What's on my mind

What is living ?

What is mental stability ?

What is health ?

What is love ? 

What is longevity ?

I swear I am crazy and I not even sure what is wrong with me ...

Because my brain is always in a fog and always in alone space in my mind even if I don’t feel lonely I don’t know how to deal with people maybe I am a sociopath I feel remorse and empathise so I guess I am not.My I am borderline or hypochondriac or just normal in a way that make me feel like I am just unstable.

Think so much and not enough. I try so much and still do nothing. I don’t make sense and can’t see my self. Or I can’t acknowledge all I am and it is fustrating. 

Maybe I am just lying all the time ... 

  24 lives 

02-2023

 6 months of living in a New/Old City 

 7 months of Explorer 

 5 months of Lord 

Ups and Downs

Sober and Fly 

Poor and Fine

 Life is a weird sequence of moments, passed seems unreal, future unimaginable. Who is to say what is next, who is to say what has been. Stuck constantly in the present which should be a gift but what is the gift if a forever rubik's cube.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be smart or dumber, being in a weird middle just leave your brain in a desert. Knowing and understanding a path doesn’t make it easier and maybe just living would to just follow through but what is living ? What even is living ? Especially in this time in history ? I guess that is what everyone has always asked or maybe it is just were my brain is limited. 

Being a partner, a pet parent, an adult, a student, a worker, a home maker, daughter, friend and trying to find where I am in side and how to make that person in to who i want to be or maybe just learn how to make it shine as the light it can be and I would like it to be.