Pretty Pink Princess

So basically this is my personal blog where ima just yhap about thing and post my life ♡ So if you want stay grab something to drink and a snack cause this lowkey gon be a longggg fun ride ᥫ᭡.

The pic:

FREAK NIGGAS AND GET MONEY AYEEEEE

Life:

My take on life has changed so much since summer has started if I must be honest. Life has changed so much for, too many big changes that I am not ready for. Too many big changes that I don’t believe I will ever be able to adapt too.

I cried a lot this summer last summer I cried but this was a different cry. I don’t know why I am crying is why it’s different. Yet I do know why I’m crying, because people change and things fade out of existence.

I acted as if I don’t care and things will happen but I have not accepted anything that had happened to me this summer nor anything that had happen this year. This year I truly felt pretty. I truly felt as if I was enough. I met amazing people and rekindle some great bonds, but this is not an appreciation post. This is really a cry for help.

I cried out to many but they didn’t take it as a cry for help but a cry. I talked to many but they didn’t take it as sign but as a conversation. I can’t tell if I hate myself or everyone else. Sometimes I wish the world would work how I want it. That things would happen how I want it, and go as planned.

Sleeping for me is my only peace because I feel nothing. Not exactly feel like nothing, but I have a clear state of mind. I know I can sleep forever if I really wanted, but what would my daddy do without his youngest daughter? What would my dog do without his last sister living in the house? Would he move on and just sleep with my mother after I’m gone? What will she do without me? I’m supposed to be big? Give her everything she deserves. How selfish would I be to take that opportunity from her? But this is exactly why I’m in the spot I am right now, because my fate will be decided by me and God yet I’m trying let others direct me.

I try to be a good Christian. That’s the statement. I sin and I know nobody perfect. That’s the statement. Nothing people say comfort me anymore. I don’t take reassurance the way I use to. Ask me why? Maybe because I blame myself. Deep meaning? Aye you asking the wrong person. Maybe I want a lover or companion to reassure me because it sounds genuine. Maybe I know people just want me to hear what they know I’ll like to hear and nobody sounds genuine. I want to be right but I also want it to sound realistic.

Maybe my fate is death. Maybe that will be the only thing to bring me true happiness. My mother said to me once “I don’t know the last time I’ve been truly happy “ I don’t think I ever been truly happy. My life feels like I have an entity that follows me around that only seeps only the worst in my life. I’m not saying I only have bad days but that bad days are all that I feel.

I love feeling innocent and pink and pretty. Deeper look, I only like feeling that way because as a kid I was the exact opposite. I was ugly, rude, and dark. Deep down I never grown. My height shows that,but I haven’t in anyway. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I’m still a kid who hasn’t change and feels as if life hasn’t ether.

I don’t find enjoyment in what I use to and I sure don’t find energy to do so. I’ve slacked and been lazy. I’m getting closer to finishing school but I almost feel like I’m getting closer to death. Death is a beautiful thing I don’t know why people fear it. I embrace death with open arms. Yet I still deny it because I have a duty to withhold. That I want to see finished.

Sometimes I wish I was some else. That is the statement. I wish I was dealt a different set of cards. Then I realize God gave these to me so who am I to cry about them instead of work with them? Yet what happens when no card matches with what you need. I want to get older yet as a kid life seems so pointless and everyone makes it as if death is the best option. They glorify everything that as a younger kid was considered bad.

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