William Webster

Has anyone seen- You know, girl, dark hair… Lots of emotions? Her name’s Stephanie if that helps. Can’t believe I lost track of her for like the 15th time.

This is the single most exhausting day of my life.

Bitch, don’t. This has been... the longest day. Where the hell have you been? Here, have a Skittle; taste the rainbow.

Of course I was joking. What sort of small, frail human would I be if I had genuinely been asking where I could find myself a weighty axe? Ha ha. Thanks for all your help. [ She hadn’t been joking at all but turned from them anyway. ]

A regular axe would have done it too.

I never noticed it before, but this town is so completely unhelpful. This generation is too busy ruining the Ozone layer to care about finding us an axe. Disgraceful.

I have the strangest urge to complete a bunch of things on my bucket list. I think I’m going to do it. Yup.

Sorry, I literally don’t have the strength to find that interesting right this second.

-Throwing a god-almighty temper tantrum- “This is not fair! Someone fix this right now!!”

Can you please shut up? I’m kind of in the middle of my own freak out here without you interrupting it. Kay?

What. The. Fuck.

Right? I am so over this town.

“Did anyone else see how cute that puppy was that just went by?”

"Afraid my eyes were preoccupied with something far more appealing.”

Honey, I’m home!

—Mm, okay. Hi. You kill anyone good today? You have that look in your eyes. Or that might just be the every day look. Didn’t I tell ya you’d learn to love it here? Talk about your all you can eat hunter buffet.

Finally.

Who the– Oh. Huh. Small world, isn’t it? Or small fuckin’ town, at least.

Come on, big guy. You and me. Outside.

… Yeah, I often look at the candy aisle I think ‘gee, if only there were someone here to waste my time’. Uh, no. No I don’t. Should I know who you are? Compelling aside, obviously. And can you make whatever little ‘I’m going to rise in my unholy darkness and wreak havoc’ speech you’ve got planned quick, I have places to be. Y’know, kids today and their silly finals.

You don’t... know who I am? You know Charlie Emerson, but you don’t know me? Girl, you have got to sort out your priorities; I’m the best one. Will Webster? Seriously? You haven’t heard of me? Wow. Okay, I’m not here for that speech just yet. I’m here to tell you that if you come after Piper again, you may just find yourself being reunited with your little hunter friend, Ana. I’d be more than happy to dispose of you too.

I’ve already claimed this corner, man.

Next thing you’re gonna tell me, this is a non-smoking area too. Anyone ever tell you guys this town is kinda vanilla?

Hey! You. I know you. Don’t I owe you an ass kicking?

And Poptarts.

No, no they don’t cancel out the Tootsie Rolls. I know, you can definitely have both. Three of each, I know. This isn’t my first rodeo, hon. I won’t forget the flour, thank you Danny. Please tell him to shouting over our call before I make him do the next snack run. Yeah, I won’t forget the highlighters. How could I? Okay, okay– Hon, I’m hanging up now. I love you too.

… Is there a basket big enough for the month of May.

You know, I could come over here being all nicey nice and talk to you about kids these days and how silly finals are and blah blah blah, but we should talk. Seriously talk. We did actually converse once, you and I, but I may or may not have compelled you so you may or may not remember. No matter. What better place than the very public candy aisle to get properly acquainted, hm? You know who I am, I assume?

Nice throw, Cammie! -throws it back and it rolls near someone’s feet instead and the child runs to Dawn out of fear- Sorry. She’s a bit shy.