wonder if my mother is secretly the brain behind the SHAW club. She just sent me two month’s worth of allowance, simply so I could win myself a ‘the best and most suitable partner’ at the bachelorette auction, whatever that’s supposed to mean. I’m truly surprised she didn’t add in a proposal ring to propose to the girl on the spot. Believe me, she’d be capable of doing that.”

Robbie: Some of them, but some of them don't! Some parrots live until they're fifty, which isn't that bad - flying from bird to bird would be an awfully great adventure though, wouldn't it? What animal do you think I could be? I think I'd like to be a whale. They have the loveliest songs.

Like buttcheeks!

Robbie: I can't imagine a Wonderland without birds nests, it'd be like a Wonderland without flowers! I always assumed you wouldn't die though. I just pictured you transforming into something else - maybe a bird???

Oh, well, I did present someone with the head of a sparrow last week when I found a decapitated one. Does that count as the best head? Anyway, I still wonder who did that...

Or a wonderful time in our worm hole depending on your view of life. Well, your brother seems very protective over Zudes parties, so I’m excited to see what he brings to the table! I’m putting aside my Zude bashing for the whole night so we can all have a peaceful party! I’m trying to make my brain explode with how epic this party is going to be, so maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing! 

That’s true, too, although I didn’t want to presume the worms had let me into their hole, I don’t remember receiving my invitation to visit in the mail. As you should! It seems like it would be much more fun to bash your fraternity instead, we feed you less cookies, it would be more of an accomplishment to be able to bash the less doughy side of fraternity row. You are? Oh, make sure I have a front row view, getting brain guts spilled on you is much more interesting than having vodka poured on you, don’t you think?

For reasons I must take to @daffodildee‘s grave, this is a cursed thought!

However often the flowers call to me and tell me I should. 

Robbie: Interesting theory! Too bad I'd never be planning to leave you behind :-P Unless you're opposed to going back to Wonderland someday lol

Alright, Walt. We’ve got two things we need to discuss. Number One: That prom stink bomb was epic. I wasn’t there, but damn do I wish I’d thought of doing that! Cheers to the little devils who thought of it. Buuuutttt since prom will have absolute zero chance for competing for party of the year, why not turn your attention to the most epic party that’s ever happened. 

Number Two: That’s right, in honor of mine and @edgarclayton‘s graduation, we are bringing our dueling frats together to throw one big LDOC party! For the first time in forever, the Psi Guys and the Zudes will be co-hosting a party, and not just any party! ZIP TIES AND MAI TAIS! Get zip tied together with someone will binge drinking Mai Tais! If you can last the entire night, there will be an epic prize. Who’s excited????

What a wonderful worm in our time hole. While I love having parties with my brother’s fraternity on loop, Robbie and I have been having parties together since the very first day I was born. A party with other people, though, that’s something entirely new and exciting. I’ll have to prepare my brain to handle it, I’d hate to ruin the fun by letting it explode in the middle of the event.

Robbie: Right? It screams circle of life to me! I didn't get to see if there were eggs though, no :( You being flung to the ground in a dream doesn't seem like a good omen either lol tbh I would rather be an uncle.

Oh no, I don’t want to steal it. I have a very curated closet that does not include hand-me-downs ever. If I’m going through your closet, it’s to benefit you and tell you what you really should not be wearing and what you should. It’s kinda like my own version of What Not to Wear. 

I’ve never understood the phrase Hand Me Down. It makes it sound like you’re going to be wearing the clothes in Australia, or Wonderland, or perhaps even hell. What would a wardrobe for hell be? It’s quite warm, I’m told, but I think that’s too simple. Cold is more hellacious, I think if I was going to hell I’d probably need something very fluffy to keep me warm.

Robbie: So in the dream we were building our tree-house, you and I. I was gathering wood and while I was doing that, you were gathering leaves. We built and built until we finished and when we were done, it wasn't a tree-house at all! It was a nest! And you took your place in the center of it and I sat on the edge and we were waiting, waiting, for something big and important to happen.

Robbie: Hey, so you know my dreams are never wrong, right? I just had a doozy of one and the only way I can think to interpret it is that you're pregnant but also I don't think you'd get pregnant without telling me?

Robbie: I'm not about to be an uncle, am I?

Fairy friends (or anyone else with a tragic wardrobe), since the school year is coming to an end and I am running out of homework to not do I have a lot of free time on my hands. Therefore I have two services to offer: I can come into your cottage and sort through your wardrobe for you, getting rid of what’s absolutely hideous free of charge, OR as a special treat for my Pixie Hollow companions, I will go ahead and plan out your leaf-tacular wardrobe for when we go back home. I am the pioneer of Fairy Fashion, and as such it is my responsibility to make sure none of you embarrass me by looking ugly in the one shape of leaf dress we all are provided. 

If you wanted to steal my clothing, all you needed to do was ask and I would have been happy to share. Although I must applaud your masked motives, I’m sure plenty of people will be shocked when they agree and find you with their upcycled clothes on in the future!

Buffy: Abstaining from weed two months before 4/20 was already stressful enough, but it's so much worse with Mercury in retrograde and the lingering bad energy from Friday the 13th. How do most people even do it without yoga, meditation and the proper crystals? 😓