pinkstoner

My boyfriend was with a girl before me for 11 yrs and he always says he wasn't happy and they always fought but it always makes me wonder why he stayed and if he will one day eventually feel that way towards me and it makes me sad.

I can't tell if it's pp-depression or if I'm just falling out of love with my SO. I feel like we're not as close as we used to be; He goes to work all day and I'm home with our baby until he comes home. We don't go anywhere and we hardly talk about anything relevant. Part of me feels like he doesn't want this and would rather go back to his old life of partying every day and night, and part of me feels like it would be better off if he did. He's been sober since April (as far as I know) and every day I have this fear in my gut that he'll start drinking again behind my back or that he already is and isn't telling me. It's got to the point that I really don't care anymore what happens to us, all I care about is our baby and I don't want her to grow up around alcohol. I'm afraid that he'll come home fucked up and not know what he's doing and end up hurting our baby because he's hurt me before when he was drinking and says he "doesn't remember" when I remember exactly what happened. I feel like I keep putting up defensive walls around him because I'm just waiting for him to mess things up and I'm tired of getting my hopes up that he's changed.

I stay because I don't want to see you destroy yourself and so instead I destroy myself in the process.